Worth the Wait
by Samji
Summary: Meri and her family travel across the country to Forks looking for ties to her shady past. What they will find there changes everything. Werewolf story. Read and review, please.
1. Chapter 1: Reflection

**Chapter#1 Reflection**

I woke as the sun was going down in the bed of my family's RV. I could feel that we were moving, but it took me a few minutes to remember why. My family was headed to Washington State. Slowly it came back to me, there was a story that been spreading like wildfire among the vampires of a clan strong enough that even the Volturi feared them. When Yohannah had told me the story, I didn't believe it. How could it be true? I was convinced that the stories were exaggerated. Nothing could stop the Volturi. Lucas, my older brother, agreed with me, he had said that it must be some kind of miscommunication, that the story just got bigger and bigger though all the times that it had been told. The first time I heard the rumor it was from Lucas and we laughed and made fun of the idiot who was telling it. It was impossible to believe the stories about the vampire who saw the future, the one that could read the minds of anybody around them, of the newborn who was invincible, who could shield herself and everyone around her from any kind of attack, about the immortal child who grew before their eyes. As time passed, it was all that was spoken about between the immortals. Over time, being told the same unchanging story over and over had a way of making us feel it was true. Yohannah had told me that none of the vampires she spoke to were lying. I had scoffed at her and told her that I was sure that the other vampires may have believed it was the truth, but that it didn't mean it was. Then one night Yohannah ran into a vampire named Randall, and he claimed to have actually been there. Yohannah came back from their meeting in shock. The stories were true, for the most part. The part about the werewolves wasn't true, but there was little else that wasn't. Lucas and I stood by and listened to Yohannah tell the story again. Yohannah was convinced that it was absolute truth. It wasn't until then that we truly believed. Yohannah always knew these things. She knew when she was being lied to.

It wasn't long before we had packed up all their things and hired someone to run the farm while we were away. We used most of our savings to buy an RV and were heading across the country to see this coven. _No, not this coven_, I thought, _this family. A family like ours. _ Neither Yohannah, Lucas, nor I had ever heard of another coven that did not drink human blood.

_Well, tried not to drink blood_, I thought. I knew that Lucas was the one who didn't want to come. He tried to hard to live this lifestyle, but it was hard for him to keep up. He was worried they wouldn't believe us, when we came to visit them, because of his deep red eyes. A little over a month ago he went out hunting but didn't come back. Yohannah and I had searched everywhere, we called him on his cell but he wouldn't pick up. After a week he showed up at the house, wearing sun glasses, sobbing. He had been hunting in the woods and came across a hiker. He wasn't able to stop himself. He knew he had failed, he didn't think we would ever forgive him, but of coarse we would, we did. Yohannah could see how remorseful he was, she knew how hard it was to keep it up, more than I did, but I trusted Yohannah completely when she told me that he was sorry, that he meant it when he said that he would never do it again. Yohannah always knew when someone was telling the truth, and I trusted Yohannah, more than I had trusted anyone else in the world. Even thought Lucas was the one who introduced us, I had always felt close to Yohannah. We were kindred spirits.

From my bed in the back of the RV I could hear Yohannah and Lucas in the cab talking to each other. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying but it sounded almost as if they were arguing. I propped my head on my elbow and strained to listen but Lucas had heard me move and warned Yohannah. "Our Miss America is awake," he said, louder than he really needed to. Yohannah could have heard him in the lower voice he was just using. I was sure that Lucas had raised his voice only because he wanted me to know that he knew she was awake.

"You know I hate it when you call me that," I grumbled at him.

He tilted his head towards the rear view mirror. I couldn't see his eyes because of the sun glasses he had been constantly wearing, but I knew he was looking at me. "When it stops being your name, I will stop calling you that." He said with a smirk.

"My name is Meri," I reminded him

"Meri is not a real name, its just a nickname," he said and turned back to face the road.

I tried to make my voice sound commanding, "but its what you will call me."

I heard him snort, but he didn't respond. I knew I hadn't heard the last of "Miss America" Yohannah got up and walked toward the back of the RV. Her chocolate colored skin glistened in the pink light of the sunset. She ran her fingers through her short red hair. "Hey Baby, we're going to need you to do us a favor," she said nervously. I eyed the plastic bag that Yohannah held in her hand and crossed my arms in front of me. Yohannah reached over into a drawer and pulled out my iPod. "We just need to have a private conversation for a little bit," she said apologetically and handed me the bag and the music player. In the bag was a package of ear plugs and the kind of headphones that were made to block out sound.

"Why," I asked defiantly.

"Because I'm asking you to, we've got something we need to talk about before we get to Forks, and I don't want you to have to worry about it until we've decided what we're going to do."

"Well, don't I get a say in anything," I asked incredulously.

Yohannah crossed her arms in front of her. "No, you don't." There was no room for negotiation in her tone. Yohannah and Lucas thought themselves as my protectors, as my parents; it wasn't something I minded much, mainly because there was very little they denied me. It was times like this when I really regretted giving them so much control over me. Overall I enjoyed being taken care of, treated like a princess, by my family but then there were times like this where I wished that they saw me more as an equal and less like a child. I searched Yohannah's topaz eyes for any sign of her backing down. Yohannah's face was like a mask, betraying nothing. I looked away, back at the iPod and the earplugs.

"Fine," I said and put in the earplugs. I grasped at the package that carried the headphones but couldn't get it open. I had a good grip on it with my right hand, but my left hand was completely useless to me, it was mainly there for aesthetic purposes. It had been broken and it healed wrong. I had no feeling in it and didn't realize it was broken and it healed before I realized something was wrong. It had been broken quite a few times actually, and was curled into a claw. I tried to get a grip on the package and rip it apart, but it wouldn't release so I put it to my mouth to try to bite it open. Yohannah sighed and took the package away from me, ripping it open without even the slightest hesitation and set them on my head.

"Sure, you make it look so easy," I teased.

"You know, you should really get that arm fixed," she said.

"The same thing would happen, it would just break again and I wouldn't be able to tell."

Yohannah frowned and headed back to the front of the RV. She sat down next to Lucas, who was smiling at me through the rear view mirror. Yohannah waited until I had turned her play list on to start talking. Lucas stopped her with his hand.

"Louder please," he called back to me.

"Like I could have listened to you conversation anyway, I could barely hear you without the earplugs in." The only reason she could hear Lucas now was because of the psychic bond we had between us. I was always able to hear them, but only when they were speaking directly to me, not when they were speaking to each other. I tried to hear them through my thoughts, but it didn't really work like that. I frowned and turned the earphones as high as the volume would allow. I could barely hear it with the earplugs in anyway. I sat up in bed and watched the trees pass us by. They were obviously in the mountains now, but I was surprised at the look of everything. The forest outside was completely covered in moss. It reminded me of the bayou, but it was too cold. The last trees I had viewed from the window had been the palm trees of southern California before I fell asleep earlier that morning. It was surprising that just a few hours drive could change things so much. "Where are we," I mumbled.

"Washington, we're almost there. It will only be about an hour," Lucas told me. I could hear him clear as a bell through my mind. If it hadn't been for the psychic link, neither one of them would have heard me. I had spoken so softly, _but then again, their hearing was so enhanced, maybe they would have, _I thought. I often forgot about how powerful they were, it all seemed so normal to me. We had lived together for the past forty years.

I wondered what in the devil Yohannah and Lucas could be talking about. I glanced at them in the front seat. Lucas was behind the wheel but gesturing angrily towards Yohannah. I felt a lump in my throat. I knew that Lucas was a good driver but couldn't help but worry that when you're driving a car at 60 miles an hour on a windy road that you should keep both hands on the wheel at the same time. Yohannah placed her hand on his shoulder said something to him, she seemed to be comforting him about something, she looked sad. He seemed to calm a bit then and Yohannah turned to see if I was watching. She glared at me. I just shrugged her shoulders and looked out the window again.

They were obviously hiding something from me, I just knew it. _What could it possibly be? What exactly did they plan to gain by coming here anyway?_ Yohannah and Lucas had sworn that they didn't plan on joining the already large coven. I was all for meeting other families like us but didn't really see why it was so important to leave our house immediately. _What are they keeping from me?_ Surely they weren't worried about me. According to the rumors, they had accepted the newborn into their coven long before she was a vampire; it would be safe to be around them. Plus the newborn wasn't really much of a newborn anymore; the incident with the Volturi was over a year ago, it would be safer. They would have never brought me here if they were worried for my safety, and I knew that

I was shook from my daydreams by Yohannah's voice. "You can take off the headphones now, Meri. We're almost there."


	2. Chapter 2: Keeping Secrets

Chapter#2 Keeping Secrets

**Keeping Secrets**

"Here," I asked incredulously. "This can't be right. How do they live here?" The town looked small, too small for a vampire. Even if they didn't kill humans, if they were in town at all they would be recognized. A small town like this rumors fly, they would be able to blend in better in a larger town like Seattle. A town like Forks would expose them much too quickly.

"Obviously they don't live here very long," Lucas blurt out, he was getting more and more irritable as we got closer to our meeting.

"You know what I meant Luc," I grumbled and headed toward the front of the trailer.

"You should really sit down. The last thing we need is a ticket," Lucas warned. I walked forward a bit more and sat down at the "breakfast nook"

"So what's the plan," I asked, trying to ignore Lucas' attitude. Yohannah and Lucas exchanged wary glances. "I know you only want to tell me what I need to know, but this is getting old, fast. We're here already, I should know _something_. Where are we going to meet them?"

"Well," Yohannah hesitated. "They're supposed to be able to see us coming. We were going to rent a hotel for the night and wait for them."

"Why don't we just go to see them?"

"Because that would be rude, it's just not the way things are done. It is too aggressive," she answered calmly.

"So we're just going to sit there and wait for them to come to us? How do you know they will come? Wouldn't coming to our hotel room make them seem aggressive?"

Lucas turned to face the rear view mirror and said "no, because we're the ones in their territory, we've imposed on them enough."

Yohannah shot him a warning glance and he turned to face the road, giving more attention to driving than he really needed to. "We'll spend the night and if they haven't paid us a visit in a week, we'll seek them out."

"And what exactly are we going to be doing for a full week while we wait?"

"It won't take that long"

"But if it does," I asked.

Yohannah shrugged, "we're going to sit in the hotel room, watch movies, play cards, pretty much what we normally do.

"Except that I'm going to be stuck inside the whole time," I guessed.

"Its for your own good," Lucas interjected.

"I wasn't talking to you Luc," I grumbled.

"Oh no," he mocked.

"Knock it off, both of you." Yohannah shot us both a warning glance then turned to. "This is nonnegotiable, Meri. The situation is complicated; it really is for your safety."

"Listen, I'm not stupid. I know there's something you've been keeping from me. Why is this so complicated?"

Yohannah eyed Lucas, but he shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about, Meri."

I didn't believe him for a second. "Bull—"

"I mean it, drop it," He said, raising his voice. I could always hear him, he didn't have to shout, it was obvious that he was losing his temper. "You know that meeting others of our kind is always dangerous, no matter what the stories we've been told. You're letting your paranoia get the better of you, we're only thinking of you and your safety."

"But you _are_ keeping something from me," I accused.

"Get dressed," he ordered. I looked down at myself, still in my pajamas.

"You're just trying to change the subject," I accused.

"I'm not going to get in an argument with someone wearing Powerpuff Girl pajamas."

Yohannah laughed but then covered her mouth. Lucas smirked at me through the rear view mirror.

I sighed and walked back towards the bedroom area of the RV. I could still see that stupid grin on his face. "What's the point of having that stupid mirror there anyway? You can't see out the back window at all."

"The better to watch you get undressed with," he teased.

I paused with my hands on the bottom of my shirt, and then turned to slam the divider shut. Both he and Yohannah burst out laughing. "Jerks," I mumbled. They had obviously heard me and a new round of laughter rang out. I leaned against the side door and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. _This is stupid_, I thought. I've got to figure out what they're keeping from me. Usually I could weasel information out of Lucas, but he seems to be the one pushing Yohannah to keep this from me, whatever it is. The way that she looked at him just now when I confronted them about it told me that she wasn't comfortable keeping this from me either. Yohannah would tell me, if only I could separate her from Lucas long enough to get it out of her. _OK_, I thought. _That's the plan, divide and conquer_. I smirked and then turned to the closet to get dressed for the day.

It wasn't long before we had checked into what seemed to be the only hotel in town. It was more of a motel really, and we rented it for 2 weeks. Yohannah had said that we wouldn't be here very long, but her actions told me otherwise. I decided to keep quiet about separating them the first day; it would be too obvious if I started in on them right away they would guess my reasons. We got settled in, but I didn't really see the point. The motel room wasn't much bigger than the RV. Besides running water, it wasn't much of an improvement either. The sheets were obviously bought in the 1980s. Our trailer, although used, was newer than that. It was built in _this century_ at least. I made sure to make it clear that I was not happy with the arrangement.

"Seriously, Lucas, I'm not sleeping on that bed. You know how many people have 'made love' on that bed?" I made little quote marks in the air with my fingers when I said "make love."

"Forty-seven," he guessed. Yohannah bit her lip to stifle a giggle.

"That was a rhetorical question, but EWW."

"I assure you, I'm kidding. How would I know anyway? They washed the sheets—they're clean—so you're going to sleep on them."

"I'd rather sleep in the RV."

"That's fine. We'll all camp out in there again and play poker."

"With Yohannah," I snorted. "Good luck."

He eyed her, probably remembering how much money he lost the last time he tried to bluff her. "Yeah OK, poker's out. How about we watch a movie?"

_Hmmm, a movie might work. If I pick a really girly one, he might not want to watch it with me, I could get Yohannah alone_. "Yeah—a movie—what do you want to see?"

"How about a classic, Jurassic Park"

"Jurassic Park is not a classic," Yohannah corrected.

"How about a real classic," I asked. "Gone With the Wind?"

"I hate that movie," Lucas said, making a face.

"How about The Wizard of Oz," Yohannah suggested.

"No, I want to watch Gone with the Wind," I insisted.

"You have to pick a movie we all can agree on."

"Luc's not going to agree to anything I want to watch—Man on Fire is _not_ a girly movie," I pointed out as I saw him reading the review on netflix. I hadn't even noticed him get the laptop out but he was already on the couch searching for something to watch.

"Man on Fire's a great movie," he protested, "and who said we were going to watch a girly movie?" He clicked out of the action movie genre anyway.

"I want to see Gone with the Wind."

"Just let Meri pick the movie, Lucas, if it will make her happy," Yohannah ordered. Yohannah gave in quicker than I thought she would, she didn't like the movie much either, but she was eager to give me what I wanted. She was probably feeling guilty, it was going to be easier than I thought to get information from her.

Lucas was still wearing his sun glasses, but you could almost hear him rolling his eyes, "you give her everything she wants, no wonder she's so spoiled," he accused.

"I'm a grown woman, not a child, stop treating me like one. I'm older than you are, even if you don't want to admit it." At least _that_ made him pause.

"How old are you anyway," Yohannah asked. Lucas stiffened.

"Old," I answered dodging the question.

"No really, how much do you remember about where you came from." Lucas clenched his fists. The whole tone of the conversation suddenly got serious. _Does this have something to do with what they're trying to hide from me_, I wondered.

"I don't remember." It was only a half truth, Yohannah saw that. She crossed her arms in front of her. "I remember very little", I corrected. "Nothing concrete, just flashes. It's all disjointed. It's like I have a handful of puzzle pieces but can't figure out how to put them together."

"Have you tried," Yohannah prodded.

"Yes." Once again it was only a half truth. Yohannah glared at me. "I have some," I insisted, "but it's never anything important. I see all the bad things that happened, they're burned into my head, but nothing of use. I remember seeing my parents die, but I can't remember their names. I remember the trip west, but I don't remember the year. There's no point to it."

"You know, you're never going to get past it, if you don't talk about it," she pushed.

"Leave her alone," Lucas said, and in an instant, he was standing between the two of us. "She doesn't want to talk about it." Yohannah ducked her head and walked over to the computer. It was a bit disturbing; usually it was Yohannah who led us. Yohannah was like a mother, and while Lucas was her mate, he was less like a father and more like an older brother to her. He rarely took charge; I didn't understand what was so important to him that he would try to order _Yohannah_ around. Sure, he tried to order me around all the time, but it was different.

"Don't talk to her like that." They both turned to look at me and then he flinched and looked away.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly and walked over to Yohannah, leaving me standing near the window alone. I knew the conversation was important. It was obvious by how upset they both got about it. What did my past have anything to do with this vampire coven? For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. I walked over and sat on the couch. I fingered the embroidered flower designs while I thought. What exactly did the rumors say? Nothing about me, I'm sure. There was a hybrid child—interesting, but that had nothing to do with me, for sure. Then there was an alliance, but I didn't know anybody involved. I didn't know any more about their kind than Lucas and Yohannah did, a lot less actually. The big surprise was that newborn that could protect the others, but I couldn't think of any reason that would pertain to me. There was that vampire that could read minds though. Were they trying to get more information out of me than I would give them? I honestly couldn't tell them much more than I already had, I remembered so little of what actually happened. Anything before 1900 was nearly impossible to remember.

Yohannah had sat down in front of the lap top and pulled up a video of Gone with the wind. She set the computer down on the coffee table and we all sat on the couch together to watch it. Lucas at one end leaning against the side, and Yohannah was leaning against him. He had his hand in her short red hair, running his fingers through it absentmindedly. I laid with my head on the edge of the couch, my legs laying against Yohannah's cool skin, my feet resting on Lucas's lap. I smiled thinking of how often he complained about how much I smelled. _Let him sit next to my feet then,_ I thought. I doubted that any of us were paying much attention to the movie, we were all lost in our own thoughts.

What else had I heard? Didn't the first reports say something about werewolves? "Werewolves that weren't werewolves," whatever that was supposed to mean. Yohannah had told us that those were just exaggerations. That there were large wolves in the area, but the stories got exaggerated. Apparently one of the vampires there could control the wolves, used them as guard dogs. It wouldn't have done a lot of good that would have done against even a single vampire, let alone an entire coven. That might be part of it though. Sometimes I had a way with animals, but Yohannah and Lucas knew very little about that.

_That has to be it_, I thought. _They had to know about the animals_. I didn't know how. I had never told them about it. It was one of the things I was able to do only while sleeping, they had no idea I was doing anything but sleep but that had to be it. Nothing else made sense. The secrecy must be because they didn't want me to know that they knew.


	3. Chapter 3: Brownie Mix

Chapter#3 Brownie Mix

**Brownie Mix**

The next few days passed slowly. The first two days we stayed inside and watched movies all day, and then the food ran out. Yohannah and Lucas were good for another week or so, but I wasn't so blessed. I needed three meals a day just like the normal people. We had stocked up back in California, but we ran out fast. On day three, we had to get groceries. Lucas said that he would run out get it, and told us girls to stay at the motel, but I refused. I had to push them a lot lately, but I didn't feel guilty. I desperately needed to leave the stupid motel room, even if it was just to go across the street and get some food. We all went together, it was ridiculous. It didn't take three people to go shopping, and it wasn't dangerous at all, because the motel was just down the street from the store, but both of them insisted on following me, even though neither one of them would be eating. I was thankful that the fridge in the room was so small. We couldn't pick up much from the store, which meant that we would have to run back and forth to the store at least every other day. I had a feeling that I'd be stuck in the motel for a while.

"Maybe the part about the girl who could see the future wasn't exactly right," I offered on the way back from the store.

"No, that part was true," Yohannah insisted.

"Wouldn't they be able to see us by now? Why are they waiting?"

Yohannah scrunched her brows together, "I don't know, we just have to be patient, we don't want to do anything to put them on their guard, there a lot of them, and they're powerful, if they don't trust us, it could mean trouble."

"If they could read minds, then they would know."

"We don't want to take any chances," Lucas said, looking around. He wasn't happy that Yohannah allowed me to come along with him to the store and was downright paranoid from the moment we stepped into the store. Yohannah seemed calmer, but her eyes darted back and forth a lot. I passed the time cooking, and playing video games. I was playing a game about farming, concentrating on wooing a wife. Yohannah was doing something on the internet, I couldn't tell what. Lucas just sat around listening to his iPod. It was slow and boring and we hardly talked. It was impossible to get either one of them alone. We all stuck together in the small motel room. I was determined to be the squeaky wheel. Asking to go to the movies, to go eat at a restaurant, but they always found some excuse not to do it, telling me to wait and as son as they were able to contact the other vampires that we would be able to breath a little easier.

About an hour after one of my rants, Lucas surprised me by speaking. In a low voice he mumbled. "Meri, will you go get me a book from my suitcase?" I shot him a dirty look. _Why was he asking me? _He's more than capable of doing it himself. He had a sly smile on his face; I wondered what he was up to. I sat on the bed for a moment looking at him before my curiosity got the better of me. I opened his suitcase and right on the top was some trashy bodice buster romance. But directly beside it was what Lucas was really trying to show me. There was a bag of marijuana lying next to it. "Kiss me dead," I laughed.

"What," Yohannah demanded. I ducked behind the suitcase so she couldn't see my face, I wasn't sure how she knew when I was lying, but it didn't work over the phone. I assumed she had to see me. I raised my hand to show her the trashy novel. She laughed. "Why, Lucas," she said in mock outrage. "I had no idea." We all laughed.

Lucas was just trying to get on my good side, I was sure. It was working. "Hmmm, I feel like baking," I teased. Lucas's grin grew wider.

"Do you have what we need here," Yohannah asked.

"You stay here and finish your article. I can take her to the store," Lucas offered, trying to sound nonchalant. She turned from the computer screen to eye him. She was immediately suspicious. Lucas had been the one pushing that we always go together.

She looked back at me and I felt my face grow hot. I turned toward the door and said "I'll get my jacket," over my shoulder, hoping she didn't catch me blushing.

"What are you going to get," she asked, sounding more and more suspicious.

"Stuff for brownies, and some milk."

"Lucas," she accused. Yohannah knew that the only time I ate brownies was when they had special ingredients.

"Oh come on, she's bored out of her mind. We've got to do something to keep us entertained." That was what Lucas always said. The drug didn't affect him at all, especially since I was going to be eating it, and he didn't eat, but he always said that I was more entertaining while under the influence.

Yohannah frowned; I shoved my arms into the sleeves of my coat and stepped out into the rain. "I'm ready," I shouted and started running to the other end of the parking lot, laughing. Lucas caught up to me easily about 30 second later. He pulled out an umbrella out and held it over me. I huddled closer to him as we walked the half block to the supermarket, putting my gnarled arm under his jacket. He wrapped his could arm around my neck and we laughed the whole way there. He was close enough that his scent was overwhelming. He smelled like cotton candy, and wine, and incense, the scent was sweet but overwhelming. I had gotten used to it to a certain degree, but when we stood so close it was impossible to ignore. Yohannah smelt the same. Lucas had told me that he could smell the different scents of his kind, but to me it all smelled the same, sickly sweet, slightly overpowering. He said that I smelled too, although I couldn't tell. He said I smelt like ozone, tomatoes, and a mushroom farm. That was his favorite thing to tell me, that I smelled like a mushroom farm. I felt like a mushroom with the way they had been treating me, keeping me in the dark and feeding me—

"Are you happy I brought you a present," he asked. I couldn't hear his actual voice at all over the rain, but in my head it was clear as a bell.

"You're just trying to butter me up," I accused in a whisper. I knew he heard me just as clear as I heard him.

"Who me," he asked, playing innocent.

"How long have you had that?"

"Since California. I was saving it for a special occasion but it is just so _boring_ in there," he said as he jerked his thumb back toward the motel.

"Why can't we go out, again?" He didn't answer. I thought it might be time to push the subject about why we're here with him. It wasn't likely I was going to be getting Yohannah alone anytime soon. "I know you're not afraid of the coven, you seem to have something else on your mind."

"Why do you say that?"

"I know you, Lucas. You're both keeping something from me."

"What did Yohannah tell you?"

"Yohannah hasn't told me anything. I haven't had a moment alone with her since we left Boston. I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence either," I accused.

"Well, what do _you_ think this is about?"

I was quiet for a moment. I didn't want to reveal too much of what I had guessed. If I guessed wrong, he would just string me along that train of thought, maybe he didn't know about be being able to control animals, I didn't want to reveal so much to someone who was so intent on keeping secrets from me. Especially with Yohannah around, she had a way of getting people to tell her the truth. Then again, if I said nothing, he wouldn't give me any more information, continue to keep me in the dark while we waited, for God knows how long, in that tiny hotel room for the other vampires to contact us. As we walked under the overhang at the supermarket I finally spoke. "Its about the wolves, isn't it?"

He stopped mid stride and I turned to face him. I could tell by the look on his face that I had hit the nail on the head. "What makes you say that," he asked, fidgeting with his sun glasses. He looked ridiculous wearing them when it was so dark and rainy outside, but it was safer for him. His eyes were still orange-red, from the incident a little over a month ago. "They really aren't werewolves, I can guarantee you that."

"I didn't say werewolves, did I? I said wolves." Suddenly I wasn't feeling very sure of myself. I didn't know what to say without revealing too much to them, I still had no idea whether or not they knew the extent of what I could do. "What else could it be," I asked carefully.

"Maybe, just maybe, we could be worried about you waltzing into a den of vampires," he said defensively.

"No, there's more to it than that, it's not the vampires that have you worried, it's the wolves," I said, feeling more confident by his reaction that I was right, although I still didn't understand why it would bother him so much. They were just animals; one such as Lucas could easily protect himself, and it didn't matter how many of them there were because they would just be fodder. Vampires are strong; Lucas could destroy them without thinking.

"Well can you blame me? They're dangerous and there's just so many of them. Not only that, but they're determined to rid the area of vampires."

"But they're just wolves. You could easily handle them without much thought. Your skin is like stone."

"They were created to hunt us, our natural enemy, they are stronger than you—"he stopped himself and eyed me suspiciously. "Just how much do you know?"

I stopped. He wasn't talking about normal wolves, I knew this now. I was now in a conversation that was beyond my understanding. I couldn't think of what to tell him that would get him to keep talking. I stood there a moment trying to think of something to say. He put his hands on my shoulders and leaned over me, making me feel very small and weak all of a sudden. He was only 5'8 but he was a full nine inches taller than me. His glasses slipped down his nose and he stared down at me with his red-orange eyes. "You will not breathe a word of this conversation to _any_ one," he ordered. "Do you understand me, America?"

I stood there looking up at him, felt my throat start to close from fear, my eyes started to burn and tears ran down my cheeks. I swallowed hard and looked towards his hands on my shoulders. Lucas was not usually like this, he was such a gentleman, hardly raising his voice at all. Something had him spooked, and that scared me. It scared me almost as much as him staring down at me the way he was. He was trying to be gentle, I know he was, but his fingers were digging into my shoulders. I was sure there would be bruises there tomorrow.

"Look, at me America." I hesitantly raised my eyes back to him. "Promise me," he said, lowering his voice to a gentler tone, which somehow scared me even more than it did before. "Promise me, you won't say a word of this to _anybody_."

I swallowed hard. "I promise, Lucas."

He stared into my eyes again; it felt like he was searching my soul. "Okay," he said, letting go of my shoulders but grabbing my arm roughly and dragging me beside him. "Let's go get the damn brownies."


	4. Chapter 4: Confrontation

Chapter#4 Confrontation

**Confrontation**

We walked into the store. Winters chill had penetrated every inch of my body. I was still shaking as we wandered the store. I was on autopilot, not thinking of what we were doing. I followed Lucas in the isles answering his questions about ingredients, but not really thinking about anything but the conversation we just had.

It was obvious that I hit a nerve. What did he say that I didn't know before? Just that the wolves were important? No, it was more than that. He said they weren't ordinary wolves. He said that they were stronger, a natural enemy. What did that even mean?

"Meri," his voice was gentler now. I couldn't look at him. "Meri, I just—" he hesitated, but when he resumed speaking, his voice wasn't nearly so gentle, he sounded angry again. "Meri, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I overreacted. I was just so mad. I hate it when you try to trick me into telling you more than you should know. Can't you understand that we're just trying to protect you?"

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled, staring intently at the lines in the linoleum.

He spoke my name again, the gentleness returning to his voice. He placed his hand on my cheek, trying to get me to look back up at him. I recoiled at his cold touch, at the suddenly overpowering smell that singed my nostrils, but I looked up at him. "The truth is that we don't know a lot. Yohannah asked questions but they were evasive with their answers. It seemed that the vampires we asked didn't know much either. This does have to do with you, the reason we're even asking these questions is because of you. We're _trying_ to help you, but you are making it difficult for us. If you would just do me one favor," he said softly, placing his hands on either side of my face. "Don't ask questions. Just pretend we're on some kind of happy little field trip. I swear to you that you will know more when we know more, and that's the honest truth, Meri; I swear it."

He seemed to be telling the truth. I was dying to ask Yohannah, but there was no way that he would leave me alone with her to talk to her about it. "Yeah, okay," I mumbled again.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Meri, I need something better than that. Tell me: Yes, Lucas. I won't say another word about it."

I hated when he tries to prompt me like that. It makes me feel like a child. "Yes, Sir."

His dark eyebrows furrowed at me. He looked hurt. Hurt and angry. "Meri, stop that," it really was a command this time. I knew I wasn't going to be able to evade giving him an answer.

"Fine," I spit. "Yes Luc, I won't mention this again until you have more information." I looked away from him again, at the cart. I was still feeling hurt about how he was treating me. I'm not a child. Sure, I allow them to take care of me, but they were treating me like I was completely incapable of taking care of myself. I lived on my own for years before they came along. I helped run the pig farm back in Boston, I was capable of a lot more than they gave me credit for. "You got the wrong brownie mix, Luc," I commented, the tone of my voice sounding a bit harsher than I had meant it.

"You said this one was fine," he reminded me.

"I wasn't paying attention, I need a mix that requires oil, this one wants butter. The butter will burn."

He grabbed the box and then rolled his eyes as he walked off to get the correct brownie mix. "Anything else, Miss America," he called over his shoulder.

There it was again, "Miss America." He was trying to tell me that I was acting like a spoiled brat. "Yes, there is," I said calmly. If he wanted me to act like a spoiled brat, I'll show him what a spoiled brat I could be. "I want ice-cream, with whipped cream, and cherries and nuts. I want to make brownie sundaes."

"Yes, Your-Royal-Highness," he scoffed as he stalked off down the isle to pick up everything I was after. "I'll be back faster than you think, so no funny business," I heard him say. He was further away than I could really hear him but in my mind, it was as clear as a bell.

"Whatever," I mumbled under my breath. What did he think I was going to do, run? Like that would do me any good.

I wandered over to the meat section of the store. Maybe I would pick up some ingredients for stir fry, since we were here. I was wandering around the roast beef when his scent filled my nostrils again. That was fast," I called out as I turned around to face him, planning on sending him back to pick up a package of frozen stir fry vegetables but I froze before I could get any more words out. Lucas wasn't there.

Standing just a few feet away was a different man. He was built like a linebacker, his muscles pulling against the fitted shirt he was wearing. He had dark curly hair, pale skin, yellow eyes with a darkness underneath them, seemingly like he was recovering from a broken nose. It was the smell of him that caused me to panic. There was no doubt that he was a vampire, and there he was staring at me, his eyes wide, a blank expression on his face.

"Oh," I gasped, "I thought you were someone else." I immediately turned and walked towards the baking section on the other side of the store. Lucas was probably there getting my brownie mix. I nearly ran into a young couple with their daughter pushing a shopping card. "Sorry," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact with them. I was relieved for a second that there were other people around, relieved that I wouldn't be attacked from behind from the strange, menacing vampire behind me. Then a moment of terror seized me, maybe they wouldn't protect me, maybe he would kill them too. I whispered under my breath, hoping the vampire to my back couldn't hear me. "Lucas, come get me. They're here. Hurry."

Behind me I heard a cell phone ring, and a deep voice answering it. I was certain the voice belonged to the vampire. I hoped it distracted him long enough for me to get away, to find Lucas. I turned down the isle that hoped Lucas would be on, but he wasn't there. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, feel my heart pounding deep in my stomach. I heard Yohannah's voice in my head, "I'm coming, Child. I'll be right there." It would be too late, even if she did, I thought. There was no way she would get to me before that vampire did. I couldn't hear any sound of pursuit behind me, but I know that didn't mean much. They were fast, they were quiet, and he could be right behind me for all I knew. I stole a glance over my shoulder, through the veil of my brown hair to see if anyone was following me. I saw the movement of something coming up fast behind me, walking faster than a human should be walking. I could feel a lump rising in my throat making it hard to swallow. I felt like I was going to be sick. I was almost to the end of the isle. _There would be more people there, at the front of the store_, I thought. I sped up almost to a run, as I neared the corner.

A figure darted out in front of my cart in front of me, it was too late for me to turn, I couldn't get a good enough grip on the handles to make a hard turn, or to stop the cart now that I had so much momentum behind it. I was certain I was going to knock this poor man over. The cart banged into him with a loud crash, the shock of the collision ran up both my arms, I thought I heard a bone in my left hand crack, broken again. I wasn't able to brace myself with my arms correctly, although they stung with the force of the impact as well. My chest hit the shopping cart in front of me hard, and I was knocked backwards and onto the floor. The man I had hit with the cart didn't move at all. I looked up at him and saw that it was the vampire, he had followed me over. He stood staring down at me on the floor, I gasped for air, but it sounded more like a sob. My eyes stung and my vision blurred, then in front of me it was dark. Something slick and wet brushed up against me. Lucas' voice rang through my head; it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. "Is this man bothering you, Meri," he asked.

Lucas stood in front of me, his rain coat blocking my view of the vampire who had been stalking me. I realized now that it was him that I had seen through my hair. He had found me, and was protecting me. I would have felt embarrassed if I wasn't so scared. Lucas' white hand reached out behind him to offer me a hand in getting up. His gaze never left the man in front of him. "Are you hurt," he asked me. He was being kind to me, but his voice sounded menacing.

"I'm fine," I muttered, grabbing his cold hand and pulling myself up to a standing position. My chest was sore from where I hit the cart. My arms were tingling from the shock that went through them. I put my left hand into my right, and felt at my fingers with my good hand. I thought that maybe I had broken a bone on my pinky finger. I looked down at my hand studying it, trying to busy my mind with something other than the tense situation in front of me. Lucas and the unknown vampire just stood there looking at each other. The moment seemed to drag on forever, neither one of them moved, they just stared at each other.

From the right I heard Yohannah's voice. "There you are," she said sounding relieved, but I knew she was as worried as I was. The unknown vampire turned slightly to the right to watch her, his fingers pulling into fists on either hand. He watched her approach carefully, still keeping an eye on Lucas. Yohannah stood beside Lucas, blocking my view of the other vampire once again. From the corner of my vision I saw a stock boy staring at the four of us. He stood there with his eyes wide; he was as pale as a ghost. I watched Yohannah and Lucas. Yohannah's posture seemed casual, but she was tense. Lucas' posture was openly hostile. He looked like he was about to pounce on the vampire. He was still staring directly at the vampire thought his dark glasses.

I touched the back of his arm "People are watching," I reminded him. He posture relaxed a little but the movement seemed forced. He stuck his hand out behind him and pushed me towards Yohannah, and then stepped in front of both of us. He meant to defend the both of us from this huge vampire, I had no idea how he meant to do it, the other vampire looked strong.

Calmly, Yohannah broke the ice. "You must be Mr. Cullen," she stated. The vampire turned his attention to her, his posture seemed to relax slightly as well. "We've been looking for you."


	5. Chapter 5: Peacemaking

Chapter#5 Peacemaking

**Peacemaking**

The vampire's phone rang, and he flipped it open and put it to his ear without saying a word. I could hear a woman talking fast on the other line. "I'm here," he said. "She's here too, there's another, and someone else with them." He sounded confused. I stepped forward so I was standing between Lucas and Yohannah, trying to get a good look at the vampire.

Yohannah stepped forward, past Lucas. "My name is Yohannah Dubois. We had heard stories about you and wanted to meet with you, so that we could speak with you about something."

There was a pause as he listened on the phone. "She says her name is Yohannah and that she's been looking for us." Another pause. "Yeah that's her. There's also a man, and a young girl here." He seemed to consider something for a second. "It might be the girl," he said, eyeing me. Lucas pushed me behind his back again. "Call Carlisle," he said into the phone. "I'll stay with them." He hung up without so much as a goodbye.

"Well," he prompted.

"This is my husband Lucas Dubois, and our good friend America Llewellyn."

I wanted to correct her, and say my name was Meri, but the lump that had risen in my throat hadn't settled yet. I was still concentrating on evening out my breathing.

"My name is Emmett Cullen." Emmett kept his eyes on Lucas. It was obvious he was still wary of him. I couldn't blame him. Lucas was still showing signs of agitation.

"It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Mr. Cullen. We've been in town for a week waiting on you. We expected to be contacted sooner."

"We just learned of you being in town," he said cordially. He glanced at me again, and I stepped behind Lucas again, defensively, feeling slightly embarrassed by the way he was looking at me, but not knowing why.

Everyone was being polite but there was an obvious strain in the conversation. Everyone was still in their corners. Yohannah stood between Lucas and Emmett trying to make peace, but had an expression of worry on her face. Lucas stood in front of me, blocking my view of Emmett, still seeming like he was expecting trouble. I stuck my head out from behind his arm to look at Emmett again. He stood there in front of the shopping cart with his arms crossed in front of him.

"Why didn't you contact us," Emmett asked finally.

"We didn't feel comfortable meeting you at your home. We were told that you would know when we were in town, we were waiting you to make the first move."

Once again, Emmett's eyes moved over to me. I stepped behind Lucas again. My face felt hot. I had the sudden suspicion that he knew more about why I was here than I did.

His phone rang again, and once again he answered it without a sound. "I will," he said and then closed the phone. He looked at Yohannah. "Come with me," he said, motioning towards the front door.

"We'd just as soon leave the child out of this," Lucas said flatly. I flinched at the world "child," but was inwardly relieved that I wouldn't be going with this man. Even though it turned out he wasn't about to kill me, he still seemed threatening despite his kind words.

"I think you all should come with me," Emmett insisted.

"No," Lucas stated. I knew by the sound of the voice, he would not accept compromise. Yohannah looked nervously between Emmett and Lucas.

"I'll come with you alone," Yohannah offered. Lucas' eyes widened. He was about to protest, but Yohannah put her hand up. "Trust me," she pleaded. Lucas reached back to grab hold of my hand.

Emmett cursed quietly under his breath and picked up the phone again. "Alice? Listen. Only the woman—Yohannah—wants to come with me. The man wants to stay with the girl." He paused to listen to what was being said on the other side of the phone. "Alright, fine. I'll see you there," he said as he hung up the phone.

"You can ride in my car," he offered. Lucas's face fell and he looked at Yohannah helplessly.

"It will be fine," she reassured him and then went to kiss his mouth. Then she leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "Be good," she warned. With her hands still on my cheeks, she looked up at Lucas. "I'll see you soon," she promised, but it sounded more like "goodbye." Then she turned and nodded at Emmett. He took another long look at us and then turned to walk Yohannah to the car. I couldn't help but feel like I was the one causing all of this trouble. I wished, not for the first time, they we would have stayed in Boston, on our pig farm, where there was considerable less life changing things to worry about. I didn't know why, but this little visit to Washington suddenly seemed very important. I knew that after this, things would never be the same.

Lucas and I stood there and watched Yohannah get into a silver Volvo outside. Stood there starting out into the storm long after she was out of sight. I felt like I was in shock, did that man really take Yohannah from us?

My thoughts were interrupted by Lucas' voice. "I think you broke all our eggs," he teased, trying to lighten the tone. "Let's go make some brownies." His voice was dripping with fake enthusiasm as sickly sweet as the smell that saturated the air in the supermarket.

Once again on autopilot, we picked up another dozen eggs and headed back to the hotel in the rain. This time Lucas handed me the umbrella and he carried the bags all the way back. Not a word passed between us. We silently put away all the food. I didn't feel like brownies anymore, I just went and lay down on the couch. Although I was used to sleeping all day and waking up at night, my days had switched sometimes during the five days that we were stuck in the hotel room. It was only 9pm, and I had only been up for ten hours or so, but I was feeling tired, so tired. So much had happened today. I looked over at Lucas. His face was a perfect mask of despair. I kept replaying everything in my head. The fearful expressions on Lucas' face when he talked about the wolves, him making me promise not to talk about them to anyone. I thought about how scared I was when I saw the vampire, Emmett, behind me, the look of shock on his face. I thought of the way he looked at me when he was talking on the phone, when he said "I think it might be the girl." What was that supposed to mean? Why is this about me? I thought of the way that Yohannah had kissed me on the forehead. It felt like goodbye. What was going on?

I didn't even get undressed for bed. I simply laid there on the couch thinking about the day, about what was going to happen next. My eyes burned like I was about to cry, but no tears came. Just a heaviness that felt like it was going to crush me, especially over my eyelids. They felt so heavy that it took so much energy to keep them open. After a while, I just gave up trying to keep them up. I was still awake for a while, with my eyes closed. I wasn't aware of what time I finally fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6: That Night I Dreamed

**That Night I Dreamed…**

_I ran as fast as I could through the forest. The pine trees flashed past me as I ran, not knowing where I was going. When I had left my home in town, I had some vague plan of finding a cabin in woods where some kind old lady would help me. Maybe one of my people, someone not allied with my parents, someone who would see how wrong it was to marry off a 10 year old girl to some strange man. That part of the plan was for later though. Now I just had to get away, far away, as fast as I could. I had to climb over rocks, so they couldn't see the imprint of my feet on the ground. I would have to find a stream, so their dogs would lose my scent. _

_I had left in the middle of the night, but I knew they were after me, I had run away before, but they tracked me. I ran to my family, but they tried to send me back, so I ran away again, even from them, but they found me. They didn't see me go, but they had followed my tracks, found me in the tree that I had hidden in and brought me back to the white mans' village, promising to bring me back again if I ever went missing again. They had warned my husband to keep better watch on me. They laughed at me and advised him that I had always responded well to a heavy hand, as if he needed any encouragement to beat me. That was why I couldn't stop, even though my feet were so cold that I couldn't feel them anymore. As soon as I stopped they would find me, I knew that. _

_I wasn't paying much attention to where I was running, my mind was as numb as the fingers on my cold hands. Time blurred together until I stumbled into the stream. I hadn't even seen it in front of me. I almost screamed as the water rushed straight up to my thighs, but I kept my mouth shut, I didn't know how far behind the search party would be. The water was runoff from the mountains: liquid ice. It was a mistake to believe my feet would not feel again, because I could feel every single one of the sharp rocks at the bottom of the stream through my house shoes. The blood in my veins had turned to ice as well; I could feel it traveling up my leg, chilling parts of my body that had not touched the water. My teeth chattered loudly. I was making a lot of noise, splashing through the stream, I prayed to whatever god would listen that the men chasing me weren't close enough to hear me splash through the water. I ran for what seemed like forever in the cold water, but it couldn't have been that far. I tripped several times, into the icy stream, scraping my knees and tearing the nightgown I wore. I hoped the water was deep enough to hide my tracks, and my scent from the dogs they kept. I ran almost a full mile in the water until I fell. I didn't have the strength to run anymore. I stood up and dragged myself out of the water and ran back towards town, hoping to throw them off. Hoping they would think I would be running further into the mountains. I ran another half mile before the pain in my legs caused me to stop. I looked down at my legs. The usual russet color of them seemed to fade. I seemed paler. There was a blue undertone to my skin. The thought of finding a cabin was suddenly the only thing on my mind. I didn't want to run, anymore. My lungs hurt and my throat burned. I was so cold that my body felt like it was turning to ice and every move I made was cracking and shattering me to pieces. I knew that I had better find a cabin soon, so that someone would save me, keep me from freezing to death in my soaked nightgown in the middle of nowhere, where no one was around to even bury me._

_To the left of me I heard the sound of pursuit. I didn't understand it, _how could they have caught up to me so fast?_ I hadn't stopped at all. I wished I had been bigger, older. They were coming for me, to take me back to my "husband" and he would make sure that I could never escape again. This was my last chance and I blew it, I lost my chance to leave because I was too weak. I hated being so weak, it made me sick. I gathered my strength and ran faster. I ran with everything I had in me, feeling reserves of strength I didn't know I had. I ran for another fifty feet or so until I realized that it didn't matter. I was running faster than I thought I had to the strength to, but they were gaining on me. I could hear them to either side of me, surrounding me. I couldn't see them at all, but I could hear them. They were there._

_My strength faded away with the last thread of hope that I clung to. There was no point to running. It was better to be dead than to go back to where I was running from. My knees buckled under me and I fell into the frosty ground, hard on my knees. I listened as the search party silently circled around me. There were more of them than I thought. I still couldn't see them, but the entire forest around me was filled with the sound of their feet as the circled around me. My escape was completely cut off, even if I did have the strength to get up off my hands and knees and run again. I could hear the men's heavy breathing through the trees. They didn't sound as winded as I felt. They sounded almost excited, I could hear desire in them, like they were just waiting for my strength to fail, that they were readying to grab hold of me, to take me back to the monster that kept me in town._

_I heard a guttural growl from ahead of me. They sounded like the monsters I knew them to be. I looked up to face my captors, to curse at them, to tell them what monsters they were, the things they were taking me back to but when I looked up there wasn't a man in front of me. There was a large black wolf. He stood there staring intently at me, studying me. Everything about him looked deadly. His teeth seemed larger than they should be compared to his body. His eyes were larger, protruding outward, it seemed he saw everything. His claws were longer like claws. I instantly felt relief. It wasn't the men to take me back, it was just this wolf. Beside the ebony wolf, another wolf stepped forward. This wolf was ashy grey, but didn't look as menacing as the black wolf. For one thing it was smaller, the fur looked mangy. This wolf was obviously starving. I glanced back at the black wolf. I noticed now that it didn't look much better than the grey wolf, the reason that his teeth and eyes stuck out was suddenly clear. We were at the end of a long winter, they were starving. To all sides of me, other wolves revealed themselves to me. There were more wolves than I had ever seen in my entire life, let alone all at once time. There must have been at least twenty of them._

_I looked from side to side, but didn't want to turn my head to look at them. I knew it would provoke an attack from the lead wolf in the front. There were wolves of all colors and sizes, all of them starving. They looked at me with hungry eyes and glanced back and forth from me to the lead wolf, licking their lips and waiting for the signal to pounce. Behind me, came a growl. Without thinking, I turned my head to face the aggressor. That was a mistake. The black wolf lunged at me and knocked me completely to the floor, grabbing hold of my left arm near my shoulder. I screamed and chaos erupted around me. I knew I was going to die. I would have welcomed it if it didn't hurt so much._

_A second wolf dived at me, tried to bite into the back of my head. I could feel each and every one of the teeth slashing into my scull, feel my ear being shredded. Warm blood flowed down my neck staining my nightgown. I felt weaker and weaker as I prayed for salvation. I wasn't hoping that someone would save me. I only wanted to die, to be released from all the pain. The pain in my shoulder, on the back of my head was all I could think of but then they released me. My arms still burned, the blood still flowed out my wounds like a dam had burst, but they dropped me. The growling from all around me intensified, it shook me to the core. My entire body shook, I felt so weak. _

_I fell onto my side and looked up at the wolves. They still stood over me, but they faced the south, the way that I had come from. For a moment I worried that the men had finally caught up to but then I saw what had scared the wolves so bad. The largest bear I had ever seen had entered the clearing. It was impossibly big, filling my entire field of vision to the south. It was like a moving wall. Every wolf around me was crouched and ready to defend their kill. The bear just sauntered into the clearing seemingly without any fear at all. It was spring, so considering the time of year, I knew this bear had to be starving as well, but it didn't look it. It looked as strong as anything I had ever seen in all my life. From my position on the ground I looked at the things head, it looked that if I curled myself into a ball, my entire body could fit into its scull. I knew at once the wolves would never win this fight; the bear would chase them off. I thanked the great spirits for my good fortune. With the bear it would be a quick and more merciful death._

_For a moment I lay there and waited for the bear to attack, but it just stood there. There was some sort of standoff, but I couldn't understand why. The bear could easily take on the wolves. I looked up into the bear's large black eyes; they must have been bigger than my fists. With my eyes, I pleaded with the bear: _Please, please, just do it already_._

_Making eye contact with the bear seemed to send it into a rage. Once the bear made its move, the entire wolf pack joined in but there was no way they were going to stop the bear. It was going to kill me. _

_I had asked for this, but suddenly I wasn't ready, I wanted to run away but the wolves stood over me, and the bear tearing through the line of wolves. My body felt heavy, and I unable to move. I tried to will my arms to move, to push myself off the cold ground but my body wouldn't follow my commands. My entire frame shook as if the wolves still had a grip on me and the shaking knocked me off balance every time I tried to get my feet underneath me. My ears were filled not only with the growls of the animals fighting around me, but also the sound blood. My right ear was badly torn, the hot blood pouring over my shoulder, but even my left ear felt like it was filled with water. It sounded like I was under a waterfall with the water pouring down over me. It felt like it too, I felt a strong force over my body. I fought against it all I could, but it kept pushing me down. I started to feel like I was going underwater, deep underwater, the light of the surface was fading away. I knew that if I let it push me down, I wasn't ever getting up. With the last of willpower I willed myself to get up and without thinking of the steps I took to get there, I was standing on the edge of the clearing watching them all._

_Being just a few feet away made me feel detached from everything. My vision was different, everything was foggy but the animals, I saw them in perfect clarity. I didn't even try to run. I wasn't afraid anymore. I felt pity for the wolves. They were starving, they would normally never even come near a human being, but here they were, attacking one. Every one of the wolves was desperate for food. Even if it was too small to feed all of them, it was the largest prey they had seen in a while. Then the bear came to take it away, they were fighting for their lives, and they weren't going to win._

_There was something different about that bear as well, not just the size of it. I could see it hurting, not like an animal, like a person. The wolves could hardly damage him, even though he was outnumbered almost twenty to one. He cut through their numbers like a hot knife through butter. I could see them dying. Not just see them fall, and not get up, but actually see them die. Their lives were extinguished like a candle being blown out. Their souls clung to the body but then flickered and blurred, fading away like a rock dropped down a well. Dark smoke rose from the bodies, lingering for a second but then dispersing seconds later. The bodies lay there on the floor, blurred and formless, while the sharp figures of their brothers fought on against the bear. My heart was breaking for them. I saw how scared they were, how much they wanted to run, but didn't want to leave their brothers. If they lost this kill, many more of them would die._

_**Stop this! Please, please stop,**__ I thought. I tried to speak but my mouth wouldn't move. I reached to touch my mouth, but I felt nothing. I stood there in wonder. I felt nothing at all. I didn't feel cold, or pain. I couldn't smell the blood on me. I looked down and could see myself, outlined sharply just like the animals were but I didn't recognize myself. I almost shimmered as I stood there. I had solid form, but not like it had been before. My skin was no longer copper colored, it was a color I had never seen before, a color that couldn't have existed in the world. It was beautiful, and it felt right, but it was nothing like I had been. I felt taller, I felt faster, stronger. My body didn't feel weighed down anymore. Although the wind had picked up, I didn't feel the winters chill on my skin._

_It took me a moment to realize that besides the sound of the wind, which I felt more than I heard, the clearing was completely silent. I looked up towards the clearing. All of the wolves had stopped where they were. They all faced me, most of them with their heads down, their tails between their legs, wagging slowly. A few of them had lain on their side in a submissive position. A few licked their lips, not the way they had before when they were about to attack, but in a way that showed their absolute submissiveness. Now I saw that while I had always assumed that a dog licking its master's face was a sign of affection, it was really more of a sign of submission. I stood a moment and pondered this revelation. I knew more about the essence of these wolves than ever before. I was convinced I was right, it seemed so clear to me now._

_I realized that every last one of them was staring at me as I pondered all of this. They all seemed to be eagerly awaiting my command in complete submission, all but the large bear. The bear stood there staring at me. He had obviously heard me speak and had obeyed but he didn't submit to me, not like the wolves had. I knew that I could order the wolves to do anything short of killing themselves and they would be loyal to everything that I had spoken. I didn't know why I was suddenly convinced of this, but I knew it like I knew my own name. The bear, on the other hand, heard me, and then chose to stop. He had an iron will. I would not be able to give him an order like I did the wolves. He chose to stop on his own._

_Once again, I stood in wonder, surveying the scene in front of me. It was then that I noticed the black smoke pouring from under two of the wolves in the center, the alpha and its mate. It looked like the smoke that appeared when the wolves had died, but it was thicker, and it didn't dissipate like the smoke had done in the past, it just continued to pour out of its center. It was oblong shaped, slightly larger than the wolf, but I couldn't see what was causing all this smoke. I stepped in closer to see, all eyes watching me as I passed. I was standing right next to the smoking mass but still couldn't discern what was causing it. There was a blurry lump underneath and I leaned closer to examine what it was. The bear moved closer to me as I did this, but I had no fear that the bear would hurt me, he was just curious as well, curious about me. I leaned in closer to the smoking mass, getting on my hands and knees to peak into it. I laid my hands down directly on top of the mass and it felt sticky around my hands, like I was sticking my hands into the mud around a hot spring. When I pulled my hands away they didn't have any trace of stickiness on them. I placed my hands back down and leaned closer to the smoking mass on the floor. My eyes widened in shock when I saw what lay there: a little girl._

_The girl lay on the forest floor completely motionless. Her heart beat sporadically ever minute or so. It was obvious that the body was still alive, although I could see no spirit in it. The little girl was copper skinned with the thick black hair of my people. She was wearing a dirty nightgown that was soaked in blood, especially around the left arm. A small amount of blood had pooled around her head. She looked so small and fragile. Her fingers and lips were turning blue underneath the dark tone of her skin. I felt sad for the little broken thing. She looked so familiar that she could have been my sister. She had the same jaw line that I had, the same sharp nose that my father had, and the thin lips of my mother. The wind picked up bristled the fur of all the animals circling around me as I looked at this poor girl in front of me, I felt myself inching closer to knowing who this poor broken girl was. As recognition finally hit me, I tried to gasp, but no sound came from my lips, just the wind picking up further. I stared at the body on the ground, touching its sticky face. The little girl was me. I was dead._


	7. Chapter 7: Distrust

**Distrust**

I was awakened by Lucas's voice. "Are you alright," he asked.

I opened my eyes and saw him sitting on the coffee table in front of me, leaning over me. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed. I wiped my mouth, making sure I wasn't drooling all over the couch. "Yeah, of coarse. Why?"

"Your heart is beating pretty fast. Did you have a bad dream?"

"Um yeah, but not really though." The dream was more disconcerting than anything. I wasn't afraid when I saw my body in front of me, just curious. I felt disconnected with it, but this dream seemed important, maybe even prophetic. It wasn't a coincidence that I was dreaming of wolves when they seemed to be the cause of all my present trouble. I had a journal I usually kept these kinds of things in, but I couldn't remember where I put it. "Can I have a pen and paper, please," I asked Lucas.

He shot me a confused look but immediately got up and started rummaging around the room for a pen. He was back in a second but the only thing he could find to write on was the receipt for all the brownie supplies. I put it down and wrote on my arm instead. I'd have to write the full thing out later, when I copy it into my journal, but I didn't really want Lucas knowing about my dream journal. It seemed kind of superstitious and I knew he would just tease me about it. I tried to think of key words that would remind me of what happened. I was surprised to see when I looked at my arm that my skin wasn't copper. It was pale. I didn't have copper skin at all. Then I shuttered remembering what had happened to that little girl with the copper skin. I tried to focus.

I was running from men before the wolves found me. I wrote on my arm "escape man—wolves." Then I thought about what happened in the clearing. This would be on my arm for a while so I didn't want to put anything to concerning. I just wrote "bear." I struggled to think of how to write down being a ghost. _Maybe I should leave that part out for now_, I thought. I put the pen back down but picked it up when I thought of the perfect thing to remind myself. "Dead body," I wrote down. I put the pen in my purse, just in case I needed it later. Lucas grabbed my arm and looked at what I wrote. I tried to pull back but his hand was like a vice on my arm. He looked at my arm and then back at me, confusion showing in his features. I felt smug. There was no way he would know what it was talking about. I looked at my arm and read the inscription to myself again.

"**escape man—wolves**

**bear dead body**"

"What's all this about," he asked suspiciously.

"Trying to remember my dream," I commented off hand, trying to get him to drop the subject.

"How much _do_ you know," he asked again, still gripping my arm. Not for the first time, I felt thankful that I couldn't feel anything in my left arm. His grip was tight and I could see how red my arm was underneath and watch my fingers turn red because of the blood pooling there. My eyes stayed on my hand watching it turn from red to blue. I didn't want to look at his eyes before I could come up with a good answer. He obviously expected me to know more than I did and I didn't want him to find out otherwise.

"More than you think I do," I finally answered, looking up to meet his eyes. _That was good_, I congratulated myself. It was a strong answer that didn't reveal anything to him.

He seemed about to say something but then stopped and stepped back from me. The space on my arm where he had grabbed me was white, but turned red as soon as he pulled his hand off of it. He walked over to the back wall, and then crossed his arms, staring at the door. A second or so later Yohannah walked in.

"You should really keep that locked," she warned, shaking of her coat.

"Yeah, Meri, you're letting all the riff raff in," Lucas teased. It disturbed me how easily he could change gears.

"You guys are always here. What's the point of locking the door?"

Yohannah stood at the door and looked us both and then turned to face Lucas. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he lied.

"Meri, what happened," she persisted.

"Nothing," I echoed.

"Don't lie to me," she threatened, standing at my side before I could blink.

"Lucas is freaked out over a dream that I had, it was weird," I told her. Her brows furrowed, she was confused. I hadn't exactly lied to her; he was acting weird about my dream for no reason.

She turned away from me and started to undress. "Lucas," she scolded. "Leave her alone, already."

"You leave her alone already," he mocked wrapping his arms around her. I averted my eyes.

"Seriously guys, I do not want to see that."

"Get dressed," she called over her shoulder. "We're all going to visit the Cullens."

"What," Lucas and I asked in unison.

"They want to talk to all of us."

"What exactly did they say," Lucas asked, lowering his voice. I started to pick at my finger nails, pretending not to be paying attention to them.

Yohannah glanced in my direction and then began to whisper to him. "They wouldn't tell me anything. They said that they were not allowed to talk about it, but that in two days someone would be coming who might be able to tell us more, but they wouldn't promise me anything."

"What did you tell them," Lucas asked, eyeing me.

"I told them about us. I told them about how you've known Meri for nearly 70 years and she hasn't aged. I told them about the stories she used to tell us about her people and they…" her voice trailed off and she looked at me. I remembered that I was supposed to be cleaning my nails and became intensely focused on my hands again. She didn't buy it. "Meri, go get dressed, we're going to visit our friends, the Cullens." Then she turned to Lucas and said, "We'll talk later."

"Our friends," Lucas asked, confused.

"I'll fill you in later. Get changed, you wore that yesterday," she reminded him and started rummaging through her suitcase.

I got up, my neck feeling stiff from leaning on the armrest all night. I sighed and mentally kicked myself for letting my schedule get so mixed up. I always slept better during the day. Well, that wasn't completely true. I slept a deeper and more restful sleep at night, but I always dreamed at night, and I'd rather not remember all these dreams. I walked into the bedroom and closed the door. They may have very little modesty, but I'd rather not see them undressing. I heard them giggling from behind the door and I covered my ears. "I can hear you," I reminded them. They laughed again. I waited a second and then uncovered my ears. I'd really rather not hear what was going on in the living room, but I did have to get dressed. I picked out a brown peasant dress, it was my favorite. I liked it because it matched my brown hair and eyes, even though Yohannah had always said it made me look mousey.

When I walked out of the room Lucas and Yohannah had already changed. Yohannah was wearing yellow leggings with a black and yellow checked shirt over it. I could never wear that color yellow, it looked strange on me. I was always telling Yohannah and white girls just can't wear bright colors like she can, but she would always roll her eyes at me. She ended up with half the clothes she bought for me back in her closet. Lucas was buttoning up a dark red shirt, which looked absolutely stunning on him. Everything looked absolutely stunning on him, actually. He's a rather handsome man, even if he does smell like rotten fruit sometimes. Lucas snapped his sunglasses on, to cover his eerily red eyes and flashed me a cheesy grin. "Are you ready to go, Baby?"

"Quit calling me a baby," I muttered under my breath and grabbed my purse.


	8. Chapter 8: Introductions

_AN: Another disclaimer since my first one doesn't seem to be showing up. Unless otherwise noted, all characters are the intellectual property of Mrs. Stephenie Meyers, I just manipulate them. Yohannah, Lucas, Meri, and Orson belong to me._

_This chapter is a bit long, but it's mostly dialog._

Please_ please __**please**__, read and review. I'm a bit anxious putting this out here, and I'd love to hear your opinion of it. Any feedback is appreciated. I'd love the opportunity to strengthen my work, and the compliments are what keep me motivated to write._

**Introductions**

As we pulled into the long driveway a wave of panic took over and I huddled lower in the breakfast nook. We were walking into a den of vampires. There were eight of them, at least. Plus the little one, whatever it was.

I cleared my throat. "Are all of them going to be there?"

Yohannah looked back at me and smiled. "No child, but most of them will be. The little one and her parents are away for a while, the fathering being the mind reader, and the mother the shield, but they will be coming back later this week. Carlisle took off work today to meet with you, Meri."

_Okay_, I thought, _then four of them_. We're still outnumbered, and that one named Emmett was huge.

"Carlisle," Lucas asked.

"He's their father in a way," she explained. He's got a job in town at the hospital."

"He works at a hospital? How is that possible," Lucas asked. I knew exactly what he meant. There was a lot of blood at the hospital and there was no way that a vampire could be around that much blood all the time without giving in.

"Carlisle has tremendous self control." She sounded impressed. "We could learn a lot from him," she said, eyeing Lucas for a moment as she turned to face forward.

He caught the look as well. He fidgeted with his sun glasses for a second as he frowned at the road ahead of him.

"Wait," I said, just realizing what she had told me. "Did you say that he took off work to meet with me? Why?"

"I'll tell you about it when we're inside," she promised.

"Why can't we talk about it now?"

"We're not going to talk about it now, because I wanted to talk with them about it as well."

"About what," I asked. This was getting more and more annoying.

"We're almost there, you can wait five minutes," she scolded. Just then our camper emerged from the trees. Ahead of us was a huge field of ferns. Sitting in the middle was a large white house. It was absolutely gorgeous.

"Lucas, I think we're in the wrong business," I teased. Their house was beautiful. Comparing it to the house on our pig farm was like comparing a Mustang to a Pinto. Speaking of cars, there were at least five in their garage. I was sure that every one of them costs about as much as our house did. They were newer, too.

"You'd miss the pigs," Lucas stated dryly. It was obvious that he was impressed as well.

"Oh, we'd let you with us," I teased. Yohannah laughed.

"You smell the way you do, and you call _me_ a pig?" Yohannah laughed harder.

"You smell like rotten fruit, Lucas."

"You smell like a mushroom farm, Miss America."

"Stop calling me that!"

Yohannah had apparently had enough. "Okay you two, knock it off, we're here."

I peeked out the side window, looking at the house. There didn't seem to be any movement from inside. "Are you sure they're home?"

"Yes, they're home, I was just here," she said, rolling her eyes.

We all got out of the can. Yohannah walked strait up to the front steps, but Lucas and I hung back. I was nervous going in as I'd never been around so many vampires in all my life. Lucas didn't seem too comfortable either. I walked up and put my arm around his waist, sticking my bad arm under his jacket. Lucas and I had just started up the steps when the door opened. A very handsome man appeared there, smiling. His voice was soothing when he called out to us, "Come on in. Welcome to our home." He was beautiful, like all the other vampires I had met, but it was his butterscotch eyes that caught my attention. Besides Yohannah and Lucas, I had never seen anyone with that shade of eyes. The few vampires I had come in contact with had either red or black eyes. It was so strange the topaz color on anyone but Yohannah and Lucas. I realized now why Lucas was so nervous about the visit, his eyes were a deep burgundy, and they would know that he had fed on a human. The mind reader was away as well, so they wouldn't know the truth. Would they trust us?

As we walked into the house, the smell overwhelmed my senses. Sickly sweet, but as overpowering as incense. There was something more though, a sharp edge to it, almost like fermented fruit. "Hello, my name is Carlisle," the man said, speaking directly to Lucas.

"Lucas Dubois. It's a pleasure to meet you Carlisle." Lucas held out his hand and shook it gently.

"Why don't you take off your coat and sunglasses and make yourself at home."

Lucas looked down at his feet, cocking his head to the side a little. "I, uh…" He was embarrassed. I felt so bad for him.

"There was a hunting accident," I said, coming to his defense. The three of them looked at me. Carlisle seemed surprised to hear my voice. Lucas was embarrassed, Yohannah seemed a bit angry. Maybe I wasn't supposed to speak. Lucas rubbed my shoulder with his hand and then reached to take off his sunglasses. His eyes were darker because he hadn't fed in a while, but they held a red tone, very different from the butterscotch of Carlisle's eyes. They would have known he had fed on a human. After meeting Carlisle's gaze, he looked down at his feet again. Carlisle turned to look at me and smiled.

"You must be America."

I flinched inwardly. Why did they insist on introducing me as America? Would it be rude to correct him? If I didn't do it now they would be calling me America the whole time I was here. I pulled my arm out from under Lucas's coat and held out my hand out to Carlisle. "Meri," I corrected. A small smile crept across his face as he took my hand, but then it faded. He looked down at my hand. My face felt red hot when I realized that I had given him my bad arm. I yanked it away and stuck it under Luc's coat again.

This time Lucas came to my rescue. "She had a bad accident with that arm a few years ago," he explained. "Since then, she hasn't been able to feel anything in her hand. She hurts herself a lot but doesn't realize it. We try to brace her hand, but most of the time she doesn't know that her hand is broken at all, so it heals that way."

"I'm a doctor, I could have a look at it for you," he offered.

I laid my hot face against Lucas's shoulder. "I'm fine," I whispered. My throat felt like it was constricting again. Lucas rubbed his hand on my shoulder and I felt a wave of calm come over me. _This isn't so bad,_ I thought. Even though I was scared at first, I suddenly had the feeling that these people we're so bad. They seemed friendly enough.

"This is my son Jasper," Carlisle said, gesturing behind me and to my left. I looked back at a young man, a bit tall, holding the hand of a small woman. "And this is Alice," He continued. "My wife, Esme," he said and I turned to look at who he was speaking of, to see that three other vampires were standing in front of me. Under normal circumstances I would have been scared out of my wits at their sudden appearance, but I felt calm. He gestured to a beautiful blonde vampire beside him. "This is my daughter Rosalie, and I believe you've already met Emmett."

Lucas nodded. "I believe you're the one who broke our eggs," he joked. I stifled a laugh.

Yohannah rolled her eyes at us. "Sorry about that," she said to Emmett, "they tend to crack jokes when they're nervous."

My face grew hot again. _Do I, really?_

We stood there silent for a moment, but it didn't feel awkward. I felt surprisingly comfortable around them all. "What happened to your arm Meri," Carlisle prodded. My face felt hot again.

Yohannah was the one who answered. "Actually that was one of the things I was talking to you about earlier," she said. _What were they talking about earlier_, I wondered. "You see there was a—" she paused, searching for words. "There was a confrontation with more of our kind. Meri was caught in the middle of it. She lost her arm." The panic started to rise back within me for a moment, but it was squelched in an instant. Why _was she telling them all this?_ "It grew back, but it didn't grow back right," she continued. "She hasn't been able to feel anything in her arm since."

"It grew back," Carlisle asked, emotion finally rising to his face. It seemed a look of morbid curiosity. It made me uncomfortable. Lucas stepped away from me for a second and grabbed my arm to show it to Carlisle. I tried to pull it away, but he held it firm.

"It was severed here," he explained, indicating a point just below my shoulder, "but its still got some feeling in it to about here." He indicated a part closer to my elbow. "Most of the breaks are in her hand though," he said, stretching it out further to show Carlisle. I felt numb. _Is this really happening?_

"If she doesn't feel anything in her arm, it shouldn't be any trouble to re-break these bones and set them in their correct place," He offered, touching the bend fingers on my hand. Then he looked up at me and asked, "Would you like that?"

I shook my head trying to pull my hand back, Lucas still held it firm.

"Quit being a baby, you'll be fine. It won't hurt," Lucas scolded.

"If she doesn't want to do it, that's fine. I wouldn't want to make her do something she's not comfortable with," he said, dropping my hand and taking a step back. He seemed kind.

Lucas rolled his eyes. Suddenly I was filled with eagerness. What was I so afraid of? Truly, it wouldn't hurt and it had been so long since I had the use of both my hands.

"No, it's Okay," I said, quietly. "You can do it, if you want."

--

_AN: If you didn't catch it, it was Jasper manipulating her emotions. I love these vampires, but I don't think Meri will like them very much when she figures out what's going on. Stay tuned to see what happens when they head upstairs for the procedure, without Jasper around._


	9. Chapter 9: The Examining Room

**The Examining Room**

Lucas held fast to my hand as we stepped upstairs. Carlisle led the way and Yohannah followed behind the three of us. The rest of the vampires stood downstairs. The one named Jasper tried to follow, but the little one, Alice, stopped him. I could feel the tension return to my shoulders the further we got upstairs. _What was I thinking agreeing to this?_

Carlisle opened a door to the left and motioned for us to walk ahead of him. The room looked like a hospital room, but everything was covered with sheets, it didn't look like it had been used in a while. He pulled the sheet off the table in the middle of the room, a hospital bed. I couldn't imagine why it here, it would be out of place in any house, but even more so in a house full of vampires. "It was for our Bella," he explained. He must have seen the confused look on my face. "When she was human she was very accident prone." He smiled sweetly at me and I nearly swooned. He was one of the most handsome men I'd ever met. "Hop up," he encouraged and patted the bed beside him. I glanced at Yohannah, she nodded back at me in encouragement, and I slid onto the table. "Oh, and take off your jacket," he added.

I started sliding my coat off my shoulders and then Yohannah gasped. "Lucas," she accused. I turned to look at him to see what he was doing. He was just standing there looking embarrassed.

"She's fine. We were just talking and I didn't realize how hard I was holding her shoulders," he explained. I didn't understand what he was saying until I felt Carlisle's cold hands brush lightly against my shoulders. I jumped at the sudden contact and twisted my head to see what he was doing. I watched him rub his hands over the deep purple bruises that wrapped around my shoulder like shadows.

"Oh," I gasped. "No, its fine," I insisted and pulled both arms out of my jacket and dropping it to the floor.

"What did you do to her," Yohannah accused, gesturing at my arm. There was a bruise on my left arm too, where he had grabbed me this morning.

"I was trying to figure out what she knew, look what she wrote on her arm." He grabbed my arm again and pulled it to show her, pulling it into an uncomfortable position behind me. I gasped in pain.

"You're hurting her," Carlisle warned. "Let her arm go." Lucas paused for a second but then let my arm go. I crossed my arm together in front of me, covering what was written on my arm. _Why was I getting so defensive about this, it was just a dream. Wasn't it just a dream?_

"What did it say," Yohannah asked.

"She wrote something about escaping man-wolves, and about bearing a dead body."

I chuckled to myself. He had read it wrong completely, but then I froze seeing them all staring at me. Obviously this misunderstanding had raised their hackles. _What was bothering them so much?_

"Just how much do you know, Meri," Yohannah asked.

"Why do you guys keep asking me that," I shouted, raising my voice above a whisper for the first time since entering the house. Carlisle looked taken aback. "I know _nothing_. I know nothing because you tell me nothing. Why am I even here, if you're just going to talk to each other like I'm not around," I demanded.

"What does that mean then," Lucas accused.

"Not what you think it does. It's not talking about bearing a dead body. It's a list: Escaping man, wolves, bear, and dead body. I was just trying to remember my dream." I was telling the truth, but it didn't sound like it when it came out.

"You're lying," Yohannah stated. It wasn't an accusation; she _knew_ when people were lying. My mind raced. I didn't think I _was_ lying. _Was there something more to that dream?_

"I know nothing," I stated again, enunciating each word carefully to emphasize what I was trying to get across to her. She stared at me for a moment, seemingly trying to decide if I was lying. "You _know_ I'm not lying," I insisted. I sat there looking into her eyes, trying to look confident, hoping she didn't see how confused I was. The moment seemed to drag in forever until Carlisle interrupted us.

"Did you want me to re-set your hand," he asked.

"Yes," I whispered under my breath as I gave him my left arm. Even breaking my hand seemed preferable to the awkward silence filling the room. He felt at my hand for about a minute. "There are a lot of breaks," he told me.

"I don't notice when it happens," I explained. He just nodded, continuing to worry at my hand with his fingers. I could feel the anxiety of the room. It made the air feel thick. I tried to think of something to do to cut the tension.

"I'm going to start now," he warned.

"That's fine," I said. He seemed nervous, the poor thing. He seemed like a nice enough person, even if he did keep bad company. I almost felt bad for what I was about to do.

I heard the first bone snap as he broke it, and then I screamed. He dropped my hand to the table. The three of them stood there staring at me with their mouths hanging open and their eyes wide. I could only hold the scream for a couple seconds before I burst out in laughter. I looked at each of them to see their reactions. Carlisle stared at me in horror, Lucas burst out laughing, and Yohannah seemed mad. "I'm sorry," I gasped between fits of laughter.

Lucas struggled to compose himself. "That was messed up, Meri."

"Oh, come on. That was funny," I prodded.

Yohannah scowled at me. "That was not funny," she insisted, crossing her arms in front of her. "That was very rude to Dr. Cullen, you should apologize. You nearly gave him a heart attack."

"You and I both know that not possible," I blurted, falling into another round of laughter.

"Meri, apologize to the doctor." Yohannah commanded. Her voice held a tone that warned me that I'd better do what she said.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I insisted stifling my laughter. Dr. Cullen stepped forward again, he looked annoyed, but also a bit amused, or at least I hoped he thought it was funny. "That _was_ pretty good though, wasn't it," I asked, turning to Lucas. He playfully shoved me in the arm. A little too hard. I rubbed my arm. "Ow. Yeah, good job, Lucas. Just what I need: More bruises."

"You can just tell them your boyfriend beat you up," he teased.

"You wish," I scoffed.

"You probably should do something about them," Yohannah suggested.

"When he's done with my hand, okay?" I watched the doctor work. He was very gentle with me even though it didn't hurt. My entire hand was red, and starting to swell except for where his cold hands were resting on it. "Weird," I started, trying to make conversation. "Watching you do it. It's like it's not even my hand." The corner of his mouth twitched upward a bit as he continued to rub on my hand. If it wasn't for the disgusting crunching sounds, it would have looked like he was giving me a massage. His hands traveled up the length of my arm and back down to my wrist. I couldn't feel his cold hands, but goose bumps covered both arms.

He looked up at me, "Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"

"If it hurt, you would know it," I assured him. "I have a very low tolerance for pain." He pulled at my wrist a little. I heard a low popping sound.

"That's about it. Don't move please," he asked as he stepped back and began rummaging through one of the cabinets. He pulled out an arm brace.

"Were you a boy scout in your past life," I teased.

The corners of his mouth pulled up. "You'd be surprised how often this was needed when Bella was around."

"Bella," I said to myself. Then I looked up at the doctor. "Bella is the newborn," I asked.

"Yes."

"How long was she around before—" I let the end of the sentence drop.

"She was with us for two years before she and Edward were married."

_Married. An interesting way to put it_, I thought. "Oh," I mumbled.

"Meri," the doctor hesitated. "May I have a blood sample?" My throat closed in on me and panic set in. _Stupid Bloodsuckers, it was a trap_, I thought. He must have seen the look on my face because he quickly added, "I just want to check your chromosomes."

I swallowed hard listening to the pulse in my ears. "Go ahead," Yohannah answered. I looked at her in panic, pleading with her to change her mind. "It'll be fine, he's a doctor," Yohannah encouraged.

"Quit acting like a baby. You're not afraid of needles are you" Lucas teased.

I shot him an evil glance and turned back to the doctor. He seemed sincere. He held up a syringe. I swallowed hard. I tried to speak but my mouth had dried up. I nodded my head quickly. As he tied the rubber tube around my right arm I stopped him. "No, no, that one," I corrected him pointing at my bad arm. "Low tolerance to pain, remember?" I tried to smile up at him, but the corners of my mouth fell almost as soon as I was able to lift them.

"Of course," he nodded. I saw the corners of his mouth curl up a little as he moved back to my other arm. I tried to steady my breathing again, staring off into space, watching my feet dangling above the ground. I could smell the alcohol as he wiped my arm, it made my stomach turn. I groaned. "Are you sure that you are okay with this," he asked, looking into my eyes. I could hardly hear him past the pounding in my ears, his voice seemed far away. I nodded my head quickly looking away. _No, better to see this coming_, I thought and looked back at my arm. The needle was already in and the syringe was already in my arm the red blood pooling into the large chamber.

_Oh God! This vampire is taking my blood_, was the last thought that went through my head as the blackness took over my vision. I was vaguely aware of cold hands on the back of my head as I fell back into the darkness.


	10. Chapter 10: Waking Up

**Waking Up**

"It didn't happen at first, she had been helping us on the farm for nearly ten years before it happened for the first time," I heard a familiar voice say. It sounded like I was underwater. My mouth felt like it was filled with paste, my lids were thick against my eyes. They felt heavy. "I had asked her a question about the pigs, but left before she could answer," The voice I now recognized as Yohannah's continued, "I was half way across the field before she answered me, nearly a quarter mile. I heard the whisper as clear as a bell. I turned half expecting her to be following behind me but I couldn't see her at all. She was still inside the office."

"How does it work exactly," an unfamiliar male voice asked.

"We have to be talking directly to each other, which doesn't seem like much of advantage honestly, but we could hear each others voice from great distances, even if the other person is only mouthing the words and not even speaking," Lucas explained.

"And why did you come to us," the unfamiliar voice asked.

"Well, when we asked her about how she was able to do it, she said that she didn't know. It had only happened once before she said. She told us that her husband, Orson, had told her it was something that their people could do. She talked about other things 'her people' could do, about how they could change shape, although she wasn't able to. It was an unbelievable story, and to be perfectly honest, she wasn't exactly operating at full capacity at the time, if you know what I mean. She was even worse than she was now, her mind seemed—" she paused, searching for the right word. "Shattered, like she wasn't completely there. Honestly I hadn't thought of it in years until we heard about what happened last winter."

_What had happened last winter_, I wondered. They were talking about me again, like I wasn't here. I thought back and tried to process what she was talking about. Apparently, Yohannah didn't think I was completely sane. It bothered me. While that may have been true in the past, I was certain I was fine now. Living with them for so long, after so many years alone had done wonders to my mental state. It seemed for a moment that they still saw me as the broken person that they had found me as, all those years ago. I groaned a little and adjusted my head against whatever hard surface they had laid me down on. I opened my eyes a crack and saw a black and white checker pattern. Yohannah was cradling me in her arms as if I were a small child.

"You awake," she asked.

"Hmm, yellow," I mumbled and squinted my eyes against the bright pattern on her shirt. My words sounded thick and alien to me.

"Hello," Lucas chuckled.

"She said yellow," Yohannah corrected, with a smile in her voice. "I don't think she likes my shirt," she giggled.

I swallowed hard and moved my tongue across the roof of my dry mouth. "Water," I mumbled.

"I'll get that," an unfamiliar female voice answered. I turned to see the brown haired woman walk towards the kitchen. Esme, I think her name was.

"So you _are_ afraid of needles," Lucas teased.

"No," I shot back immediately.

Lucas laughed. "You passed out."

"It wasn't really the needles." My voice was still thick, I swallowed hard. "It was more the idea of a vampire taking my blood."

"Sorry." It was the doctor's voice that answered. I swung my head around to look for him. The world spun. I heard the clinking of ice on a glass somewhere near my head. I began to reach for it.

"Sit up," Yohannah encouraged.

"Yeah," I mumbled and sat up against her. Her arms wrapped around my waist as I sat on her lap, leaning my head back against her shoulder. I reached for the glass again, my eyes only half open. I still felt nauseous. I took a sip of water, my mouth instantly felt a little better, but my stomach turned a little.

"How do you feel," Carlisle asked.

"Nauseous," I answered honestly. Lucas chuckled.

"I really think you should talk about this subject more with Jacob Black. He's the only one who can give you answers to your questions," Carlisle said, speaking to Lucas.

"We'll do that," he promised. Yohannah cleared her throat and gestured to the door with her chin. Lucas shook his head slightly.

"Don't make me hurt you," Yohannah threatened with mock severity, although there was a hardness to her voice, implying that she wasn't completely kidding. She was trying to get rid of me.

"Don't you threaten me with a good time; he teased but then turned to me. "Well they're not going to be here until tomorrow morning," he said, "what do you want to do until then?"

"Not throw up," I answered.

"Want to head back to the motel," he offered. I had a feeling they just wanted me out of the way so they could talk more.

"Mmm," I mumbled shaking my head as I took a small sip of the water. My stomach turned again and I made a face.

"I have something that will help with nausea." I looked up at him and he winked at me. "We never did make those brownies," he reminded me. _Pot does help with nausea_, I thought.

"You coming," I asked Yohannah.

"No, Child. We have a few more things to discuss," she told me as she ran her fingers through my hair. I figured as much. I thought about the things I would miss if I went, but knew that they would find some other way to get rid of me if I stayed. Probably send me up to the bedroom with the headphones and earplugs again.

"Yeah sure," I admitted and stood up for the first time. I felt a cool breeze on my face, apparently I had been sweating, even against Yohannah's cold body.

"Are you going to be alright," Esme asked me as she took the glass of water from my hands.

"Of course," I said, forcing a smile. I looked down at the floor to steady myself. I noticed the brace on my hand, blue and silver. My gaze traveled up my arm to the crook of my elbow where there was cotton ball taped against my skin. My knees felt weak underneath me. Lucas grabbed hold of my shoulder to steady me, pushing against the dark blue bruises that were already there. "Ow," I warned him.

"Oh, sorry," he said as he moved his hands further down my arm, a little gentler. "You know, you should take care of those bruises before we go," Lucas reminded me. I saw Yohannah gesture for the doctor to come and watch.

I could feel the blush return to my cheeks. "I thought we were going to say that you beat me," I teased.

"Huh, you wish," Lucas teased. I couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes their obscene comments bothered me, but it was good to hear them joking again. There had been a lot of tension between us recently. "Sit down," he urged me.

He pushed me down onto the sofa and then sat down next to me. Eight pairs of vampire eyes watched me expectantly. "Don't be shy. Everybody circle 'round the freak," I muttered.

"Meri," Yohannah scolded.

"I was just kidding," I assured her. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't exactly sure how this worked, but I willed my body to heal it self. I felt a surge of heat, radiating from my face go through me. I felt a little drunk as the warmth spread from my ears and face to my limbs. I felt a little overheated, especially on my shoulders were the bruises were, but it would soon pass. This is what usually happened every time I tried to heal myself. I heard a gasp from one of the vampires circling around me. I opened my eyes and looked at them. Yohannah and Lucas were smiling smug smiles. The doctor was watching me with a morbid curiosity. His wife was standing over me with her eyes wide. It was her who gasped. I winked at her and then looked down at my bruises. The ones on my shoulder had completely faded. I watched the bruise on my forearm fade as well, the swelling in my hand fade away. I stood there watching it for a few seconds, trying to see if I saw any more change to it. I touched it with my good hand, it felt hot, but it was cooling quickly.

"I think its fine," I finally said, removing the brace. The doctor went to stop me, but I held my hand out for him to examine.

He reached out and grabbed my hand gently. "It's warm," he commented. He rubbed my hand again, looking like he was massaging it. "Nothing is broken," he said sounding surprised.

"Of coarse not," Lucas said, the smug smile still on his face. Everyone stood around me. It was making me uncomfortable.

Carlisle gave a meaningful look to Yohannah. "You're most definitely going to have to talk to Jacob Black," he told her.

I cleared my throat and picked at the tape on my elbow, pulling off the cotton swab and holding it in my palm. "So um, brownies," I asked trying to break the tension.

Lucas laughed. "Yeah, brownies. Let's go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch and continued holding my hand as we walked out the door. He called over his shoulder "Call me when they get here, My Love."

"I will," Yohannah promised as Lucas dragged me out to the RV. I could see them talking about me through the open door. They didn't even wait for me to leave.

--

_Just realizing what a crappy job I'm doing at editing before I post my stories. The next chapter may take a while before it goes up, it's long._

_In the meantime I would greatly appreciate a review hint hint_

_-Samji_


	11. Chapter 11: Conciousness is Overrated

**Consciousness is Overrated**

Lucas filled the silence with playful teasing about what happened in the upstairs room all the way back to the motel. I wasn't focusing on anything he said. My mind was focused on what had passed between the vampires while I was out. There was something obvious that I was missing. Something right at the tip of my brain about what the purpose of our little field trip was. I thought back about what had raised their hackles before. The wolves obviously meant something. I shivered, the word "wolves" immediately bringing to my mind the dream I had the other night,

"Check the glove box," Lucas told me, bringing me out of whatever spell I was under. It broke my concentration and the thing that was at the tip of my brain was once more lost into the blackness of my past.

"What? Why," I asked.

"Still nauseous?"

I thought about it for a second, my stomach was turning a bit. "Yeah, a little," I admitted.

"Well, check the glove box," he urged. I snapped it open and peered inside. It was empty except for the instruction manual for the car, Lucas' driver's license and the small Ziploc bag he was trying to bring to my attention, laying on top of a prescription pad. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Did you raid all of California for their pot?"

"Of coarse not, just enough to fill the prescription," he said winking at me. "There's a lot more pot in California." I laughed again.

"Does Yohannah know about all this," I asked.

"Of course."

"She's a pretty good liar," I mentioned off hand as I reached into the baggie.

"What do you mean?"

"She sounded outraged when we mentioned going to get brownies."

He chuckled. "She knew. I told her it was for emergency tongue loosening situations." I gave him a dirty look as I grabbed for the lighter. "Hey, did you know that, in Washington, pot is only legal for terminal patients, with very few exceptions."

"So I'm dying," I asked amused, as I breathed in the vapor.

"Not that I know of," he teased. "You're one of the few exceptions. Apparently you suffer from anorexia."

I paused and looked at him. "Do I look like I'm anorexic," I asked incredulous. I was offended that he would even joke about it.

"No, but you don't look like you have glaucoma either."

"That's pretty messed up, Luc." He just grinned at me. "What if they call? Did you inform the prescribing doctor," I asked with mock concern.

"Yeah, he knows of your new diagnosis. He sends his condolences and his wish for better health." We smiled at each other as he pulled into the driveway of the motel. We passed a young couple on the way up to the room, they eyed me as I walked by me, I held the joint behind my back, but the smell was unmistakable. I blushed, but Lucas just grinned at them. I shoved him a little with my left hand.

"It's good to have use of it again," I remarked, thinking back to the tiny room upstairs. "How long as I out for?"

"Hmm?" He looked up from unlocking the door. "Oh, umm, probably about 45 minutes or so."

"That long?"

"It didn't seem that long." In the scheme of things it wasn't, I realized. While it's a long time to be passed out on a hospital bed, It wasn't a very long time to be visiting with "new friends." We were there for maybe an hour and I was hardly awake to talk to them at all. The realization hit me like brick: they didn't bring me there to introduce me, they were there to show me off.

"What happened when I was out," I asked, hoping that, for once, he would be honest with me.

"I laughed at you," he teased. I rolled my eyes at him but he just grinned back at me.

"No, really," I prodded as we walked into the motel room.

"Are you insinuating that somebody touched you inappropriately," he asked in mock outrage. "Because if they didn't, I'm sure it could be arranged…"

"Lucas, knock it off."

He paused for a second, watching me as I set the joint in the tray by the door, not bothering to put out the last bit of it. I exhaled the last of what was in my lungs, feeling the smoke push up my nose. I felt like the smoke was going directly into my brain through my nasal cavity. He watched me as I made a face, and then shook his head.

"First, the brownies," he commanded. "You haven't eaten all day. In fact, that probably had a lot to do with why passed out like a drunk college student."

My face burned with embarrassment.

"We almost had to get 'the vapors,'" he teased.

"Shut up," I complained. He just smiled at me and continued to taunt me as he searched for all the pots, pans, and utensils we'd need to make the brownies.

"I thought you were kidding at first. I mean, how much more 'Days of our Lives' can you get?"

I measured the oil and the "secret ingredient" and simmered them on the stove. I was trying to ignore him.

"Who knew you were such a _girl_?" he continued. He said the word "girl" like it was a dirty word.

"You're a girl," I shot back at him. He laughed, probably more at how ridiculous I sounded than because my come-back was so funny. I pressed my lips tightly together trying not to laugh as I simmered the ingredients on the stove. Lucas gathered everything else together on the counter next to me. "So, why are we here," I asked.

His smile faded instantly. "We're here," he began, but then stopped himself and started again. "We're here to bake some brownies."

"So that it will loosen my tongue," I added knowledgeably. I was trying to keep him on his toes.

He smiled. "A little," he admitted as smoothed some of his shaggy black hair behind his ear.

"So why are we here," I repeated.

"I already answered that question," he said, his voice sounding noticeably less playful.

"No, you avoided it," I pointed out. "How about this one: why did we leave Boston?"

He looked like he was debating with himself. _Probably deciding how much he wants to tell me_, I thought. After a minute or two he finally spoke. "We left Boston because Yohannah thinks you're lonely."

I froze in confusion. "What? What does that have to do with anything?"

"So you are lonely," he asked, looking a bit sad.

"No." I blushed, thankful that Yohannah wasn't around to see me lie. "Or rather, I wasn't until you started excluding me from everything the two of you are doing," I added trying to play on the guilt already showing in his face.

"We're just trying to protect you," he said under his breath. I instantly felt horrible for trying to manipulate his feelings like that. It hurt to see him like this.

"Do you think I'm lonely," I asked.

"I hope you aren't. I hope that you haven't felt neglected because Yohannah and I haven't been spending enough time with you."

"You spend tons of time with me," I defended them. "I don't feel lonely because you don't spend enough time with me. Why would you say that?"

"But you have been lonely," he asked while looking down at his hands.

"Everybody gets lonely every now and then," I said wondering how the subject had changed so suddenly. "But why here? Why are we here?" I asked trying to re-direct the conversation.

He shrugged. "Brownies."

"And to get me out of the way so Yohannah could scheme behind my back." I added.

He smiled a little. "There is that," he said winking at me, sliding the brownies into the already preheated oven. I gazed at the oven with impatience. This is going to take forever, I thought, thinking about both the brownies and getting the information out of Lucas. "Well," Lucas started, breaking my concentration. I laughed at myself for being startled by his voice and for concentrating so hard on an oven door without realizing it. "Yohannah would kill me if I fed you nothing but brownies all day. Want me to get you something from the store?"

It would get him out of the house for a while, give me time to think… "That isn't such a bad idea," I said out loud and then I blushed. I hoped he didn't catch the double meaning of my words.

He smiled at me. "What do you want?"

I tried to think of something that would have him searching around the isles for a long time at the Thriftway, something with lots of ingredients we didn't already buy this week. "Coconut Chicken Curry," I finally decided.

He laughed, "What?"

I walked to the laptop and looked up the recipe online, and then got the pen out of my purse to write down the shopping list. I couldn't find any paper anywhere so I called Lucas over and started writing it on his arm. "Coconut milk, chicken, soy sauce, lime juice, sugar, curry powder" I involuntarily spoke every word out loud as I wrote on his arm. "Don't lose the list," I joked, laughing harder than the joke really called for.

"I won't," he promised and escaped out the door. It took me about a minute after he walked out to realize that he probably had other motives in wanting to leave. It was too easy to get rid of him. He was probably going to head back to the Cullen's for a bit while I sat around waiting for him to return from the store with the groceries. I kicked at the corner of the couch. _Damn it!_

I grabbed my iPod and plopped myself down on the uncomfortable couch, scrolling through my playlist. "Brighter than the Sunshine," by Aqualung was playing. I switched it forward after only a few seconds. I need something angrier, I thought. I scrolled through my playlists until I found my collection of Flogging Molly. I was about half way through the second song, when a knock at the door distracted me. My spirits lifted, thinking that I must have been wrong about Lucas. _He didn't ditch me after all_. I skipped over to the door and swung it open. "Took you long enough," I teased, but then froze. Lucas wasn't at the door. Standing there was a much older man, maybe in his late 40s early fifties, curly brown hair, balding. Not a big man, but he still towered over my 4'11 frame. His face wasn't what concerned me at all. What concerned me was what was staring at me directly at eye level. A gold star was pinned to the man's uniform.

"Would you like to come in Officer," I asked politely, feeling the blood run to my face as I spoke.

"Sheriff," he corrected. I swallowed hard. "Can I speak to you outside?"

_Crap_. I inched out the door closing it behind me as I tried to ignore the smell of pot and chocolate wafting from inside the room. "This is about the cannabis, isn't it," I stated more than asked.

He seemed surprised that I would admit to it. This could work in my favor. "Yes, it is about the marijuana—"

"I have a prescription" I interrupted.

"Let me see it," he shook his head doubtfully. I turned to go back inside but then remembered the prescription pad was in the RV's glove box.

"Follow me," I said, wishing that Lucas was here. He's always so much better at this than I was. While I tripped over my words, Lucas and Yohannah had a sweet tongue and could smooth over little complications like this much easier than I could.

"You don't look like a chemotherapy patient," he remarked on the way over to the RV.

"I'm not. I have an eating disorder," I lied. I could feel my entire face turn red. I hated lying about this. I opened the passenger door of the RV and pulled the prescription out, wincing when I realized it was underneath the small bag of pot. I handed it to him.

"Isn't marijuana supposed to be a last resort drug?" he asked suspiciously. I struggled to think of what Lucas would say.

"It is. They've already had me on Prochlorperazine but it didn't do much and they didn't want me to continue on it for very long without results. It's a very strong drug," I babbled on. I hoped that I sounded more confident than I felt.

"It's still illegal to smoke pot in public, irregardless of whether or not you have a prescription," he continued while I suppressed the urge to correct his grammar. He pulled out a small pen light and examined the prescription. "Can I see your ID?" he asked. I pulled my Massachusetts State ID out of my wallet and handed it to him.

"You're not from around here," he pointed out.

"We're from Boston, and I don't smoke in public. With very rare exceptions, I try not to smoke it at all," I lied. Lying was starting to feel easier, although I wondered if he saw through me completely as he raised his eye brows at me. "Its bad for your lungs really," I continued, "but sometimes I need it quickly to deal with the nausea."

"The nausea," he repeated doubtfully. For a second I wondered if he could hear the quick beating of my heart. I felt like it was about to burst from my chest. "There is no excuse for smoking in public."

"I don't smoke in public," I repeated.

"I have witnesses," he warned.

"They didn't see me smoking in public," I asserted. I thought back to the young couple giving me a dirty look as Lucas and I walked into the motel room. I hoped they caught head lice. "They might have smelled it on me, but I wasn't smoking in public." He looked uncertain. I found the hole in his offense. I crossed my arms in front of me.

"I'm going to take this with me," he said holding up the prescription.

"No."

"Excuse me?" he asked incredulously.

"I need to keep that with me, just in case something like this comes up again," I explained. "You're free to write down all the pertinent information you need though Officer…" I checked his name tag, "Swan."

He gave me a sour look pulled out his pen to write down the doctor's information. "I'll be checking up on you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," I assured him as I relaxed my shoulders for the first time since he came to the door. It sounded final, he was leaving.

He started to walk away but then turned back to ask me, "What about your friend?"

"Lucas? He doesn't smoke. The prescription is for me."

He looked disappointed again. He turned and walked away calling out, "Have a nice day Miss Llewellyn."

"Mrs. Llewellyn," I corrected out of instinct, immediately wishing that I hadn't. I hoped he wouldn't ask about where my husband was. I wasn't really married, but Llewellyn was the given name of the man I had spent the best years of my life with, but he had died years before I had met Lucas even. I had told a lot of people back in Boston that I was married. For the most part, it kept men from bothering me. The men who did want to bother with a married woman weren't the kind of men that I wanted to bother with.

"Mrs. Llewellyn," he repeated and walked back to his car. I stood outside by the camper and watched him drive away. I looked back towards the Thriftway before heading back inside. Lucas wasn't coming. It was obvious he had snuck out to see Yohannah and talk about me behind my back.

He might as well be there with them, I thought. I wasn't getting any information out of him while he was here.

I jumped a puddle on the way to the room, the back of my shoes splashing a little as I hit the end of the puddle. It hadn't rained since yesterday but it didn't seem like the dry spell would last for very long, the clouds were low and black overhead. I took a deep breath as I reached the overhang in front of the motel room. The air smelled wonderful. It smelled of wet concrete and vaguely like the forest that circled the city. I loved the smell of the rain, it reminded me of home. My love, Orson Llewellyn, always smelled like the rain on the wet forest floor. I paused with my hand over the door handle. My eyes widened in shocked when I realized for the first time why we were here.

I knew what had kept me from realizing it earlier. It was the wolves. The wolves were what threw me off. Whenever the word was mentioned all I could thing of was the awful part in my dream where they were ripping me apart. Not a dream, I corrected myself, a memory. I had been unconsciously separating the elements in my head. The wolves they were talking about weren't the wolves of my dreams. The wolves they were speaking of were more like the bear. Not animals, but man-wolves as Lucas had incorrectly interpreted from my arm. Snippets of the conversation they were having this morning came back to me, something that I had completely missed because of the mention of Orson's name. _"She talked about other things 'her people' could do, about how they could change shape, although she wasn't able to,"_ Lucas had said. _My people. Orson's people._


	12. Chapter 12: Why We're Here

**Why We Came**

"Hey what are you doing outside?" asked a voice from behind me, knocking me out of my trance. I turned to face the voice. Lucas was standing there with his arms full of groceries. His smile faded when he saw the look on my face. "What's wrong? What happened?" he asked in a rush, hurrying to stand at my side. I struggled to compose myself as I turned to knob and walked into the motel.

"What are you doing here, I thought you went off to go see Yohannah," I said, there was an icy edge to my voice that I didn't intend.

"I told you I was going to the store, Meri. You gave me a weird list, and it was crowded, it took longer than I expected." He looked at me, seemingly trying to figure out what my change in mood was about. "I was only gone for half an hour, why are you being so paranoid?"

"Cops came by," I said buying myself time to digest what I just realized, to find the words I needed to get more answers from him.

"What? Here?" he asked looking over his shoulder as if he were expecting them to jump out from behind the door.

"It's alright. I showed him the prescription. He said he'd be keeping his eye on us though," I said offhandedly.

"That's it?" he asked, seemingly surprised.

"That's it," I confirmed. I took a bag of groceries from his hand and started to prepare ingredients. The giddy mood I was in before he left had completely disappeared. "Lucas, before you left, you told me that Yohannah thought I was lonely."

"Yes," he answered slowly.

"So why was bringing me here the answer to my loneliness?" I asked, hoping to confirm my suspicions without cluing him into what was on my mind. He just shook his head. He wasn't going to answer. He stood, grabbing a pair of oven mitts and pulled the brownies out of the oven. "I'm lonely because I miss Orson, and you know as well as I do that nobody could ever replace him," I said, alluding to the fact that that I had never found another trace of "our people" in the last one hundred years since his death. "You guys are the closest thing to family that I have."

In the silence that followed, I thought about all our years together. I had met Lucas in the 1930s. He was a part of a large group of friends that I had surrounded myself with at the time. I had put down roots in a place for the first time in my life. It felt good to have friends again, even if I couldn't tell them the real truth about what I was. A never aging freak. I had planned to spend as much time in that town as I could before anyone noticed that I wasn't getting much older. I was either going to fake my death, or say that I was called away with family, or I would pretend to get married to someone who lived in a far away city. The plan wasn't concrete yet, but I had a few years before it would have to be put into place.

When the war started, everyone was getting married. People were pulling names from hats and getting married, it was ridiculous. Lucas and I both thought it was dumb so we stayed out of it. I wasn't interested in getting married to anybody because I knew I would have to leave them. Lucas wasn't interested in marriage because he was enjoying being single way too much. As our friends got married off or went to war our group got smaller and smaller. The married women started breaking away from the rest of us, preferring to talk about babies and housekeeping. It wasn't long before it was just Lucas and I sitting around talking together. We got very close up until his time came to leave for the war. He told that he didn't want a girlfriend, much less to marry me, because he wanted to go overseas single, but he did want someone to write back to. I allowed him that. As his friend, it was the least I could do.

His first letters were factual, telling me of the dealings of the day, the training he went through, stories about the men in his unit, stories of the women he kept company with. Once he was sent overseas, even before the first fighting started, his letters became sad, more and more lonely. When the fighting started the tone of the letters changed completely, they became desperate. Hopeless. He began to write about life, and God, and his purpose in "all of this" but mostly he wrote about how much he wished he were home. In between his philosophical tirades, he was also writing me love letters, saying how much he thought of me, and what a fool he was for not seeing it before. It wasn't long before he wrote back to ask me to marry him. I told him I'd think about it, not wanting to tell him no while he was away at war. I tried to dissuade him from his plans about marriage, telling him that I needed a lot of looking after, but he swore he was up to the task. His letters were pleading, and then they stopped completely. Lucas was missing in action. Lucas had given me a reason to stay, to put down roots, but now he was lost to me forever.

I had gathered all my belonging and moved away from the small town, I didn't bother making an excuse, I just left. Anybody who would care why I was gone, was gone already. I began wandering again. I looked up Native American legends, trying to find some allusion to man-bears, but nothing came up. I had convinced myself that I had gone crazy. But then, Lucas returned proving that the supernatural did exist.

I was pulled from my reminiscing by Lucas's voice. "Okay," he mumbled under his breath.

"Okay, what?" I prodded.

"_Okay, I'll tell you_." He mouthed silently. He always did this when he was telling me something that he didn't want Yohannah to hear. I squealed as I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch. He followed obligingly, laughing at my over the top reaction. "So how much do you know?" he asked. I glared at him. He looked confused for a second and then he smiled when it finally dawned on him what I was so angry about. "OK, bad choice of words," he admitted.

"How about this," I offered. "How much do _you_ know?"

"Let me start at the beginning. Do you remember when we first found you?" he asked.

"Of course, I remember."

He continued again in silence. _"Well, you were a little out of it then, I wasn't sure. This should make things easier. You told us a lot of crazy stories, well we thought they were crazy at the time, but they were the only explanation we had to,_" he seemed to struggle with his word choice. "_To explain what you are_." He paused to gauge my reaction. I sat there expectantly. "_But despite how messed up you were," he continued, "we took you in. It was obvious that you needed us, and I had promised that I would take care of you. You got better, so we indulged you by listening to your strange stories. Its been a good, forty or so years, hasn't it?" _he mused. Then his voice suddenly got somber. _"For a while, Yohannah has been noticing how lonely you've been. She's been trying to convince me that you needed better company than just a couple of vampires."_

My face flushed as the words sunk in. "_When you said 'for a while,' what did you mean exactly?"_ I asked timidly.

"_Years,"_ he mouthed, looking a bit sad. _"I told her that we were the best thing for you, if we left you to live with…society,"_ he said gesturing towards the windows, _"then you would just have to pick up and leave every few years just like we did. It would be hell to do that if we weren't together, and you just seemed, so…fragile, and I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it. Would you?"_ he asked suddenly.

I blushed. "Probably not," I admitted after a slight pause. He nodded his head. It was the answer he was expecting.

"_So then we heard that story about the Cullens and the Volturi. It was ridiculous at first so we didn't believe the story about the werewolves. Then Yohannah talked to Randall, that vampire that had been there. He told her that they weren't werewolves, that they were shape shifters. 'A tribe of shape shifters' were his exact words. Immediately we remembered the stories you told us of your 'people,' how you said they were shape shifters, even though _you_ weren't."_

I was starting to feel giddy. I had done something right. It took over a century to come to fruit, but the choice I made to stick with Lucas and Yohannah had finally brought me closer to Orson. I leaned closer to him on the couch and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I felt as if I had just stepped out from under a dark cloud, everything in the world seemed a little brighter. "_So you found them?" _I whispered, in awe_._

"_Well, we think so. The Cullens aren't giving us much information. They said something about a treaty but the way they talk, it's obvious there is something here. There's this man, Jacob Black, coming into town tomorrow with the others. Carlisle told us that we need to speak to him about it."_

"_Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"_ I mouthed.

He shifted away from me on the couch, looking uncomfortable. He leaned back against the arm of the couch laying his arm over his eyes. I leaned against the arm on my side of the small sofa, putting a bit of distance between us. I was starting to feel the anger rise up in me. _How dare they keep this from me? Didn't they know how important this was to me? "What happened to telling me everything_?" I asked. My tone was icy.

He hesitated for a second or two and then continued talking, out loud this time, with his arm still over his eyes, pressing his ever-present sun glasses against his face. "_We weren't completely sure that this was it, you know? We've been looking for these people for years, and you had been searching for them for decades before that, and we still don't know if these were just stories or not. It seems like there's some truth to this, but that doesn't mean that it pertains to you. This might not even be who we're looking for. If they could keep their secret for so long, logic follows that there could be others out there with the same secret to keep. You said nothing about wolves before,"_ he reminded me.

My optimism had taken a serious blow. He was right; I shouldn't get my hopes up like that. It hurt to think about coming so close and then having all my hope dashed. The shadow of the dark cloud began to crowd into my brain again. I slumped lower against the couch. He peeked out from under his arm, lifting his glasses to look at me. I avoided his gaze and started at the embroidered pattern on the small, uncomfortable sofa. I ran my fingers over the design. Lucas sighed and sat up, picking my feet up off the floor and placing them on his lap and began to unbuckle the straps on my sandals.

"And what's more," he continued, "I didn't want you to feel like we were pushing you to leave. We love you, and want you around. We're just not exactly sure what's best for you." He hesitated, seemingly to concentrate on the task of taking off my shoes but I saw through it. He could have done something like that could have been done in fractions of a second. He was stalling because he was uncomfortable talking to me like this. Our relationship wasn't a serious one; he was more like an annoying older brother than a father to me, although I think they saw me that way, as someone they had to take care of. "We weren't' sure whether or not you would prefer to be with your own people over us, if you would be happier there." I could hear the pain in his voice as he spoke. I was quick to comfort him. I hated seeing him this way.

"I haven't even met these people and you're already so sure I'd leave with them? What kind of person do you think I am?" I asked incredulously. "Surely you know me better than that. Even if you _tried_ to leave me, I'd track you down," I joked, kicking at him a little with my foot. He flinched. I rolled my eyes at him. He always pretended that I hurt him when I hit at him.

He spoke quickly now. "You know I can't leave you. I promised you a long time ago that I'd look after you, and I intend to keep that promise. There's no way we'd bring you out there, interest you in something else, and then abandon you along the highway like some kind of unwanted puppy." He wrinkled up his nose at his own metaphor. I was surprised to see how upset he was over this. He was talking about them leaving me, but the pain in his voice sounded like he was afraid I was leaving him.

"I know you would never do that," I promised. He leaned forward on the sofa and put his head in his hands. "No really, I would never think you capable of something like that. I know you better than anybody else does, besides Yohannah. Don't worry about what I'm thinking of you, I know you were only trying to help me, and I really appreciate it. I just hate being kept in the dark like this. If you would have told me earlier, you would have saved yourself a lot of worry," I chided.

"You are just too good to me, Meri." He said softly and then he lifted his head a little and turned to smile at me. "You're welcome to stay with us as long as you want, you know? I would never leave you like that."

"I know," I insisted. We smiled at each other over the expanse of the couch. The moment lasted about a minute before it started to feel uncomfortable. I cleared my throat to break the tension. "Weren't you supposed to make me lunch?" I asked.

He let out a short laugh and headed to the kitchen to start cooking. The tension I was feeling because of being kept in the dark had fled from my mind and the anxiety about me leaving was gone so our conversations flowed smoothly. The rest of the day flowed smoothly between us. We talked about meaningless things for most of the day, and in the silence I thought about our meeting tomorrow morning, steeling myself for the disappointment I was sure to feel if it all turned out to be a dead end. The more I thought about the events that brought us here the more convinced I was that there wasn't any way that this could be Orson's people. His people would never side with The Cold Ones in a fight.


	13. Chapter 13: Anxiety

**Anxiety**

Eventually I was able to squeeze out of Lucas that he was my designated babysitter for the trip. If I would have thought about it, I would have figured it out sooner considering he hadn't left my side the entire time we've been here. We watched lame movies on his laptop and ate on the curry and brownies all day. The motel room didn't' seem like such a prison anymore now that we had talked through everything that had been bothering us.

We stayed up until 3am waiting for Yohannah to come back and all the time Lucas was trying to convince me to sleep. He sat sideways on the opposite side of the couch to me, trying to get me to sleep. He would yawn loudly during quiet parts of the movies, laying there with his eyes half closed, commenting on the movie in a monotone voice that seemed way too slurred for it not to be some trick. Even though I knew that there was absolutely no way that a vampire could be tired, I found myself falling for him, drifting closer and closer to sleep. I drifted in and out of sleep on the couch, waking up during random points of the movie and inserting lame commentary just to prove to Lucas that I was awake and watching the movie, even though I wasn't. He would just smile and nod slightly, his eyes still half closed. He sat on the couch with me all night, pretending to be sleeping for the most part, except to get up and change the movies with exaggerated clumsiness when I ordered him to.

I fought sleep as much as I could at night. My dreams were so vivid, and while the mood had lightened considerably since our talk this afternoon I was still worried about what was to come tomorrow: our meeting with Jacob Black, the man who would tell us more. After the third movie, Lucas refused to put another one in. Instead we laid there on the couch together while he sang quietly in the dark. He was about half way through his third song, Desperado, when sleep finally overtook me.

My dreams that night continued from the place they left off last, but they weren't as vivid as they had been last time. This time I could feel myself dreaming, I was there in the moment of the dream, but also aware that I was also lying on the couch with Lucas, safe in our motel room. Although the girl in my dreams had no fear of the wolves, the body on the sofa shook in fear like the trees touched by the wild wind in the dream.

--

_I stood over the body of the small broken girl. The wind was whipping into a fury around the clearing. The wolves huddled closer to each other but did not leave the spirits side. The man-bear stood apart from all of them watching with curious eyes. I could feel every emotion emanating around me. The wolves were filled with wonder, reverence almost but they also feared for each other's safety with the bear being so close to them, and it was the fear that made them beautiful. The fear was there because of the love that passed between them. They desperately wanted to keep each other safe. The bear was filled with wonder, and confusion, but there was also sadness. The sadness that permeated every piece of his being made him seem as fragile looking as the small body under my hands. I felt protective of him even though he was larger than anything I had seen before and could obviously handle himself. _

_All at once the animals turned and looked to the west. I turned my eyes in that direction as well, but while I could see nothing through the blurry shapes of the trees, I could feel the disturbance in the forest as sure as the animals could hear it. Something didn't belong here. Whatever it was, it pulled for me. I stretched out my perception to include the rapidly approaching threat. What I saw surprised me._

_There were men coming forward. I had nearly forgotten what I had been running from before I was attacked. The men were coming to take me back. Their appearance is what shocked me the most. It was obvious that they were the same kind of creatures, but some of them were absolutely hideous. The leaders especially, the edges of their body were as sharp as the others, but there was a different quality to it. The sharpness looked dangerous, like the sharpness of a knife. The emotions rolling off of them disconcerted me. The strongest emotion of them all was greed; it tainted every part of them that was beautiful. There were other emotions: lust, superiority, anger. It twisted their beings into abominations. They didn't belong here or anywhere. Along with them were others, not beautiful likes the wolves or the bear, but not nearly so dangerous. The emotions in them were fear and worry but it was obvious they followed the ugly ones. They would need to be dealt with as well, one way or another._

_I was back with the wolves in an instant. __**Take care of them**__, I ordered. The wolves took off immediately. The man-bear almost moved to follow but I stopped him by holding my hand out. __**Don't let them find the girl**__, I told him. The bear was confused, and the sadness in him burned. I was sure that he understood me, but he hesitated. He seemed to want to tell me something, but had no way of communicating with me. Frustration started to flow from its body. I heard its emotions perfectly clear, but I couldn't understand what it was trying to tell me. __**Please**__.____He grabbed the body tenderly in his snout by its nightgown and wrapped one of its front paws around its trailing legs. It ran as fast as it could with its package in its mouth to the North. I desperately wanted to follow him, but I knew I would be able to find him soon enough._

_The wolves circled the hunting party. I watched with grim satisfaction that the wolves would not go hungry after all. The wind stopped as suddenly as it had picked up and in the quiet I contemplated. As the wolves prepared to attack the hunting party I speculated what it made me to be so eager to see these men die. As evil as they were, one should not be so eager to watch someone die. Surely, not all of them deserved this. I was among the hunters within a moment. They had begun to notice the wolves' presence. Fear began to permeate their being, giving me further strength for what I was about to do. The fear was beautiful, just as it had been with the wolves. The younger men became almost breathtakingly beautiful, as their drive forward was halted by their fear. The ugly tainted men felt fear as well, but their ugliness was so deep into their core that nothing, not even the fear they felt, could make them beautiful._

_The wolves crouched in the woods around the hunting party. Just eight men, it wouldn't be too hard. A few of them stepped out of the cover of the ferns to watch me as I passed through the ranks of men. I gestured to the ugly ones and in no uncertain terms told the wolves that they were not to survive. When I passed the younger, more fearful men the wolves tensed waiting for my orders. __**These are allowed to return**__, I told them. I traveled towards the smallest of the men, who seemed to burst with all the fear he felt. Some of the men whispered at him to run, but he was unwilling. His drive to protect was too strong. I felt like smiling at the beautiful creature in front of me. __**Take special care that this one stays unharmed**__, I ordered and then turned back towards the bear-who-is-not-a-bear. I would not stay to watch them die. I feared that I would enjoy it too much._

--

I woke on the couch just a few hours later shaken to my core. Lucas had given up his pretense of being asleep some time during the night, he sat on the floor in front of the couch now, leaning toward me, running his fingers through my hair. Our faces were less than six inches apart. His red eyes were fraught with worry. "Are you alright?" he asked. I nodded mutely and avoided his gaze. I pulled my legs up toward my body and wrapped my arms around them to keep them there. My fingers tightly clasped each other in an attempt to keep them from shaking so bad. I could feel the cold sweat on my face as I turned my head away from Lucas to lean it against the back of the couch. "Meri its okay, you're safe. What happened?"

I swallowed hard and forced my mouth to curve around the words I needed to say. "Bad dream. Give me a few minutes." He let his hands drop and I concentrated on my breathing. It wasn't so much the dream that had me shaken, but the way I felt about the people. Even now I didn't regret ordering them killed. _What kind of person did that make me?_ Even harder to accept was the feeling that this dream wasn't just a figment of my tortured imagination. This really happened. Long ago, in another life, this happened. I had ordered men killed and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

I began to feel bile rise in my throat. I shot up off the couch and headed towards the bathroom. "Give me a minute," I ordered Lucas as he rose to follow me. I shut the door behind me and locked it in one fluid motion. I leaned over the commode and tried to control my breathing.

My mind had done a pretty good job of protecting itself over the years. There were times where my sanity was in question after my attempts to compartmentalize all the pieces of my existence that I couldn't find the strength to deal with. There was pain at first, my life felt shattered, but then just numbness. I knew my time with Orson to be the best five years of my life, but I never allowed myself to think about that time. I didn't want to forget, but the memories were too hard to remember. The pain I felt when I thought about them was enough to break me, I had to keep it separate at any cost.

The feelings of hate towards the two people who loved me the most whenever I thought about his death were overwhelming. They weren't there, Lucas wasn't even alive when Orson had died, but I couldn't help but seethe in hatred towards them. Towards the Cold Ones who took my Orson away from me. Unthinking, I stripped the clothes off my body and stepped into the shower. The water was freezing, but I felt too numb to care.

I'd be forced to face all of it soon. If I did find Orson's people, I would have to tell them how he died. I owed Orson that much, to tell his family how he had lived in those last years, to tell them how he had died. It was something I never wanted to think about, but if I was going to learn any more about my Orson, I would have to give up that much at least. I can't expect them to just see me, this tiny pale thing, following around the Cold Ones like I belonged with them and expect them to tell me anything at all.

The heat of the water was beginning to sting, so I reached to adjust the temperature. Already down on the floor of the half bath half shower, I sank to the floor and faced my back to the spray. I sat in the water, unmoving for a long time. I tried not to think about what was going to happen today when we finally met this Jacob Black. I tried to think about the least I had to tell him for him to believe my story and give me the information that I needed. I didn't want to open up too many old wounds.

I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. The towels the motel provided for us were so small I had to put two of them on to keep myself from feeling completely naked as I walked out to talk to Lucas. He was leaning against the wall across from the bathroom already dressed for the day in a pair of blue jeans and a chocolate colored shirt that would have exactly matched his eyes, the way they were when we had first met. His brow was creased with worry. He stepped across from me and put his hands on my shoulders gently. I began to shiver. "Cold," I reminded him. He dropped his hands. "Give me a minute."

I went into the bedroom and began to dig through my clothes. I pulled on a pair of black leggings and black camisole, wrapped a towel around my hair and headed out to try to explain things to Lucas. Once again he was standing by the wall waiting for me. Before I had a chance to speak, he put his hands on my shoulders again. "Meri, if you don't want to do this we won't. We can leave at any time, no matter how little or long you want to stay," he promised.

Obviously he had attributed my little panic attack this morning to anxiety over the meeting. I couldn't stop the meeting now, not after coming so close. Even though I had convinced myself that this was not Orson's tribe, I couldn't come this far from home and then not meet with them. I had come too far to stop now, even if Lucas felt differently. I tried to calm him. "No, it's not about that. I just had a bad dream."

"You're anxious," he pointed out.

"Yes, but I still want to talk with Mr. Black. The dream had nothing to do with that," I lied. The dream had everything to do with the reason I needed to talk to Jacob Black.

"What was your dream about," he asked, trying to sound nonchalant as he took his hands off my shoulders and plopped himself down on the couch lazily. Lucas was just too good at seeming human. I hesitated, really not wanting to talk about it. "Then it was about today," he accused, assuming from my silence that he was right.

"No, it's just that…it's just that it was a freaky dream. I dreamed about being chased, and killing the people chasing me. It was…" I struggled to find the right word, "disturbing."

Lucas cocked his head to the side and wrinkled his brow in confusion. Just then the door opened, Yohannah walked through, not bothering to shake the rain off of her. "They're here," she breathed excitedly, hurrying to change her clothes. Once again she didn't bother with privacy while she undressed. I averted my eyes toward the couch while she dug through her suitcase. Lucas was ignoring her for once, watching me. I walked back into the bedroom to finish getting dressed. I pulled a black and white toile de jouy dress over the leggings I was already wearing. I didn't bother drying my hair, knowing that with the way it was raining outside, it wouldn't make much of a difference. I twisted my light brown hair into a bun behind my head. When I went back into the living room Lucas and Yohannah were standing together, he was whispering something into her ear in a quick voice that I was unable to decipher. Yohannah looked worried. "Are you going to be alright, Meri?" she asked.

"I'm fine, I just had another bad dream," I insisted. "Lets go." I grabbed my purse and headed toward the RV before I had a chance to change my mind.

"Wait," Yohannah called out. "I borrowed one of their cars."

"Really, where?" Lucas asked his interest piqued.

"Red convertible," she told us, pointing toward the beautiful machine parked directly in front of the motel room.

"No way," I gasped. I didn't know much about cars, but this one was gorgeous. "Can I drive?" I asked, suddenly interested. It would take my focus off of the upcoming meeting, and keep me from overanalyzing everything before I got there. I hoped that not thinking about it would keep me from stressing about it.

"No," Lucas laughed. "This car is worth more than you are. You'll never be able to find the turnoff anyway. Let us drive."

"Oh come on, just until we're out of town? You can't drive fast in town anyway. Please Yohannah?" I begged. I was sure the only reason Lucas didn't want me to drive was because he wanted to do the driving himself, Yohannah would be more reasonable.

"Umm," she hesitated. "No, I think you'd better let us drive. It is an expensive car."

I slid into the back seat of the car in defeat and turned on my iPod to keep myself occupied. Lucas took it from me and connected it to the radio of the car, in just a few seconds Flogging Molly was blaring loudly over the speakers. I reached over into the front seat and turned the volume up a few notches. I could feel the base shaking the windows as "Drunken Lullabies" played loudly on the speakers. Lucas and I sung along with it as loud as we dared. The noise was enough to clear my head the entire way to the Cullen's house where we would finally meet with Jacob Black.


	14. Chapter 14: Mr Black

**Mr. Black**

The ride over was quicker than I expected. As the car pulled up to the house the song Seven Deadly Sins was blaring loudly in the speakers. I pretended not to notice the tightening of my stomach as Lucas stopped the car. The butterflies that filled them when we left the motel room now felt more like a swarm of bees. Yohannah walked with me up the steps with her arm around my back. Lucas walked ahead of us continuing to sing the second verse of the song that had just been cut off. It was his way of cheering me up, I was sure. It wasn't exactly working. My legs seemed heavier beneath me. I was sure that if Yohannah wasn't holding my hand, I wouldn't be able to lift my feet to follow.

Yohannah sniffed loudly. "You know you two smell like pot and curry?" Lucas laughed, but I was too nervous to see the humor in it. My lack of humor had her worried about me. "You ready?" she asked me. I nodded mutely, as my stomach cramped up, as if the imaginary bees had started to sting. Yohannah squeezed my hand and promised that she wouldn't leave my side. I was glad that Yohannah was by my side and not Lucas. I always felt safer with Yohannah. We were on the top step when the front door swung open sending my already pounding heart into frenzy. The doctor was standing there smiling his movie star smile.

I took a deep breath and stepped into their living room. Carlisle and Esme were there, as well as another couple who I assumed to be Edward and Bella. I could hear voices upstairs talking loudly to each other, they seemed excited. I assumed that everyone was upstairs playing with the little one, although I couldn't hear her voice. I looked around the room for this Jacob Black that we were supposed to meet, but there was nobody but the vampires there. My heart started to slow a little. Maybe I wouldn't have to face this now.

Carlisle welcomed us warmly, introducing us to Edward and Bella. "And I am pleased to finally introduce to you our dear friend, Jacob Black," he continued. My heart began to race again as I looked around the room. I looked up at Yohannah and she gestured towards the stairs. A man was walking slowly down. My stomach tightened again as he traveled down. I was surprised to see him wearing blue jeans and sneakers. With all this talk of about Mr. Black I expected him to be a much more imposing figure. In my mind I saw a very intimidating man in a dark suit. He seemed to leap lightly down the stairs, very informal. He seemed comfortable here. That was almost enough to make me write him off as not being able to know my Orson. Orson would have never been so comfortable around vampires. But then I looked up at Mr. Black's face.

"Kiss me dead," I murmured as recognition hit me. It was as if I was seeing Orson again for the first time in nearly 100 years. He walked down the stairs to meet me. Yohannah still had her arm around me, but she pushed me forward a little. I stepped forward a step but then stopped. This meeting was absolutely surreal. The resemblance was uncanny. They had the same strait nose, the long black hair, the very color of his skin screamed that it was my Orson. Of course, Orson's hair was graying, and his face was creased with age. This man in front of me was obviously younger. He couldn't have been more than twenty-five or thirty years old.

I gasped as he came to a stop in front of me. I marveled at his height. I remembered Orson being tall, but I always assumed he seemed so tall because I was only ten years old at the time we met. I didn't think anybody really was this tall. He made me feel like a child again standing next to him.

Lucas's teasing voice rang in my head. _"Wow, I didn't think anybody smelled worse than you, Meri,"_ he spoke silently. I let out a short breath of air in a laugh, realizing that I had been holding my breath. I looked at the ground in embarrassment. I was very glad that Lucas hadn't decided to say that out loud. I breathed in as I looked back up to Mr. Black's face. I froze half way up as the smell entered my nose. _Oh God_, I thought as I breathed in the familiar musty smell of Orson. It was something I could never forget in a million years. It was the smell of the forest floor after a rain, the smell of home. I took an unconscious step forward, still holding onto Yohannah's hand and looked up again at Mr. Black's face, not knowing exactly what I was searching for. _God, this was surreal_.

He cleared his throat. "Um, hi. You must be Meri." I took a step away from him. The voice was wrong. It was nothing at all like Orson's gravely voice. It seemed so strange coming from the mouth of this person who was so much like Orson but so much _not_ like Orson.

I berated myself for being so surprised. I knew this wasn't Orson, it couldn't be. I should have known he would have had a different voice. "Um yeah," I finally answered. "You must be Mr. Black." I held out my hand in greeting.

"Jacob," he corrected and reached out to shake my offered hand. His touch sent a wave of panic over me. His skin was so hot that I felt like he was about to spontaneously combust.

"Shit!" I shouted as I pulled my hand away from his and backed up into Yohannah's waiting arms. She wrapped her cold arms around my shoulders while I stood there staring wide eyed at Jacob. It was something I had completely forgotten about Orson. How ridiculously hot he was all the time. It was a quality about him that saved my life more than once, how could I have forgotten about it?

Then a realization hit me. This man was young. Very young. Even considering that our kind didn't age like normal humans, Orson was physically older than this man. They couldn't have been alive at the same time. There was no way that the man in front of me had any connection with Orson. I began to feel angry.

"Just how old _are_ you," I demanded. He stared down at me wide eyed with an incredulous look on his face. Apparently I had offended him.

"Excuse me? Just how high are you?" If he looked offended before, he looked downright angry now._ Orson had never looked at me that way_, I reminded myself, giving him a dirty look. _Who was he to be looking at me like that?_

"Piss off!"

"There seems to be some kind of misunderstanding," a calm voice said to my right. I turned to see Edward walking between us slowly. I gave him a dirty look. "Why don't you tell him why you're here, Meri," Edward prodded. I continued to glare at Edward. He should already know this. We told them everything, more than we should have actually.

_What _were_ we doing here?_ My family has brought me here to meet with this man in hopes of finding something out about Orson, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. But then again, it is proof that he exists. No one alive now would remember Orson, but the very existence of these shape shifters proves to me that he could exist. That Orson _did_ exist somewhere other than in my mind. Although the chances of the man standing in front of me knew absolutely anything of Orson _personally_ were slim he was absolute proof that I wasn't completely crazy. Orson's people did exist. Our people did exist.

"We're here to find out more about the shape shifters. More about you, I guess."

"Why?" he asked.

"I guess…." _What did I need from him?_ "I guess I had to know if it was true. That there were still more of you in the world. I thought the last one of your people had died over a century ago."

"_What?" he demanded. I had caught him off balance "The last one…" his voice trailed off at the end. He seemed confused._

"Orson." I was starting to get frustrated. I came here for answers and he was doing all the asking. I needed to get this part over with so I could ask him what I needed to know.

I let out a deep sigh and glanced around the room at the six vampires eyeing me suspiciously. Even Lucas and Yohannah seemed anxious. It made me uncomfortable talking about all this in front of them. They'd think I was crazy.

"Why don't the two of you take a walk," Edward suggested. He startled me and I whipped my head around to face him at the sound of his voice.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Yohannah whispered soothingly into my ear, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I wasn't looking forward to being alone with this strange man. He was so much like Orson that every small difference screamed at me that something was wrong.

"No, its okay," I assured her. "I think it might be better." Jacob's brows were furrowed casting a dark shadow over his eyes. He gestured with his chin towards the front door. I turned towards Yohannah and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back," I told her as she released me from her arms. I walked behind Jacob to the front door, wondering where we would be going.

Lucas held his arm out to stop me. "Are you sure?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you," I promised, and then ducked under his arm following Jacob across the large lawn. He walked into the trees, but I stopped in the clearing. He turned to look at me, seemingly confused. "I think it would be better if we stayed within sight of the house while we talk," I explained as I stood facing the house with my back against a tall elm. He just nodded.

"Start talking," he commanded. I was getting more and more frustrated with Jacob Black as time went on. I shifted my weight from one foot to another. Of coarse I couldn't really blame him. If I looked at it from his point of view, I was being a bit cryptic. Here I was, coming to see him in _his_ home and demanding answers from _him_. Maybe I wasn't being fair. I should tell him something, although I had no idea where to start. I thought back to the prompt that Edward had given me. "Tell him why you're here," he had told me. That seemed like a good enough starting point, _if_ I left out the part about Lucas and Yohannah keeping me in the dark about it until yesterday morning. I couldn't see how that would go over very well.

"We came here looking for shape shifters," I stated plainly, figuring he already knew that. "I've been searching for you for a long time, Jacob Black. It wasn't until a few months ago until we got a good lead. We heard about what happened with the Volturi, and came to see for ourselves if it was true." He seemed to be about to say something but I cut him off. If I stopped talking now, I didn't have any idea how to start again.

"You see, a long time ago, when I was a little girl, I knew a shape shifter. He pulled me from a very bad place." I shuttered when I thought of the wolf ripping at my shoulder. "You look just like him. My Orson, I mean. Not _exactly_ like you though. He was a lot older than you, but you look so much the same, that it's hard to look at you. Same color skin, the dark black hair, the way you pull your eyebrows together and it darkens your whole face. His body burned hot like your hand does. And he was tall; I had assumed that I misjudged how tall he was because I was only ten when we met, but then I saw you. Apparently it wasn't just me. Its like he's risen from the dead. God, you even smell the same." I took a steadying breath, trying to reorient myself in the present.

"When Orson died, I started searching for his people. I thought he would have wanted that. Although he hadn't seen them in years, he still belonged to them. He told me that himself. I had to tell somebody about the last years of his life, about the way that he had died. So I set off to look for them regardless of the fact here were no clues to go on, his people lived in secret for a reason. At first I did it only for him, not really wanting anything to do with the people that we had both left years before, but as years passed on, I just wanted to talk to somebody about him. I had grown tired of pretending to be normal, that he didn't exist. I was just so lonely." The cold air seemed to blow strait through my body. I pulled both of my arms in front of me, crossing them over my heart, trying keep myself in the moment. I didn't want to go back into the dark place that I lived in all those years after Orson had died.

"I loved Orson very much," I told him, "and when he died, a part of me died as well. I've had to go on without him for a very long time. I started to believe I was crazy. Sure, not dying seemed to be evidence enough, but to live for so long alone, watching everyone you love age and die around you, it was enough to drive anyone mad. There had to be some kind of purpose to it. My life had purpose when he was in it. Finding our people has been my purpose."

I took a deep breath steadying my nerves. This was the hard part. "So are you a shape shifter, Jacob Black?"

"Yes," he answered simply, without pause.

"But you didn't know him," I stated more than asked.

"What was his name again?"

My heart began to beat faster, _maybe he did_. "Llewellyn. Or Lou. He asked _me_ to call him Orson, but I don't think it was his real name."

"Why don't you think that was his real name?"

"He would get this weird grin on his face when I would call him Orson, and also, the name Orson just means bear."

"What does that have to do with anything? Lots of names mean something else," he pointed out to me.

"Yeah but that's what Orson _was_. A bear. A very, very big bear."

This bit of information seemed to shock him. "A bear? He shifted into a _bear_?"

His shock proved my worst fear. "You didn't know him."

"No, I've never heard of anything about someone shifting into a bear," he told me, not quite looking at me. He still seemed to be in shock. I knew the feeling. My breathing picked up and sped beyond my control to slow it. My knees felt weak under me. I stumbled back a little bit into the tree I was standing in front of and slid to the ground. I leaned forward with arms wrapped around my knees.

"Are you alright?" Lucas' voice rang clear in my mind. He sounded worried.

"I'm okay. I'm okay," I whispered to both of them.

At this Jacob Black turned to look at me. "No you're not," he told me and sat in the grass next to me. Awkwardly he put his hand on my shoulder and patted me. Lucas would pat me like that all the time, but with Lucas it was always condescending. Jacob Black seemed to be trying to be comforting, even if he was failing at it.

"No, I'm okay, really," I lied. "It's just a lot to take in right now," I told him as I wiped the tears out of my eyes with the heels of my hands. He sat there next to me and nodded, lost in his own thoughts.

"I don't even know what to say to you, I admitted. All these years I've been searching for you, I had in my mind what I was going to say to Orson's family when I found them, and here I sit and I don't know what to say. I wanted to tell you all about him, about how he took care of me all those years and how he died with honor defending me. And here I sit and you don't even know him. Why would you care how he died?"

Jacob's hot hand on my forearm surprised me. I looked up to see him looking into my eyes. "I may not have known him, but I will listen to your story." His offer had seemed genuine enough. He looked so much like Orson at that moment, his kind eyes, the way he touched my arm so gently, the heat of his body sitting next to mine, the way his long hair hung over his face. I knew it would be painful to talk to him about it, but I couldn't find the courage to tell him no. I nodded mutely.

From the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the house. Lucas was out on the front porch pacing impatiently back and forth. "_I'm fine_," I mouthed to him from across the field.

"_You don't look fine_," he told me plainly, his tone seemed irritated.

"_Leave me alone_," I communicated back to him. _Just what I need: an audience_, I thought sarcastically. I turned back to Jacob Black. "Lets go," I told him, standing up and turning my back to Lucas. I took Jacob by the hand and headed deeper into the woods surrounding the house.


	15. Chapter 15: Into The Woods

**Into the Woods**

Jacob Black's hand felt like it was going to catch fire as I pulled him into the forest. I let it go soon after we were in cover of the trees, but continued to jog a bit further into the forest.

"Where are we going?" he asked me.

"Just out of eyesight," I told him. "Lucas was watching from the house, I'd rather not have an audience."

We jogged a little further into the woods. He easily kept pace with me, in fact, I seemed to slow him down quite a bit. He grabbed my hand again and pulled me to a stop. "This should be far enough," he told me. "They can't see us through the trees, and I don't want to get too far away from the house, you don't seem dressed for the weather," he told me. I looked down at what I was wearing. It was just leggings and the black dress.

"I guess not," I allowed. I stood there trying to think of exactly what I wanted to tell him. "I don't know where to begin. Surely you must have questions for me, don't you?"

"Orson was a bear?" he asked.

"Yes. You're not, are you? The stories we heard said that every last one of you was a wolf. I wondered about that. Why are you all wolves?"

"That's just who are my people are, the way we've always been. We are born like this."

"Orson wasn't born as a bear. He was more like me, he said. He told me that he went on a 'spirit journey' and when he returned to his body a bear had mauled him. He was drifting along without a body for a while until he was able to track down the bear that destroyed his body. He tried to force it out of its body, but he couldn't do anything in the form he was in, so for a while he and the bear shared the body. He didn't want to do it, but the feeling of being without a body is a bit scary. We feel lost." I told him, his eyes widened a little and it looked like he wanted to ask a question, but I ignored this and continued on. "Years later, and I'm not sure how long this was, mind you. He didn't like to talk about it, and the last time I heard the story was well over a century ago. There were hunters in the woods, they shot at the bear. Orson's temper rose and he went to attack the men, he changed into something altogether different. He changed into a dire bear. But when his anger subsided, he was a man again, for the first time in a very long time, but different the man he had been. His body was warmer than before and he healed himself without a thought, faster than he had before. But when his temper rose he would become the man-bear again. After a while he was able to switch between the two at will, without the rage." Recognition crossed his face. He did seem to understand what I was telling him.

"But that's not what you did," I assumed. "You said you were born this way."

"Yes," he reluctantly admitted. "but the legends of our people tell us a very similar story about what happened to the first man who turned into a wolf and it was very similar to what you just told me. I have another question," he admitted. "You said that when you're in your spirit form 'we' feel lost. How exactly do _you_ fit in to all of this?" I watched the way he looked at me. He was obviously comparing his beautiful russet skin to my pale frame. I didn't look like one of them.

"You're wondering how I know all this when I'm obviously whiter than banjo music."

He let out a short laugh. "Yeah, something like that."

I smiled to myself at the fact that he seemed taken aback by my bluntness. "I fit into this the same way Orson does, except when _my_ body was lost, I found another one." I flinched at the memory and immediately willed myself to forget exactly how I "found" another body. Acid rose in my throat and my face flushed with embarrassment. It took me a minute to raise my eyes to look at his face again. He was staring at me wide eyed. He looked horrified. I dropped my gaze again. I was shocked that I had said so much. Not even Lucas or Yohannah knew that much. I berated myself internally for being so open with this complete stranger. The way he looked so much like Orson made me want to trust him like I trusted Orson, and that was wrong. I took a deep breath but my voice caught. I tried to get a better hold of myself. I looked off towards the nearby river and blinked furiously, trying to clear my eyes of the tears of shame flooding them.

Lucas' thoughts ran through my head again. "_You still alive out there, Meri_?" he asked me.

"_Of course_," I told him silently.

"_Are you going to come in soon? Its cold out there_." I was sure he was only using the cold as an excuse to get me back into the house, but he was right, there was an icy bite to the wind. When reminded of the cold, I shivered and rubbed my hands against my bare arms.

"Cold?" Jacob asked me.

"More than you know," I told him.

"You should head back to the house."

"You're not coming?" I asked him, surprised.

"No, I need to talk to Sam."

"Sam?"

"Sam leads the other pack; he'll want to know who you are and what you're doing here."

Chills ran down my spine. "Other _pack_?"

"Yes there are two packs in our tribe. There are a lot of us. Sam has been leading them while I've been away…"

He said something else but I didn't quite hear him. "Wolf packs," I said to myself as I repressed a shiver. I thought back at the time I had met Orson, when he saved me from the wolves.

"You coming inside," Yohannah's voice asked me.

"Yeah we're heading back to the house now," I told her out loud. Jacob looked at me funny. "Yohannah is worried about me being in the cold," I explained to him.

He still looked confused and then understanding crossed his features. "You can communicate with them telepathically?" he murmured. I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear it or not, but I nodded anyway. "Carlisle had told me that, but it's still strange to think…" his voice trailed off.

"They're old friends," I explained, but he still didn't seem to understand. "Can't you communicate with your family?" I asked.

"With my pack, I can."

"Well, they're my pack," I told him, amused by his confusion.

"_Meri, where are you?"_ Lucas asked me, he seemed worried but his tone had an icy edge to it. He sounded angry.

"We're coming, don't get your panties all in a wad," I scolded him. Jacob laughed. "They're worried about why I'm not back yet," I explained. "I should get going." I looked up at my unfamiliar surroundings. "Which way is the house?" I asked.

He let out a little laugh. He pointed to the East. "That way."

"I guess I'll leave you to your errand. Will you be back soon?"

"I'll be right back, I just need to get a message to Sam," he told me as he started off in the opposite direction I was heading. I saw him slipping out of his jacket and shoes as he walked into the trees. I wondered idly why he wore so much clothes. Orson never wore shoes or a jacket. He didn't wear much at all if he could help it. Of coarse we didn't deal with civilization very much either.

The walk back seemed a bit longer than it did on the way over. I was starting to get suspicious that Jacob Black pointed me in the wrong direction. A song from one of my favorite musicals started playing in my head. Little red riding hood was heading to grandmothers house but the wolf was trying to convince her to stop and pick wildflowers so he could get to her grandmother before she could.

"Hello, little girl,  
What's your rush?  
You're missing all the flowers.  
The sun won't set for hours,  
Take your time."

A chill rolled down my spine. I was just about to call for Yohannah to come and find me when a voice from behind me startled me. "Back," it said loudly. I gasped and swung around. Jacob was standing just a couple feet behind me. I hadn't heard him approach at all.

"Crap, don't do that. You scared me."

He laughed. "Sorry," he said coming to walk beside me. He steered me a little to the left. Apparently, I had wandered off a little from the direction he told me to go.

"Yeah, I don't do a lot of adventuring," I admitted.

He laughed again. "You call this adventuring?" We stepped between two bushes and saw that we were standing at the edge of the clearing already.

"Oh," I grumbled, blushing again. "Yeah, they don't let me out much," I teased. His eyebrows crunched together in the middle and his eyelids drooped, he seemed a bit annoyed. "That was a joke," I told him, rolling my eyes and walking towards the back of the house.

"_Where _are_ you Meri?"_ Yohannah's voice asked me, she seemed annoyed.

I sighed heavily. "I'm right here," I yelled in annoyance, loud enough for her to hear my actual voice from the house. Yohannah was at the back door in less than three seconds. Lucas took a bit longer to join her. He probably was walking over. He never let the masquerade drop, even for a second. Not even when he was surrounded by his own kind, apparently. "God, you're annoying," I muttered under my breath at Lucas. "Keep your panties on," I mumbled at Yohannah.

I turned to Jacob again. "I thought you were going to see this Sam person."

"He wasn't around, but I got a message to him. He'll join me in a little bit. Besides, I didn't want you to get lost on the way to the house."

I scoffed. "I was like fifty feet from the clearing. I wasn't going to get lost."

"Sure, sure," he told me. His voice sounded patronizing and a little amused.

I tried to change the subject. "You got dressed awfully quick," I told him.

"Excuse me?" Yohannah and Lucas interrupted at the same time. The doorway was about fifty feet away from us now, they were both standing in the frame with their arms crossed in the exact same position. It would have been funny if it wasn't so annoying.

"Not like _that_ you pervs," I called back at them. "You know what they say about eavesdroppers." I turned toward Jacob. "You know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah," he said with a laugh.

"So what now, Jacob Black?" I asked him.

"Just Jacob," he corrected.

"Just Jacob, then."

"I don't know," he told me, honestly.

"Me either."

Lucas began walking toward us swiftly shrugging out of his jacket. When he got to me, Jacob had fallen a few steps behind me, although I didn't understand why exactly. He was a good foot and a half taller than I was, he could have outpaced me easily. "That was dumb," Lucas scolded as he placed his cold jacket out to me.

"You're dumb," I shot back lamely.

"Your hair is still wet, Meri. You could have caught a cold," he told me as we walked in the doors. He ripped the pins out of my hair to let it dry. It hurt a little as he pulled them out.

"Damn it, Lucas, ow! Calm down." I slipped away from him and headed to Yohannah rubbing at my sore head.

"Lucas, be careful with her," Yohannah scolded, putting an arm around my shoulder and spreading my hair along my back. "Your hair _is_ still wet, Baby. What were you thinking being out there so long?"

"I wasn't out there all that long, and I wasn't that cold," I lied, not really knowing why. It was useless to lie to Yohannah. "Okay I was a little cold, but I'm fine. No harm done. Plus you can't catch a cold from wet hair, its just an old wives tale. You and I both know that the cold is a virus."

"Its still not a good idea," she scolded stepping away from me as I rubbed at my arms through Lucas's thick jacket trying to warm it. Jacob walked right through the kitchen without so much as a goodbye toward me. I heard him upstairs calling towards "Nessie." I assumed that was the name of the little one. He sounded happy to see her, even though we had only been out for half an hour.

"_Who are we waiting for? What did you tell them?_" Lucas demanded in my mind.

I didn't see the point in all the secrecy but I indulged his sense of privacy by responding to him silently. "_I told him everything. We're waiting for the other pack leader, they need to talk._"

"_There's more than one pack?"_ he asked silently.

"Apparently," I answered out loud remembering we weren't the only ones privy to our silent conversation. I pointed my chin towards Edward standing in the doorway, cluing Lucas in. He glanced at Edward and narrowed his eyes.

"You didn't eat breakfast, did you Meri?" Yohannah interrupted.

I thought back on the morning. "No," I reluctantly admitted. "But that's alright, I could afford to miss a meal."

"You should get something warm inside you," Yohannah told me. Lucas seemed about to make a joke but I shot him a warning glance and he stopped, chuckling to himself.

"You're more than welcome to eat something here," Edward offered.

"Oh we couldn't possibly," Yohannah told him.

"Nonsense, I'm an excellent cook and I rarely get to use my skills. What would you like, Meri?" he asked as he headed towards the fridge. I was surprised to see it full of food.

"Uhh," I was speechless.

"How about some eggs and sausage?" he offered.

My stomach turned at the thought of sausage. "Just eggs will be fine," I told him. "We keep pigs. I don't eat sausage unless I have to." I admitted.

He nodded but then his eyes narrowed. "That's right, you are pig farmers."

"Yup," I told him. Just then all three sets of vampire eyes faced the window at the same time. I turned to look but didn't see anything.

"What's out there?" I asked. I hated not having the superior vision the others did.

"I heard a wolf in the distance," Lucas explained. I shivered again. Jacob walked back in the kitchen doors.

"That's my cue to leave. I'll be back in a little while," he told me. "Hey Edward, make me a plate," he called over his shoulder as he threw off his jacket and headed outside. I thought that his jacket would have been warmer than Lucas' jacket.

"Are you still cold," Edward asked. I looked up at him, he seemed about to hand me Jacob's jacket.

"No I'm good," I told him, snuggling into the cold jacket on my shoulders. He set down a plate of fried eggs in front of me. They seemed to be cooked well, I was surprised that a vampire could cook so well. Lucas could bake, but he was terrible at cooking things on the stove, they were always over or under done and the texture was usually too tough. The eggs seemed perfect.

"Cooking Network," Edward admitted with a shrug.

I closed my eyes for a second before I began to eat_. For this and all other blessings, make us truly thankful, Amen._

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. _God, this mind reading thing is getting annoying fast_.


	16. Chapter 16: Wargs

Wargs

**Wargs**

The eggs tasted as good as they looked. Edward was not a bad cook for someone who couldn't eat. Lucas sat by my side as I ate my breakfast in the kitchen. He pretended like he wanted to snatch bites of my food with his hands as I ate. We giggled like little girls when I attempted to defend my breakfast by stabbing at his hands with my fork. Although I was certain that stabbing him would do more damage to the fork than his hand, he pulled his hand back quickly whenever I lunged at it, gasping like he really feared the fork would pierce his stone-hard skin.

About a minute after I was done, Carlisle came into the room and handed me a towel. "I remembered your hair was wet, and you seemed cold," he explained.

"Thank you," I told him quietly, rubbing the towel through my hair. He seemed like a nice guy. I was really starting to feel guilty about the prank I pulled on him in the examining room. "Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday." He seemed confused. "About the screaming," I added.

"Ah," he chuckled.

"I still think its funny," I admitted, blushing as I placed the towel over my shoulders, under my hair. "But it was also rude, and I apologize for doing that to you."

"All is forgiven," he assured me. The silence seemed awkward now. I shifted in my seat. Lucas reached into his pocket and handed me my iPod.

"Music?" he asked. I nodded and put it in. I turned it on and was immediately blasted with loud rock music. I jumped in my chair and frantically reached to lower the volume. Lucas laughed at me. I shot him a dirty look and switched my playlist. I put it on random; the first song coming on was an old Irish drinking song. I leaned back on the back of the chair and closed my eyes, trying to tune out the room I was in. I patted Lucas' shoulder. This was exactly what I needed. "_Thanks,_" I told him silently.

I started singing a long to the next song, "Longneck Bottle" a newer country song, turning it up to full volume as I did so. It was taking forever for Jacob to get back. I was anxious about the reaction that Sam would have to what I had just told Jacob. Jacob seemed to have taken it well. Better than I expected. I was so very thankful that he didn't ask me anything about how I had "found" another body. I wasn't ready to tell that story yet.

I was listening to either the seventh or eighth song "Dixie Chicken," when Lucas's laugh rang loud in my head. "What?" I asked him.

"Whiter than banjo music?" he asked me motioning towards the back door. Jacob Black stood there smiling at me.

"I warned you," I told him as I turned the volume down on my iPod. "That was quick."

"He's going to meet us here in about ten minutes."

My heart sunk. I had just gotten over the anxiety over the last meeting and here I was being pushed towards another. Jacob accepted me quicker than I could have expected, I couldn't expect this Sam to do the same. This was already one of the hardest days I've had to sit through for a long time and it wasn't even noon. This was going to be a long day. I pushed my breakfast plate away from me and laid my head down on the table. With my free hand I turned the volume up on my iPod hoping to drown out the world again. The last few notes of Dixie Chicken played and then there was silence for a few seconds until at full volume the word "TROGDOR" was screaming from the headphones. It made me jump and I frantically fumbled with the volume again, setting it to an acceptable level.

"Jumpy today, are we?" Lucas teased.

"How about I hold your head underwater for a little while, Lucas?" I threatened. It was an empty threat. Even if there was any way I could overpower him and hold his head underwater—the very thought of me being strong enough to hold Lucas down is laughable—he had the natural advantage of not actually needing to breath. This was a warning of another sort, one that he knew well enough. I wasn't in the mood for his teasing, and if he valued my sanity at all, he shouldn't push me any further.

Lucas held his palms outward and then curled his fingers toward himself in two quick motions. _Bring it_, he told me silently.

I was not in the mood. I gave him a dirty look and got up from the table. "I'm going to go sit on the porch and wait."

"Meri, don't be like that, I was just teasing," Lucas called after me as I stormed out of the room. He didn't rise to follow me though. I wrapped Lucas's long jacket around me as I stepped out through the front door. Usually Lucas' lightheartedness kept me grounded, preventing me from taking myself too seriously but today I needed to be serious and his antics were just annoying me. Now I know how Yohannah felt most of the time. I laughed to myself at that, at least. Poor Yohannah, she must have been mortified yesterday. I'd have to make it up to her too. The song switched over to something a little slower, Cake's version of "I Will Survive." I climbed up on the porch railing and started walking along it, with my arms spread out on either side, keeping me balanced. I walked back and forth on the railing unsteadily a couple times while the song played.

In a quiet moment of the song, a voice from behind me said to me, "That's a pretty random playlist." I turned to see Jacob leaning against the door frame, I put my hand on one of the roof supports to keep myself from falling over.

"Yeah, I love the unpredictability of it," I told him quietly, turning down my music. "You never know what's going to come on next."

"Except when it scares you," he teased, referring to my jumpiness in the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, I guess so." I turned the music up as the song "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell began to play. I let go of the support and put my arms to the side using them to keep me balanced as I walked across the railing. I didn't sing along this time. I had a lot on my mind. The other pack would be here soon. I shivered at the thought of them. Why did it have to be wolves? I wasn't too fond of them, considering the history I've had with them. Even the small ones creep me out and soon I would be surrounded by people who can change into horse sized wolves and I would be defenseless. Keeping company with vampires had its advantages, for one thing, there's very little to be afraid of when they're by your side. But these large shape shifters, they could easily kill them both without thought. Even the Volturi stopped their advance when they caught sight of them. They must be absolutely frightening creatures.

I thought back into my mind of the catalog of movies I've seen. I imagined the Warg Riders in The Lord of the Rings. Of course, in the live action movie the wargs looked more like hyenas than wolves. In the cartoon version that came out years before, they had looked more like wolves, like they were supposed to. Wargs were supposed to be hyper intelligent wolves and in all mythology they were supposed to be evil. The Icelandic word for pyromaniac derives from their word for warg. Fitting when one considers they're supposed to be a vampire's natural enemy, and burning seems to be the only way to fully destroy one. They were mounts of dark gods in Norse mythology. And the Proto-Germanic word warg had other meanings as well. All of them implied a certain evil. The name warg means stranger, evil doer, strangler, corpse worrier, outlaw, _kill on sight_. Chills ran down my spine as I thought—not for the first time today—of that day in the clearing. This time, I thought smugly as I thought of Lucas and Yohannah inside, I wasn't nearly so helpless or alone.

Over the blare of the music, Lucas' voice rang clear in my head. "They've come for you."

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest at my sudden panic, a lump rising in my throat as I turned to search the trees. The motion of turning my head toward the forest threw me off balance, but I threw my arms out to correct myself keeping myself from falling. When I raised my head to look across the field my eyes were assaulted from a scene from one of my worst nightmares.

A large black wolf emerged from the forest in front of me and stepped into the clearing. He stood there staring intently at me, studying me. Everything about him looked deadly. His teeth seemed larger than they should be, as large and menacing as knives. His eyes were larger. As they protruded from his face it seemed he saw and understood everything. His nails were longer than they should have been, like claws. I thought about that time over a century ago, how helpless I was, being just a little girl, and how very little has changed in the last one hundred and fifty years. They were still bigger and stronger than I, and held the power to kill me. This time, I did not feel relief over my impending death. No, this time, I had more to lose than my life. Now they had even more power over me, they could kill everyone that I loved.

From the forest beside the ebony wolf the same ashy grey wolf from my nightmares appeared beside the first and stood by its side, to the right and a little behind. It also stared intently at me. I locked eyes with it for a second and then it took a very deliberate step towards me.

"No," I whispered in denial, shaking my head mechanically from side to side. This couldn't be real. From my headphones the words "**RUN AWAY**" rang in my ears, and without thinking, I obeyed. I took an unconscious step backward, forgetting completely that solid ground was a good three feet underneath where I wanted to place my foot. I tried to correct my balance, throwing my arms forward to stop myself, and a sharp, hot pain shot diagonally across my back. How could they hurt me from so far away? Throwing my arms forward put me off balance again, pulling me forward over the porch railing and towards the wet soil underneath me. I felt dizzy and disoriented as I watched the ground rise up to meet me. I braced my arms in front of me to prevent myself from falling prone into the muddy ground. The two quick, sickening snaps that sounded from my right wrist told me it was a mistake, I should have rolled. I glanced up to see how much my mistake has cost me. The ashy grey wolf was running at me from across the clearing impossibly fast. I screamed and braced myself for its attack. The pain from my wrist finally hit me and my arm collapse underneath me under the sudden pain. "**GET AWAY**" the speakers blared at me. I willed myself to obey.

I stood with my back against the porch railing, in the corner between the stairs and the porch. I felt disoriented, everything seemed unreal. I willed myself to look smaller without much hope that it would work but to my surprise the wolf ran right past me and nosed around in the garden where I had just fallen. I watched in horror as its snout disappeared into the thick black haze hovering there. It wasn't until that moment that I realized that my body was still in the spot where it fell. _Dammit, not again._

How does one describe what I saw? Everything was the same, but everything had changed as well. The whole scene was fuzzy, as if everything were made out of smoke and a strong wind would erase it from existence at any moment. Everything had an ultraviolet tinge to it. I saw everything, the individual blades of grass on the ground, the individual grains of earth mixed with the water underneath me. I could see the earthworms digging underneath, several feet down. Although, it would probably be more accurate to say that I knew them, rather than see them. Earthworms were simple creatures, so close to nature that they nearly faded with the rest of the background, but their shapes were still easily distinguishable in the haze. The people in this scene were crystal clear. Their shapes were the only thing that seemed in focus but I didn't just see the people. I really saw them, for who they were, the character of their souls. There was so much information to take in. It was overwhelming and disorienting to the point of being immobilizing.

My spirit body pulled and twisted as it reacted to the emotions coursing through me like the oceans tides reacted to the moon. Frustration sharpened my edges, making the points seem jagged. Fear for my body made my form shimmer back down into its normal shape. Wonder dulled the edges even more and shifted the color of my body more towards yellow than blue.

Time seemed to slow, while I stood there taking in the scene. The body on the ground continued to smolder, even heavier than it did the first time. The body laying there was more alive this time than the last. Another man-wolf jumped from over the railing next to the body. It seemed more like a man than the other, but that soon changed as another creature rushed onto the scene. My instincts screamed that it was dangerous and unnatural. The shape that its soul took only confirmed my suspicions. It was an abomination. The emotions running through it frightened me. The charging creature seethed with negative energy: anger, rage, bitterness, and a possessiveness that bordered on lust. Its body was an unnatural red-orange color, and it seemed to be on fire with all the emotions surging through its body. The hideous thing tore towards my helpless body, and I truly feared for its safety.

Out of the same door came others now, sharp around the edges, dangerous as well, but these creatures were a dazzling gold color. Seeing them did not wrench my body with fear as seeing the red devil. They put themselves in danger—for there was no doubt in my mind that the fiery creature was a danger—to protect the little girl from this creature. I felt so grateful they were there, despite the warnings in my mind saying that these creatures were unnatural as well. They were unnatural but not evil, not like the horror attempting to ooze through their defenses. I felt a shimmer of power in the area around me. I focused my attention in the other direction, toward my body. The second man-wolf had changed. I could still see ripples around his body from where the world was disturbed from his recent form change. There were now two wolves standing over the girl's body. One first was worrying over the body, the other standing to defend it. In the field there were two more, ready to defend both the body and their comrades.

They were absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. They grieved.

"She's not breathing," one of the golden shapes said. Was it Edward? How could he possibly tell that over the snarls and screams coming from the blood red demon creature? The wolves around me howled in grief, the one standing over the body looked almost as if he were about to implode from the sorrow that saturated his being. His soul dimmed. Swiftly one of the golden creatures floated towards the body. The shape shifters tensed, but relaxed. The soul of the grieving one flitted back to life with a small spark of hope. It was hard distinguish between them because they all seemed to feel the same emotions, the same fear, confusion, and defensiveness but the one on the ground hovering over the girl's body seemed filled with more grief tan I ever thought possible, a deep and spiritual sadness. He was beautiful in this way. He was so beautiful in his pain.

The golden creature leaning over the girl's body and said, "Her heart is beating, but its very weak. I don't hear her breathing." It must be Carlisle. She's still smoldering so she must be still alive. Alive enough for me to return anyway but she wouldn't be for long if they let go of that monster.

"What did you do to her?" Lucas's voice accused. My mind reeled. Surely that voice had not come from that _abomination_. It couldn't possibly be Lucas who was so ugly and hate filled and disgusting. _What was he? _His form wriggled and writhed and crept, trying to escape my protectors. He seemed in a fury but focused on a target. I tried to follow his trail of intent. I followed it like a wolf follows a scent through the woods, it wrapped around the wolf that stood guarding the girl lying on the floor. I felt the spiritual equivalent of being dizzy and disoriented.

The wind around me picked up in a sudden fury. **No**, I yelled. If there was anything I could do in my helpless state, I would keep those beautiful creatures safe. The wolves heads all turned in my direction, seeing me for the first time. Their shapes jolted with their shock. A few minutes ago I would have been frightened out of my mind to have these four massive creatures focus their gaze towards me in such a way, but I saw them better now. They were not my enemies, they were my comrades. They were my protectors. I stood from the shadows and moved towards the wolves and the body on the floor. Four sets of shocked eyes focused their attention solely on me. I never shifted my focus from the red creature they were still struggling to keep still. I still thought of it as the red creature. _It couldn't be my Lucas, it couldn't be_. I felt disoriented.

Edwards gaze looked in my direction, but he didn't focus on me. I don't think he saw me, but somehow he knew I was there. How? Oh yes, the mind reader. He saw me through their thoughts. Good. This would make communication much easier. **Don't let that thing near**, I commanded. Edwards eyes widened in shock. Determination flowed through my comrades beside the body. **Keep yourselves safe**, I commanded to the wolves, knowing full well my commands didn't work in truly sentient beings. I hope it conveyed my point, that I needed them to listen to me. They seemed a little offended. I think they were planning to ignore me. They might not care about their safety, but I did, they probably didn't see how dangerous the demon creature was. Carlisle picked the body up off the floor. I followed his intent and it lead upstairs and into a bed. He wanted to get the body out of the mud; it wasn't a bad idea in his mind. As he moved he brushed against me. His soul cut into me like a razor blade. I pulled myself back from him with a scream. The wind picked up to almost hurricane force. **Put her down**, I ordered, forgetting for a moment that he could not hear me.

"No, Carlisle. Put her back down," Edward called out. He was making himself useful. The wind calmed a little, it still whipped through the trees and the hair of everyone around. Confusion flowed through Carlisle's body. "Trust me," Edward pleaded. Carlisle slowly placed the girl's body back down onto the ground.

"What are you doing, mind reader?" the abomination demanded. His fury wrapped around Edward now like a constricting snake.

**Be careful, he wants **_**you**_** now**, I warned Edward. Edward was already stepping back beyond the reach of the creature's claws. I watched as the other golden creatures held the red one down, dropping him to the floor onto his back with his arms spread wide apart. He was as prone as any vampire could be but he was still dangerous.

"Why aren't you helping her?" Yohannah's voice demanded, her voice cracking. I focused on the creature the voice came from. It was a little darker than the others, more amber than gold. She was filled with fear, anger, embarrassment, and something else I couldn't place. Jealousy? What was that about?

"Edward, I can't tell what's wrong with her. I need to get her inside," Carlisle pleaded.

Edwards resolve wavered. I needed this to end but I was afraid to return to my body with such a frightening creature so close. It would be able to rip me to shreds within seconds. I didn't think this standoff would end while they thought the body was dying.

"Please, help her," the red creature pleaded, sadness and helplessness flowed through it, dulling its sharp greedy edges. It still looked dangerous, but I could see my Lucas in there. He was afraid for me, he loved me. That did not make him any less dangerous.

At the moment I was feeling disoriented and alone, I had to end this soon. ** Keep that thing away from me.** I commanded, resolving to re-enter my body. I was _not_ looking forward to the aftermath.


	17. Chapter 17: Disoriented

_AN: Warning: graphic, not for weak of stomach. Much puking, sorry._

**Disoriented**

I stepped toward the girl's body on the floor. _My_ body, I reminded myself. It looked different from the first time I re-entered my body, but it felt the same as it did back then. I stepped into the stickiness of the black smoke. I could feel it pull at me as I lay down in the dirt trying to match the position of the body with the shape of my spirit. Fear distorted me, but I was able to struggle into the shape well enough. The body pulled me inward, helping me slide back into mortality.

I sucked in a ragged breath as pain hit me like a Mack Truck. I had forgotten about pain. My whole body ached. There was a sharp pain in my wrist where I had landed wrong. Worse yet was the pounding in my head. My heart beat in my ears like a bad drum solo. My drummer had no rhythm, my heart stuttered and jumped. I gasped over and over in my body's attempt to get some oxygen into my blood that had been pooling, unaffected by my too weak heartbeat while I was on the floor.

More urgently, I had to vomit. I rolled to my side and heaved the fried eggs I had just eaten into the dirt by my face. Was that really only ten minutes ago? It seemed like a lifetime ago. I threw up again and again, my stomach cramping up into a tight ball every time I vomited. My body was still struggling for oxygen. I coughed hard, and then began to vomit again. I was struggling to breathe through the convulsions and my body was making. Every muscle in my stomach and back constricted with each involuntary shake, making it harder to expand my lungs.

I pinched my eyes open and instantly regretted it. The light was bright and piercing, it felt as if somebody had stabbed me in the cornea with a white hot poker. I slammed my eyelids shut in an instant, but knew that was a dumb idea. I had to see if the threat was anywhere nearby. I opened my eyes again and peeked through the lids, in front of me were three huge wolves. I could feel the heat of another behind me. My heart squeezed painfully in panic for a second before my rational brain could tell me that these were my comrades. They were not going to hurt me. I turned my head around to face the real danger, the red thing. I couldn't see him from my position on the floor but I could see a group of vampires holding him down.

I heard Edward speak but didn't understand what he had said. My focus was intent on the scuffle on the porch. I didn't realize that I was being carried because my head was already spinning. The only thing I was aware of was the sudden cold. My entire body trembled, shaking me to the core. Although I was drenched in sweat, my teeth chattered together loudly. I turned to see who had picked me up and saw that it was the doctor. I became overly conscious of a strong stench that seemed to surround me. It was sickly sweet and it burned at my mouth and nose as if I had just aspirated bleach. I continued to retch loudly, my body oblivious to the fact that my stomach was already completely emptied of its contents. I vomited yellow bile that stung my mouth. I began to feel a little guilty about throwing up all over the nice doctor.

We passed up the steps quickly. Lucas was struggling to get up but was held down securely by five different vampires. I could still see the vague impression of his aura around him, red and spiteful. I shuttered and silently prayed that they would be able to keep him down. As we passed I sucked in a breath to call out for Yohannah but that only caused another burst of hoarse coughing. I reached for her arm but my slippery palms slid off her icy arm. My eyes slammed shut again and I was upstairs in a flash. This disoriented me even more than I was before, the doctor stood over me asking me questions that were both way too loud and impossible to hear over the ringing in my ears and the pounding in my head. I put my finger over my mouth to shush him and then covered my mouth and nose with my hands, hoping to drown out the awful smell in the room.

"Where does it hurt?" the doctor asked. I could barely make out the words as he wrapped his hands around my head and touched at my scull tenderly. I thought he might be checking for a concussion.

"My head," I groaned.

"Where did you hit your head?"

"I didn't, it just hurts," I told him. "I have a migraine."

"I doubt it," he told me. My temper flared.

"I didn't hit my head. I fell and sort of had a panic attack," I insisted, raising my voice and instantly regretting it. My throat burned, I swallowed hard but it only made it worse. The volume of my voice did nothing to help my migraine.

Beyond the pain in my head, I felt a sharper pain in my wrist as the doctor checked it. "Dammit, that hurts," I yelled at him, hurting my throat again. The irritation triggered another fit of coughing, which escalated into dry heaving over the side of the bed. The muscles in my stomach felt like I had just done a thousand push ups with how hard they were constricting every time my body tried to vomit. It was sore all the way around my back and it exasperated the pulled muscle in my back from when I threw my arms forward to stop myself from falling backwards. _A lot of good that did me_, I thought to myself. I would have rolled my eyes if I didn't think it would only make my headache worse.

"_Meri, are you okay? Did they hurt you?"_ Lucas' voice rang in my head. I didn't want to answer him, I wasn't ready to think about what I just saw, but if he was trying to attack Jacob and the others, I had a responsibility to protect them.

"_I was balancing on the railing and fell off, I'm fine. They were just trying to see if I was okay"_ I told him silently, hoping he would not blame Jacob for me falling. It worked.

"_Meri, you're going to be the death of me,"_ he accused. _"What were you thinking?"_ His tirade continued but I blocked him out and tried to concentrate on what the doctor was telling me.

He kept asking me questions about what happened. I had to repeat to him what just happened almost a dozen times before he would believe me. I think he was operating under the assumption that I had a concussion although I kept insisting I didn't hit my head. The doctor and his annoying questions were almost too much to bear despite his calm voice.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" The doctor asked. What a dumb question, I thought. It wasn't until he brought my attention to them that I realized how hard I was squeezing them shut. I struggled to open them, the light of the room burned at my eyes. I snapped them shut again.

"Maybe some other time," I told him only half joking.

"I need to check if your pupils are dilating properly," he told me. "I need your eyes open."

The stubborn part of my brain wanted to yell at him, "you can't make me," but the fog prevented me from talking. Maybe fog is the wrong term. It didn't feel foggy because I could see and think about everything so clearly. The problem was that it was too clear, too precise and every last one of my senses was amplified. Every one of my emotions raged at the same time. It was so much that it immobilized me. All I wanted to do was lay down and wait for this to pass. It _had_ to pass sometime. I can not live like this forever.

The doctor placed one of his cold hands on my forehead, and put down gentle pressure and with his other hand he placed a gentle fingertip over my eyelid and raised my eye. "Shine the light in her eye for me," the doctor said raising my eyelid. There was someone else in the room, I couldn't tell who. Edward, maybe, but I couldn't tell exactly because their aura was clouding it. It was the golden aura that the vampires all had so I knew it was one of them. The little pen light that he flashed in my eyes burned like a white hot poker deep into my brain. I cursed and tried to cover my eyes with my hands but somebody held them down. _Dammit, how many of them were in here? Did they get some kind of sick pleasure out of torturing me like this?_

At one point the mind can not take any more. It puts its hands up and says "I'm done," and retreats from the pain. It refuses to do complicated things like thinking and keeping one's eyes open. I had just reached that point. The sweet blackness of unconsciousness enveloped me.

--

When I woke it was dark and quiet. Then I opened my eyes and it burningly bright and quiet. I was in a different room than I was in before, in this room everything was a gold color from the ceiling to the floor, accented here and there with black. I slammed my eyes shut again and groaned. The pounding in my head was as bad as ever. I could barely hear Lucas ask me if I was awake.

"Yeah," I told him, my mouth tasted sour and my tongue felt thick. I turned toward the sound of his voice, feeling the soreness in my stomach and back. "Ugh, I'd better have abs of steel after this is all over with," I told him as I rubbed my stomach. I heard a woman chuckle. "Yohannah?" I asked.

"Right here, Baby," she assured me. "How are you feeling? You look terrible."

"You always say the sweetest things," I told her. I thought about the question for a minute. "I feel hung over."

"You wish," Lucas teased.

"Yeah, I do. At least then I could get a little 'hair of the dog.'" I cracked my eye open. Although the pain had not got any better, my senses were returning back to normal. It wasn't so overwhelming. I could only see a vague outline of the aura around both of them. Yohannah's aura was an odd amber color, and Lucas's was still that hideous burnt orange. It didn't look so ugly this time though, as it was filled with worry and guilt which softened the edges. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you slipped me a little hair of the dog anyway. I'm pretty thirsty."

"I don't think so," Yohannah scolded. "How about I get you some water instead?"

"Water's fine," I conceded. I was having enough trouble keeping down my stomach without adding alcohol to the mix.

As Yohannah walked out of the room, Carlisle walked in asking me how I was feeling. "I feel like I went one too many rounds with Jose Cuervo." I told him.

Lucas laughed. "Well, you _were_ the life of the party."

"And how does that feel?" he asked me.

I raised an eyebrow at him and then remembered exactly why he wouldn't know what it was like to be hung over. I wondered idly how old this vampire was that he didn't remember what it felt like the night after a long party. I described to him how I felt. "My mouth is dry and I'm very thirsty. I'm nauseous. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing and loud noises and bright lights are _not_ my friends. This is the worst migraine I've ever had." I put my hand over my face and rubbed my temples. My wrist burned angrily in defiance to the movement and I lowered my hand from my face and grabbed my injured wrist gently with the other hand. It seemed swollen.

The doctor took my wrist from my hand, his cold fingers felt good on the wrist until he squeezed it a little. I cursed loudly yanking my wrist out of his hands. To his credit, he did let it go immediately. He could have held on to them being how strong he was, but that would have hurt my wrist more.

"I think it's broken," he told me.

"Then why do you keep touching it?" I shot back accusingly.

"I was just checking," he chuckled softly. "Can't you heal it?" he asked.

I hadn't even thought about that. "Oh," I stated simply not knowing what else to say. I concentrated on my wrist and felt the heat rise up in my body. I began to feel better immediately. The pain in my throat began to go away almost instantly, as well as the soreness in my stomach and back. My wrist was actually the last thing to stop hurting. When the heat began to dissipate, I still was in pain. The headache I had was only getting worse. The smell still lingered in the air. It took me a second to realize where the smell was coming from. It was emanating from the doctor. I should have recognized it right away. The same sickly sweet smell emanated from Lucas and Yohannah. I had thought myself all but desensitized to it by now but the smell seemed stronger than ever. Once again, I fought the urge to retch. I turned away from the poor doctor, not wanting to puke on him again. I gagged a little but didn't actually throw up.

As I recovered from my embarrassment, I noticed that there was someone else in the room. At first I thought it was Jacob but he was wearing something different. When I looked at his face, I noticed the differences between the two of them. They looked enough alike to be brothers, or possibly members of the same pack. I shivered remembering them running at me from across the field, but calmed myself down with the knowledge of what I saw when I was in my spirit form. They weren't going to hurt me. He didn't look dangerous, he looked worried.

"And who is this cowboy sitting beside me?" I asked, continuing with the Jose Cuervo jokes. The next line of the song, "he's awful cute," seemed to apply as well, but I held my tongue. The corners of his mouth curved upwards a little into a weak smile. He had pretty teeth.

Lucas answered, "This one is…Quil?" he told me as if it were a question.

The man shook his head. "Embry, Embry Call," he corrected, putting his hand out to steady me and keep me from falling off the bed. It seemed an oddly intimate gesture for someone that I had just met. I leaned back and away from his hot hand and laid my head back down on the pillow. The door of the room opened, but instead of Yohannah, Jacob Black came in wearing a new pair of clothes, and holding a glass of water for me.

"Why don't you join me downstairs, Lucas?" Carlisle offered clearing out the room. Lucas reluctantly followed, but turned at the door to speak to Jacob one last time before he left.

"Sorry again about earlier," Lucas told him.

"Its fine," Jacob said tersely.

"Yeah Lucas, what was that all about?" I asked. He froze in the doorway and then shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess I panicked," he told me ducking under the doorway and retreating into the hallway after the doctor. If he could blush I'm sure he would have.

"Why don't you join them, Embry," Jacob told him pointedly.

"I'd rather stay here, if you don't mind," he told him. There was something defiant in his tone as he settled down in his chair beside the bed.

"What's all this about?" I asked, shifting my gaze between them.

"Nothing," Jacob told me offhandedly, settling himself onto the edge of the bed by my feet. I noticed another man standing in the doorway of the room. He had the same copper skin and dark hair as the other two. He had a feeling of authority about him. His face seemed longer, older but not by much.

"You must be Sam," I told him, rather than asked. He nodded and then walked in to stand along the wall by the door. The silence that followed was awkward. I made an effort to fill it. "Well, at the very least we're past that awkward 'is she telling the truth' phase of all this," I offered.

Embry chuckled. I was thankful that someone thought I was funny at least. Jacob raised an eyebrow at me and Sam stood against the wall with a blank expression on his face.

I continued, trying to remember what Yohannah had said about how annoying Lucas and I were when we made jokes in serious situations. I couldn't think of any other way to continue though. "Of course, that puts us in the awkward position of knowing a little too much about each other and not exactly knowing what to do with that information." Nobody laughed this time. Yohannah was right. I sighed heavily.

Sam stood up from against the wall. "Your name is America, right?"

"Uh, no. I prefer Meri." I had hoped that Sam would start talking to me, but silence followed my correction. Once again I felt the need to fill it. "I'm guessing you have questions for me." At that moment I felt the tendrils of the intent of everyone in the house wrap around me. Sam started to speak but I cut him off, "You know, everyone is listening," I told him. "Maybe we should continue this somewhere else," I offered and rose to get out of bed.

I realized I wasn't wearing the same clothes I was outside. Good thing too, considering that they were probably covered in mud and vomit. I hoped that Lucas wasn't too attached to his black trench coat that I had probably ruined. Not only was I wearing a different outfit, but it didn't belong to me, and it smelled heavily of vampire. I blushed at the thought of somebody dressing me, with the blush all the other blood seemed to run to my head as I sat up, I was light headed. I put my hands on the bed to steady myself and a pair of strong warm hands touched my shoulders gently.

"Are you alright?" Embry asked, worried again.

"I'm fine, just a little lightheaded." I looked up into his eyes as he stood there in front of me. The way he looked at me made me uncomfortable. I brushed his hands off my shoulders, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

"Maybe our conversation should wait," Sam offered. I nodded my head. It might be a good idea to get my head together before we talked.

"Can I say this at least?" I asked, but didn't bother waiting for an answer. "I'm really glad I'm here. I'm not really worried about my secret being out. In fact, it's a bit of a relief. You've probably never had to live like that, not being able to tell anyone what you were. I had myself convinced I was crazy for a while. It feels good to have someone to talk to, after all these years. To share my burden." I blinked tears out of my eyes. _Oh Lordy, am I crying? I wasn't even upset, this made no sense. How lame am I? _

Sam, for the first time since he walked in the room, seemed to show a little emotion. It wasn't one I liked though. It looked like he pitied me a bit.

When he spoke, his words were comforting. "I know exactly how that feels, Meri. I'm glad that you've found your way back to us," he told me. A sense of belonging warmed my soul as he said it. "Nobody has seen anyone like you in a very long time. I'm looking forward to hearing your story, and sharing ours with you as well."

"I'm looking forward to learning more about you as well," I told him, standing fully for the first time. My knees felt week underneath me and I lost my balance but Embry caught me. "I'm fine, just give me a minute."

Jacob gave Embry a pointed look and he stepped back and let me right myself.

"There is going to be a bonfire tonight at the reservation. It's also sort of a tribal meeting, I'd really like you to be there, we can continue our conversation," Sam told me.

"I'll be there," I assured him, and he walked towards me and took my hand.

"Its so good to meet you, Meri." He held on to my hand for a few seconds more and then turned around to leave. It felt like I had known him forever. All of them, really. It felt as if I had come home.


	18. Chapter 18: Bodyguard

**Bodyguard**

I was able to get myself down stairs on my own for the most part. Embry walked in front of me down the stairs and caught me twice on the way down. What were they thinking putting me on the third floor? As we came down into the living room I saw Yohannah on the sofa.

"_It looks like I picked up a bodyguard,"_ I mouthed at her. She looked up at me and winked.

"_At least he's cute,"_ she told me. I didn't disagree.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, I insisted that I no longer needed an escort. "I'm more than capable of walking across a flat surface without falling on my face. I think I'm safe," I told him. I thought about how stupid I would look if I actually did trip after saying that and was extra careful walking over to the kitchen. Jacob, Sam, and Embry walked outside to talk in private.

Lucas was already in the kitchen baking something that smelled absolutely heavenly.

"Cinnamon rolls?" I guessed.

"I didn't think you'd be in the mood for more eggs," he explained.

"I think I'm sworn off all breakfast food for good," I told him. He laughed.

"So you passed out twice in two days. You really _are_ becoming a girl," he teased, although it seemed he was forcing it.

"This time was different," I told him quietly. He flinched and then nodded slowly, paying more attention to the oven than necessary. I must have really freaked him out. I cleared my throat and tried to break up the tension. It was starting to feel like a full time job.

"So who got the show?" I asked gesturing at my new outfit. He laughed, and it made me blush.

"I did," Yohannah called out from the living room. I felt a sense of relief flush over me. The way Lucas laughed made me uncomfortable. "And I want a refund," she added. I couldn't help but laugh. Several other laughs joined mine. I think one belonged to the giant man who ran into our shopping cart. Emmett, I think his name was. At least someone had a sense of humor.

"You liked it," I teased. "So cinnamon rolls, eh?" I asked Lucas.

"It was the only thing they really had the ingredients for."

"I could handle some cinnamon rolls. I think. I'm still feeling a little queasy."

"I'd offer you something to help that, but I've already been lectured about your gratuitous drug use," Lucas told me, flashing me a smile and a wink.

I figured as much. "Am I banned?"

"You're banned," he confirmed with a smile and pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven without bothering with an oven mitt. He put one on a plate, handed me a fork and walked over to the table, pulling out a chair for me. I settled into the chair he pulled out for me and began to dissect the huge cinnamon roll. "So what's this I hear about a bonfire?" Lucas asked.

"Looks like we're having a bonfire," I told him stating the obvious. His aura distorted a little, it got sharper along the edges, but not nearly to the extent it was outside. I felt his intent wrap around me like a cold snake.

"Alone?" he asked.

"Of coarse not, the guys will be coming with me." I jerked my head back indicating the living room and winked at him.

"You think that's a good idea?" The tone in his voice suggested that he didn't.

"You think I would do it, if I didn't think it was a good idea?"

"You do lots of things you don't think are a good idea," he insisted. I thought about it for a minute and he was right. I remembered the last time that I had done something that I didn't think was a good idea. I lied to some dockworkers about what was on our ship and got caught. Lucas and Yohannah took care of the problem soon after, but I had gotten myself into a lot of trouble.

"Maybe I _have_ done things that I didn't think were good ideas. But if you would look back, most of those were _your_ ideas and I only did them because you talked me into it," I accused.

"Touché," he said thoughtfully. "But you're still not feeling yourself, you can barely eat."

"I'll be fine," I assured him. I _knew_ he was going to raise a fuss about this.

"I don't think it's such a good idea," he told me.

"Why am I not surprised?" Yohannah asked coming into the kitchen with us. Lucas rolled his eyes at her but she lit into him. "What Meri does is her business. I thought you and I had an unspoken agreement not to meddle with her affairs." She told him, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I never said anything of the sort," he challenged.

"That's why they call it an _unspoken_ agreement, Moron." The stood across the room from each other with their arms crossed in front of them in a standoff. I took another bite of cinnamon roll. It took me a minute to formulate an intelligent response to the conflict but while I did it they both stood there staring each other down.

"It's a moot point anyway," I told them breaking up the argument. They both stopped to look down at me. "I don't really need your permission. Do I, Lucas?"

"I wasn't granting or denying you permission, Meri. I was just offering my opinion, which I wish you would take into consideration."

"I heard you," I told him curtly. He rolled his eyes at me.

Afterwards the air between us was a bit tense, but he didn't object to me going anymore. I was thankful for that at least. Lucas had brought up the RV while I was knocked out upstairs. Apparently, I had been out of it for almost three hours. I changed out of the ridiculous clothes that I had been changed into. They were much too nice for a bonfire. I changed into a pair of denim leggings and an extra large crimson Harvard sweater that hung half way down my thighs.

"Hey isn't that mine?" Lucas asked me as I checked my make up one last time before I left.

"Yeah," I admitted, "but it looks better on me."

"Of course it looks better on you, you have boobs. It's still my sweater."

"Are you going to take it back?" I asked, raising one eyebrow at him.

"Tempting, but no. It already smells like mushroom farm. I don't really _want_ it back now," he teased. I ignored him and walked out the front door just as Embry was headed up the steps. He was dressed a little nicer than earlier, wearing blue jeans a charcoal grey sweater.

"Aren't you at least going to kiss me goodbye?" Lucas asked. I stopped and sighed heavily. It was bad luck to walk out without saying goodbye, and even worse to leave Lucas without a kiss.

I turned around and walked to Yohannah first. She bent her head down compliantly. I licked my lips before planting a kiss on her forehead. Saliva was supposed to keep the devil away. I had learned that from a gypsy friend of mine, Jacinta, and it had become habit to give them some protection before I left them. It seemed stupid to be so superstitious, but you never know which ones are true. That was one of Jacinta's tricks, she never told you which superstitions were true. This was one that I didn't mind believing in, a little kiss goodbye wouldn't hurt.

I walked over to Lucas next. He puckered his lips in a manner that would have been funny if it wasn't for the uncomfortable look on the faces of everyone watching. I kissed my fingers and then planted them on his forehead, right on his 6th chakra. I rubbed it in a little. "Be good," I warned him. "Good luck can only go so far."

I turned back for the door. "Goodbye, love you guys."

"Love you too," Lucas and Yohannah said in unison. I almost laughed when I saw the look on Embry's face as we walked out the door. He seemed confused and a little disgusted. "Bad luck to leave without saying your goodbyes," I explained to him.

"You don't really believe in that, do you?" he asked skeptically, a teasing tone in his voice.

"Of coarse I do," I told him smugly.

Embry held the car door open for me. _"He likes you,"_ Yohannah's voice told me as I got into the car. I rolled my eyes and then blushed. I hoped that Embry didn't think that I was rolling my eyes at him opening the door for me.

"Where are we going?" I asked Embry.

"To the beach," he said with a smile. He had pretty teeth.

We talked all the way to the beach. He supplied most of the conversation, talking about his mom and the store she ran, and about life in La Push. Apparently there was nothing to do, just like every other small town in America. I indulged him with a few stories about how "real parties" can be incredible boring and a few embarrassing moments. He asked about what I did and I gave him the basics to being a pig farmer, or at least being a pig farmer's assistant.

"He didn't really want you to come tonight, did he?" he asked, suddenly serious.

"Not really. He can get a little overprotective sometimes," I defended him. I thought he was acting ridiculous but it would be rude to talk about him without him around to hear. "He gets really defensive when he thinks that something might be dangerous."

"It isn't dangerous," Embry assured me. "I would never let anything happen to you." He looked at me right in the eyes when he said it. His eyes seemed so serious, as if he were trying to convey something important to me.

"I know that, he just worries. He does stupid things when he's worried, but he won't interfere"

"You seem so certain. How do you know?"

"There was this one time I got the stomach flu really bad. I hadn't eaten anything in days, but they didn't want to take me to the hospital because they would want to take blood samples and it would probably raise too many questions." He nodded a little but his eyebrows were creased in the middle. He seemed confused at the turn of the conversation. "SO Lucas went out to go get some medicine for me, but while he was gone, Yohannah wondered out loud why I couldn't heal myself from the stomach flu, and stupid me, didn't even think to try to heal myself. So I used a force of will and I was able to heal myself, just before Lucas came in the door. He was holding a bag from the drug store and a huge back from McDonalds. Before I could even tell him that I was feeling better he gets all serious on me and he tells me, that he wants me to feel better but that I was never going to feel better if I didn't eat anything. I agreed with him whole heartedly because by this time I was feeling fit as a fiddle and hungry as hell," I laughed. We had parked on a small street. Near the ocean, I could see the bon fire in the distance, but neither one of us made a move to get out of the car when he turned off the engine. He just sat across from me and listened to my story with the windows open. The sun had already set and so it was hard to see him in the dark, but I could see him watching me with his head tilted to the side and I thought I saw a small smile on his face.

"So he tells me that he knows that I'm not feeling well so he got me a bunch of cheeseburgers from McDonalds because they were my favorite and he promised me—he didn't tell me, he promised me—that he would eat as much as I did bite for bite, and if it came down to it he would go and throw up with me too."

"That's…nice. In a really gross kind of way," Embry commented. I laughed.

"I know, right? I was thinking the same thing, so just to mess with him, I acted like I was still sick. I told him 'Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I could eat much,' and rubbed my stomach like I was still sick. I knew that regardless of whether or not I had to throw up, that he was going to have to go and throw it up later, because he couldn't digest it. I was going to get him back for all the teasing. So I sat at the table and I took a few slow bites from my cheeseburger and he did the same. You could tell how disgusting he thought it was."

Embry chuckled a little under his breath as I continued. I was really starting to like Embry. He was easy to talk to, and he seemed to have the same sense of humor as I did.

"So we sat there and I tried to keep up the pretense that I didn't want to eat anything, but I was just so hungry, I started just wolfing these little cheeseburgers down. He catches on pretty quick, but I tell him that he promised he would eat as much as I did, so he said 'fine' and he watches me eat. But I just got over the stomach flu so my stomach was like the size of my fist and didn't feel like eating all that much. He matches me exactly and just like he promised, bite for bite, he ate as much as I did. I was starting to get uncomfortable, but I knew that he would have to eat as much as I did so I kept eating. I was determined to make him throw up. So around my fifth cheeseburger, even he was looking like he wasn't feeling all that well. I wasn't feeling too well myself, but I could just feel that I was _so_ close to breaking him."

There was a knock on the door frame behind me, it scared me and I jumped. "Are you planning on joining us?" Jacob asked, eyeing Embry. I hadn't even heard him walk up.

"Of course," Embry told him. "But she's in the middle of telling me a story."

"Maybe you should share it with the rest of the class," Jacob mocked.

"We're coming," I complained. I unbuckled my seatbelt and Jacob opened the door for me. Embry hurried around to my side of the car and I continued my story. "So anyway we both finish cheeseburger number eight, and neither one of us looking very good at all, I feel like I'm about to throw up, but I know that he's just right there at the limit, so I pick up cheeseburger number nine and start biting into it and he goes to do the same but he stops. I take another bite of my cheeseburger and I blink, and he is _gone_. Now I know you don't know Lucas very well, but he almost never lets it slip that he's anything more than human. Even when we're alone he still keeps it up for _years_ at a time. It actually scared me to see him gone like that because I wasn't expecting it. Two second later though I could hear him in the bathroom, worshiping the porcelain god, Ralph." I made the universal throwing up sound.

Jacob and Embry both laughed, and I couldn't help it but laugh myself. "I would have laughed at him then, if it didn't make me feel so sick. I had just spent the last three days worshiping the same deity and I had just eaten way more than my limit, I felt just as bad. Unfortunately, I didn't have the super human speed that he did. I did _not_ make it to the bathroom, I made it to the door of the bathroom and he opened it coming back out to admit defeat, and I just threw up all over him. I couldn't help it," I told them, laughing so hard that tears were coming out of my mouth.

"I learned my lesson. As a result, I haven't eaten a McDonald's cheeseburger since. Lucas learned his lesson too I think. Lucas is still overprotective, but he doesn't go overboard like he used to." I concluded as we walked up to the bonfire together. The smell of smoke and musk rose up to meet me. It wasn't unpleasant, it reminded me of the days when Orson and I would camp out together.

"Hey Jacob, did you finally get the cowboy from his car?" someone asked. Embry kicked some dirt at him, everyone laughed.

I glanced at all the faces in the circle. They all looked similar, the same hard jaw lines, beautiful russet skin. They all looked to be related. Most of them seemed about the same age, about twenty five if I had to guess, but there were a few younger. One of side of the fire there were people who seemed like they could be tribal elders. A woman and a man sitting on a log next to each other and a man in a wheel chair next to them. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the man in the wheel chair.

He looked like a smaller, more fragile version of Orson. They seemed like the same person. I stood there frozen staring at him a moment. I blinked tears from my eyes. God, this was hard.

"What's wrong?" Embry asked me.

"Who's that man in the wheelchair?" I whispered.

"That's my dad, Billy," Jacob answered.

I nodded, remembering how much I thought that Jacob looked like Orson when I first met him. "I see the resemblance," I told Jacob.

"Are you okay?" Embry asked me.

"I'm fine. I just got the strangest feeling of deja-vous," I lied and I made myself stop staring and tried to notice what else was going on around the bonfire. I was introduced to everyone in the circle and was handed a stick to roast hot dogs with. Everyone seemed really friendly and after a few minutes I began to feel at ease with them again. It felt good to be able to lounge around the fire with friends. I felt comfortable here, especially with Embry by my side, he seemed like a pretty decent guy. He kept the conversation going.

Everyone kept calling him Cowboy though. I knew there had to be some kind of story behind it so I asked him.

"Uh, actually it's a pretty recent nickname," he told me nervously.

"Where did it come from?"

"Uh, well…" he hesitated, and the men around the circle snickered and laughed.

"Tell me," I said, nudging his arm. He hung his head a little and I thought I saw him blushing in the light from the fire. "Jacob will tell me," I told him, and turned to Jacob expectantly. This had to be a good story if it got Embry blushing like that.

"You started it," he told me.

"Me?" I was confused. "How did I start it?"

"When you woke up this afternoon, you called him a cowboy."

Now it was my turn to blush. "I didn't mean to call _him_ a cowboy. I was just making a joke about feeling hung over."

"I don't get it," Jacob admitted.

"You know, like that song, Jose Cuervo. Lucas was quoting it when he said that I was the life of the party."

"I've never heard that song before," he laughed.

"Oh come on." I started to sing the lyrics. "Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine, I like to drink you with a little salt and lime…" I stopped when nobody seemed to recognize the song. "No?"

"No. What does it have to do with cowboys?" Jacob asked.

"You know, the second verse." I started singing it nervously, not sure if it was going to make the teasing any better or if it would only make it worse. I decided to sing it anyway, at the very least it would clear things up. "Now wait a minute, things don't seem too familiar, but who is this cowboy laying beside me. He's awful cute, how did I get his shirt on…" My voice trailed off at the sudden teasing whooping from around the circle. Yeah, that only made it worse. I buried my head in my hands to cover the blushing. I groaned in embarrassment.

"I remember that song," a woman offered. I looked up to see Sue, one of the elders, agreeing with me. "Came out in the 80's didn't it?"

"Yeah, I've heard that song before" Orson's voice agreed. I shifted my gaze to where the voice came from. It was the man in the wheel chair. I stood there staring at him. How could this man look so much and sound so much like Orson. It was obvious from the size of him that he wasn't the same person but the resemblance was uncanny. They have to be related somehow. This had to be his tribe.

I must have been staring because it was Billy Black's voice that interrupted my train of thought. "Is there something wrong?" He asked.

"Uh, no." I hesitated. "It's just that you remind me of someone I used to know." I told him.

"Why don't you tell us about him," he said and everyone else in the circle went quiet. All attention focused on me.

I cleared my throat. "I guess that's what I'm here for."

_--_

_AN: Sorry about the length, I had a hard time getting my words out._

_And you know, a review or two would help keep me motivated to write the next chapter. nudge_


	19. Chapter 19: Orson

_AN: The story she's telling has already been discussed. Chapter 6 details the first time she took her spirit form. Chapter 13 has her encounter with the hunting party._

_And sorry _Kyoshi_, I had appointments I couldn't miss on both Thursday and Friday, and the weekend was…interesting. I was unable to write like I really wanted to. Thank you again for your review. It's what's keeping me going._

**Orson**

"Don't everybody stare all at once," I chuckled nervously, scanning the faces watching me intently. A few people chuckled. Good at least they have a little bit of a sense of humor.

"You'll have to forgive me if I'm not a very good storyteller." I continued. "This is a story I've never told before, maybe bits and pieces here and there, but never in full. Never out loud anyway. I've thought about it often, but I didn't think I'd ever have the chance to tell it." _Okay, I'm rambling now. Get to the point, Meri._

"I guess I should start from the beginning. I was born in the State of Deseret, which is modern day Utah. I don't know the exact year, but I think it was around the time it officially became a US territory, which you know, explains why my parents named me America." I gave a bitter smile.

I didn't meet Orson until I was around eleven years old. I'm assuming sometime around the 1860s. It was right before the Civil War. I lived with my Uncle's family until I was ten, and then I was sent to live with my future husband." I ignored the incredulous looks from several of the people in the circle. "I know it sounds odd, but it was only for a couple years, and it wasn't all that uncommon back then. They called it a 'pre-marriage placement'." I shivered thinking about how premarital it got. "Needless to say, I didn't like it there, and so I ran away."

"I left at night so I would have a head start before they came looking for me. I ran up a stream to try to lose their trail, but it was early spring and very, very cold. I did that for as long as I could stand it and then I began to run uphill towards the rocks hoping that if they were somehow able to follow my trial through the river that I would lose them over the rocks. I got about half way there when I heard someone following me but by that time the cold from the river had gotten to me and I could barely walk, let alone run. I was pretty quickly surrounded."

I looked up to Sam, who I assumed was the black wolf. "This may explain why I freaked out back there. Instead of being the men I thought were following me, it turned out to be a pack of wolves. Right in front of me a black wolf slowly crept forward, and beside him an ashy grey wolf," I said gesturing towards Embry who just blinked at me. "They attacked. The black one leaped onto my arm and another was on my back, bit at my head and tore my ear to ribbons. There was no way to defend myself and I had resigned myself that I was going to die there—alone in the woods—until all at once they stopped. I looked up to see this, gigantic bear. I had really no point to reference the size of it back then, but it was the size of a minivan. As crazy as it sounds, I was pretty happy to see the bear there. I figured it would be a quicker death," I said. Beside me, Embry flinched.

I continued to tell them about that first night in the woods. The silence around the campfire was so acute that in comparison the roar of the campfire seemed deafening. I could remember everything that happened while in my spirit form with perfect clarity, and I gave them every little detail that I could put words to. It got hard when I began to talk to them about what happened in the clearing. I debated whether to tell them exactly what happened. I described to them in detail the distortion of the hunters, and the goodness of the others. "I made sure the younger boys, the ones who did not look to be dangerous got away," I told them, but mentioned nothing of my orders to the wolves to kill the others.

"I didn't say and watch. I went to find the bear and the body. It wasn't hard to track them. The body almost pulled me toward it. The bear led me to a cave not far away. I assume he heard the scuffle from here. The cave wasn't like a normal cave. It looked more like a cabin. The bear dropped the body onto a makeshift bed and then turned and looked at me. It seemed anxious, and I knew it was trying to tell me something but I couldn't understand what. Then his body started shifting, from being on all fours to a standing position. I could hardly see the actual transformation because his aura blocked it. His spirit was larger than his human body, so it blocked my view of seeing what the man looked like. The man dropped on his knees in front of the little girl's body." I stopped myself. "Sorry, I mean my body. But honestly, I don't really think of it that way when I'm in my spirit form. Orson hated it when I called spoke of my body as if it didn't belong to me."

I pulled my oversized sweater over my knees as I sat on the bench. I closed my eyes trying to visualize exactly what had happened next.

"So this man stood beside my body. He looked hurt. Not physically, but he looked like he was in a lot of emotional pain. He started speaking in what I thought was gibberish. Turns out I just didn't understand the language he was speaking. I never did learn much of it. After a few minutes he began to speak Spanish. I understood very little of what he was actually saying. I tried to ask him, but he couldn't hear me anymore. I tried to piece together what he was saying with the very little Spanish that I knew. I thought I heard him calling for God to return. I thought he was praying. I watched him stand kneel over the body and cry out to God. Eventually he stopped talking in coherent sentences. He was just repeating, 'no, please no," over and over again. Then he started speaking in broken English. I could tell that he wasn't fluent at all." I tried to imitate his tone. "He said 'please come back, its not late. Come back to small girl.'"

"I realized then that he wasn't praying. He was talking to me. He was telling me to return to my body. I didn't even know that I could but I tried. I walked over to the broken body. When I had first noticed it in the field it was emanating this dark black smoke. It looked like it was on fire, but as time passed the smoke grew thin and it was hardly there. I think that means that I was running out of time. I can't enter a body that isn't smoking like that," I explained.

"Now that I knew that I could, I was anxious to get back to my body. Being away from it is disorienting. Everything comes at you at once, and it doesn't seem to be natural to be floating around like that. I stepped into the body and instantly regretted it. I hadn't felt any pain when I was just a spirit, but it all came rushing back to me, and I burned red hot, it felt like my body was on fire as the blood returned to my nearly frost bitten limbs. The blood seemed to run hotter than it should be, like boiling water through my veins but I still shook from the cold. Besides that, I felt nauseous, and out of breath. I threw up and I gasped for air, my heart stuttered in irregular rhythms. I had never felt worse in my entire life, but I didn't feel like I was dying like I had while in the clearing. He kept repeating 'thank you, thank you.' I watched my body heal the bite marks on my arm, but as soon as everything was healed back to normal, I passed out. It happens like that every time," I told them. I didn't look up from the fire to see their reactions. Besides my voice, the fire was the only thing that was making noise.

"I didn't notice the man standing over me, I was in too much pain to, but when I woke up I was laying against his chest. He had sat me up in the bed and had fallen asleep with my head in the crook of his arm. I felt like hell, but I got better soon after. The headache had gone away by the time that he woke up and I had time to think about what I had just seen. The man who was sitting next to me was actually a bear. I was going to run away at first, but I was afraid that if I moved he would wake up. I just laid there and hoped for the best when he woke up. As soon as he opened his eyes he looked at me with shock on his face, and then he started crying. I didn't know what to make of it. He spoke to me quickly in whatever language he had spoke at first, but I didn't understand a word of it. I put my hand to his mouth to stop him. I asked him 'What are you?' and he laughed at me. He told me, in very broken English 'I am your Orson'"

"I don't really think that's his real name though," I said, shrugging.

"Why not?" someone asked, but I didn't look up from the fire to see who.

"The Spanish for bear is 'oro', and I think it's just a take off of that. Also the name Orson itself means bear. Anyway, everyone else called him Llewellyn, although he insisted that I call him Orson.

"After I explained to him why I was running from the people I was running from, he packed up everything he had, which honestly wasn't very much, and we left. It didn't raise much fuss because he didn't' really live around people, I take it he spent most of his time in his bear form. We went to town a lot more often after I came along. He told everyone I was his granddaughter. Apparently, I reminded him of his little sister. He still felt guilty that he left. He didn't tell me why he left, just that he couldn't ever come back."

"It took me a few years to realize that I wasn't growing any older. I was stuck in a ten year old body, which is a lot more trouble than you'd think. Nobody takes you seriously. I couldn't do anything alone, Orson had to do everything for me while we were in town, although I was more than capable of taking care of myself. While my body was only 10 years old, I was a lot more mature than I looked. That was trouble in itself, so I had to fake naivety a lot. It's something that has helped me a lot over the years." I mused for a moment, but then returned to my story. "While Orson was a lot older than I was, he wasn't getting any older either. He said that if I stopped traveling in my spirit form that I would grow older, but I used it to often to ever test the theory. I used it to look ahead of us while we traveled. This was during the civil war and there wasn't much of a police force around. The people who were left behind were usually there because they were trying not to get involved in the draft. You couldn't trust people like that, really. That lasted for only 5 years or so, but it became a habit. Looking ahead didn't hurt us any, besides all the nausea anyway."

"I was in Sunday school one morning, somewhere near Provo. Orson always sent me to church on Sundays. He never went himself but he always sent me. He usually went out hunting on Sunday mornings. There were less people in the woods then, and he felt safer to be in his bear form. He was running late so I played with some children outside of church for a little while, and then suddenly there was this awful smell in the air. It burned my nose, and made me nauseous but nobody else seemed to notice it. I couldn't tell where it was coming from, because I can't exactly track it. The only thing I could tell was that it was stronger over by the hotel. I wanted to check it out further but I wasn't really allowed to go in because there was a bar downstairs. It wasn't proper for a lady to go into a bar and I knew Orson would ring my neck. So I waited for him at the church.

"He was gone for a really long time. I was already starting to panic by the time he got back. He didn't say a word to me when I asked him what took him so long. He just ran up to me and picked me up and carried me away. He never did that because he knew I hated it, but he looked like he was close to panic as well so I didn't protest. He changed back into his bear form as soon as we were away from town and I climbed until his back and we ran back to our camp, getting there just before dark. He changed back, not even bothering to get dressed. He told me to gather everything I could carry, but that we would leave most of everything behind. He helped me pack my things into a pack and we left without an explanation. I was so scared about whatever had happened to him that I forgot to ask him about the smell in town.

"He didn't change back into his human body for nearly a week. We ran all night, slept during the day, mostly in town. We headed south towards the desert. It wasn't until he got there that he changed back for long enough to tell me what was going on. He told me that he had come across a scent in the forest of something that was very dangerous. He followed it back into town. The trail seemed about a day old. I told him about smelling the same thing near the tavern. It wasn't until then that he told me about The Cold Ones. I had heard stories about vampires before, but I never believed they could be real. It explained why we were sleeping during the day while we were on the run. He thought it might follow us. He was right.

"We kept along well populated trails and cities. He said that their kind hid from people during the day, so the more people around, the safer we were. That didn't turn out to be the case. Bad things started happening to towns that we visited. Whole towns disappeared, slaughtered. We kept running. I don't know why the thing followed us. I guess it was curious at first about our scent, but it wouldn't let up, just kept coming. We were able to keep away from it for almost three months down south. But then it started raining. We couldn't travel as fast, and we still had to sleep, and it didn't. So Orson decided it was time to take a final stand against it in the mountains. He hid me behind this waterfall, told me not to come out until he came and got me.

"After a few hours I went looking for him, leaving my body behind. I couldn't find him. That had never happened before. I was gone for maybe two hours, and when I came back that smell was there. The vampire had been there while I was gone. I was so afraid that I would get trapped without my body that I didn't leave again. I waited there for two days, not wanting to leave. I think I didn't want to admit that there was a pretty good chance that he hadn't survived. I tried to track him, but my sense of smell isn't nearly as good as his was. I couldn't find his trail. I could follow the vampires trail though, the stench was so bad there was no way I could miss it. I followed it in the wrong direction though, back to town. I knew Orson wouldn't have brought him to town so I followed it the other way."

My eyes and throat began to burn. This time I couldn't really blame it on the campfire. I tried to push through and tell the rest of the story that I had waited over a century to tell.

"I found his body less than a mile away from the waterfall. I could almost see the waterfall from where it was. He was dead. He was torn in pieces. But it didn't look like it happened during the fight. It looked more like he was…dissected afterward. There was a lot of blood, and somewhere where there had been a fire. The fire smelled worse than the vampire did. I couldn't make sense of it at the time."

"It was almost a century later that I made any sense of what had happened. I learned of the Volturi from Yohannah, and it seems to fit. There were a lot of killings behind us, and they must have come to take care of it. I don't know exactly how it went down, if Orson killed the vampire and the Volturi killed him, or if the vampire killed Orson and the Volturi sentenced him to death later. I guess it doesn't really matter. It all ended the same." I muttered into the fire. My voice was lower now. I wondered if they had heard the end of the story at all. They all sat around the circle, some watched the flames of the fire others watched my face. I avoided looking at them, instead focusing on the flame.

"I think that's all I have in me to tell tonight, boys," I admitted after a minute of silence that seemed to last forever. I leaned back against the log on the ground, and let out a long breath. The silence only lasted a few seconds before someone broke the silence with an accusation.

"You keep strange company for someone who's life was ruined by a vampire."


	20. Chapter 20: Strange Company

**Strange Company**

My eyes shot across the fire, I could barely see the faces across from it but my eyes could not adjust to the light quick enough to be able to discern who exactly was speaking before his voice was quieted. I did see someone reach out to punch a man in the shoulder. I focused my eyes on the man who had been hit and narrowed my eyes. The man stared right back at me from across the fire.

"I could say the same for you," I shot back. "The only reason I was able to find you was because of your involvement with 'strange company.'"

"Yeah, shut your mouth," Sam commanded at the man across the fire. He turned his head towards me. "You don't have to explain yourself tonight."

I sighed heavily. I knew I'd have to explain myself eventually. I might as well get it all out in the open. "I guess I _do_ have time for one more story," I offered. Sam started to object but I raised my hand to cut him off. "I might as well tell you now, instead of later. It will clear up a few questions. Anyway, this one has a bit of a better ending."

I sat up straighter than I was. I didn't realize how far my posture had sunk while telling Orson's story. "I met Lucas in 1940. He was just a kid—fourteen years old—and at the time, I could pass for the same. We went to the same school together but had never really met until my friends coming out party." There was a nervous chuckle and I got a few incredulous looks from the crowd. "Not like that," I told them rolling my eyes. "This was the 1940's, people. It was a debutant ball. You _do_ know what a debutant ball is, don't you?"

There were a few chuckles from the circle. "So I was partnered up with Lucas 'cause we were about the same age. I didn't know him very well at the time, but we talked a bit that night. At the end of the night he got brave and the brown eyed devil moved his hands a little to low down my back. I knee'd him real hard in his danglies," I said, chuckling at the memory. "After that, the boundaries were pretty clear and we became pretty good friends, as strange as it sounds. His family were farmers, and didn't do too well during the depression, but they were starting to pull themselves out of it. I wasn't in a much better situation financially. I had a little bit of money saved up, but it was running low. That's part of the reason why I was in school. I needed some kind of education to be able to get a job. Which at the time was little more than being a secretary, and even then, it was looked down upon for a woman to have a job. At least until world war two, but I'm getting ahead of myself." I shook my hands in front of me as if to erase what I had just said from the sand.

"So we had the same circle of friends but Lucas and I were some of the younger ones in the group, so a lot of our friends got married, or joined the war effort, until there weren't many people left in the group. Lucas was anxious to join the war, but he was too young at the time, and his dad was pushing him to finish school. A lot of people dropped out back then and it wasn't a big deal. It annoyed the hell out of him that he couldn't just drop out of school and join the army, but he was kind of scared of his dad and did whatever he said, even if he did nothing but complain about how stupid it was, whenever he was out of his dad's earshot anyway. It was a weird relationship.

"Anyway, that's not really important. When he graduated high school he joined the army. We traded letters for a while," I cleared my throat thinking about how desperate his letters were, but it was really none of their business so I left out his proposal while I told the story.

"One day his letters just stopped. A few months after that he was declared missing in action." I took a deep breath, "and I thought that would be the end of the story. I moved away not long after he went MIA. I figured he was dead, a lot of people died in the war. I went traveling, held a few random jobs here and there. It was easier during the war, like I said before, because there weren't enough men to hold down the jobs at home. I didn't stay anywhere for very long. About ten years later, I joined a circus, as cliché as that sounds. It was more of a carnival really. I dyed my hair with indigo and worked the fortune telling booth with my friend Jacinta. She was from an old circus family and they didn't like me very much. They're rather…territorial I guess the word would be. They didn't like outsiders, but so long as I stayed away from the men, they didn't mind me.

"Anyway, I know this sounds really stupid, but Jacinta had a gift for fortune telling. Most of the time she was just making The Marks happy but sometimes she just sort of knew things." I paused, trying to avoid the gaze of my skeptic audience. This was the most ridiculous sounding part of the story.

"Marks?" Embry asked.

"Yeah, you know…um…clients. People who paid her to tell their fortune and bought love potions. Stupid people who fell for what she was selling."

"So occasionally," I continued, "I would ask her questions, and she'd answer me. Most of the time it was just for fun, you know. Well anyway, one day I decided to ask her about Lucas. I wondered if they ever found his body or if he turned up anywhere, because after the war, some of the men who were MIA turned up. Well, I asked her about it and she said that she would sleep on it and let me know if she saw anything. So we went to bed, and this is where it gets weird," I said.

"The next morning I was woken up by her brother Jacopo who had a knife to my throat. He told me to get out, and to never come back. He grabbed all my stuff in a bundle and kicked me out. His family was in charge of the place, so he had the power to do it. He told me to leave him and his family alone and that he didn't want to see my face again. Jacinta comes out and she's yelling at him for treating me like that, but she doesn't say anything about him kicking me out. She hands me this silver dagger, right. Says it's for protection against what I will soon be up against. Real cryptic like. She said it was the only thing that could hurt 'them.' Said to make sure to hit them in the Muladhara—the base chakra—and then she told me to leave. She said that she loves me like a sister but I was going to put them in danger if I didn't leave.

"I'd never seen her freak out like that, and I didn't understand what was wrong with her, but you know, I had been there for seven years already, and I really shouldn't stay anywhere for very long, so I just did what she said. I didn't exactly want to stay where I wasn't wanted anyway."

"So after that, I didn't really have anywhere to go. I hadn't been in school since the 1940s and I sure as hell couldn't pass for a forty year old. I decided to go to college in Southern California. Now this was the 60's so I was with a pretty strange crowd. I grew my head out in dread locks, and I ran around barefoot everywhere. I looked like a savage, but I thought I was just so cool," I told them laughing at myself for how stupid I was back then. "Trust me, in ten years, you're going to look back on how you're dressing now and you're going laugh at yourself."

"Well part of my unkempt appearance was because it was in fashion. Hippies and all that, but part of it was that I really didn't care. I had friends, sure, all potheads like me, and nobody I could really talk to about, well…anything. I couldn't tell anybody about anything in my past without them thinking I was in need of a pretty white coat. Nobody believes in vampires or shape-shifters anymore. This is the age of science. I had to have been crazy to have believes all these stories. I had almost convinced myself of it.

"I started to distance myself from everybody, the dreadlocks and unkempt appearance really helped with that at least. And then one night I went to this small concert at a park, a band called The Golliwogs. Out of nowhere I smell this…stench, and although it had been so long, it wasn't something I would forget. It was a vampire. I panicked, pure and simple. I ran home and locked myself in, even though it really wouldn't have done me any. I wasn't exactly being rational at the time. I couldn't sleep at all, I didn't want to close my eyes, because I knew that it was out there and that _they_ didn't sleep. After a couple days I finally convinced myself that I must have had some kind of hallucination because even if vampires existed, then running away wouldn't have deterred it, I would be dead.

"I had to get to work anyway. I worked at some crappy packing shed, didn't make much money I couldn't afford to miss another day. I just hoped that I didn't lose my job all together. So I went to the diner on the corner before work to fill up on coffee because I hadn't slept since that concert. It was raining and so I couldn't tell if the vampire had followed me home because the rain washed away the scent. I thought I smelt it a little on the way to the diner, but I ignored it. I told myself that if it was going to kill me, it was going to kill me there wasn't much I could do about it either way." I realized that my voice had sunk lower. I was making this sound a lot more ominous than it really should be. I tried to lighten my tone as I continued.

"So I sat down at the counter and was contemplating the universe over a cup of coffee, a real cup of coffee, not any damn latte or anything. Behind my shoulder I hear the door open and the smell of the thing that walked in just assaulted me. I knew at that moment that I was as good as dead. That everyone in that tiny diner was dead. I froze there with the coffee cup to my mouth. I thought about running, but I knew it wouldn't do me much good. So instead, I figure I might as well see what's going to kill me. I never did see the vampire that killed Orson. I had only heard stories. They were cold, pale, and their eyes were the color of blood. So I turned around in my chair to look the thing in the eye and instead of seeing some faceless monster, there stood Lucas."

I chuckled a little. "As brave as I had planned to be, that one threw me for a loop. I gasped just like they do in the movies, but I still had the coffee cup to my lips and I inhaled a lung full of scalding hot coffee. I started choking on it and he ran over to me and caught me as I fell forward off the barstool. He felt like he was some kind of moving ice sculpture he was so cold. I was going to cut and run but I could hardly breathe. Hell, I needed him to help me up on the barstool. My mind just spun, finally when I caught my breath I belted out the great opening line of 'Lucas?'"

"He responded right back, 'America?' and at that moment I knew it was him. I was only fairly sure that it was him before because while he looked the same, everything seemed different too, but nobody knew my name was America. I had told everyone my name was Erica at the time. I hadn't used my full name since the 1940's, because as time went on the name America was even weirder than it was when my mom named me.

"We sat there next to each other not really looking at one another. I couldn't believe the situation that I was in, sitting next to a vampire who knew me so well. He turned his coffee cup over and the waitress came to fill it. We just sat there drinking our coffee for almost half an hour. Well I was drinking my coffee and he was pretending to take sips of it. We didn't say a word to each other, we just sat side by side on the bar stools in silence until he finally spoke. He said 'You haven't changed at all.'" I shook my head, thinking about how casual he had tried to make it sound.

"Being how ridiculous the situation was I tried to make a joke about it. I told him that I always thought that I was more put together back then. He looked at me and my dread locks but didn't say anything. He must have thought I had gone crazy. I was used to it, everyone thought I was crazy, even myself. I watched him pretend to drink his coffee for a little more before I had the courage to point out the obvious. 'You've changed,' I told him. He tilted his head to the side and scrunched his eyebrows together like he didn't know what I was talking about. Finally, I just out and said, 'I know what you are, Lucas.'"

I scoffed, "He didn't react at all, not like I thought he would. I thought he would have killed me, once I outed him, but he didn't, sat there, not drinking his coffee, and nodded. 'But what are you?' he asked me. I didn't really have an answer for him. I told him I was late for work and I got up to walk out. He paid for both our coffees and he followed me out the door. I didn't see him follow me but I was sure that he was. When I got to work, sure enough I had been replaced already. They told me to go home so I walked back home. I got about half way there when he started to walk beside me. He was talking to me like there was nothing at all wrong with it."

"'That was quick,' he told me. I told him that I got fired and he made some joke about that maybe it was because I wasn't dressed in proper business attire. It was just like him, the way I remembered him, making stupid jokes when it wasn't really appropriate. He still does that crap, all time. We both do, actually. It drives Yohannah crazy," I said laughing.

"So the comment got my ire up, it was his damn fault that I got fired and I told him so. I said 'I got fired because I haven't been to work in three days. I had the strangest feeling that I was being stalked by a vampire.' I practically spit it at him. He flinched a little when I said the word vampire, but he didn't say anything, he just walked with me through the rain, holding out an umbrella to keep me dry. As insane as it sounds, I felt kind of bad about what I said. I fell into my old routine with talking to Lucas. I made a joke out of it. I said, 'I know you promised to watch over me, but I doubt this is what either of us had in mind," and I just kept walking. A second later the rain was falling down on my face and I realized he stopped following me. I turned back to look at him and his eyes were as wide as saucers. Of everything that I had told him that day, that's what he reacted to.

"I felt bad about that too, but decided that I had conversed enough with mythological creatures for the day and I walked the rest of the way home alone. I didn't bother trying to see if he followed me. I really hoped he didn't. I didn't see him for another couple months, but I could tell he was still around, I could smell him in places where I went to occasionally. It was weird. I wasn't able to find another job. Another drawback to looking so creepy, they just thought I was another pothead, and honestly they weren't too far off. I got kicked out of my crappy apartment. I sold everything I could to get some money, but I didn't have anything worth having. I had about fifty bucks on me. It didn't last long. I slept on the street, under bridges, that kind of thing. It went on for about month. I could still smell vampire in the air, especially right after I woke up. But I was winter which is California's rainy season and it wasn't dry for long. That first night it rained is when he came back to me. He woke me up in the middle of the night after I had fallen asleep under a tree at a park. Told me I was being stupid, and he wasn't going to let me sleep under a tree, got all chivalrous on me.

"He dragged me back to his apartment where he was staying with Yohannah. We walked in and he told her 'this is my friend America that I've been telling you about, she's going to be staying here with us for a while,' and they got in an argument with each other, talking faster and quieter than I could follow, but by that point I had reached my limit for crazy. I sat down on the couch and fell asleep.

"When I woke up the next morning I was almost giddy. I'll admit it, things were just too crazy but beneath it all, I knew now without a doubt that there were vampires, and that Lucas was a link not only to the past that we had together in the 40s but now because of what he was. It proved that I wasn't crazy—although at the time I was a little crazy—but at least I wasn't imagining Orson's existence. It proved that he existed, because vampires did exist. Science didn't know everything."

I hesitated, not knowing exactly how to explain how I felt then or why exactly I was. "OK, I'll admit I was more than a little crazy. But in all honestly, I was already headed down that way anyway. I stuck around with Lucas because although everything else in the world had changed, he hadn't. Not in any real way anyway. He was still the stupid boy that I had met almost thirty years earlier. And he was someone I didn't have to lie to. With everyone else, I kept to myself, didn't mention anything that would make me crazy or expose my secret, but with Lucas I could be honest." I sighed.

"Lucas convinced me to stay, he's always had a way with words, makes it hard to say no to him. Yohannah came around eventually. She was _pissed_ that he brought me home like a lost puppy, but eventually we got along. They were about to buy a pig farm somewhere in the San Joaquin Valley and I proved to be pretty useful. After they cut my hair and convinced me to wear shoes," I added with a laugh.

"I thought you lived in Boston," Embry said, speaking for the first time. It surprised me, so far the council meeting had been more of a monologue.

"Well we move around a lot, so people don't really notice us not getting older."

"We took care of each other. I was their straight man, dealing with the business contacts, that kind of thing, got business taken care of, and they gave me a place to live, a place to call home for a while. It had been so long since I had allowed myself the luxury of a good friend, it felt nice."

"And they know everything about you?" Sam asked.

"Um, well not exactly. They just know what they needed to know, what I needed to tell them. I told them about Orson, and they know I'm not like him. They obviously know that I can communicate telepathically, and they know that I don't age, but they don't know why. They don't know about my spirit form or anything related to that." I had to fight back a yawn. I looked at my watch. It was getting late.

"Is there anything else you would like to ask me?" I prodded. I was going to be as open to them as I possibly could be, althought here were some questions that I really wish they wouldn't ask.

"What happened to your arm?" Embry asked beside me. I blushed.

"Well, that's another long story. Perhaps we should save that one for next time. If there will be a next time," I added sheepishly.

"Of coarse," Jacob insisted, smiling at me. It was all too easy to be comfortable around them, I couldn't help but smile back.

"Perhaps you can share some of your stories with me," I hinted. His smile widened.

"What would you like to know?"

"Why are you all wolves?" I asked. Jacob chuckled and then looked toward the elders sitting in the chairs on the far side of the fire. Billy Black began to speak again in his gravely voice about their tribal legends. The sound of his voice sent chills down my spine again. The resemblance between Billy Black and Orson was uncanny. The way he looked at me was not the same at all. Billy seemed somewhat suspicious of me and it showed in the way he looked at me. Orson always had a look of love about him. He was always taking care of me. I was only half listening to the story. I was thinking about why Orson had always looked at me the way he did. I wondered if he really was my grandfather like he claimed. He never said as much, but if this power passed from generation to generation, I had to get it from somewhere.

The sound of Billy Black's voice was almost putting me into a trance. My limbs were beginning to feel heavy, but that may have something more to do with the fact that it was nearly midnight than anything else. I had slept away most of the afternoon but that wasn't a very restful sleep. A cold wind blew from over the ocean and I tucked my legs as far into my oversized sweater as I could. Lucas wasn't going to be happy with me stretching out his sweater but I was cold.

Beside me Embry scooted closer and put his arm on my shoulder. I was about to object when I realized how warm he actually was. It startled me for a second before I remembered that they all were this hot. He was putting his arm around me to keep me warm, not with any other motive. I really needed to stop being so paranoid. I should be able to trust these men. They were Orson's people. They were my people. These men were my brothers.

_God, a family._ I hadn't had a family in over a century. Sure Lucas and Yohannah took care of me, and we loved each other, but it was different with them. They were just so different than I, and I always seemed to be tagging along with them rather than being a part of what they were. These people, these strangers around this fire, were my true family. Even in the short time that I had known them, they were a part of me, a part of my past and a part of my future in ways that I never allowed myself to dream possible.

_AN: I apologize for the weirdness with the gypsies. Jacinta and Jacopo are a part of another story I'm writing and I couldn't resist adding them in here. It's not a totally pointless addition, I promise. I couldn't think of a better time to put it in the story._


	21. Chapter 21: Girl Talk

**Girl Talk**

I listened to Billy Black tell the legends of our people for oven an hours. When Billy's ancient voice began to fade Old Quill Ateara continued where Mr. Black left off. Although it was late and my body and eyes felt heavy, I did not sleep. I had heard some of the stories before, but only parts of them. Perhaps Orson did tell me the stories but I had forgotten them. I could never be sure. As much as I never wanted to forget Orson, it had been so long.

By the time the story had finished the fire was just embers, everyone seemed to be getting up in slow motion. A couple of the people there had to be woken up, but it looked like everyone in the formal pack had stayed awake the entire time. I exchanged pleasantries with those of them that were still awake and we made plans to meet again in three days. I shook hands with Sam, Old Quil, Sue, and Billy Black. I couldn't help but flinch when I shook Billy's cold hands. He seemed so small and weak compared to the others there. I nodded to Jacob as he walked his father back to their house. Embry held out his arm for me and I took it gratefully, not being able to see very much. I tried to make a joke about it.

"It is pitch black," I said in a monotone voice. "I am likely to be eaten by a grue."

He laughed, "a what?"

"A grue," I repeated, switching back to my normal voice. "Don't you remember what a grue is?" I asked.

"Not at all. Should I?"

I thought about it. He looked to be about twenty-five years old, that would make him born sometime in the eighties. "Oh I guess you wouldn't remember it then. It was from an old video game, Zork. It came out in the 70's. How old are you exactly, Embry?" I asked, not able to conceal my curiosity anymore.

"Nineteen," he answered immediately. My eyes widened, I was too tired to try to conceal my reaction. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," I lied, still reeling at his age.

We reached the car and I think I was asleep before we even left the rez. I woke up when the door opened and cold hair raced over my face. Embry made like he was going to pick me up and carry me, but I put my hand up and insisted that I could walk. He walked me to the door but I told him goodbye before he insisted on walking me in. Lucas was sitting on the couch fiddling with an old acoustic guitar, trying to look nonchalant.

"Where'd you get that," I asked shutting the door behind me and yawning.

"It's Emmett's," he told me. He began to strum the tune for Norwegian Wood by the Beatles. I smiled. He knew that it was one of my favorites.

"Thank you, by the way," I told him as I sat down next to him.

"For what?" he asked turning to look at me with his red eyes without pausing in his song.

"For not annoying me the entire time, like you did when I went for a walk with Jacob earlier."

He turned back to his guitar, watching his hands move across the strings and shrugged. "Yohannah made me promise," he told me. I couldn't help but laugh.

We didn't speak any more that night. He sang softly as he played the guitar until I fell back to sleep.

The next thing I remember was waking up back in the golden room on the third floor. I could see the sun rising over the mountains to the East. I had only gotten maybe four or five hours of sleep and I still felt exhausted. Yohannah was lying on the other side of the bed beside me but on top of the blankets. She had out her pastels and was sketching black and white nature scene. "Hey Nannah," I mumbled sleepily and leaned over to see what she was drawing. She was drawing a large wolf running through the forest.

"Hey Baby, how was your party?" she asked.

"Interesting," I told her.

"You want to tell me about it?" she asked. It was a real question. She didn't assume that I was going to tell her anything.

"Not much to tell. We sat around the bon fire joking around for a while. I kind of wish that I could still play guitar," I thought wistfully remembering how beautiful that Lucas was playing last night on the couch. I used to be really good at the guitar myself before I had hurt my arm. "And then I told them Orson's story, and they told me their old legends. It was really nice."

I looked around the room. It was done up in different shades of gold with black accents. The bed that I was laying on was huge, it could probably fit four or five people onto it. I scanned the room, checking out the CDs all along the wall, but I couldn't read what they were from where I lay. I looked back to the bed and noticed the pretty pattern on the gold bed spread and the beautiful cast iron roses on the headboard. The pattern looked empty in one spot. When I looked closer I noticed that one of the roses had been ripped off.

"What happened there," I wondered out loud. Yohannah lifted her eyebrow at me like I was missing something obvious. Apparently, I was.

She began speaking to me the way one does to a child. "You know, Meri, when a man and a woman love each other _very_ much…" she began as if teaching the birds and the bees to a five year old.

"Oh! Ew, never mind," I told her, blushing like crazy. She just smiled up at me.

"So Meri," she began, "do anything interesting with that Embry guy?"

"No. Of coarse not," I told her, blushing even harder. _Where did that come from?_

"I think he likes you," she prodded continuing with her drawing.

"Well, I like him too, but not like _that_."

"Don't you think he's hot?" she asked me and then added in silently. _"I do."_

"_Well yeah, he's hot_," I told her silently. "But I wasn't looking at him like that," I added out loud, in case anyone was eavesdropping on the first part of our conversation. I'm certain that anyone in the house would be able to hear our conversation if they really wanted to, no matter now low we talked.

"_Well _I_ sure did,"_ she told me, slipping back into silence, taking the hint. "_He looked_ good."

"I don't disagree," I told her, blushing a little. She took that as the go ahead to keep talking about it.

"_He looked strong too. I bet it would feel good to have those arms around me."_

I smiled. She is going to love this little bit of information. _"He put his arm around me at the bonfire,"_ I told her. She made a little gasping sound and put down her pastels.

"Tell me everything." She said out loud leaning towards me on the bed. I put my finger to my mouth to tell her to hush and took a quick look around the room to make sure it was just the two of us in there.

"_It really wasn't anything,"_ I told her. _"It was just really cold and so he put his arm around me while I listened to the elders tell their stories."_

"_Did he rub your shoulders?"_ she asked, sounding like an excited high school student.

"_No."_

"_Did you lean your head on his shoulder?"_

"_Near the end, I was kind of sleepy,"_ I reluctantly admitted. _"But not on purpose. I told you I wasn't thinking about him like that."_

"_Are you now?"_ she asked, raising her eyebrow. I blushed.

"_No,"_ I told her, not knowing if it was a lie or not. He was pretty cute.

"Mmm-hmmm," she said skeptically.

"_I'm not going to either,"_ I insisted_. "Do you know how old he is?"_ I asked her. She raised her eyebrow at my rhetorical question. _"He's nineteen."_

She giggled._ "A teenager?"_

"_I know! He's just a kid."_

"_Peak performance though," _she told me thoughtfully._ "He's only going to get hotter. Plus he really seems to like you."_

My heart beat a little faster in my chest at the though of him "liking" me but instead of allowing myself to follow that train of thought I rolled my eyes at her_. "Pedophile_," I accused.

She laughed out loud_, "He's legal."_

I laughed too,_ "I didn't mean that literally. You know what I mean, he's just a kid, you know. I wouldn't want to corrupt some poor little boy." _I teased.

"_I sure would."_ Yohannah told me. I laughed again. _"You know, if he didn't smell so bad."_ She added, wrinkling her nose. Great here come the "you smell" jokes.

"_Well,_ I_ think he smells delicious."_ I told her.

"Delicious?" she asked out loud, sounding like she didn't believe me at all. I blushed and covered my mouth and laughed at her tone. Delicious wasn't exactly the word that I wanted to use, but it worked. She covered her mouth as well. _"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud,_" she told me.

"_Very delicious,"_ I continued silently, just to see her reaction.

_She chuckled. "Well then there's really nothing stopping you, is there?"_ she teased.

"Ugh!" I told her out loud and then rolled away putting the pillow over my head to hide my red face.

"What are you two giggling about?" Lucas asked from the doorway. I ripped the pillow away from my face to give him a dirty look for sneaking up on us.

"Nothing," Yohannah and I said at the same time and then we started giggling again.

"Uh huh," He told us suspiciously as he walked over to Yohannah's side of the bed and lay next to her. "So what are we talking about?"

"You are not a part of the collective 'we' here, Lucas," Yohannah scolded. I giggled. The phone in his pocket vibrated, loudly.

"Who the hell is calling this early?" I asked incredulously.

"Its three hours later in Boston," he told me rolling his eyes and answering his phone. He put his arm around Yohannah and started rubbing his hand along the side of her belly. I did not want to see where this was headed so I crawled out from under the gold colored blankets and placed my feet on the thick gold carpet.

"_Ugh, there's gold everywhere,"_ I told Yohannah silently.

"_I was thinking the same thing_," she told me her voice sounded dreamy. She was apparently distracted by Lucas. I tried to ignore it.

"_Do you think whoever decorated this room knows that there are other colors?"_ I asked her silently, looking around at the gold and black room.

"_Maybe they're colorblind,"_ she suggested, stifling a giggle. Lucas went on talking with whoever was on the phone.

"_The rest of the house isn't like this. It looks like a vat of mustard exploded in here."_

She at with me until a voice from the doorway chided us in mock outrage. "Hey, this was my room."

I looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway, his arms around his pretty wife. My face became very hot. Damn, I forgot that our private conversations weren't as private as they usually are. I really hoped that he hadn't been listening in when we were talking about Embry. That would have been beyond embarrassing. Yohannah and I chuckled nervously.

"Ummm, so did King Midas throw up in here, or what?" I asked. Even Edward laughed at that. Bella giggled from his arms and he tightened his arms around her and whispered something in her ear, which only made her giggle more.

"Well I'm hungry," I told them rising off the bed to head downstairs. This was starting to get awkward.

_AN: Had a bit of writer's block, so I wrote around it and got on a roll. I hope you enjoyed the fluff. I sure did._


	22. Chapter 22: Caution

**Caution**

I headed out to the trailer for a change of clothes as I had fallen asleep wearing the same outfit I wore to the bonfire. I smelled strongly of smoke and a little bit like the men around the campfire. As I turned the corner at the bottom of the second set of stairs, I thought I caught a glimpse of Embry on the sofa so I stopped at the top of the stairs and listened. The voice seemed a bit off, probably Jacob, so I headed back down the stairs a bit slower.

I saw him on the sofa with the little one, Renesmee. She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. She looked to be around five years old, although I knew she was less than two.

"_Pretty, isn't she?"_ Yohannah told me silently as she followed me down the stairs.

"_I think my uterus just skipped a beat,"_ I told her silently. Two sets of chuckles sounded from behind me. I turned to see Yohannah, Edward, and Bella following me down the stairs. Of course, Edward heard our conversation. _"Get out of my head,"_ I told him.

"I wish I could," he told me, shrugging his shoulders. I sighed heavily. Renesmee had a puzzled expression on her face, she reached up to touch Jacob's cheek.

"I have no idea," he said, shaking his head. She tilted her head to the side, looking a lot more mature than even a five year old and then walked towards me. She put her hand out as if to touch my face. I raised my eyebrows at her. I had heard about her powers, but I wasn't too keen on experiencing it firsthand.

"Please," she told me sweetly. I thought about it for another second and then leaned down so she could reach my face. In a second memories flashed through my mind, but they did not belong to me. I heard my footsteps coming to the top of the stairs and stopping before I came into the room. Of course she noticed that. Then I saw walking down the stairs with everyone else and then Yohannah and Edward chuckling. She was wondering why. I felt compelled to answer her although I didn't want to embarrass myself any more than I needed to.

"Private joke between Yohannah and I," I explained. "Your father tends to eavesdrop." She nodded knowingly and skipped back over to the couch touching Jacob's face softly.

"I heard her," he told her.

Yohannah interrupted, "You know, I'm surprised that Embry didn't come with you," she prodded. I felt my face heat up a little as I blushed. _How embarrassing._

"He's probably at school," I teased, reminding Yohannah not only about how young he was, but also how disinterested I was.

"No, it's Sunday. He's probably just sleeping in. We were up late last night. He'll be around later."

That gave me pause. _Holy crap, it was supposed to be a joke._ I didn't think he actually was still in high school.

"Oh where does he go to school," Yohannah asked casually. _Great._

"There's a school on the reservation," Jacob explained.

"_Holy crap, is that kid in high school_?" Lucas's thoughts drifted from upstairs.

I sighed in defeat. He was never going to let me live this down. I should have been expecting him to eavesdrop.

He laughed at me mentally. _"Aw, that's…cute."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded sounding more defensive than I had hoped._

"_Nothing I guess. Although, I am a little surprised. I didn't think you were into that kind of thing. I would have thought that _you_ would have preferred to be the school girl."_

I blushed and shot a dirty look up the stairs in his general direction. _"Quit being such a perv. Who says I'm even interested?"_

"_I wasn't implying that you were interested in him. I was implying that he was interested in you." He paused for a second. "_Are_ you interested in him?"_

"_No, stop asking me that!"_

"_Good, because the last thing you need is to mess things up between us and the Cullen coven and their allies with you sleeping around with the werewolves."_

"Excuse me?" I demanded up the stairs. Everyone turned to look at me with shocked expressions on their face. I was reminded that my outburst must have sounded a little crazy since they didn't hear anything else of the conversation. "Excuse me," I said quietly to them. "I need to have a talk with Lucas," I explained and began to head up the stairs. Lucas met me at the top of the first flight of stairs.

"_What exactly are you implying?"_ I demanded.

"I wasn't implying anything. It is just something you need to keep in mind," he told me out loud, refusing to finish the conversation in private.

I shot daggers at him with my eyes but he met my gaze without flinching. Sure, I wasn't exactly known for the lasting relationships I've had. Most of the men I was involved with were dumped only a few months later, much to both of our heartbreak. I never allowed myself the luxury of a real relationship. Still, I wasn't going to be goaded into an embarrassing conversation out loud.

"_One, short term relationships are kind of a necessity when you don't age, and two, where the hell are you two getting the idea that I'm even interested in this guy. Sure he's good looking at all, but like you—ever so smoothly—pointed out it's not a very good idea. I'm not so stupid that I would risk this alliance because of hormones."_

"Good, so long as we're on the same page," he told me smoothly and walked past me on the stairs.

Just then, Embry walked into the front door. "Embry, how good to see you again," Lucas called out in a friendly tone towards our new friend.

_Well this is awkward_. "Lucas," Yohannah called out sweetly. "You and I are going to have a little talk outside," she told him. The tone in her voice implied that it wasn't a request. He froze for a second at the bottom of the stairs but followed her obediently out the front door.

"_Ha ha,"_ I teased him as I headed out the door myself to get some clothes from the RV.

"What was all that about?" Jacob asked me as I passed him on the couch.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied, there was no way I was going to explain that to him.

"Good morning, Meri," Embry told me as I walked past him and out the door.

"Morning," I said curtly. No need to encourage the poor boy. His face dropped. _Crap. I guess there's no need to be rude either._ "Um, I was just about to have breakfast, would either of you boys like to join me?" I asked Jacob and Embry.

Jacob said that he already ate, but Embry accepted my invitation with enthusiasm. "So what's for breakfast?"

I thought about it for a second. "Actually I was going to have some leftover curry. I hope it's not too weird. I'm not really a fan of breakfast food."

"Sounds great. I'm an Indian, I love curry," he told me. I laughed, and he smiled at me sweetly.

"Ooooooh, good one," I complimented him, still giggling. He bowed his head a little at my compliment.

"_It wasn't _that_ funny,"_ Lucas scolded.

"_Shut up, Lucas,"_ I snapped back, trying to hide the annoyance on my face lest Embry think I was annoyed at him.

"I'll be back," I told him as I headed for the RV. Lucas did remember to bring the leftovers. I contemplated changing clothes, but thought I'd better have a shower first. I started up the water heater, hoping that by the time I ate breakfast it would be warm enough to shower with. It was pretty cold out. I grabbed the Tupperware bins and my iPod and ran inside with the curry and rice. "Its cold out there," I commented as I headed for the kitchen. "You don't mind if I use your kitchen do you," I asked over my shoulder at Bella and Edward.

"Of coarse not, Meri. We want you to feel welcome here, feel free to use whatever you'd like," Bella told me.

"And you're welcome to use the shower as well," Edward added. "I don't expect the shower in the RV to be very comfortable."

Ugh, eavesdropping again. Useful though. "Thank you," I told them.

Embry sat at the table while I re-heated the food on the stove top. It would have been faster in the microwave in the RV but it was cold in there. We chatted a little more. He told me about what was going on at school. He was supposed to graduate last year but failed a couple classes with heavy homework because of all the events going on with the Volturi. He was only taking two classes and was supposed to graduate in just a couple weeks when the fall semester ended.

We sat next to each other on the table. I decided to make him listen to Jose Cuervo on my iPod.

When I turned on my iPod the song "Who let the dogs out" came on immediately. I let out a laugh of embarrassment then silently called Lucas a dirty word. He laughed from the other room. "Damn you Lucas," I told him. He had been messing with my playlists when I was sleeping. He was always doing crap like that.

I searched and found the song for him and he listened to it with an amused expression on his face.

When the song was over he stayed close to me, listening to other songs on my playlist. I have to admit I liked that a little more than I should of. But I was intent on proving Lucas wrong, I wasn't about to let my hormones get in the way of building ties with my tribe.

How strange the words sounded in my head. My tribe.

"So what are your plans for the day?" he asked me, taking me by surprise while I finished drying the breakfast dishes.

"Uh, I don't have any plans. I haven't been out much at all because of the rain." Well actually, Yohannah and Lucas have been keeping me inside, but as much as I wanted Lucas to look bad, I wasn't going to give him fuel.

"That's great."

"That's great?" I asked doubtfully. His russet skin turned a deeper shade of red.

"I mean I wanted to show you around the place. I could show you around town, and we could go to the beach." Being alone with him didn't seem like the best idea. Even if I didn't have feelings for him, it wouldn't look right us going off alone together. It might give Embry the wrong idea.

"Uh, but its raining," I pointed out. He laughed.

"It's always raining here. You're not going to let that ruin your day, are you?" he asked me. He blinked his eyes innocently. _Man, he was cute._

"Uh, no?" I struggled to find a better excuse. "Town doesn't look all that interesting anyway. It's tiny, and there's not really anywhere to go shopping is there?"

"I could take you to Port Angeles. There are a few stores there, we could hang out on the wharf for a while," he told me.

I didn't have much of a defense to that. "Um, well I do need to go shopping." I think I owed Jacob black a set of clothes, for ruining that pair he was wearing when I passed out on the front porch. We walked into the living room.

"Then it's settled, I'll take you out shopping," he said with a smile. I never saw a guy get so excited about shopping before.

"I don't think that's a very good idea," Lucas told me.

"Why am I not surprised?" I told him.

"I don't think it's appropriate."

"_Didn't we have this argument last night?"_ I asked him silently.

"Going to a council meeting is one thing, but going out along with this boy is another." It annoyed the hell out of me that he called him a boy. I found myself in the awkward position of arguing against the same thoughts I was thinking just minutes ago.

"It won't look any worse than me staying with you at the motel when Yohannah was here with the Cullen's," I pointed out.

"That's different. I'm supposed to be your cousin."

"They're closer to family to me than you are," I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I see the resemblance," he told me sarcastically.

My face felt hot, Jacob wrinkled his brow at looked at me appraisingly. _What, he didn't notice that before?_ I didn't answer, I just put my hands on my hips.

"What a great idea, Mon Amore." Yohannah piped up, Lucas and I stared at her in confusion. "How gentlemanly of you to offer to act as her escort on her date." I flinched a little at the word date. She was not helping.

"I didn't—" Lucas began but Yohannah cut him off.

"After our little discussion, whatever else could you have meant then?" she asked accusingly. She was trying to bait him into an argument. I had a pretty good idea what their discussion had been about outside. I smiled a little to myself. He may not like it, but he would do whatever Yohannah asked him to.

"Yeah, Lucas. You can be the third wheel," I teased. He turned to glare at me with his red eyes.

"I'd love to," he told through his teeth. He stalked off outside. Probably to go destroy some trees. Yohannah smiled in triumph and winked at me. I rolled my eyes at her.

"_Great, now he's going to be coming with us," _I complained to her.

"_It's that or you're not going, he's going to be an ass about this either way. Anyway, he'd probably just follow you around anyway, at least this way you'll know where he is,"_ she told me. She was right. That is just the sort of thing he would do. I sighed.

"I've got to get dressed," I called out to Embry and I headed out the door to the RV to get some clothes.

"Wait," Edward told me calling out to me from behind.

"What?"

"I have something I want to ask you,"

I gave him an annoyed look._ Can't you just read my mind._

"I can only hear it, if you're thinking about it," he explained. I shrugged my shoulders. Sure. "Why don't we talk outside." I walked out the door, he followed behind me, but when I stopped outside the doors he took my hand in his and led me to the trees on the edge of the clearing. I didn't understand why we had walked out so far until he asked me the question he had been planning on asking.

"Why does everyone think you're stupid?" he asked me. His bluntness took me by surprise. After a second or two I was able to answer him.

"Probably because Yohannah told them I was," I offered. What a strange question.

"No, them too." That took me aback as well. I started to object but he tapped his finger to his forehead in a "I know what I'm talking about" gesture. I shook my head.

"Crazy maybe, fragile even, but not stupid," I insisted. He just shook his head.

I thought back about the way I've been interacting with them, letting them take the lead, following their requests, not asserting myself. I guess that would give off the impression that I was weak. It did make them think less of me, but I didn't mind. They took good care of me, it was the least I could do for them. I never felt trapped by it, until they forced me here without telling me why.

"Because that's what I choose to let them believe," I told him carefully.

"Why?"

_Crap, why? I've never really thought about it…_

"Maybe you should," he told me. It sounded a bit like a warning.

Did I really want thing to change. I liked our family dynamic. We went well together, they gave me the love and protection I needed, and I gave them their sense of family, someone to take care of. Why would that need to change? Sometimes it did limit me, hold me back in ways that I wouldn't be if I were on my own. If I didn't feel the need to ask permission before I did things, but what I gained was so much more than what I lost.

"It's a comfortable collar," I told him after a few seconds. He seemed to think about it for a few seconds. I wondered what he was thinking. I wished I could read his mind the way he read mine. He looked uncomfortable.

"I guess that's all then," he told me. "If you ever decide that things need to change, I can help you," he offered. I had no idea what he meant by that. Why would things change? Before I had a chance to ask him, he turned and began walking toward the house. What a strange man.

I walked back to the trailer to grab my clothes and some towels to take a shower. When I walked in the door Yohannah was standing there waiting for me. _"What was that about?"_ she asked me silently.

"_I wish I knew,"_ I told her.

"I want _my_ shirt back," Lucas told me. I didn't like the way he said it was his shirt. There seemed to be some kind of underlining tone to his words. I gave him a dirty look. "I figure if I start soaking it in bleach now, I _might_ be able to get the smell out." He told me, teasing again. It was a stupid way to do it, but I knew him well enough to know that he was trying to get back on my good side by teasing me.

"This shirt?" I asked pulling at the neck of the shirt to make sure I had something on underneath it. I was wearing a skin tight black tank top underneath. A little naked, but good enough.

"Yes, that shirt." He told me rolling his eyes.

"Fine," I told him, ripping of the sweater. "Smells, does it?" I asked. He gave me a look that said "duh."

I lifted my arm and began to rub the bunched up sweatshirt into my armpit. Yohannah laughed, followed by Emmett's guffaw from across the room. I began to rub it on my other arm.

"Real ladylike, Meri," Lucas commented.

"Here ya go," I handed him his sweatshirt back and bent down to pick up the clothes that I had dropped on the floor while I was harassing Lucas.

"Or maybe I'll just burn it," he told me, holding the sweater at arms length like it was radioactive.

"Do whatever you want, it is _your_ sweater," I told him and stomped off towards the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it. I was pretty proud of myself for that one. _"You've got to admit that was pretty funny," _I messaged towards Lucas.

"_I'm seriously gonna have to burn this sweater. But yeah, it was a little funny,"_ he admitted. I smiled. Friends again, even if he was still acting like an ass.

The shower was quick and hot. When I got out I quickly got dressed and then opened the door to let the steam out while I put on some lipstick and eyeliner. Lucas came to the door and silently told me _"sorry about being so overprotective, but I really want this to go well for you. You've been waiting for this for so long, and it would really suck for you to screw it up by getting involved with one of them."_

"_You should have a little more faith in me," _I told him putting my hand on his cold shoulder and looking up at him.

He sighed heavily but nodded. "Anyway, I owe Jacob some clothes, after he shredded his last pair trying to defend me from you on the front porch." Lucas flinched at the memory. "Which reminds me," I continued out loud as I leaned up and tried to apply some eyeliner on him. He leaned back against the wall but didn't really try to resist. "I'm gonna need some cash," I told him.

"Get a job," he told me.

"I have a job." I ran the whole damn farm for him. "I'm a secretary, but my boss is an ass and pays me peanuts," I teased.

"I kind of like your boss," he told me, "he looks rather dashing."

I couldn't help but laugh as I continued to apply the eyeliner to him. "There," I said as I finished.

"How do I look?" he asked.

"Gay," I told him. He scoffed at me. "You look good, I wouldn't put it on you if it didn't look good," I insisted.

"I think you were right when you told me it looks gay."

"Jacopo wore eyeliner all the time," I commented

"Jacopo was a circus performer," he reminded me.

"And yet, you don't wipe it off. It looks good and you know it, quit your whining." I told him leaving the bathroom. I didn't bother drying my hair. I wrapped my smokey clothes in the towel and went to Yohannah. "Braid my hair, Nannah?" I asked. She put my hair into a complicated French braid down my back, while Embry sat on the smaller sofa watching us.

"This is not a date," I told him hoping to relieve the confusion. "Yohannah just said that to annoy Lucas."

Yohannah stifled a laugh but Embry just shrugged. This _so_ does not count as a date.

"Ready to go?" he asked us once Yohannah had finished braiding.

"Sure," I told him and Lucas and I followed him outside. Embry was walking to the passenger side door to open it for me, but Lucas walked a bit faster and got to the car door ahead of him, opened it motioned for me to climb inside. He gave me a big smile showing me his teeth. I rolled my eyes at him.

"_Hey, at least I'm letting you sit in the front seat,"_ he told me. I sat down in the seat as Embry walked around the car to sit on his side.

"_I am _ever_ so thankful,"_ I told him sarcastically.

"_This has got to be one of the crappiest cars I've ever ridden in,"_ he replied silently from the back seat as Embry revved up the engine on the ugly yellow thing. I couldn't help but agree, but I didn't like him picking on Embry. I liked Embry.

"His other ride is your mom," I told Lucas out loud. Both he and Embry laughed. Good, at least they were able to get a long some. It would make the day pass quicker. "You wouldn't laugh if you ever met his mom," I told Embry.

"Hey!" Lucas piped up from the back seat. This was way too easy.


	23. Chapter 23: Chaperone

_AN: Sorry about the delay, I just got a job :happy dance: and it's been keeping me busy. _

_I must have rewritten this chapter at least three times before I got it the way I wanted it. I hope it isn't too hard to follow. I'd like to thank my sister-in-law PMS Lil Mynx for marrying her (much older) husband and giving me the opportunity to hear all these wonderful jokes about being too young. And I apologize if they offend anyone._

_But for your patience, I did add some extras for you on my profile page. I've added a music selection for you to listen to while reading the chapter, Meri's music playlist. It's what I listen to when I'm writing. Hope you enjoy it. Most of the songs that Lucas plays on the guitar are on the melancholy playlist. He isn't playing anything in this chapter, but if it comes up again…_

_I think my author's note is long enough. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it._

_-Samji_

**Chaperone**

The drive seemed to have taken longer to get from the Cullen's house to Port Angeles than it did to drive from there to here that first day. I couldn't decide if it had more to do with the strained atmosphere in the car or the fact that Embry wasn't taking the turns through the hills at sixty miles an hour like Lucas did. When I turned back to check on Lucas—who was unusually silent—he had a bored expression on his face.

"_You think this _thing_ would go any faster if I removed the training wheels?"_ he teased silently. I smiled but didn't otherwise respond. Instead, I asked Embry if his radio worked, hoping to distract Lucas a little but not expecting much from the car, and it did not disappoint.

"Sorry, the radio is aesthetic purposes only. I never have been able to fix it." He seemed a bit embarrassed. "I've always been better at mechanical things than electric things."

"You're a mechanic? I would have never guessed," I told him eyeing his hands. They didn't' seem to be as calloused as the usual mechanics hands were. They did seem to be a little rough, though.

"_Maybe it's his summer job,"_ Lucas offered in silence, snickering to himself.

I fought back a giggle as well, but chided Lucas for his teasing silently. _"Shut up, Lucas."_

Embry ignored our snickering, but he looked uncomfortable. "It's just a hobby. I fixed this one up and I have a dirt bike that I've been working on as well. Although I haven't had much time for it lately," he added reluctantly. "I've been running with the pack a lot." He glanced at me a second and told me that he didn't mind if I put my headphones on so I turned on my iPod and turned the volume up. Embry asked me questions about my playlist. I listed names for him. He knew most of them, but not all of them. He seemed surprised that I listened to as much rock as I did country. I offered him one of my earphones so we could both listen to the music. He leaned in close to me so not to stretch the cord as he drove.

"_He doesn't exactly respect personal space does he?"_ Lucas asked me silently.

"_Leave him alone. We're just listening to music_," I warned Lucas.

Lucas suffered the rest of the journey without complaint. Embry and I sat listening to the music until we pulled into the mall. I shook my head when we got into the parking lot and saw the decorations. On every single lamp post there was either a wreath or candle made out of tinsel.

"You've got to be kidding me," I mumbled.

"_I know,"_ Lucas responded silently. _ "Smallest mall ever," he sighed._

"What?" Embry asked me at the same time. I ignored Lucas's comment and began to talk to Embry.

"Isn't it a little early for Christmas decorations?" I asked.

"It's December nineteenth," Lucas told me, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously?" I asked looking to Embry for confirmation.

He laughed a little and told me that Lucas was right.

"Time flies," I muttered, wondering what I was going to get Lucas and Yohannah for Christmas.

Lucas patted Embry on the shoulder as he opened the door to get out. Although he didn't hit Embry with any force, Embry flinched at the contact. I guess the werewolves here weren't as comfortable with the vampires as it first appeared to be. I yanked my door open quickly before either of them had a chance to reach for it. I pulled my jacket closed as I stepped out of the car. It was only sprinkling but it was cold out. Lucas held his arm out for me to take but I refused it. It was much too cold to walk so close to him. The three of us walked together towards the doors of the mall.

"Ugh, I hate Christmas music," Lucas complained as we neared the front doors. I didn't hear a note of it but I assumed that it was playing inside and his sensitive ears picked it up before I did.

"How can you say that?" I accused. "I love Christmas music."

"They play the same thirty songs over and over all month long. Doesn't that bother you at all?" Lucas complained.

"Where's your Christmas spirit?" I asked him with mock sadness. Lucas rolled his eyes at me. "What are your feelings on Christmas music, Embry?"

"I love Christmas music. It only gets played one month a year so it never gets old," he told me, I smiled back at him.

"_Of course he'd say that." Lucas told me, rolling his eyes._

"_What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded._

"_For one thing, he's like five and probably still believes in Santa Clause, and for another he'll agree with anything you say. He's smitten."_

I scoffed_. "There is no possible way that he is 'smitten.' We just met, and anyway, he hasn't made a move for me once."_

"_Not yet," _Lucas corrected. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.

"What?" Embry asked, confused about my reaction to Lucas.

"Nothing," I told him. "Lucas and I were just having a conversation." I focused my thoughts on Lucas again. _"Knock it off, it's rude to exclude him like that, and even worse to talk about him behind his back,"_ I scolded.

"How do you do that?" Embry asked.

"What do you mean? You do it too, right?"

"We can't do it all the time. Only when we're…" his voice trailed off as he eyed the crowds around us.

"Oh," I said, not knowing what else to say to it. I was surprised at the differences between us. "Really?"

"Yeah. How can you stand it happening all the time?"

"What do you mean happening?"

"It's got to be hard not having a single thought to yourself," he told me.

"I don't tell them _everything_," I told him as we headed into_Abercrombie__ & __Fitch. I couldn't help but eye the posters as we walked in._

_"__You're staring,"__ Lucas warned me. I cleared my throat nervously and walked ahead hoping they didn't see the blush on my cheeks._

_"I am not," __I told him. Luckily before Lucas could say anything, his phone rang._

_"I've got to take this," Lucas apologized and ducked to the side with the phone to his ear._

_"You can control what he hears? How?" Embry asked as soon as he was sure nobody could hear us. Even Lucas hung back a little, still on the phone, but I was sure he was still listening in._

_"What do you mean how? I don't know. I just do. He hears what I want him to hear, and the same goes with what I hear from him." I tilted my head to the side as a thought occurred to me. "You can't control it?" I asked._

_"The pack hears everything I'm thinking when I'm…" he let his words trail off but I knew he meant while he was in his wolf form._

_"Interesting," I told him. I pulled a shirt from the rack to eye the design. I needed a bit of time to digest this new piece of information. I wonder why it wasn't like that with Orson. Maybe it was and I never noticed. Maybe it had something to do with wolves being a pack animal and that bears are solitary. "I'm assuming it would be best to get something without buttons for Jacob, right?" I asked changing the subject._

_"You're shopping for Jacob?" he asked apprehensively, pulling his eyebrows together as I pulled another shirt out and checked the color against his skin._

_"Yeah, I think I owe him a new set of clothes after what happened on the porch," I told him being vague about what exactly happened. I didn't want Lucas to hear too much._

_"Oh don't worry about that. That kind of thing happens all the time," he said dismissively, his tone seemed a little relieved, but I couldn't imagine what for._

_"Well then, our Jacob is in dire need of a new outfit or two regardless. I bet you would look great in black," I said putting away the dark purple shirt and pulling out a black one so I could hold it up against his skin. He blushed and mumbled a thank you, avoiding my gaze. __How cute, he's shy.__ "You seem about the same size as Jacob," I mused. "You wouldn't mind being my model, would you?" I asked I pulled another shirt out and pressed it against his chest. His big muscle bound chest. I tried to push that thought out of my mind._

_"Anything you want," he told me. Now it was my turn to blush._

_"Here, hold this," I said pushing the shirt into his arms and walking away to hide my embarrassment._

_"Would you stop that?"__ Lucas scolded._

_"What?" __I demanded._

_"You know what__," he accused._

_"No, what?" __I asked as I added another black shirt to the pile._

_"The flirting. Truly, you can't be that oblivious to what you're doing to him."_

_"I am not flirting,"__ I insisted as I put a yellow shirt up against his skin. It looked wonderful. He was a lot more fun to shop for than Lucas. Lucas was too pale to pull off a lot of colors. I picked out some pants and told Embry to find them in his size._

_"You may not think you are, but you're definably flirting. Just look at what you're doing to the poor boy. He's going to model clothes for you," he told me sounding incredulous. "Guys do not model clothes, unless they're getting paid to do it."_

_"Embry's just being nice,"__ I insisted as I directed Embry to ask the attendant for a key to the dressing room. The pretty red head looked him up and down as she handed him the key but he didn't seem to notice._

_"He didn't even look at her, and she is __so__ much hotter than you, Meri. He is smitten," __Lucas insisted._

_"He has acted like a perfect gentleman so far, it's just who he is. Not every guy ogles at every pretty girl that walks by. You know, I'm getting pretty tired of you telling me that Embry's some kind of pervert who is just waiting to take advantage of me."_

_"Talking with Lucas again?" Embry asked._

"Yeah, sorry. I don't mean to exclude you like that," I told him, embarrassed.

"What were you talking about?"

"We'll tell you when you're older," Lucas' voice drifted teasingly from across the room. I looked up at Lucas to give him a hard glance as I ushered Embry towards the dressing rooms. Lucas was putting his phone back in his pocket.

"It's nothing. Just ignore him, he can be kind of an _ass_ sometimes," I explained trying to brush off Lucas' comments. True Lucas _can_ be an ass sometimes but usually that was just to me. He was never this rude to my friends.

"He's not bothering me," Embry told me easily, "but you seem upset. Is there something wrong?" I was impressed by how perceptive he was.

"I'm good," I lied. "Here, try on the yellow one first," I prompted and then took up a seat outside of dressing rooms. Lucas emerged from behind one of the racks and sat down next to me.

"_I need to talk to you about your son,"_ he told me gesturing towards the dressing room Embry went into. I rolled my eyes at him but didn't stop him. _"I'm not saying that he was thinking lustful thoughts towards you. I'm saying that there's something about the way that he's looking at you. He seems like he's a little too attached to you. He's a little too eager to spend time with you. He's getting pretty possessive."_ Lucas told me.

"_Pot, this is Kettle…" _I mocked Lucas silently as Embry stepped out of the dressing room. He looked so good in a pair of black slacks and a yellow shirt that hugged every curve of his muscled chest. It nearly took my breath away. He sure was handsome. "You look good in yellow," I told him. His face got a little more red than usual.

"The shirt's a little small," he commented. I liked it just the way it was but nodded my head like I agreed with him anyway. I made a mental note to get a bigger size before we left. Jacob seemed like he was a little bigger than Embry, he might need a bigger size.

"Alright, try on the other one," I prompted.

"_I'm talking about the way he looks at you," _Lucas continued as soon as Embry was out of sight._ Listen, I know you've been thinking that I'm implying that he's trying to sleep with you or that you are trying to sleep with him, yet_," he added._ "I just think that you might be leading him on without knowing it. It wouldn't be the first time." _I gave him a dirty look but he continued. "_it would be really stupid to get involved with one of them, and I'm not just talking sexually, if you lead him on like you have been, then he's going to get hurt. You don't have to 'love 'em and leave 'em' to break the poor boy's heart," _Lucas warned.

He was right, as much as I didn't want him to be. _"I'll keep that in mind,"_ I told him. "_But speaking of stupid_," I continued. His mention of the word had reminded me of the cryptic conversation I was involved in before we left for the mall. "I had a talk with Edward earlier."

"I noticed," he told me, trying to keep his voice casual. "What did he say?"

"I don't think he would want me to tell you," I said, enjoying knowing something that he didn't. I hope he was enjoying being on the other side of that fence for once. He gave me an incredulous look. I rolled my eyes at him but continued. _"He said that you thought I was stupid and that I was leading you to think that way about me because of the way that I've been acting."_

"_That's ridiculous. You know I don't think you're stupid."_

"_Do I?" I asked him, avoiding his gaze. "If you weren't thinking that I was stupid, why do you treat me this way?"_

"_Treat you what way?"_

"_Like I'm some stupid little kid who can't find her way to the mall and back without getting lost. The way you're acting tells me that you think I'm going to do something stupid the second I'm out of your sight. You really think I would jump that poor little boy in there?"_

"_Of coarse I don't think that. You may be a little naïve, but I know you're not stupid._" Lucas stood up and started pacing. "God, I can't believe he told you that, I could kill him."

"Lucas," I held a warning in my voice as I glanced around to see that nobody could hear. "Don't be stupid."

"I didn't mean it literally, but I'm going to have to have a talk with him later about this."

"Please don't," I begged. _"I don't think you were supposed to know he said anything anyway. I think he did it more in a way to warn me anyway, I think he was more concerned about my behavior more than anything. As all of you seem to be,"_ I pointed out. _"Apparently, I can't even go to the mall on my own without a chaperone."_ I stopped pacing and stood one row away from me, watching me. I avoided his gaze by allowing my eyes to drift to some of the displays on the walls and the clothes they were wearing.

Embry stepped out of the dressing room once again, to show me the other outfit_. Damn, he looks good in black._ He wore a black shirt with a dark grey design that looked like someone had painted with watercolors on his shirt over a pair of dark blue jeans. "It looks great," I managed to say, hoping that I didn't sound too eager.

"Shirt's too small again," he told me. This time I had to disagree.

"I think it looks great on you," I told him. His face flashed into a deeper shade of red. "Thanks, Bro. I know exactly what I want to get for him, you can change back now. You were a huge help." I told him, feeling a little guilty for making him dress for me.

"_He was a pretty good sport about it," _I told Lucas when Embry went back into the dressing room. "_I feel kind of bad, though. We should get him something."_

"_I guess,"_ Lucas reluctantly agreed. _"Although I'm sure he's used to it by now," Lucas continued._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_It couldn't have been more than six months ago that his mom took him shopping last for school clothes."_ I was going to protest but he was probably right. I hated it when he was right but couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Embry going clothes shopping with his mom.

When Embry came out of the dressing room he had the basket of clothes on one arm and was pulling on his shirt. _Wow, _I thought as he pulled his shirt over his beautifully defined chest and stomach.I thought idly how much I wished to see that again, in a more private setting perhaps…

"_You're staring_," Lucas warned.

"_I am not."_


	24. Chapter 24: Imprinting

**Imprinting**

"Does that thing ever stop ringing?" I asked Lucas in annoyance as we walked into the bookstore. It had gone off for the third time in half an hour.

"Sorry, business," he explained reluctantly as he stepped back outside the bookstore and into the crowded hallway.

Embry had planned on taking me for a tour of the town but we ended up spending all morning at the mall parading from store to store. Lucas spent more than half the time on the phone and while I found it rude for him to stand there ignoring me while talking to someone across the country, it was the only thing that stopped the obscene comments about Embry. I hoped he ran out of jokes soon because they were getting more and more crude as the day passed.

Although it was almost a relief whenever his phone rang, the mystery was killing me. He wouldn't tell me who was on the phone or what was so important about the phone calls, only that he couldn't miss them. I could tell that whatever it was upset him because his southern drawl was getting more and more pronounced as the morning progressed.

"Do you read a lot?" Embry asked conversationally. He had been asking me these kinds of questions all day long and I would ask the same of him. In this way, we had learned a little more about each other throughout the morning, barring the occasional interruption from Lucas.

"Yes, I do. As a secretary, I have a lot of free time. I usually bring a couple books and spend a lot of time on the internet during the day. That is, when I'm not running errands for Yohannah and Lucas. Do you read?" I asked in turn.

"I enjoy reading," he told me, "but since joining the pack, I haven't had much time for it. Can you recommend any books for me?" He asked turning towards the store. I gave him a tour of the store, pointing out books that I had read and liked. I picked up a copy of _The Alienist_ for myself, because a friend of mine had suggested it, knowing that I liked period pieces. As we walked to the front to pay, I saw a display of vampire novels. I chuckled at some of the titled and picked one up and placed it on the counter with my other book.

"_The Vampire Survival Guide_?" Embry asked skeptically.

"It's for Yohannah," I explained with a laugh. "We always get each other gag gifts for Christmas. She'll love it," I told him as I anticipated giving it to her on Christmas morning. "I'll add it to her box."

"Her box?" he asked as the song Winter Wonderland began to play on the speakers.

"Yeah, when I find things for her throughout the year, I put it away for Christmas. We brought our presents along because we figured we would probably still be on holiday for Christmas. Earlier this year, I found her a paint-by-numbers Velvet Elvis wall poster. She used to have this thing about Elvis, it will be perfect." The way that Embry looked at me made me smile. He raised an eyebrow but flashed me a huge grin. He must have thought I was crazy, but he at least thought I was funny. "I haven't decided what to get for Lucas yet. I get him a fruitcake every year. Usually I get him completely useless things. Last year, I spent a couple days during the fall filling up a box with acorns and gave it to him for Christmas. I've got a couple packages of cartoon themed underwear for him, but besides that, I'm out of ideas." Embry smiled at me and shook his head. "I know it's kind of lame," I admitted, "but we have our traditions."

"What else?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

"On Christmas Eve, Yohannah always brings some delicious Jamaican spiced rum and we stay up all night drinking and playing cards and board games, I used to play the guitar with Lucas but I haven't been able to since I hurt my arm. Around sunrise, I make a huge breakfast in an attempt to stave off a hangover but it never works. We sit down at the table together to eat. Lucas makes a big show of it, but Yohannah just sits there and talks with us. Then I nearly pass out from exhaustion and sleep away most of the day. When I wake up sometime that afternoon, I've got a splitting headache and we open presents, and after a little hair of the dog, I start making phone calls to my friends to wish them a Merry Christmas. We stay up until the wee hours of the morning again and as soon as Christmas is over, Lucas and Yohannah find all the decorations we put up and burn it in a bonfire outside," I laughed. "Then they usually take off for a while, and I get the house to myself for the rest of the year. Merry Christmas to me," I teased.

"That sounds like fun," he told me, paying for the books.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," I protested.

"Its not a problem. I noticed you didn't have your purse, and your escort," he said the word with a little bit of scorn, "seems to have forgotten his duties at the moment," he told me matter-of-factly, brushing off my protests.

"Well at the very least, let me take you out to lunch."

"I think you're forgetting that you don't have any money on you," he teased.

"Not a problem, I'm good at picking pockets," I teased back and headed out the door to find Lucas. A high school choir was singing in the middle court of the mall and the sound of Carol of the Bells drifted towards us. I found Lucas leaning against a wall across from the choir watching them sing their song. As I walked up I could hear him talking heatedly into the phone. _"I need some cash for lunch,"_ I told him silently, he nodded but didn't make a move for his wallet. One arm was full of shopping bags and the other was holding onto the phone. I reached into his back pocket to take the cash. I opened up the wallet to find it full to the brim with twenty dollar bills. I eyed it suspiciously, what was he doing carrying around all this cash?

"_Hey, did you know you only have twenty dollars in your wallet?"_ I asked him silently.

"_No, I have—"_ he began but I cut him off.

"_You do now,"_ I teased yanking out all but one of the bills.

He put the phone to his chest, "I don't think so, Meri." He told me out loud and then slipped into silence, _"I don't want you carrying around all that cash."_

I didn't protest, taking only 120 with me and shoving it into my front pocket. I shoved the wallet back into Lucas' back pocket. _"Well be at that restaurant across t he parking lot," _I told him silently. He nodded but began talking to the man on the phone some more. He was obviously upset over something on the phone, but I couldn't tell what. We hadn't received a single phone call the entire time we were away and now it's been ringing off the hook all morning.

"I didn't notice his accent before," Embry noted off handedly.

"Usually, you can't hear it," I explained. "He must be upset about something. I wish he would tell me what was going on," I complained. "He's always doing that kind of crap, keeping me out of the loop. It's frustrating."

"Who do you think he's talking to?" Embry asked.

"Probably Mr. Hanson, the guy who's running the ranch while we're gone," I told him as I looked down to button up my jacket to ward myself against the cold. It was warm in the mall and I had opened up my coat to let some of the heat out while we shopped, but it had started to rain outside and I wanted to get my jacket closed before we walked out into it. Embry took my arm to steady me and keep me from walking into the wall while I focused on my coat. As the automatic doors opened, a group of young men walked into the doors forcing Embry and I to lean to the left to avoid the group of them. Still more of them pushed into the doorway at the same time making close quarters as we passed. I didn't see it as a ploy until one of men leaned in a little to close to me as he passed. I instinctively put my hand over my pocket to protect the cash I had from them. I had been pick-pocketed before and this was looking more and more like it was planned. Instead of reaching for my cash, the man passing closest to me reached up with hand and pressed it against my breast as he passed and walked away. I yelped in surprise, and he turned and winked at me.

I felt anger rise in my throat, and I flashed him an angry look but steeled myself to ignore it, knowing that responding to him was exactly what he wanted. Apparently, Embry did not hold the same attitude about it. Before I had a chance to blink, Embry had reached out to the young man and punched him right on the chin. The guy fell like a pile of bricks. My eyes widened in shock as I watched the guy fall back into his group of friends, they began to laugh at him. I saw Embry's hands shaking as he stepped forward. I remembered all too well what that meant.

"Embry, stop!" His eyes widened as he turned back to look at me, still shaking. He shook his head to calm himself, but quicker than I realized someone was standing there, cold hands grabbed my arm.

"What the hell is going on here?" Lucas demanded. Embry continued to shake in front of me, Lucas was not helping.

"Nothing," I lied, trying to calm them both down before something bad happened. "Let's get some air," I told Lucas, pulling him out with me. He was more than strong enough to resist if he wanted to, but as unspoken agreement, if I physically tried to move him, in general, he moved. I pulled him outside and Embry followed.

"What are you getting her involved in?" Lucas demanded Embry as we stepped off the curb.

"That guy _grabbed_ her," Embry defended, his arms beginning to shake again.

"Shit happens, Kid. She's a big girl and more than capable of taking care of herself in that sort of situation," Lucas practically spat at Embry. Embry shook his head from side to side in an effort to calm himself.

"Pot, kettle," I pointed out to Lucas, stepping between them. "Lucas, you need to shut your fucking mouth," I told him through clenched teeth, pointing my finger into his face. I then turned to Embry and made an effort to calm my voice. "Embry, honey. You need to calm down, this is not the time to lose control," I told him, reaching out to touch his arm. Lucas looked down at him and saw his shaking hands and pulled me back behind him.

"What's going on?" he demanded. I moved to step around him, but he held me firm behind him, stepping between me and the werewolf.

"Lucas. You are _not_ helping," I scolded. _"Let me go,"_ I commanded him silently. He hesitated for a second and I used it to step around him and to put my hand on Embry's arm. Embry stood there taking deep breaths, steadying his nerves. The shaking in his hands finally stopped, and I took his large hands in mine. "See there," I said soothingly. "Everything is alright," I promised rubbing the back of his warm hands with my thumbs. He looked into my eyes now and I gave him a weak smile.

"_Was he about to do what I think he was about to do_?" Lucas asked me silently.

"_Yes,"_ I told him honestly, not breaking my gaze with Embry. _"In the future, it might do well for you not to piss him off, Moron."_

Lucas cursed under his breath behind me and took a step to the side, the easier to intervene between the two of us if anything went wrong. "Lets go get something to eat," I told Embry and let go of one of his hands so I could walk next to him towards the restaurant.

"I'm sorry," he managed to choke out. "I'm so sorry. I should have never…" his voice faded out and he closed his eyes and shook his head again.

"Nothing happened," I reminded him as we walked into the restaurant. Lucas walked to the counter and asked for a table on the patio, as it seemed less crowded than the ones inside the restaurant. She quickly led us out there, we were the only ones in this winter weather to request a table on the covered patio. "So," I said turning to face Embry, "tell me about what your family does on Christmas."

Embry took a deep steadying breath and began to speak, reluctantly at first, but as he spoke his voice began to warm with the memories of spending Christmas with his mom. "On Christmas Eve, my mom and I spend the day together. She puts on Christmas music and we bake all day long. She makes all kinds of lemon bars and cinnamon cookies, and brownies, and that sort of thing, to take to her family's big diner the next day. And when she's done baking, I cook diner for her, because by that time she's too tired to do anything. It's usually something simple, like spaghetti, but I do what I can. Then we open our gifts to each other."

At that time the waitress came by and took our order. Embry and I ordered our food, but Lucas just asked for a coffee. The waitress hurried back inside the warmer restaurant.

"You open your gifts on Christmas Eve?" I asked. Lucas's phone began to ring but he ignored it preferring to stay by my side. He was being overprotective again.

"Well on Christmas day we spend all day with my grandparents on the Makah reservation which is always…interesting. There's always a lot of drama there, but they're family," he said with a shrug. The ringing on Lucas' phone abruptly stopped. His voicemail must have picked up.

"Makah reservation? You're not _Quileute?"_

_"Well, I am, but my mother isn't," he told me reluctantly. I sensed there was more to the story than just that._

_"You don't spend Christmas with your father," I stated more than asked._

_"Well," he started but stopped when Lucas's phone began to ring. I sensed he didn't want to talk about it in front of him. I turned my body to face Lucas._

_"Your butt is ringing," I told him gesturing to the phone in his pocket and hoping he would take the hint._

_"Yeah, it does that," he said stubbornly._

_"Why do you even have a butt if you're not going to answer it?" I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders. "That's the second time they've called in less two minutes, it might be important," I prompted. Reluctantly he got up and walked toward the restaurant answering the phone. "Yeah, walking into a crowded restaurant to make a phone call isn't the least bit suspicious," I mumbled under my breath. Once the doors shut behind Lucas I prompted Embry to continue. "So you were saying…"_

_"I," he hesitated. "I don't really know who my father is," he admitted reluctantly. "I only know that he was Quileute because of what I became," he said looking down into his drink. I wanted to reach out my hand to comfort him but thought it would send a mixed signal._

_"I never really knew who my father was either," I told him. "I always wondered," I began, but stopped myself. I was finding myself saying way too much to this boy._

_"Wondered what?" he asked softly. I hesitated for a moment, trying to understand why I felt so compelled to tell him so much. Maybe it was the sense that he was really listening to everything I was saying and not just pretending to. Maybe it was because we were family now, and I felt it was safe to share everything about my past with him. "I always wondered if Orson was my father." It was the first time I had ever spoken that out loud. "I mean, what are the chances that another one of my tribe would be so close to me all that time, you know. My mother never named my father and she died when I was very young, so I had no chance to ask her, but I've always wondered." I admitted to him. He nodded his head, listening to me. As strange as it was to be so candid with anyone, it felt nice to be able to talk to him. I hoped he felt the same way._

_"I have a question I've wanted to ask you, if it's not too personal." I added. I wasn't sure how to put the question to him, but it was something that had been nagging on my mind for a while._

_"Anything," he told me. It was his usual answer when I asked him a question. It made me smile._

_"It's about when we first met. You all seemed to be upset about something. You especially. What was it?"_

_He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "How do you mean?" he asked._

_"Um well," I began, not knowing how to explain it to him exactly. "When I…died," I hated using that word but I didn't know how else to explain it, "and I was standing there. I could see you, as I saw myself. Not your body, but you. Your soul, if you will. I saw you hurting," I told him, looking down at the table, embarrassed that I was unable to explain it right._

_"Hurting?" he asked under his breath._

_"You looked like you were…grieving. All of the wolves felt that way, except Jacob, he just looked worried. But all of you looked sad, but you looked more than sad. You looked devastated, like you were going to implode with the sadness that weighed you down. It doesn't seem like that anymore, actually your aura seems to exude happiness, and I was wondering why. I never was able to understand why that was."_

_I looked up at Embry then, he was looking directly into my eyes. "You're an amazingly perceptive woman," he told me. I blushed._

_"I can't help what I see," I said shrugging my shoulders._

_"Well," he began, "That morning started out like any other day. I had some homework to do during winter break. And then I was going to go on patrol with Sam one last time before Jacob got back. I was excited to run with Jacob again. We had been best friends since we were little boys. Jacob, Quil, and I. Anyway so Emily had made us breakfast at Sam's house and I was complaining about going to visit my mom's family for Christmas when Seth comes running in, looking exhausted like he had been running for a while. He said that Jacob had to speak with him immediately. So we shifted and Sam signaled out to Jacob. Jacob came to us a few minutes later, telling us about you. We were anxious, worried that you might not have been telling the truth about who you were," he told me, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment. "But you knew so much about our legends that we had to speak with you. We prepared ourselves and then set out to meet Jacob and you at the Cullen's. When we walked into the clearing we saw you standing there on the railing. I was drawn toward you and wanted to see you for myself, so I stepped out into the clearing and when our eyes met I—" he hesitated and let out a big sigh. "It's hard to explain. I don't know how to tell you without sounding like a stalker." I laughed. "Do you know what imprinting is?" he asked me._

_What a random question_, I thought. I wracked my brain trying to think of where I heard the term imprinting before. "I think so," I told him. "But I don't understand the context in which you mean."

"Well what do you know?" he urged me.

"Well there are two different kinds of imprinting that I know of. There's the kind of imprinting that you do with a horse. When they're first born you separate them from their mother for a little bit and you rub your hands all over them. It's supposed to teach them to get used to humans, to accept them. It makes breaking them easier later." I started to think about the repercussions of what this would mean to me. Was Embry spending so much time with me because he was trying to get me used to spending time with the shapeshifters? The look on Embry's face told me that I wasn't even close to what he was talking about, so I started talking about the other kind of imprinting that I knew of.

"And then there's the imprinting with baby ducks. When they're born the first living thing that they are exposed to for any length of time, they thing is think is their mother, even if that thing isn't even a duck."

"Well we imprint too. Like the thing with the baby duck," he said with a smile, "but different." He let out a deep sigh and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "When I looked into your eyes for the first time from across that field," he paused again, struggling for words, "you suddenly became very important to me. I was drawn to you immediately and nothing else in the world seemed to matter anymore. Not the homework that I had been doing that morning, or worries about meeting with my mom's family for Christmas, or joining Jacob's pack again. I felt as if my life finally had a purpose, and that purpose was you. That's what imprinting is like for us."

My heart began to pound in my chest and my palms started to feel slick. I tried not to let him know my reaction to what he was saying. I just looked at him curiously and waited for him to continue.

"When I saw you fall off the banister, I panicked. I knew that there was no way I was going to catch you if you fell, but I was so worried that you would be hurt. I'm so sorry if I scared you. I was just so worried about you that I had to do something. You looked up at me again and it felt like gravity was pulling me toward you, and then suddenly it was gone and you fell to the floor. My heart dropped, and then when I reached you, and you—" he swallowed hard and blinked his eyes rapidly as if fighting off tears. Instinctively, I reached out to hold his hand and he flipped his hand over and held onto mine as well. His hands felt hot to the touch. This seemed to give him the resolve he needed to continue. "You weren't breathing. I thought I had lost you. It was like my world had ended. It felt like I had finally found what was missing in my life, and then in less than three seconds it was taken away from me. It didn't seem fair, I hadn't even had the chance to get to know you, and you were just gone." A tear fell down his cheek and he wiped it away with the hand that I was holding. "I'm just so glad you're okay," he told me, brushing my hand with his warm lips in a swift kiss before lowing our hands back down to the table.

"_There. I told you he was going to make a move for you,"_ Lucas' voice silently filled my head. I should have known he would have been listening in.

"_Eavesdropper,"_ I accused. _"Mind your own business."_

It made me uncomfortable. I could hear the sincerity of Embry's words but Lucas's accusation made me stop and think about what Embry holding my hand from across the table, kissing it, would look like from an outside observer. Although the very thought of him holding my hand sent butterflies flying in my stomach in a way that was not unpleasant, I froze at Lucas' accusation. Embry sensed my hesitation and let go of my hand. I suddenly felt very cold at the lack of his warm touch on my skin.

"I'm sorry," Embry told me, settling back in his seat. I hadn't realized how much we had been leaning toward each other until then. I followed his example and sat back in my seat as well. Suddenly the table between us seemed like a much wider space than it had a few second ago, before Lucas interrupted. "Its weird, now, isn't it?" Embry asked hesitantly.

I chuckled nervously, "a little, yeah. But it does explain a lot," I said, reaching over to take Lucas' coffee from his chair to drink it. It suddenly felt cold out here on the patio now that I was no longer holding Embry's warm hands.

"What does?"

"Lucas has been bugging me all day saying that you were acting overprotective. He said you had a thing for me, but I told him that he was the one being overprotective."

Embry started to say something but at the moment Lucas stepped back onto the patio from inside the restaurant, holding the door open for the waitress bringing our meal. Embry turned his head as soon as the door opened and frowned at the interruption.

"_Lucas, don't start_," I protested.

"_I can't believe you're falling for this shit,"_ Lucas accused silently. _"I'll give the kid this much, he's got balls, even if they haven't dropped yet."_

Lucas' crude comments were getting to be too much. "It's not like that, he wasn't making a move, I only asked him a question and he was answering me." I spoke this out loud, Embry looked at me confused for a second and then back at Lucas when he realized that he had missed part of a conversation between me and Lucas. Lucas rolled his eyes at Embry as he sat down.

"Love at first sight, Embry. Honestly, can't you think of something more creative, that's the oldest line in the book." Lucas turned to me now, "I told you he was just trying to get into your pants."

I was going to protest that Embry said nothing of the sort, but when I thought about it, he was right. Embry didn't say that in so many words, but it was the general concept he was trying to get across. I didn't know what to say to him to convince him of Embry's sincerity.

"It's not like that," Embry defended. "It can be, but it isn't always. I love her, but that doesn't mean that I'm 'trying to get into her pants'." He was going to continue but stopped himself. "You know, I don't have to explain this to you," he told him.

"Fine, I don't think I could have stood another word of your bullshit anyway," Lucas told him and settled back in the chair. The air seemed to get even icier with the tension the three of us. I shivered and reached to take another sip of the coffee.

Great. _Now_ things are weird.


	25. Chapter 25: Concession

_AN: Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. You make life worth living. wink_

_Sorry about the abrupt ending last chapter. I was in a rush to get it out on Saturday. In my rush, I kind of forgot about editing (and um…censorship blush)_

_I'm doing something different this chapter. I didn't want to introduce other POV's yet but I thought it would be a nice shortcut. Hope you enjoy._

_-Samji_

**Concession**

Meri sat my coffee cup back down on the table with a soft thump.

"Why don't you take a walk, Lucas," she prompted. "_A long walk,"_ she added silently, "_off a short pier."_ I rolled my eyes. Threatening me was her signal that she had enough of me, but this was one time I was not willing to compromise.

"No," I told her, my voice was harder than I had intended but I didn't regret it. There was no way that I was leaving her alone again with that _pig_.

"I wonder what Yohannah would think about your little outburst," Meri wondered out loud.

I stiffened for a fraction of a second, but released my posture almost immediately. Human didn't sit that still, besides Meri was bluffing. "What, are you going to _tell_ on me?" I asked condescendingly.

"Were you planning on keeping this from Yohannah?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of coarse not," I told her my voice stiff. Just then the phone rang again. I was getting tired of hearing from Hanson about the trouble at the ranch. Wouldn't it be just my luck that things would go wrong the second we all decide to go away? I guess it could be worse, this could have happened while Meri was there alone. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if I had made the right decision in trusting Hanson with our business. The longer I spoke to him, the more he proved incompetent in all the areas I needed him for.

I yanked the tiny phone out of my pocket in annoyance and demanded into the receiver "What'd you want?" in a heavily slurred drawl. _Damn, I would need to work on that later. _I could do a pretty good job at hiding my accent but when I was upset like this it became hard to control my voice.

"Excuse me?" said the ringing voice on the other end of the phone sounding very annoyed. I froze. It wasn't Hanson.

"Mon Amore," I gasped, embarrassed by the way that I had spoken to my Yohannah. "I am so sorry. I've been getting phone calls all morning," I explained uselessly. She was a lady and there really was no excuse to talk to her in such a way. I shot Meri a murderous glare for getting Yohannah involved in this. If Meri wanted us to treat her like an adult, she should stop acting so childish. Telling on me to my mate? _Is she serious?_ Meri smiled back at me with false sweetness, which only served the purpose of pissing me off more.

"I told you to leave Meri be, Lucas," Yohannah scolded. She did and, against my better judgment, I had agreed. I was really regretting that concession now.

"Yes but—" I began but Yohannah cut me off.

"But nothing. You promised me that you would leave her be. This is not our business, Meri needs to be the one to lead when it comes to these people, and your job is to stand back and let her do whatever it is she needs to do. You need to let her go her own way."

_Let her go._ How many times had I heard these words from Yohannah? How many times have I told her that I couldn't? She was just so…broken. I couldn't abandon her. I allowed Yohannah to continue her berating and stopped myself from interrupting her. I knew from experience that I wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise until she had gotten this off her chest first.

Meri winked across the table at Embry. "Who's on the phone, Lucas?" she asked with false innocence. I covered the receiver with my hand.

"You know damn well who's on the phone, _Miss America_." I spat at her accusingly. She smiled at me despite the Miss America remark. I wanted to wipe that smug smile off her face.

"Is it Yohannah? Would you like us to give you some privacy?" she asked gesturing towards Embry. A slow smile crept across his face and I resisted the urge to punch the slime ball.

Over the phone, Yohannah's tirade continued, "what gives you the right to judge this man?" she asked, but didn't wait for me to answer. I tried anyway.

"My Love, if you only heard—" _what this scumbag was telling her_, I was going to say, but she cut me off again. I put a lot of effort into handing the phone with care, these modern devices were so fragile and I had broken more than one accidentally during just such a conversation. I took two deep, unnecessary breaths to steady my nerves as I listened to her lecture me once again about how "Meri is very much capable of taking care of herself."

"Why do you insist on getting involved, Lucas?" Yohannah asked me angrily over the phone. I hesitated, not knowing if this were meant to be a rhetorical question or not. "Answer me, Lucas," she demanded. _Oh is it my turn to talk now? _I thought, but stopped myself from being snappish at her. I knew it would only make it worse.

"She's—" I began but looked over at Meri. I didn't want her to hear me talk about her this way. "Hold on," I spoke into the phone and then covered the receiver.

"I'll be _right_ back," I told Meri, and rose from my seat.

"Enjoy your walk," she mocked. I remembered that going on a walk was exactly what she had tried to command me to do before Yohannah called and I gritted my teeth together. The phone cracked under my fist, but I was able to control my grip before I destroyed the thing. I'd never hear the end of it from Yohannah if I cut her off in the middle of the conversation.

"_This doesn't mean you win," _I told Meri,_ "I just need to talk to her alone_," I told Meri.

"_This isn't a contest,"_ she told me simply, shrugging her shoulders. Her smug smile told me otherwise.

"I'll be watching," I warned them both. Embry's eyes narrowed for a second, but Meri just shook her head at him.

"Just ignore him," she told him. I ground my teeth in frustration but turned my back to them and jumped the short railing on the side of the patio and started walking through the light rain, along the sidewalk bordering the parking lot. I needed some fresh air anyway, the stench of them was overwhelming.

"Lucas, you there?" Yohannah asked.

"Hold on a second," I told her walking out of Meri's earshot. "OK, I'm alone." She quietly waited for me to continue. We've had this conversation at least a hundred times and I still struggled with how to explain it to her. "I insist on getting involved because the situation calls for it," I told her.

"How did them talking at a restaurant warrant your intervention?" she asked, sounding annoyed. I had promised I wouldn't intervene unless something bad was going to happen to her and this was pushing the limits of that agreement.

"She's just so damn naïve," I finally blurted out. "You should have heard the lines he was feeding her, and she just fell for it."

"How is sheltering her going to make her any less naïve?" she asked.

I sighed. "This doesn't have to be sink-or-swim, Yohannah. She just needs to be looked after for a bit," I told her.

"So look after her, but don't interfere," Yohannah commanded. I started to protest but she cut me off again. "Did you really interrupt a private conversation between the two of them just to warn Meri that he was trying to get into her pants?" she asked incredulously. If I were human I would have blushed. I hadn't intended it that way, but that is how it happened.

"I just couldn't stand to listen to his syrupy sweet proclamations of love to her. He used the oldest line in the book and she just fell for it like some stupid kid."

"I don't see how it's any of your business either way. Why the sudden interest in who is and isn't in her pants. Meri has had many lovers over the years," Yohannah reminded me. I winced.

"You know as much as I do that this isn't like those other guys. This is important to her. If she gets involved with this guy and it doesn't go well, it could potentially ruin her relationship with these people. She would be devastated. She's not looking at the consequences of her actions at all," I accused.

"Even if Meri doesn't know who this Embry guy is, his tribe does. They wouldn't judge her because she was taken by him if he's some kind of womanizer."

I had to admit, she had a point, even if she was completely ignoring mine "It's not even that," I tried to explain. "I don't like them manipulating her like this."

"Who says they're manipulating her. As much as you hate to admit it, she's not our child, she's a grown woman. She has _needs_," Yohannah hinted at me. "She could be manipulating him. He's a very good looking man. It wouldn't be the first time she pretended to fall for some guys' line to get what she wanted out of him."

_Oh, Ew._ "That's just…I can't even think about that right now. And either way, her sleeping with him isn't going to help the relationship with the tribe at all." I sighed into the phone. "For once in her very long life she has somebody she can depend on, to be honest with. If somehow that chance is ruined, it would break her," I told Yohannah honestly. "It would break her."

"You mean more so than she already is?" Yohannah asked, knowing my thoughts.

"Yes, My Love. That is exactly what I meant. I don't know if she's ready for this." I had reached the end of the block and stood there for a second while I tried to decide whether to continue walking around the block or head back to the restaurant.

"Is she not ready, or are _you_ not ready?" she asked me. Her blunt questioning caught me off guard. _Was_ I being overprotective?

"I'm ready to have the house back to ourselves," I told her honestly, "but not at the expense of Meri's sanity."

Yohannah sighed, "She's not nearly as fragile as you make her out to be," she told me. "She's already doing so much better."

"What do you mean?" I asked, not knowing what to make about her last comment..

"Think back at how she's been acting the past few days. She's stronger, Lucas, stronger than she has been in years. She's been asserting herself, and proving herself to be very capable. She already practically runs the farm for us while we're gone. There has never been a better opportunity for her to start a new life on her own. She will have people who can watch over her like she needs to be, and if anything went terribly wrong, I'm sure the Cullen's would be able to get a hold of us and let us know. Things couldn't be more perfect. I think its way beyond time that our little one left the nest."

"But what if the baby bird can't fly yet? What if she falls, and we find her broken body at the bottom of a tree." I told her, flinching at my own imagery. "Pushing her off before she's ready isn't going to help her."

"Don't be so dramatic," she scolded. "She's ready, Lucas. Have a little faith in me."

"I have faith in you. I just don't trust _him_."

"You don't have to trust him," she told me, her voice becoming comforting, "you only have to trust Meri's judgment."

"I don't know if I do," I told her honestly.

"You'll never trust her judgment if you don't let go of this image in your head of her as a broken bird. She's not the same person she was when we found her forty years ago."

There was a long pause on the phone while I digested what Yohannah was telling me. She may have had a point, I did find it hard to not see Meri as the pot head we spoke to years ago.

"Well, nothing is going to happen today, anyway," she told me. "As little as you think of her, Meri isn't one to rush into things."

"Which is why it's bothering me that she's acting so erratic now," I told her. "I think this is moving to fast."

"Are they naked?" she asked, I could almost hear her smiling over the phone.

I scoffed at her attempt at a joke and rolled my eyes involuntarily. "No, its nothing physical. Well he kissed her hand, but that's not what I meant. He told her that he loved her."

"Maybe he does," Yohannah said off hand.

"Yeah, right," I said sarcastically.

"Well its not lust," she told me in utter seriousness, "it doesn't smell like lust," she said referring to her special ability. She was able to read people better than anyone I had ever met. Being a human lie detector was only one of her useful skills. Her sense of smell was stronger than anyone I'd ever met, and more importantly, she was able to put it to good use. Somehow she was able to smell the difference in someone's body chemistry and from that sense their emotions. It has proved very helpful in the past. I sighed.

"Then this is malicious?" I asked. If this guy wasn't interested in her physically then it had to be some sort of a ploy to get her to trust them.

I heard Yohannah sigh heavily into the phone. "Did it even cross your mind that he might actually have feelings for her? You know what? I'm not going to talk to you about this anymore. You're just going to have to keep on being suspicious for no reason."

I didn't stay anything in response. After a few second Yohannah continued. "So you've been on the phone all morning?" she asked.

"Hanson's having some trouble at the ranch," I told her.

"What kind of trouble?" she asked, suspicious now.

"There have been some suits around asking questions about who comes and goes."

"Suits?" she asked. "Like the FBI?" she asked, surprised.

I rolled my eyes, "Well, it's either the FBI or the Mormons. Those would be the only people who wear suits who would come around."

I heard her sigh into the receiver. I smiled a little. "This isn't funny, Lucas. What have they been doing? Have they said anything about why they're there?"

"They haven't said anything at all, but I'm assuming it has something to do with Villeforte," I told her, referring to the shady man who came to me a few years back with a proposition on how to double my profits on the pig farm. It was a method of body disposal that I was familiar with but hadn't employed often in the last few years. I had never thought of being able to profit from it before.

"I knew he was in bad news," she told me. I rolled my eyes, thankful that she was on the phone and unable to see me. He was a mobster; of coarse he was bad news.

"We don't know anything yet, only that they've been asking around," I reminded her. "There hasn't been anyone else under investigation in the area according to Hanson, so I don't think anybody squealed." I mentally congratulated myself for the unintended pig joke.

"Keep me updated," she told me.

"Of course I will. And hey, I'd prefer it if Meri didn't hear anything about it, alright?" I told her. "No need to get her worried about it." She was our secretary, but I tried to keep her out of shady business as much as possible. She knew nothing about our involvement.

"Of course," she told me. "Now leave those two alone. You're there to make sure she doesn't end up in a ditch somewhere, not to interfere with her relationships. Do you understand me, Lucas?"

"I understand," I told her. "I disagree _completely_, but I'll do this for you, Sha."

"I know you will," she told me. "Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." I hung up the phone and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans.

_God, this was like a train wreck_. As noble as Yohannah's intentions sounded on the phone, I couldn't push away the nagging feeling that Yohannah was just trying to get rid of Meri. I couldn't really blame her; she did deserve more of my attention. I did my best to split my time between them but it never seemed to be enough for Yohannah. Being the farer sex, Yohannah was not immune to jealousy, even though there was no reason for it what so ever. I loved them both in completely different ways. Yohannah was my deepest love, my mate, my wife. Meri was my friend and my ward.

I had promised Meri decades ago that I would watch after her. In fact, I remember laughing when—in her letter to me—she said that she needed a lot of looking after. When I swore that I was up to the task I had no idea how much that would entail. I laughed a short humorless laugh remembering what she had told me thirty years later when I had met her on the rainy day in southern California. "I know you promised to watch over me, but I doubt this is what either of us had in mind." Still I found myself compelled to look after her. Good thing I did, within a few short months she was sleeping on the streets. I brought her home with me, hoping to just get her on her feet, but she never did manage to get her feet underneath her. She was able to function at a basic level, but not much beyond that. Although she has come a long way in the last forty years, I still didn't think she had her feet underneath her.

Regardless, I do as my love asked me to. We would discuss it later, but until I was able to change her mind, I wouldn't stand in Meri's way, and in doing so, I wouldn't stand in Embry's way either.

I came back upon the restaurant from the opposite direction that I left from. Meri and Embry were still outside on the covered porch. Embry was sitting with his back to me and was thanking the waitress who had come to pick up their empty plates. I heard Meri ask the waitress to bring her two more cups of coffee and as the waitress walked away she closed her jacket around her tighter and shivered a little. It seemed an exaggerated movement even from several hundred feet away, but Embry didn't seem to pick up on it. He rose to his feet and asked her if she wanted to go inside but she waved him away. I rolled my eyes when, instead of insisting on going inside, he sat down next to her and put his arm around her offering to help her stay warm. He hadn't noticed me walking up but Meri had. She winked at me from across the parking lot. I couldn't help but smile a little. Perhaps Yohannah was right and she was using him. If that were true, I was overreacting. I had to admit to myself that I was prone to do that when it came to the women in my life.

"Enjoy your walk?" Meri called out to me, and Embry lifted his eyes from her face to watch me walk back up the sidewalk to the restaurant.

I jumped the short banister and stepped back onto the porch. "It was very refreshing," I told her as I sat down in the spot that Embry just vacated. I took in the way they sat next to each other, both angling their bodies toward each other and the way Embry's fingers absentmindedly rubbed little circles on Meri's arm. She seemed comfortable enough sitting there next to him. Surely I was overreacting before. There is, after all, a very small chance he _does_ have feelings for her. Perhaps he just has trouble not sounding like a moron when he speaks. Meri had dated plenty of men with the same problem. What was it she called them? Hopelessly romantic? I didn't exactly see the draw, of it. The same ones who spouted poetry at her always ended up being the who called incessantly when she broke up with them. I guess it isn't really my call though, as Yohannah so forcefully pointed out.

"_This was invited,"_ Meri told me silently as I watched them. I realized I had been staring at the way he wrapped his arm around her shoulder while I was thinking. I tore my gaze away from his tracing fingers and looked her in the face.

"_I know,"_ I told her silently. I sighed and then resumed the conversation out loud. "I'm sorry. It has been brought to my attention that I may have been overreacting," I told her curtly. She smiled smugly at me.

_Great, she thinks she won_, I thought to myself, but held my tongue from saying another biting comment. I silently reminded myself that it wasn't worth the trouble I would get into with my love when Meri tells on me like the little girl she was.


	26. Chapter 26: Issues

AN: This is my little tribute to Lovesick Ass, my favorite Wonderfalls episode

_AN: I apologize once again for the delay in writing. Personal business again. It's surprising how much things going on in my personal life affect my ability to write what I want to. Earlier this week I met up with an old friend and I was too happy to write Lucas's internal dialog. And now I'm having the opposite problem. sigh I hope this doesn't turn out too angsty. _

_I'm hoping to get more of the story out so I can finish it before November. November is NaNoWriMo and I wanted to work on my personal work during that month. I'll do my best to get this story out for you, or at least answer some questions and come to a decent stopping point before then._

**Issues**

"_How is it going? Is he behaving himself?"_ Yohannah asked me silently. Perfect timing. I set down my cup in haste and answered her.

"_Which one?"_ I asked knowing that she was teasing about Embry. There was a short pause in which I told Lucas to take a long walk off a short pier.

"_What did Lucas do?"_ she asked, sounding angry. I smiled a little to myself as I silently told her about Lucas' little tantrum at the restaurant.

"What do you think Yohannah would think about your little outburst?" I asked him.

He seemed to be forcing himself to relax, and then he smiled at me. "What, are you going to _tell_ on me?" he challenged.

I raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "Were you planning on keeping this from Yohannah?"

I saw the muscles in his jaw tighten before he opened his mouth to tell me, "of coarse not." At that moment his phone rang, considering the silence that Yohannah was now gracing me with, I had a pretty good idea who was on the other end of the phone. Lucas paused for a second before he yanked the phone out of his pocket and demanded "What'd you want?" in his heavy drawl. I had to work not to laugh. Usually he did a pretty good job of covering up his drawl. He was good at "doing" accents," but when he was stressed, he couldn't help but slip back into his natural way of speaking. It made me a smile a little because it reminded me of the arrogant little boy that he had been when we met seventy years ago.

I couldn't hold my smile back any longer when he gasped "Mon Amore," into the phone. His face went from embarrassed to furious in less than a second. His eyes were like daggers as he pointed them at me. My good humor disappeared but I did my best not to show how uncomfortable it made me.

"Yes but—" he began but stopped immediately, she had cut him off, as she was prone to do. I knew Yohannah well enough to know that he wasn't going to be able to get another word out before she was done talking to him.

"Who's on the phone?" I asked, pretending to be bewildered by his reaction.

He covered the phone with his hand and spat back at me, "You know damn well who's on the phone, _Miss America_." My smile widened. I was truly enjoying goading him on like this. I winked at Embry, knowing that from where Lucas was sitting next to me, he wouldn't be able to see.

"Is it Yohannah?" I asked with false innocence. "Would you like us to give you some privacy?" I gestured to Embry and I. I knew there was no way he would allow me to walk in the rain alone with him. I figured that a more subtle "get lost" was in order. Lucas glared at me but didn't say anything.

"My Love, if you only heard—" he began but was cut off once again. I watched Embry across the table. I liked the way his mischievous smile lit up his face. Despite the cold temperature, his smile warmed me, and I realized that it wasn't so much as his close proximity that had warmed me before but it was the emotions that his presence sent coursing through me. It was an interesting revelation but not one I really wanted to think about at the moment. I had promised Lucas that I wasn't going to start anything with Embry. I had even told Yohannah, and while she would be trilled if I did (she seemed to live vicariously through me sometimes) I didn't want to go back on what I told her.

"She's—" he began but looked at me with a look of embarrassment. "Hold on," he told the phone and then turned to Embry and I as he stood from his chair. "I'll be _right_ back," he warned me.

"Enjoy your walk," I called after him. Lucas stiffened and I thought I heard his cell phone begin to crack under his fingers. The grin on my face widened.

"_This doesn't mean you won,"_ Lucas told me. I stopped myself from laughing. Of coarse this was some sort of game to Lucas. Everything was a game to him.

"_This isn't a competition,"_ I told him silently doing very little to conceal my humor at his stupidity.

"I'll be watching you," he spoke pointedly at Embry. My nerves bristled under the poorly concealed threat. Embry perceived it as well and looked angry. I just shook my head at Embry, and wished that I could speak to him silently as well, to calm him without Lucas overhearing how much his words affected us. Responding to him would only make it worse.

"Just ignore him," I told Embry. Luckily, he seemed to calm at just my disapproval. _Interesting._

Lucas stalked off and jumped the short banister of the porch and began to walk out into the rain along the nearly empty sidewalk along the busy road that ran next to the mall. I scoffed. _What a piece of work. _I started in on my lunch and Embry did the same. After a few seconds, Embry began to speak but I gestured at him to stop as I watched over my shoulder until it looked like Lucas had started his fight with Yohannah before continued our conversation. Just in case Lucas was still listening in I started with something a little more irrelevant.

"God, I hate it when he calls me that." Embry looked angry as he looked over my shoulder at Lucas's retreating figure.

"What did he call you?" he asked defensively. He looked about ready to punch Lucas like he had that man in the doorway.

"Miss America. He only calls me that to annoy me," I explained. Embry seemed to relax a little and I realized that he had assumed that Lucas was talking to me silently and expected something much worse.

"I'm sorry," he told me. I smiled at his ridiculous attempt to console me.

"It's not that big a deal, really. He says it every time I annoy him. It doesn't bug me as much as it used to. If he held out on using it until the situation really called for it, like I do with his name, then it might hold more power." I told him, winking at him again. His face almost seemed to glow when I did so. The butterflies that were slowly filling my stomach seemed to like it when I made him glow.

"Real name?" he asked. It wasn't something I told most people, but it felt good to be in conspiracy with Embry.

"Lucas is what we've called him since I met him, but it's not his real name. Not his first name anyway. Lucas is actually his surname."

"I thought Dubois was his last name."

"No," I told him hesitating for a second. "Dubois is kind of an inside joke between the two of them. Dubois is French for 'one who thirsts' or 'of the thirst' or 'of the drink' or something like that. Vampire joke," I explained.

He smiled. "So, what's Lucas's real name?" he asked, but I just smiled and shook my head.

"Can't tell you," I told him honestly. Lucas didn't want anybody else to know what his name was because he thought it was embarrassing. "But if he continues the way he's doing, you'll probably hear it soon enough. He's really starting to get on my nerves," I added looking back over the direction he left in, but he had turned the corner and I couldn't see him anymore. He was _right_ though. Perhaps I was getting a little too close to Embry. Getting too close to men in the past never turned out well. Not for them, and this time not for me. I shouldn't allow myself to get caught up in his charms.

I took a deep breath. "He's been annoying me all day with his stupid little comments.

"I didn't hear him—" he began but I cut him off with a look and a tap to my temple. "What has he been saying?" Embry asked, sounding defensive again. Why did Embry have to do things like that and only prove Lucas right? Aren't I allowed _one_ friend? Is every single guy in the world completely incapable with being "just friends," with the opposite sex?

"He's been calling me a pedophile all day because of all the time I've been spending with you.

Embry laughed. "A pedophile? Is he serious? I'm nineteen. Nineteen is legal," he told me, still laughing.

"Legal or not," I continued, even more uncomfortable than I was before, "you are very young. I mean compared to me, you're practically a zygote." I had to work to make my voice sound casual despite the fact that Embry's smile had already faded. "No matter how many times I tell them that I'm not interested in your romantically, they won't let up."

"Is that so?" he said, thoughtfully.

"You're not making it any easier on me either," I told him

"How so?" he asked.

"Lucas was right about 'love at first sight' being the oldest line in the book," I told him taking another bite of my hamburger. I brief look of panic crossed his features but his face calmed again when he took one large deep breath.

"I hope you don't think I'm some kind of creep. I didn't mean it to come out that way at all. I seem to have trouble getting my words out right when I'm around you."

I laughed, knowing exactly how he felt, but stopping myself from admitting it. No point in leading him on. "Well, I didn't think it sounded like you were trying to get into my pants, if that's what you're worried about. As reluctant as I am to admit it, I don't think you were lying or trying to manipulate me." I consoled him. "In the future though, you may want to hold out on saying things like that where other people can hear you, it will save you a lot of trouble in the future."

"I don't know," he said with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "You'll never get anywhere if you don't take a risk."

"And where exactly are you trying to go?" I asked suspiciously.

"Wherever you are," he told me simply, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. I couldn't help but think that I liked how simple his world seemed to be.

"You're starting to sound a bit like a stalker," I teased, regardless to how his declarations were making me feel.

"I guess I _am_ starting to sound a little crazy," he admitted, blushing.

"No, not crazy," I laughed. "Crazy is a like a second language to me, and you weren't speaking it. You're just sounding a bit naïve. And well, a little obsessive too," I added. He smiled back at me, he was finding the conversations amusing. This was my normal way of communication, making jokes about serious issues, but I wanted him to take me seriously, and probably shouldn't continue trying to lighten the mood.

"Listen Embry. I'm not going to pretend to tell you what you do or do not feel and I sure as hell am not going to lecture you about what you should and should not be doing. I'm not your mom. But there are some things that I need to tell you before I lose my nerve to do so. It's something that you need to take into account when you're making your decisions about me, alright?" Embry straightened up in his chair and his smile faded.

"Okay," he told me quietly, looking into my eyes. I could tell I had his full attention.

"You said you loved me, yes? What you need to know is that I do not feel the same. We just met and, while I think you're sweet, and charming and very, very handsome, I do not _love_ you. Nor do I wish to start a relationship with you. You shouldn't be wasting your time," I told him, ignoring the fact that my heart was screaming at my brain to stop talking. I worked to keep my face expressionless. It was something I had picked up from Yohannah. Embry, on the other hand, did nothing to hide the hurt in his face, and it was breaking my heart. "Listen, you're a good kid. I just don't want to lead you on."

At this point, my hands had begun to tingle from the cold. I took another sip of Lucas's coffee. Although the coffee was still warm the handle on the cup was cold. When I set the cup down again I pulled my hands into the sleeves of my jacket. "Are you cold?" Embry asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," I told him, waving him off and then crossing my arms in front of me. I wanted to stay outside. There were fewer witnesses outside.

"Its not that I don't like you," I told him, embarrassed now. "Its just that it would be really stupid of me to mess this up over some guy."

"Mess what up?" he asked.

"This, everything. I came here because I was looking to start a relationship with you," I began but then stopped myself. I didn't mean to say that. "With you guys," I corrected nervously. I can't believe I just said that. "Things between me and…well everyone is already so knotty and complex, and going out with anyone right now would just make things so much more difficult. Things are complicated enough as it is."

"I think you're forgetting that I am a part of this tribe you're trying to establish a relationship with. Your relationship with me is part of that." I cut him off right there.

"That is _exactly_ my point," I told him. "Sure, it would be fun right now, but when things between the two of us get complicated, so will my relationship with them."

"Why would things between us be complicated?" he asked smiling as he took another drink of his soda.

"Relationships are always complicated. What if we get into a fight or something?"

"Why would we fight?"

"I don't know, everybody fights." I told him. I tried to think of something I fought about with my last boyfriend. "Maybe you don't like the way I fold your shirts."

"Why would I make you fold my shirts?"

"I don't know. Maybe you we're fighting _because_ I keep trying to fold your shirts."

"Why would I complain about that? I don't even like folding shirts."

"I don't know," I told him, I was starting to get annoyed. What else did we fight about? "What if I drink milk strait out of the carton and put it back in the fridge?" I asked.

"I'm lactose intolerant," Embry said, grinning. I had to fight back a laugh, but I pressed on.

"What if you don't like my snoring?"

"You snore? That is adorable."

"It's not so cute when it's keeping you up at night."

"Why would your snoring keep me up at night?" he asked innocently, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, I…" I stuttered. "Damn it, Embry. You are so naïve, you're cute."

"Oh," he said finally catching on. "We're sleeping together now, never mind."

"See," I accused, not able to hold back my laughter anymore. "Even our hypothetical relationship is happening too fast."

"I don't know, I kind of like it," he told me with a wink.

"Hey!" I began but he cut me off.

"I'm just teasing you," he laughed. "Really, I'm not that kind of guy." He groaned in frustration. "I keep trying to tell you something but you keep distracting me. Will you let me finish a sentence without you getting offended?" he asked. I rolled my eyes at him and took another bite of my lunch. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was waiting for an answer. I thought it was a rhetorical question. He really was asking my permission to speak.

"You don't think you've said enough?" I asked skeptically.

At this, he smiled. "Never," he told me. I tried to hide my smile behind my coffee cup. As complicated as he was making my life, I did have a soft spot for Embry.

"Fine," I conceded, when I realized he was still waiting for an answer.

"I see what you're saying," he admitted, "but I don't think things are as complicated as you think they are." I began to protest but he cut me off. "Keep in mind that I am in no way saying this because I'm trying to convince you to go out with me." He paused in his speech to see if I would agree to that.

"Sure," I agreed. Theoretically anyway.

"You are completely underestimating the hold you have on me. On us," he corrected, shaking his head as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat again. "From the moment that we met, you were family and every bit as part of the pack as I am."

"You hardly know me. How can you say that?" I asked.

"We may not know everything about you but we know what matters. We know we love you. Yes, I said we. We all love you, Meri. You're like the Prodigal Sister. You've been away for a very long time, and probably done a lot of things you wish you didn't, but none of that really matters. All we care about is that you're home now."

At the word home my heart seemed to fill with warmth and rise in my chest like a hot air balloon. He seemed to really mean it, he must not be understanding what I'm trying to tell him. "You don't know about the things I've done while I've been away," I told him doing nothing to control the sadness in my voice.

He was silent for only a couple seconds before he asked, "Do you plan on doing them again?"

I gasped. "No, never," I told him.

"Then it doesn't matter," he concluded.

"How can you say that?" I asked incredulously. "My past is what made me who I am today, and is very much a part of me."

"That's only partial true," he told me without pause. "Your past did shape you into the woman you are today, but you are not your past."

"You don't understand," I told him, frustrated with myself for my inability to tell him. "I—" I began but couldn't finish what I wanted to say. What was the simplist thing that I could say that would make him understand. "I'm not a good person, Embry."

"You don't seem like a bad person," he told me, looking hurt again.

I scoffed. "That's what makes me so good at it," I told him. He just shook his head like he didn't believe me. God, this is so hard. I decided to just be out with it and to let things happen from there. "When I said that my past has made me into the person I am today," I began, looking into his eyes as I tried to make him understand. "I meant that literally."

My mind panicked and it felt as if my stomach were filled with snakes, all writhing and biting inside of me. Never in my life have I felt so conflicted. Never before had I wanted someone to know something so bad, but had been so afraid of their reaction to it. God, if he knew what I had done, it would change everything. I wasn't even thinking about the tribe's reaction to me, all I could think about is how Embry would take it, how he would react to knowing this terrible secret of mine.

He looked deeply into my eyes from across the table. "I know." He said simply and panic flooded my brain again like a swarm of bees. Somehow he did know. Why wasn't he running away?

"You know?" I asked in disbelief. I felt the bitter wash of shame flood through me, leaving me feeling like a black hole had began to form inside my stomach.

"Are you referring to the fact that you're whiter than sour cream?" he asked, taking my hand in his. The contrast between the two was startling. As long as I had been in this body, I still expected my skin to be as dark as his, to be as beautiful as his, but instead it was as white as a corpse.

"Its not funny," I told him, disgusted but only at myself. I tried to pull my hand away from his but he held it firm in his large hand, the head of him traveling into my frozen hand and up my arm.

"I'm sorry," he told me. "I know this has got to be hard for you," he told me. I stopped trying to pull my hand away and he loosened his grip and we sat there in silence. I wasn't brave enough to look into his eyes, so I sat there watching his thumb make slow circles on my hand. I watched the contrast of his large dark skin on my tiny white hand and couldn't help but wish that things were different. That I had been brave enough to endure the torture my original body would have gone though, so that I could have faced Embry as the woman I was supposed to be, and not this…this flesh puppet I had chose to become because of my own cowardness. "You don't have to say anything," he told me after a silence that seemed to last for years. "We already know."

"But how did you…" I began but my voice trailed off in shame. How could they about the life I took to become what I am?

"It wasn't hard to guess," he told me. "Our legends tell of a man who had stolen another's body." I flinched at the words. Stolen, that is exactly what I did to that poor girl. "I didn't mean it to come out like that," he apologized.

"No," I corrected him. "That's a pretty accurate description." I said, blinking away tears.

He took deep breath and repeated that he knows. "And we know that when you're ready to tell us, you will. I can tell that this is hard to talk about, so please don't feel pressured to tell us everything now. This can wait years, if you're not ready for it. We love you, we don't want to hurt you any more than this already has." I felt almost embarrassed when he said they loved me, but in a way I loved them to. They were like family to me already, even though I had only known them for such a short time and I knew that they really shouldn't love me, not after what I've done.

"No, I think I need to tell you. I was going to tell you all on Tuesday, at the bonfire," I told him.

"You don't have to," he told me, holding tighter to my hand.

"Yes, I do. I don't think that I will ever feel completely comfortable with you guys until I've told you everything," I admitted. Embry leaned forward across the table and touched my chin softly, pulling my eyes from off our hands, so that I would look up in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him, trying to sound confident.

"Are you absolutely certain?" he asked. His ebony eyes seemed to be boring strait into me.

"Of coarse, I am." I wondered why he looked so worried about it. "Why?" I asked.

"Well," he said, hesitating. "I know how hard this must be for you and last night…well Paul was kind of an ass."

I laughed despite myself. "Yeah, I noticed," I said wiping away a tear that had fallen during our conversation. I started to tell him that I'd be perfectly fine but stopped myself, thinking about opening myself up to all those people and then to have that guy accusing me again. Its not like I didn't deserve it, but I wasn't sure if I could take that. Regardless, it was something that needed to be done. "I'll survive."

"I just don't want to see you hurt," he told me, looking into my eyes again. I was all too aware of his close proximity to me, how good his warm hands felt against my skin. My stomach filled with butterflies, and on my cheek tingled where his hand still lingered. I cleared my throat and shifted back uncomfortably in my chair. I shouldn't let him get this close. It would only end badly. For him.

"There's that creepy overprotective streak again," I teased, leaning away from his warm touch. It almost hurt to break contact with his warm skin.

Embry laughed. "Sorry, I guess that I can't help but be creepy today." He sat there in silence for a second but then began to smile. "Hey, you're going to be around for a while right?" he asked excitedly.

By the tone of his voice, I could tell that he expected my answer to be yes but I wasn't sure myself. I hadn't been a part of the decision making process when they planned this trip and I had no idea how long we would be here. Yohannah did rent the motel for two weeks, so maybe that was how long we were going to be staying. "I guess, I will," I told him reluctantly, not sure if two weeks meant "a while" for him.

"Well, you're going to need someone to show you around," he said.

"Isn't that what you're doing today?" I asked.

"Well yeah, but I mean around the reservation and the mountains. Do you like hiking?"

"I do," I told him reluctantly.

"I can take you. It will help you take your mind off of things," he told me, flashing me a big grin.

"Who better to take me around the area than my overprotective big brother?" I asked skeptically, emphasizing the "big brother" part.

"Exactly," he told me grinning wider. I couldn't help but grin back. "Someone's got to make sure you don't fall into a mineshaft or something.," he said offhandedly.

I laughed but refused to be sidetracked. "I'm sure that is your only motivation," I told him sarcastically. Embry almost looked hurt.

"I wish you wouldn't tease like that," he told me. "Really, I just want to get to know you better." He sounded almost sad.

After a few moments of silence he finally told me, "I've decided that you're right."

"Of coarse I am," I told him, puffing up my chest. "What am I right about?" I asked.

"That I don't know much about you, or the things that happened to you to make you who you are. What I do know is that you've made it perfectly clear that you are not interested in any kind of romantic relationship with me." As he said the words, my heart dropped. This is exactly what I was trying to tell him, but somehow it hurt to hear him agree with me. I realized that I wished I hadn't said all these things to him. I really did want to get to know him better. It was too late now though, I had done my damage. "You're probably even right about your assumptions about me being too immature to be able to handle you and your problems. So what I was thinking was that we should totally hang out again."

"What?" I asked, laughing. The unexpected direction he had took the conversation.

"I'm not asking you to turn your whole world upside down for me, Meri. I just want to spend a little time with you. I kind of like you." He told me. I blushed a little and lowered my eyes. He smiled so big it seemed to take over his entire face. "Can we do that? Will you spend some more time with me, Meri?"

"Yes, I think we can do that," I conceded. "What else is family for?"

He smiled. "Good. Because to be honest, I spend a lot of my time at the Cullen's anyway, and you'd be seeing me everyday regardless." We both laughed.

I thought about it for a second. "You know, I told you why I kept my strange company, but you never told me why _you_ insist on hanging around with vampires."

Embry smiled as he explained to me about how Jacob had been friends with Bella before she was changed, and then about his imprinting with Renesmee. I have to admit that I was a little shocked when I found out about Jacob's imprinting with an infant but it did erased my doubts about what Embry had said about imprinting not always being romantic. Soon we were talking about trivial things like the books I read and the movies we liked. I saw Lucas walking up around the time the waitress came to take our plates, I asked the waitress for two more cups of coffee, anticipating that Lucas would want to stay and talk. I shivered a little thinking about the teasing I was about to endure from Lucas about the inappropriateness of the friendship forming between Embry and I.

"Are you cold?" Embry asked, looking concerned.

"No, I'm fine," I told him, waving him away, but he was already on his feet. He wavered for a second, seemingly to decide whether or not to push the issue.

"Here, let me keep you warm," he said as he sat back down. This time he sat right next to me and put his arm around me. It warmed me instantly. Just like it had during the bonfire it felt comfortable, like this was the way it was supposed to be.

I smiled as I saw Lucas' gait slow down as he walked up. He was probably interpreting this in a much different manner. I winked at him from across the parking lot, taunting him. As he got closer I noticed him smiling a crooked smile at me. At least he was in a better mood than when he left.

"Enjoy your walk?" I asked him as he jumped over the banister. The wind blew his strong scent towards us and I wrinkled my nose a little, but refrained from making a comment about his stench.

"It was very refreshing," he told me as he sat down across the table from Embry and I. He didn't say another word to me, just sat there glaring at the arm on my shoulder, sulking like a little kid.

"This was invited," I defended, giving him a "knock it off" look. It seemed to pull him out of his silent tantrum.

"I know," he told me silently, sitting up in his chair. He let out a heavy sigh and then told me. "I'm sorry." That surprised me, but I didn't let it show. "It has been brought to my attention that I may have been overreacting," he told me curtly.

I stared in stunned silence for a moment. How had Yohannah changed his mind? I didn't think I'll ever understand the hold she has on him. It was as if he had no free will at all.

"_God, what did you tell him?"_ I asked Yohannah silently.

"_I'm not God, but your welcome,"_ she told me. A slow smile spread across my face. Whatever it was, it worked. Lucas began to frown at me, as he appraised the situation once more. He looked like he was sulking again. _And he says_ I_ act like a child,_ I thought.


	27. Chapter 27: Not Invited

_AN: Thank the Lord for inspiration. This bulk of this chapter was written on HWY 156. There's nothing like a road trip to get the creative juices flowing. I didn't even know California grew that much cotton… I was in a silly mood, I apologize… _

_Sorry about the delay I could have swore I already posted this. Next chapter is already done so no worries._

_Oh but I wanted to change the title of the story to something less…lame. Any suggestions would be welcome._

**Not Invited**

We finished eating in relative silence. Both Embry and I were too shy to continue our conversation with an audience there. We sent Lucas back to the mall to get all the presents wrapped, but the conversation never really resumed. Despite the silence, it never felt awkward. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in all my life. Even with Lucas and Yohannah there was always some kind of tension between us, we were always teasing each other and looking for an opening for some kind of insult. With Embry things were different. He was like the other half of me that I never knew was missing.

"Yeah, I don't have much time for video games myself." I told Embry as we were sitting outside of the video game store waiting for Lucas to come back with all the wrapped presents. "I think the last video game I actually beat was a Zelda game for the gameboy. Not even for the DS or even gameboy color, but the old fashioned gameboy."

"The last game I beat was Halo, the original one," he told me.

"Well, I did beat the internet…" I teased. He smiled back at me.

"Did you now?" he asked, sounding amused.

"Oh yeah," Lucas said, coming up from behind and taking me by surprise. "Well I beat my wife." I laughed, more at the offended look on Embry's face than Lucas's inappropriate joke. "What?" Lucas asked in mock confusion. "She likes it."

"EW, Lucas! Too much information," I complained, still laughing. His phone rang again and he set the packages down on the bench next to me, he checked the number and smiled.

"Hello, my love," he said, and then his smile faded into a look of embarrassment. "Oh, sorry," he said into the phone and handed the phone to Embry. "It's for you."

"_Who's calling for Embry?"_ I asked silently as Embry put the phone to his ear and struggled to hear it in the crowded mall.

"_Jacob."_

"_Lucas and Jacob sitting in a tree…"_ I teased, Lucas rolled his eyes again. As we waited for Embry to finish his phone call I looked at the pile of packages he sat down next to me. It looked bigger than the pile I had sent him away with. "What's this?" I asked pointing to an exceptionally large package I was certain I didn't buy.

"That one's yours," he explained.

"What's in it?"

"A surprise," he told me.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Embry's call had ended and he handed the phone back to Lucas.

"Jake wants us to head back," Embry said apologetically.

"That's fine," I told him. I'm getting a bit tired of walking around. I need to sit down for a while."

"Are you sure? We can stay as long as you'd like."

"No its fine, and didn't you tell me you had to work this afternoon?"

"Yeah, I do," he admitted reluctantly.

"Well then it worked out fine," I told him, picking up some of the packages and heading towards the door. I reached for the big one but Lucas slapped my hand away.

"That's fragile," he told me, picking it up himself. I rolled my eyes at him. Embry was giving Lucas the look of death for slapping my hand but Lucas was ignoring him.

"You're fragile," I accused lamely as Lucas walked away. I kicked at the back of his knee, causing him to lose his balance, or at least he made it appear that way. He hit the ground hard with one knee but didn't completely fall. Never once did he lose his grip on the long package. "Watch it," he told me as he put his foot back underneath him and headed for the door.

As soon as we walked into the Cullen's house I was searching for somewhere to sit. The car ride back only seemed to make me more tired. The one they call Jasper stood from his seat on the couch and offered it to me.

"Thank you kindly," I told him as I dragged myself over and plopped down into the surprisingly soft cushions. Embry came into the door and immediately talked to Jacob.

"Aw, what'd you do that for?" Yohannah asked from the other side of the couch, sounding annoyed. "You're just going to give her a big head." I smiled, taking off my shoes and putting my feet on her lap.

"She's already got a big head," Lucas told her, sitting down on the floor in front of her. I shrugged my shoulders and then smiled and nodded in agreement.

"So how was your trip?" Yohannah asked.

I thought about it for a second. "Interesting," I finally told her.

"_Is that good or bad?"_ she asked me silently.

"_Little of both, but thanks for talking to Lucas, he was civil after you called."_

"Anytime, Baby," she told me out loud as she winked at me.

"What are you two conspiring about?" Lucas asked suspiciously.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him flatly, dismissing the subject. He didn't press any further.

"I need to make some phone calls," he said looking over his shoulder at me.

"Is it your turn to ruin Hanson's afternoon now?" I asked. He chuckled once.

"Sort of, I've got to make a few phone calls before business hours are over on the east coast," he told me, pushing his phone in my direction. "Can you put a couple people on hold for me?"

I didn't mind but protested anyway, "But I'm on vacation," I said sticking out my bottom lip.

Lucas stuck out his bottom lip right back at me, making a sad face. I laughed and took the phone from him. "Fine, who are we calling?"

"William Davis," he told me. I made a face. "What?" he asked.

"Davis is a creep," I told him.

"He is not," Lucas protested as I dug through his huge contact list.

"He has no respect for personal space," I explained.

"I never noticed anything weird about him," he insisted.

"That's because you don't have boobs," I told him finally at the D's on his contact list.

"_Neither do you,"_ he told me silently. He knew it was a sore spot with me.

"Touché," I told him out loud as I hit the call button on his phone.

Embry walked up to me then, "I've got to head out now," he told me.

"See you later," I told him off handedly as I listened to the phone ring.

"Davis," the voice on the other end of the phone said as he picked up the phone.

"Good afternoon Mr. Davis, this is Mrs. Llewellyn calling from Copper Truffle Farms," I began but he cut me off.

"Miss America," he responded happily. He was doing it just to be cute, and had no idea how much I hated being called that. I stood from the couch and began pacing, to work off the nervous energy that filled me whenever I talked to the slime ball. "So good to hear from you—" he began but I cut him off.

"This is not a personal call," I told him simply. "Please hold for Mr. Dubois." I hit the hold button and passed the phone to Lucas.

"You don't have to be so rude," he scolded, taking the phone from me.

"You haven't _seen_ rude," I told him right before he hit the button to talk to Davis. He headed outside to talk, I turned and was surprised to find Embry standing right behind me. I nearly bumped into him.

"Woah," I said, stopping myself from bumping into him. "Hi."

"Hi, he said smiling. "Mrs. Llewellyn?" he asked. I blushed.

"Yeah, it keeps the creeps away," I explained. "Well, most of them," I added laughing. "Why are you still here?" I asked.

"I wanted to let you know that I'll be picking you up around 8:30 tomorrow, if that's alright with you."

"_Little forward isn't he?"_ Lucas asked silently. I ignored him.

"Mmmmm," I said hesitating. "Make it ten o clock," I told him. "I like to sleep in."

"Ten it is," he told me smiling as he headed out the door toward Jacob who stood outside on the railing seeming equal parts impatient and amused.

"_Another date?"_ came the voices in my head. Both Lucas and Yohannah had asked the same question. I laughed because although they had said the exact same words, they had meant two completely different things. Yohannah's voice sounded excited, but Lucas's voice showed his disapproval.

"_It's not a date_," I insisted to both of them. I plopped myself back down on the couch and put my feet back up on Yohannah's lap, she absentmindedly rubbed my calves, it was kind of relaxing and not at all unwelcome after walking around the mall all morning. I leaned back on the arm of the couch and closed my eyes. I started to drift off for a second until I was abruptly pulled out of my trance by Yohannah pulling out a leg hair. "Ow!" I protested.

"_You need to shave your legs_," she told me. I was going to protest but took a look at my legs.

"Eh, I think you're right." It told her laying my head back down. She pulled out another leg hair. I tried to pull my leg away but she grabbed hold of my ankle with one hand and pulled out another leg hair with the other. "Knock it off, it hurts."

"You look like a satyr," she complained. I laughed.

"Just like the good old days?" I asked, referring to when we first met when I couldn't be bothered to brush my hair, let alone shower or shave my legs.

"_Yeah, except at least now you shave your pits. Before it looked like you were smuggling hamsters under your arms," _she teased.

I laughed. "Ewww."

"Squeak-Squeak," she teased. I laughed harder until she yanked out another leg hair.

I yelped and kicked her in the gut. It didn't do me much good, it felt like kicking a rock. "Hey isn't this in violation of the Geneva Conventions? I specifically remember reading…" I trailed off as I looked to see Lucas standing over me as I lay on the couch. He didn't seem happy.

"So, I see you have plans for tomorrow," he led. _Great, here we go._

"Yeah, and you're not invited," I pointed out. Yohannah snickered. Lucas just raised his eyebrow in a smug, "we'll see," kind of way.

"I don't think the decision is up to you," he told me smugly. I looked to Yohannah.

"You're not going," she told him. He stood there gaping at her. "After what happened at the mall today, are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that you're not going to interfere?" Lucas began to say something but stopped himself. "I didn't think so," she said calmly. "You're not going." Lucas had nothing to say after that if I didn't think it would only hurt the situation I would have done cartwheels. Finally, a day alone with Embry. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted to spend more time with him until now. It felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. Yohannah's word was final. Always.

"So what _did_ happen at the mall today?" Yohannah asked, interrupting my silent victory chant. I groaned. I just wanted to rest and not have to argue with Lucas about this.

Lucas smiled like a snake. "Ember punched a guy." I _knew_ he was going to bring that up.

"Embry," I corrected him and then turned to Yohannah to explain. "It was a bit more complicated than that," I told her, blushing furiously. "This creep at the mall copped a feel as we were headed to lunch"

"Well then," Yohannah told Lucas as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "he deserved it."

"It was ridiculous," Lucas added. "She didn't even try to block him or anything. She was putting her hands in her pockets, like a moron." He said aloud and then added silently just to me. _"You were practically asking for it."_

"I thought he was going to go for my wallet," I defended, and then added silently to Lucas, _"Nobody ever asks for some psycho to molest them at the mall."_ He rolled his eyes for the five-millionth time that day.

"Can we drop this?" I asked, adding silently to Yohannah that it was perfectly justified and that Lucas was just trying to 'stir the pot'.

Yohannah turned to Lucas and said, "drop it." He pulled my feet off of Yohannah's lap and dropped them to the floor and then sat down in the space between us. Unimpressed, I put my feet back on her lap, my legs draped over him. Yohannah grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. _"_

_Get me a drink," _I silently ordered Lucas. He rose immediately pushing my legs off the couch, almost pulling me off with him.

"_Yes, Miss America."_

"_Jerk,"_ I spat silently at him.

"_Brat,"_ came his reply as he continued out the door. I wanted to throw something at him, but couldn't find anything within reach but my shoes. I didn't want to throw them because it was too cliché.

"Corpse."

"Freak." That was too far. I grabbed my shoe and threw it at him. It hit him right between his shoulder blades. He froze where he was.

"Did you just throw a shoe at me?" he with humor in his voice. I held back laughter, it _was_ pretty ridiculous. He got a mischievous sparkle in his eye as he reached down to pick it up from the floor. I dived off the couch as he threw it back at me, it landed across the room by the door. I picked up my other shoe and threw it at him. He caught it in the air and hit it across his hand, threatening to hit me with it.

"Yohannah," I whined, still giggling, reached for her hand, trying to get her to rise.

"You asked for it, calling him names," she scolded, but she was smiling as well.

"He started it," I accused.

"Why, I'd never," Lucas lied.

"Yeah right," Yohannah and I spoke at the same time. She looked at me and smiled, standing up from her seat. I hid behind her. Lucas took a step toward us both and I put my foot on the couch and used it as leverage to climb onto Yohannah's back.

"OOF," Yohannah grunted. "Put on a few pounds?" she teased. Lucas took a step towards us but Yohannah ran us around the back of the couch before I had a chance to blink. I laughed out loud as Lucas feigned to either side of the couch and then decided to jump over the thing. Yohannah ran out the front door and into the field outside, Lucas right behind us both. Lucas held my shoe up and tried to hit me with it whenever he got close enough to do it.

We ran around the field like that for about half an hour before I finally called a quits. Fun as hell, but Lucas caught up to us a few too many times and my legs were beginning to sting from all the swats he had given me. I accused Yohannah of slowing down on purpose, but she just laughed and wouldn't admit to it, although after that accusation, Lucas got in several real good shots. Finally I called for Mercy and Yohannah let me down to walk back to the house. I was barefoot and freezing but I didn't complain. Yohannah rarely remembered things like that and I didn't want her to feel bad for setting me down on the cold ground. Lucas remembered though and offered to take me on his back, but I refused. I got a blanket from the RV on the way in and the three of us settled back down on the couch to watch movies.

This was always the way it was between us. When things got tense, we made a game of it. It seemed to work well enough for us, although our problems never really did get talked out, just forgotten. Or at least none of us brought it up again.


	28. Chapter 28: Haunting

**Haunting**

This time Lucas took the remote and flipped through the channels. After flipping through all of them twice faster than I could tell what was on TV he settled on watching Fried Green Tomatoes. It was based off of mine and Lucas' favorite book. It reminds us both of old times. We quickly fell into our usual routine. I made a few rude comments about his mom, and he slapped my legs. He made a few comments about crazy southern women and I kicked him, but besides that we had a pretty relaxing evening. By the end of the movie when Ninny died, I was feeling a little melancholy and by the look on Lucas' face he was feeling the same. Yohannah had gotten up and left us to work with her pastels. Ironically, Yohannah did not share Lucas' or my fondness for girly movies.

Lucas looked towards the front windows at the darkness outside. "Hungry?" he asked me and I stood with him and headed towards the kitchen.

"Shouldn't we be going back to the hotel room?" I asked.

"The Cullen's invited us to stay with them for a while," he explained. I didn't respond. I guess one place was as good as any other. They gave us enough privacy anyway. I searched the cabinets and refrigerator and decided to make myself a stir fry.

"What do you want me to do?" Lucas asked.

"You can be my sous-chef," I told him. After a second he stifled a giggle. "What?" I asked.

"Hi, my name is _Sue_, How do you _do?" _he began.

"You're going to die." We finished together chuckling to ourselves at our cleverness. Lucas began to sing "A Boy Named Sue" to himself as he chopped the vegetables for my stir fry. It didn't take long; we were only on a second song, The Girl I Left Behind Me, by the time I sat down at the table to eat.

"Meri," he asked softly as I started on my diner. It wasn't unusual for him to sit with me while I ate, but his constant hovering was beginning to get old. "Can I ask you something," he asked. The tone of his voice erased my annoyance in an instant. He sounded quiet and thoughtful and a little sad.

"What is it, My Friend?" I asked.

"I was wondering," he began hesitantly. "When you fell outside, do you remember anything about that?" he asked. He sounded unsure and weary.

"Yes," I told him simply, taking another bite of my stir fry and trying to avoid his gaze.

"What do you remember?" he pressed gently.

I tried to make a joke out of it. "Remember a long time ago when I told you that if you killed me I would haunt you for the rest of your life?" I asked, finally finding the courage to look at him in the eye. He nodded suspiciously. "Well, I found out that I have the power to do that," I joked. "So don't even think about it." I smiled and he smiled back at me but rolled his eyes.

"Meri, if I ever kill you, you can haunt me for the rest of my miserable days," he promised earnestly. "But I'm serious, what do you remember?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him. I seemed to be giving away too many secrets lately. I had kept this one from him for seventy years, why is now any different?_ "Did you see a light, Meri?" _he asked silently. Said in any other moment, I would have thought him joking to say those words, but he sat there in all seriousness and curiosity honestly looking for answers.

"_I saw many lights,"_ I told him mysteriously, slipping into silence along with him.

"_Truly, Meri?"_ he asked quietly, looking as vulnerable as I was feeling. In the past, Lucas and I would have long discussions about the life hereafter, in better times we did. As of late I had not talked about it, preferring to drown my sorrows in liquor or pot. Dying was something I thought about all too often and in all reality, but it wasn't something I wanted to talk about anymore. Lucas worried about whether or not creatures such as him would be able to pass to the other side. I couldn't give him that answer, because I had never gone there myself.

As I looked upon Lucas' face he looked almost childlike in his honesty at the table. I decided it was the least I could give to him, wasn't it? He didn't have to know the whole truth, just enough. It wasn't that I wanted to keep this from Yohannah more than it was that not everyone needed to know about it. If Yohannah asked, I would tell her later, I told myself, but I knew she would never ask. She never really cared about the afterlife, not like Lucas did.

"_It was nothing like they say,"_ I reluctantly continued. _"I didn't see those who had passed on before, and I still know nothing of God,"_ I told him honestly.

"_What _did_ you see?"_ he asked, placing his corpse-cold hand on mine. With my other hand I wrapped his hand completely in both of mine. It wasn't me who needed comforting here.

"_I stood above my body in the clearing,"_ I told him, _"and I watched all that happened around me,"_ I told him shaking at the memory of him flying out the front door with murder in his figurative eyes.

"_Were you scared?"_ he asked, guessing at why I was shaking. He picked up his other hand and placed it on top of mine again, comforting me once again. We sat there silently with all of our hands piled on top of each other, trying to comfort each other for reasons neither one of us could guess. I'm sure we looked like fools, but at the moment, I had tuned out the entire world, but my dear friend sitting next to me at the diner table.

"_It's not that,"_ I told him silently, looking into his red-orange eyes. His head tilted a little to the left in confusion as he tried to understand why I was shaking. _"I saw you," _I told him. _"I saw everyone, deep to their core. I wasn't so much scared for myself but for everyone else."_

"_I don't understand," _He admitted. I decided to show him. In my mind I remembered the way he charged outside, all full of rage and hurt so that his body distorted into a nightmare.

_It was an abomination. The emotions running through it frightened me. The charging creature seethed with negative energy: anger, rage, bitterness, and a possessiveness that bordered on lust. Its body was an unnatural red-orange color, and it seemed to be on fire with all the emotions surging through its body. The hideous thing tore towards my helpless body, and I truly feared for the safety of the body in the dirt._

I heard Lucas gasp in front of me, and his hands went stiff around mine.

"What is that?" he whispered aloud in horror. I continued with my vision to the point where the other golden creatures came to circle around the flaming red monstrosity that was there to hurt those that were there to protect the girl's—I mean my—body. "My God," he uttered under his breath, his hands tightened around mine to the point where it was beginning to hurt, but I chose to keep myself silent. He looked to be in just as much pain as I was in, and I didn't want to add to it.

"_Its alright, you just panicked,"_ I told him silently, trying to calm him. I showed him the way his aura had softened as we stood in the medical room upstairs. His body had softened with concern and regret. Lucas' grip relaxed a little at that, but the look on his face did not change. He was horrified.

"_You must have been so scared,"_ he said, his eyes once again focusing on my face. I shook my head and smiled sadly at him. His pain was hurting me. I regretted showing him what I saw. Nobody wants to see themselves like that. I showed him Embry's spirit standing over my body, so beautiful in its pain.

He gasped_. "An angel?"_ he asked. I smiled and shook my head. I didn't understand what it was at first either. "Its so…" he began but couldn't finish.

"_Pretty?"_ I suggested silently.

"Beautiful," he corrected. I froze my vision where it was so he could take a look at it better. His eyes focused on me once again after a minute. _"If not an angel," _he began silently but finish aloud. "What is it?" I smiled at him.

"Embry."

Lucas's brows tightened together in suspicion. "No," he said in disbelief. "It can't be." I moved my vision forward and allowed him to watch as the other wolves came to circle around me as the golden shapes continued to hold down the red monstrosity that was Lucas. "What was wrong with him?" he asked as he watched the shape seem to implode with all its hurt. I shrugged my shoulders as if I wasn't sure what to believe as I replayed the scene from the restaurant in my head and projected it to him. I stopped abruptly when Embry kissed my hand, and began to feel embarrassed about showing him too much.

"You know the rest," I told him, removing cold hands from under his. He flinched a little.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, still deep in thought. "I had no idea." He left it at that and didn't speak at all while I finished my diner. I wondered what he was thinking but didn't press it. He would talk to me when he was ready.

Our silence was interrupted by Yohannah calling me from the living room. _"You've got to come see this,"_ she told me sounding amused.

"_I'm eating."_

"_Just get out here,"_ she scolded and I mumbled an apology to Lucas as I rose from my half eaten diner to see what the matter was. Lucas rose with me out of respect, but sat back down. As I turned the corner to the living room I nearly bumped into a topless Embry. I took a step back in surprise. _"Told you,"_ Yohannah told me silently. I tried to hide my amused grin but failed.

"Hey, Meri."

"Hey…Naked," I managed to choke out. _"What is this, Spring Break?"_ I asked Yohannah silently. She was lying on the floor across the room drawing another picture with her pastels and pretending not to pay us any attention.

"_Boys Gone Wild,"_ she suggested, and I stifled a giggle once again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I just got off work."

"_Dressed like that?"_ Yohannah questioned me.

"That's some uniform. Where do you work where they let you walk around like _that_?" I asked.

"_And can you get me tickets?"_

"I was wearing more clothes earlier. I kind of lost my shirt on the way over," he explained, seemingly embarrassed. "Does this bother you?" he asked.

"_I'm bothered,"_ Yohannah told me silently_. "Hot and bothered."_

I tried not to let Embry see me fight off a laugh so I turned and grabbed him by the arm. As I stepped forward I couldn't help but notice once again that he was a full two feet taller than I was and his skin was burning hot. "Would you like to have diner with me?" I asked.

"I would love to," he told me and we walked towards the kitchen. I resisted the urge to comment on how hot his skin was, because I feared Yohannah would make another borderline obscene comment.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, no doubt suspicious about the smile I was hiding.

"Nothing. I was just thinking that your skin feels like it's about to burst into flames," I told him.

"_I'll tell you what's about to burst into flames. My—" _

"Yohannah!" I interrupted mock outrage, not realizing that I had said it aloud until I saw Embry's reaction to my sudden outburst.

"What?" she asked innocently from across the room.

"You _know_ what," I accused pulling Embry around the corner into the dining room. My face must have been beet red. He looked at me curiously but I wasn't about to explain to him what Yohannah was saying. "Its nothing," I told him, still blushing.

As I walked past the table Lucas rose. I rolled my eyes at him and waved him down. He was taught to rise from his chair when a lady rose or was seated, but that was a long time ago and his archaic customs annoyed me. Everything about him was annoying me. I felt glad that he wasn't acting hostile towards me and Embry but I wish that he would talk to me about it. We used to be much better friends than that.

I served Embry up a plate and commented on how little time he actually worked today. "Oh I was able to beg myself off early."

"Boss must like you," I told him offhandedly as I spooned him.

He smiled like there was some private joke I wasn't getting. "Oh, she loves me." The happiness that was inside me turned to ooze in an instant. She? He had asked me if I had a husband earlier but I never asked him if he was involved with anybody. I didn't understand why it mattered. I told myself that it was because I didn't want to make his girlfriend jealous but wasn't sure if I was lying to myself or not.

"Girlfriend?" I asked as I handed him his plate. I tried to sound casual. He laughed.

"No, it's my mom's store."

"Oh," I said trying to sound nonchalant as relief filled me. As we walked back to the table Lucas stood again. "Stop that."

"What? You want me to be rude?" he asked, sounding amused.

"Yes, sit down," I told him and he sat down until I pulled my chair out and he rose again. "Lucas!"

"Okay fine, I won't be polite anymore," he told me and sat down again.

"It's not polite if you're only doing it to annoy me." I went to sit in my seat and he rose again but I kicked his knee and made him sit down again. I sat before he had a chance to stand back up. At this point Lucas and I were both laughing.

Embry looked at me curiously from across the table. I tried to wipe the grin off my face. "So, you like it?" I asked. He told me that he did, but besides smiling at me from across the table, and telling me that business was slow today at the store, he didn't say much else. I assumed it was because Lucas was there. _"Why don't you go check up on Yohannah?" _I suggested to him.

"_Why?"_ he asked. I saw him wrinkle his eyebrows together from the corner of my eye.

I took a drink of tea to hide my smile. _"She mentioned something about bursting into flame. You might want to check on the condition of her panties," _I told him silently.

"Her panties?" he asked. I nearly choked on my drink when I heard him say it out loud. As it was I spit what I was drinking back into the cup I was holding. I heard Yohannah yell out from the other room.

"Meri!" she accused.

"What?" I chocked out, not even bothering to hide my laughter. "Why do you always assume we're talking about you?" I laughed. I blushed and covered my face with my hands, still giggling, when I saw Embry raise his eyebrows and bite his lip, chuckling. Lucas cupped his hands over his mouth and nose and tried to hold back the laughter that was shaking him. I locked eyes with Lucas again and pointed my thumb in Yohannah's direction. _"Get out."_

"By your leave," he told me still chuckling as he rose from his chair. He ruffled my hair as he passed. On his way out he paused at the door and then turned and called out "Hey Embry." I froze and looked towards him.

"_What?"_ I asked him silently. I stole a glance at Embry, he looked apprehensive, but curious.

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry about earlier. Forgive me," he said and then turned and out of the room.

Embry and I both stared after him for a moment before I shook my head and looked back towards Embry. He looked as confused as I felt. "I think he has a crush on you," I told him in a stage whisper that I was sure every supernatural being in the house could hear. The shock faded from his face and he smiled leaving only curiosity.

"What did you say to him?" He asked.

I blushed. Maybe Lucas did listen to me. I really didn't want to explain it to Embry at the moment though so I tried to make a joke. "It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, isn't it?"

He laughed and I smiled disarmingly at him. "Ever see that movie?" I asked him, successfully changing the subject. We began to talk about horror movies over our diner and in the process we discovered that we both enjoyed the newer horror movies out of Japan. I invited him to stay and watch a movie with me and he happily agreed. After we finished with out diner dishes we headed over to the couch to search for movies on the pay per view. We debated for a moment over which movie we wanted to watch, until we agreed to watch them both. We watched both Shudder and The Eye. Embry sat on one side of the couch and I sat in the middle with the blanket that I grabbed out of the RV over my lap. Yohannah sat on my other side and Lucas sat at her knees. We made it half way through shutter before I realized how warm I was under the blanket that I had brought but I was loath to part with it lest I have nothing to cover my eyes with when it got too suspenseful. Instead I pulled the blankets over Yohannah's legs as well. Pulling the blankets over Yohannah's legs got Lucas' attention.

"Aw, are you scared, Meri? Bless your heart," he told me, which we both knew was southern for "you're pathetic." I kicked the back of his head.

"Shut up, Huckleberry." He reached up under the blanket and pinched my leg, I kicked at him again, but was soon distracted by the movie. It wasn't long before I was cold.

Sitting with Yohannah under the blanket was like bedding down with a block of ice. I tried to pull the blankets back on myself but she grabbed them tight. _"Mine,"_ she told me silently. I rolled my eyes at her, and tried to pull them again but she held strong to them. I gave up my effort and instead leaned closer to Embry who was as hot as a furnace.

By the time the second movie had started I was glad that Yohannah was under the blankets as well. Embry was much too hot to sit next to, and she was much too cold, but in between them I was feeling pretty comfortable. When my feet got cold and my shoulder too warm, I changed position and leaned on Yohannah, putting my feet on Embry's lap. When the opposite happened I leaned back over to Embry. The Eye was scarier than the first movie we watched and I found myself burying my face into their shoulders and squealing like a girl more than once. At a particularly gruesome part of the movie, Embry put his arm around me and I grabbed his hand to cover my face instead of the blankets. Yohannah seemed pleased, but I was comforted too much by Embry's arm around my shoulder to really care how it looked to her.

By the time the credits had started rolling my nerves were at their absolute end. "Oh God, I'm glad it's over," I told them. Lucas laughed at me.

"Bless your heart," he told me again and I reached my foot out to kick him but he ducked out of my way. Silently I asked Lucas for the time and he pulled his cell phone out to show me.

"Oh crap. 12:30? Is it really that late?" I asked.

"Mmm, you should be heading to bed soon," Yohannah told me. I rolled my eyes at her insinuation and hoped Embry didn't catch it. He didn't seem to.

"I should be going," Embry said, standing from the couch. I leaned back over into the warm space he left there and pulled the blankets away from Yohannah.

"See you tomorrow then?" I asked.

"Ten thirty, right?" I nodded my head.

"Well, Goodnight then," he said. He stood above me, seeming uncertain.

"Goodnight," I told him and he turned toward the door. I watched him walk out.

"_How disappointing,"_ Yohannah told me as he left.

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Your bed is going to be awfully cold tonight,"_ she said. I grabbed the pillow underneath me and hit her in the head with it. I tucked the blanket in under my feet and fidgeted with the pillow for a few seconds before I shoved it under my head again.

"Hey, you don't mind me sleeping in the RV do you?" I asked.

"Why?" Lucas asked.

"I just want to sleep in my own bed for once," I told them. Yohannah shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't see why not."

"Okay," I told them with a yawn. "But in a little bit. I want to stay up a little while longer and watch something that's not going to give me nightmares," I told them as wiggled my fingers towards Lucas in the universal "give me the remote" gesture. I snuggled into the couch and turned the TV on to The Discovery Channel and watched some documentary on coral reefs.

The next thing I remember was the feeling that I was falling, but cold arms around me and Yohannah's soft voice reassured me that I was only being carried to bed. The blanket that I had been sleeping with on the couch was wrapped around me, but it was still freezing cold as she carried me to the trailer. Yohannah helped me into pajamas and led me to the bed. "Goodnight, Baby," she whispered as she pulled the blankets up to my neck and sleep overtook me once again.


	29. Chapter 29: Sibling Rivalry

**Sibling Rivalry**

I didn't sleep well that night, it was too damn cold. I woke up three times during the night. The first time I woke up in the cold and pulled the blankets over my head and willed myself to sleep. The second time I woke even colder than the first. It took me a few seconds to will myself out of bed to run to the tiny closet and pull out my robe, shove my arms through the sides and climb back into bed.

The third time I woke that night. I was panting hard and covered in cold sweat. I shivered there in the dark for a few moments before I was able to remember exactly what had happened. I remembered standing over the soft bed of a little girl in a attic. I could smell the age on the boxes that lined every wall of the room. A small girl lay on the bed, sick with fever. Her breathing was labored and her brow was covered in sweat. I looked at her and thought sadly that this little girl should be playing in the fields outside, instead of here in this bed, trapped by her sickness. So I reached over and took her hand to take her somewhere better. No child deserved to be confined to a sick bed. We walked away holding each other's hands. She looked up at me with her beautiful dark eyes and smiled. I smiled back at her until from behind me I heard a woman screaming. I turned to see the girl's mother there standing over the bed, which still held the small child's body. She picked up the body and began to rock it in her arms, wailing still. I looked down at the girl, still holding my hand. There was a look of sadness on her face. I squeezed her hand and she looked up at me. I smiled to give her courage and said "let's leave this place," and she turned away from her grieving mother and followed me out the door of the room, into the bright sunshine outside.

I shivered remembering the dream. _What could it mean? _I asked myself, but decided to give up that logic. It probably had something to do with that terrible movie I watched the night before. Besides I didn't want to think about it anymore than I already did. I curled myself into a ball and wondered instead why I was still alone in the trailer. Where were my friends to comfort me? Surely they had heard me tossing and turning. I turned onto my side and tucked my cold feed under the robe that I was still wearing. As I forced myself back to sleep by deep breathing I found myself wishing Embry were there to hold me. He wouldn't leave me like my other friends had.

I woke for the day only slightly warmer. The strangest funk song played in my head but for the life of me I couldn't remember the words, much less the title. I sat in there debating whether or not to get up or not. I didn't get good sleep that night and I was still exhausted. If I slept in a little longer, perhaps the cabin would warm up. But the ridiculous song playing in my head did little to settle me back to sleep and the dream that I had last night still lingered in my mind. It might be good to sit with my friends again and start the day as if nothing had happened. I dragged myself out from under the warm blankets and wrapped the robe more securely around me. I fumbled into a pair of old tennis shoes before heading out the door.

I opened the door and was immediately blinded by the sunlight. I hadn't seen the sun in almost a week and it seemed almost ridiculously bright. Before my eyes had a chance to adjust a dark figure stepped in front of me. It was brown and red and yet somehow reflected the sun's light so brightly that it blinded me. It sparkled and darkled a couple feet ahead of me for half a second before it came at me lightning fast again. It scared me so much that I fell backwards against the closed door of the RV and slid into the mud beneath the door. Yohannah's laugh pulled me out of my panicked state.

"Damn it, Yohannah," I yelled. She skipped backward a step and motioned for me to bring it. I pulled myself out of the mud slowly and wiped my hands on my already soiled robe. I stood glaring at her for a second before I broke off into a run to chase her down. As to be expected, she ran into the house and slammed the door behind her before I could get within a foot of her and she was running "slow" just to taunt me. I had to pause at the door to drop my muddy robe and slip out of my shoes. It was absolutely freezing outside without it, me in only a long sleeved polyester dress that didn't seem to hold in any heat at all. It felt as if I were wearing a dress woven out of ice. I quickly opened the front door and pulled myself inside. The blast of warm air that greeted me at the door was a lifesaver. If I had stood another minute in the cold, I think I would have gotten frostbite.

"God it is fu-" I stopped when I saw that the little one was in the room, reading a book on the staircase with her dad, and I censored myself. "—reezing out there."

"Fu—reezing?" Lucas teased.

"_Shut up_," I told him as I sat down on the couch and grabbed the blanket I left inside. No wonder I was so cold last night, I was missing one of the blankets that was supposed to be on the bed. The song that had been playing in my head finally became clearer. Gloria Gaynor's version of I Will Survive. What a strange song to have in my head.

"'bout time you woke up," he commented, without bothering to cover his accent. _"You're going to be late for Embry."_

I eyed him suspiciously. _"Why do you care?" _He just shrugged his shoulders. There was another one of the wolf pack here already, the younger one in Jacob's pack. "Mind if I sit next to you?" I asked. "I'm so cold."

"Of coarse not," he said, raising his arm to rest on the back of the couch, I scooted closer and he rested his arm on my shoulder. It felt awkward to have his arm around me. I pondered for a second how different it was than with me and Embry. I tried to shake the feeling that there was a reason for that. _What was this one's name again?_ I asked myself as I pulled my feet onto the couch with me and under the blanket, but for the life of me, I couldn't place it.

"So Seth," Edward began, "How was breakfast?"

"Delicious," Seth said and began to go on about how wonderful of a cook Edward was. _His name was Seth, that's right._ I looked over at Edward and he winked at me. _Ah, he heard me_.

Breakfast was starting to sound good, with the way that Seth was talking about it. I nodded towards Lucas, "Hey, get me a plate?" I asked.

"Sure," Seth answered.

"No I didn't mean—" I began to protest but Seth waved me away. "Oh, okay then." It made me feel awkward for him to get things for me. I rose from the warm couch to follow Seth into the dining room. He went into the kitchen to get my plate. As usual, Lucas followed me to the table and sat across from me. Seth came back from the kitchen with two full plates of food. He sat one in front of me. "Thank you," I told him. "Sit with me?"

"Sure," he said and settled down in the seat next to me, I scooted my chair closer to him, as he was still the warmest thing in the area, and my extremities still hadn't regained feeling. I winked at Seth as I asked Lucas if he wanted any. Lucas rolled his eyes and went on to looking out the back window while we ate. Seth and I made small talk about the constant rainy weather and about videogames and music and food. To my surprise we had a lot in common. More in common than me and Embry even, but still, I didn't feel the connection that I expected. I couldn't get my mind off of it this morning. I kept thinking over and over that what I felt with Embry was stronger than my connection with anybody else. Perhaps Lucas and Yohannah included, but how can that be. I hardly knew Embry.

Before I had gotten half way through my breakfast, Seth had finished all of his and excused himself from the table to go and run another patrol for Jacob before he got here. I looked up and was surprised to see that Lucas was still sitting across the table from me. "You've been awfully quiet this morning," I commented.

"Just thinkin'," he told me morosely. I tilted my head to the side. _"Can we talk?"_ he asked me silently. I groaned. "_Its just a talk,_" he assured me.

I sighed._ "What's up, Huckleberry?"_ I asked. The corners of his mouth went up a little at that but soon slipped back down.

"I was just thinkin' about The War," he told me. The War meant World War II and his transformation to a vampire.I reached my hand out and took his cold hand in mine. _"Do you think that things would have been different between us if I never left?"_ he asked me. This surprised me.

"Things would have been a lot different," I answered out loud. "Being in the ground tends to put a damper on most relationships," I teased.

He sighed in exasperation. "I'm serious, Meri."

"So am I, I really do prefer my corpses animated," I answered him aloud.

"Meri, stop," he told me, his voice sounded hurt. He sat there staring me down for a second before he continued once again in silence. _"I was just thinking that the last time I saw you really happy was before I left for The War."_

I tried to be honest with him. _"Things were simpler then. Besides I have been happy."_ Things were getting a little heavy for me so I tried to lighten the mood. "Remember the seventies. Didn't you like the seventies?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I remember the seventies. The late nineties weren't all that bad either," he added. _"But it was always different," _he continued. "_You were…different after I left. It makes me feel like,"_ he paused, searching for words, _"like I'm the cause of that change." _There he goes blaming himself. I can't stand it when he does this.

"_You're quite full of yourself, you know that? If you didn't leave for The War, I would have left you anyway. I'm a freak, remember? I don't age. People notice that sort of thing."_ I was starting to get really annoyed with him.

"_I know that_," he told me. _"But if that had happened, it would have been your choice, not mine. Besides, you can age. You have."_

"I don't want to talk about it," I told him, _"What do you mean about me aging?" _I asked, picking up on the last thing he said. I could age, but I had stopped myself.

"_When we met, everyone thought you were fourteen years old. There's no way you could pass for fourteen. It's hard to pass you for eighteen anymore. Especially in the past few years. You've really aged a lot. That's why we came here. You were unhappy, and you were growing old. We wanted to help you. I can't help but think of how you must have felt when you were told that I had died."_

"Are you saying I look old?" I accused.

"_No, I'm not_," he told me. _"I'm saying you look older, and I think it is because you're unhappy. That didn't happen until after I left you. I can't help but think that things would have been different if I never went off to war. I can't imagine how you must have felt when you were told that I had died."_ I was not in the mood to have a serious conversation with him this morning.

"Well," I began aloud, pretending to be serious. "At first I was afraid." I shook my head. "I was petrified. Kept thinking, 'I could never live without you by my side." He leaned forward to listen and I had to fight to keep a strait face while I continued. "But then I spent so many nights just thinking' how you done me wrong, and I grew strong, I learned how to carry on." He scoffed at me, catching on to the fact that I was just repeating the words to I Will Survive. He got up and walked out as I continued. "And now you're back, from outer space, I just walked in to find you standing there with that sad look upon your face, I should have changed my—" I was cut off as when Lucas walked around the table he took a swing at my arm and punched me so hard that tears immediately came to my eyes.

"Aw, Son of a—" I censored myself and instead of cursing I curled up in the chair and rubbed my injured arm. I was vaguely aware of others in the room now, Yohannah and Edward came into the room to check on what was making the ruckus.

"_Quit being such a baby,"_ Lucas scolded. _"I didn't hit you _that_ hard."_

"Mother—" I began but censored myself once again. That one would have been even worse than the last. I sent him daggers with my eyes while my vision slowly began to go read

He sucked in a deep breath between his teeth. "Eh, I'm sorry?" he asked me bending down to take a look at my arm. He pulled the sleeve up from my dress to examine the area. I slapped his hand away and when he didn't immediately pull back his hand, I continued to hit him, this time aiming my clenched fist at his face. He didn't even try to stop me; he just put his arms over himself to protect his face and winced whenever I swung at him. It only infuriated me more seeing him pretend to be hurt like that so continued to punch his arm. I swung at him four or five more times before I felt my shoulder wrench the other direction painfully. "Meri, your hand," Yohannah warned, and I stopped struggling to see her holding the wrist of my left hand in hers, restraining me. I had been punching him with the arm that had no feeling in it.

"Damn it," I complained and pulled my hand toward me; it was pink and curled up. I must have broken it again. I was so intent on hitting him that I hadn't even heard the crunch.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Yohannah demanded, but we ignored her.

"Great, you broke it again." Lucas accused gesturing angrily toward my hand.

"_I_ broke it?" I asked incredulously.

"You were the one who hit me."

"_You_ hit me."

"I didn't break your hand," he said as he crossed his arms in front of him.

"The hell you didn't."

"Alright, that's enough," Yohannah commanded. Her face carried a mixture of amusement and exasperation. I glared at her. She sighed heavily. "I swear, you act worse than children," she said. I began to protest but she cut me off. "Meri go take a shower and cool off. Lucas, you're coming with me."

"Like hell I am," I began but Yohannah silenced me with a look.

"Now," she added as she turned towards the back door.

"Moron," Lucas added in passing as he turned to follow her out. I flashed him an obscene gesture and made sure he saw me do it before I turned and stormed out of the room and back to the trailer. Good thing that Embry was coming soon. I didn't want to deal with this crap any more.

I swiftly walked out of house and into the RV, slamming the door open but not bothering to close it behind me. I didn't need to; the flimsy door bounced off the side of the RV and slammed itself closed. I stalked off to the back of the trailer and dig through the drawers and find myself something suitable to wear. I had stuffed my toiletry bag and added my under lovelies and a shirt to my bag when there was a knock at the trailer door. Embry already?

"Its Edward," called the voice at the door. I rolled my eyes. "May I come in?" he asked. I acquiesced and he stepped into the trailer.

_What is it?_

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

_Great, more talking_. I was beginning to feel trapped in the trailer with him standing beside the only exit as he was. He stepped to the side, allowing me a clear view of exit. _What do you want?_

"I just wanted to explain exactly what Lucas was trying to tell you."

Anger filled me as I slowly turned to glare at him. Of coarse he's taking Lucas' side.

"I'm not taking anybody's side," he asserted, "I just wanted to clarify exactly what he was trying to say to you."

"I don't care," I told him as I threw a pair of pants into my bag. "Reading my thoughts," I accused. "Have you any concept of the word 'private'?"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to interfere its just—"

"But you're going to aren't you? I don't know what I can say to make it any more clear that I don't want to talk about this."

"You don't understand," he insisted.

"This does not concern you. Mind your own business and get out," I ordered. He hesitated in the doorway, torn between his perceived need to clarify the situation and the engrained notion that when a lady asks you to leave her alone, you should obey. "Get. Out," I repeated slowly, menacingly. Suddenly I felt stupid. _Trying to intimidate a frickin vampire? What was I thinking?_

"As you wish," he told me, ducking his head and walking out the door. I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding and double checked the bag, add a towel and head back into the house. Maybe Yohannah was right, a shower might do me some good. Jacob was walking up to the house at the same time I was. We said short good mornings and I headed to the Cullen's guest bathroom. Edward was whispering something into his wife's ear as I passed. I flashed him a dirty look as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

The warm water failed to melt away my anger as I had hoped it would. I was more distracted by Edward's interference than the actual fight I had with Lucas. _Who does he think he is? _I thought. I gave up on trying to relax and decided to hurry the shower along. As I poured the shampoo into my left hand I noticed the damage I had done to it. No doubt about it, I had broken it again. Even after so little time had passed it was an angry pink color and already swollen. Already it was turning purple in some places. _Beautiful,_ I thought sarcastically. I wiped my hand off on my hair and put my broken hand to my ear and made a fist. It crackled like a log on the fire. _Not good._ I hurried to finish my shower, ignoring my unshaven legs just to spite Yohannah. Nobody was going to be seeing them anyway. I loaded the conditioner into my hair and brushed my hair out while I was still in the shower. If I waited until my hair was dry, it would only hurt trying to brush out the tangles with only one hand.

I got dressed quickly but came to a problem once I got to the bottoms. I had grabbed a pair of Yohannah's pants by mistake. There were three things wrong with that, the first one being is that I hated to wear pants. It wasn't ladylike. I could get over that easily. If that were the only problem I would put them on and change again in the trailer. The second problem was that they were way too long for my short legs, and with my hand lacking functionality as it was, it would take a ridiculously long time to roll them up. That was easy enough to remedy if Embry didn't mind waiting and something told me that Embry's patience would never be in short supply when it came to me.

The third problem was the most disconcerting. The pants closed with a zipper and a button and would be absolutely impossible to fasten with one hand. I tried anyway but after a couple minutes I gave up. I could feel the blood rise to my cheeks at the very thought of walking across the living room with all those near strangers with my pants unbuckled. I would need help.

"_Yohannah?"_ I tentatively called out. She didn't answer. _"Yohannah, I need some help."_

"_I'm busy."_

I explained to her the situation in the bathroom and while she did seem a little amused, she did not offer to help. _"Deal with it,"_ she told me.

I felt the panic and embarrassment flash up in me again as I called out one last time to Yohannah. _ "Please."_

"_No."_

I cursed under my breath and tried again futilely to button the pants with my one good hand. I tried to imagine a way I could carry my toiletry bag in front of me to cover my unbuttoned pants while making sure they didn't fall off me with only one hand. I made a trial run across the bathroom with the strategy I thought had the best chance of working. The pants began to slide off my hips after three short steps. I cursed under my breath again, mentally sending the sound Yohannah, wherever she was hiding from me at. A knock at the door startled me.

"Um, Meri," came the unsure voice on the other side of the door. "Its Bella, can I come in?" she asked.

Anger rose in me again. "Edward sent you, didn't he?" I asked.

"Um, yeah," she admitted.

I sighed heavily and thought out my options. "Can't a girl go to the bathroom without being spied upon?" I asked loudly as I opened the door for her. I hid behind the door as she slipped in. We looked at each other uncertainly before we averted our eyes. "This is so humiliating," I mumbled to myself as I put the toiletry bag back on the counter.

"Don't be so embarrassed," she told me soothingly. "I've been in your place more often than I'd like to admit when I was human," she told me conspiratorially.

"Bet you didn't have to ask some strange vampire to dress you," I speculated.

"Actually, I did."

"But you knew the vampire better than I know you," I guessed.

"Yes, but I broke my legs and couldn't shower alone. Alice had to help," she told me averting her eyes.

I considered it for a second. "Okay, you win." I paused, not knowing exactly how to ask her to do this, as we were both embarrassed to be in the situation. "Would you please…?" I trailed off, but gestured toward my zipper.

"Sure," she said and began to zip me up.

"Thank you."

"Not a problem," she lied.

"And let us never speak of this again." She laughed but nodded as she slipped out the door. I gathered my stuff and trotted out to the trailer. Embry had arrived while I was still in the shower. He raised an eyebrow at me as I shoved my nasty looking hand into my bag. "Don't ask," I pleaded as I walked past him and back out to the RV. As soon as I was inside I unbuttoned the pants and found a skirt to wear instead. It was well enough that Bella had helped me into them, but I didn't want to have to ask for assistance every time I needed to use the restroom. Along with my jacket, I slipped on a pair of fleece gloves to cover my gnarled hand. As I headed out the door to the RV to go and ask my Embry to save the day that was quickly spiraling downhill I was confronted by a very different face.

"Meri," Lucas said simply, blocking the doorway.

"What do _you_ want?" I demanded. He rolled his eyes.

"_I want to know what your problem is?"_ he

"What do you think my problem is?" I asked, refusing to continue the conversation in silence. He did not follow.

"_I don't know. I'm just trying to talk to you, why do you insist on mocking me?"_

"I don't want to talk about it," I said slowly as if I were explaining it to someone mentally deficient. "I tried hinting, and you were oblivious. I told you in plain English and you ignored me. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to talk about it. Stop talking." I pushed past him, and headed toward the house where Embry was waiting for me on the front porch, where he was glaring angrily in Lucas' direction.

"I'm just trying to talk to you," Lucas called out behind me, finally slipping into normal speak.

"No, you're trying to unburden yourself on me, and I don't want to hear it. I'm not your psychiatrist. Why don't you go talk to your _wife_?" I suggested, not bothering to turn and see his reaction. "Embry," I called out, frustrated. "Can we go?"

"Of coarse," he said, jumping over the railing and walking swiftly toward me. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I told him, my tone sharper than I had intended. I was tired of repeating myself.

"_You think leaving is going to stop me from talking to you?"_ Lucas challenged me silently. In response I made my internal voice as loud as I possibly could.

"_**Yes, I think it might,"**_ I told him and then sent a screeching sound into his mind similar to the sound of feedback from a microphone, his hands immediately flew to his ears in a futile attempt to block the sound. I cut it out after only a couple seconds. Manufacturing the noise I was sending to him was giving me my own headache.

"You're nothing but a little kid. You know that?" he yelled at me and then cursed under his breath and turned toward the house.

I turned toward the car, Embry stood holding my door open but watched in anger as Lucas stalked back into the house. "Don't ask," I warned him and settled into the seat. He turned the key in the ignition and pulled onto the highway without a word. I reveled in the silence.

**· · · — — — · · ·**

Author's Note: Alright, as you may have all noticed, I haven't submitted a single thing in over a month and a half, and for good reason. NaNoWriMo for one… but the main problem is that in reading this thing over again, I'm not happy with it. I started re-writing it from the beginning, thinking of this story more as a first draft, and while the second draft is better, it's further behind, and I haven't been working on this one at all. I have half a chapter after this, but besides that, nothing. I know exactly where its going but I can't bring myself to pull it forward until I'm happy with the beginning.

In this version, Lucas it too whiney, Meri and Yohannah don't have as deep a relationship as I want, and most importantly, Its too damn long. I ramble and ramble here without much direction. If I had time to edit, I would take out most of the fights between Meri and Lucas, and make them between Lucas and Yohannah. There are a few minor details I wished I had never added, because to go anywhere with them, it would make the story even longer. Already its nearly 30 chapters and only 75% done (and that's without the surprising plot twist I decided to add when writing my second draft)

Readers, I'm frustrated with all this. I'm not sure what to do from here. Whether to scrap this story and start from the beginning like I really want to and leave you for a very long time without sufficient closure, or to finish this story, that I am very not happy with, and then finish my better story at some other time.

Please advise. PM me if you can.

-Samji

**· · · — — — · · ·**

PS: I really appreciate all the adds. I'm just confused how y'all found my story way at the bottom of the pile, LOL. If anybody would like to enlighten me, I'd be greatly appreciative.


	30. Chapter 30: The Beach

**The Beach**

"Feels good to get out of there," I told him as I rolled down one of the windows. I stuck my hand out and cupped my hand to allow the air to lift and drag my hand as we traveled the road but it wasn't long before my hand was numb from the cold. I rolled my window back up and put my hand in my lap. "Or not. Too cold." He chuckled once but didn't comment.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Um, I…don't remember," he said after a minute.

"You don't remember?"

"No, I'm a little distracted." I knew that he must still be wondering about what the fight was all about this morning.

"Sorry."

"No, there's no reason for you to be sorry," he told me as he reached out to put his hand over mine. He didn't say any more, and neither did I but the silence was comfortable. I sat there watching his hand on mine, as I couldn't feel his touch at all. For the first time in a while I truly wished that I had feeling in that hand, so that I could feel his warm hand on mine.

"So what's your plan?"

He looked surprised. "My plan? What plan?"

"Your plan for the day," I prompted.

"Oh, my plan for the day." _What plan was _he_ talking about?_ I wondered. "I had packed a lunch for us. I thought that maybe we would go for a hike up in the hills near the national park, and then have a picnic. After that, I thought we might head down to the beach and check out the tide pools and then I would show you around the rez where I grew up." He looked away from the road for a second to judge my reaction to his plans and hastily added, "But I can see that you're not really in the mood for a picnic, so we don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No," I protested. "No, that sounds lovely. Except maybe we could have our picnic on the beach," I asked. "I haven't really been to the beach in years."

"It seems the car is driving itself in that direction anyway," he told me with a chuckle. "You wish is my command, Milady."

I had to laugh at that. "That was so lame."

"I know," he admitted, "but it made you smile."

"It did." I smiled at him but averted my gaze when he smiled back at me. The first thing my eyes landed on was his hand on mine. I blushed. _Why was I blushing_? "You know, Embry, you're a really nice guy." He blushed as deep as I did.

"Uh, thank you," he mumbled and focused his attention back on the road. The corners of his mouth turned down into a sad looking frown.

"That was a compliment, you know?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I know," he said quietly.

The car ride was quiet but not uncomfortably so. Everything seemed to flow more naturally with Embry and I and neither one of us felt the need to fill the silence with our chatter.

"And this is the rez," Embry said suddenly pointing towards a small group of buildings huddled together in a clearing. He slowed a little as we passed. "That's my mom's store," he said as we passed a small grocery.

"That's where you work?" I asked.

"Yup."

"Naked?"

"What? No," he laughed.

"'Cause the last time I saw you after work you were all half naked."

"I lost my shirt on the way over," he defended.

"Too bad, I think that would have been an awesome idea."

"What?"

"A topless grocery store."

"You're weird," he laughed.

"Yeah," I admitted and turned to look out the window at the forest beyond.

"Hey, weird is a compliment," he told me.

"I know," I told him with a sigh. The car came to a slow halt. "There it is," he told me drawing my attention from the forest to my right, to the beach which lay across the narrow road from us.

Looking across the street at the beach, the world seemed to be comprised entirely in shades of grey, like an old movie about happier times. The dark waves heaved onto the rocky shore. Across the bay, islands rose from the water, their steep cliff sides were topped with firs so dark green that they seemed to be black. There was only a small border of sand on the mile long crescent shaped beach before it turned into millions of large smooth stones which gradually got bigger the further away from shore. Piles of black seaweed lay cast aside on the high water mark and hundreds of driftwood pieces mingled with the dark rocks ranging from small branches to entire trees bleached by the salty brine of the ocean. It had been so long since I'd been to the ocean that I nearly forgot how much seaborne debris littered the beach. The scene in front of me contrasted sharply with the images I've seen on television the past few years. The beaches in movies and television were always perfectly clean and sunny and yet it still didn't compare to the beautiful scene in front of me.

He opened the car door for me and held out his arm for me to hold as we walked towards the water. The wind was biting cold, but it felt good as it blew the hair from my face. I took a deep breath and took in the smell of salt and seaweed that filled my senses and took me back to days long past, when I nearly lived on the beach in California, before when the world was much less complicated. "It's pretty," I commented.

Embry nodded. "You know, when you live here all your life, you never really stop to look around. Now that you've brought my attention to it, it does seem beautiful."

"I don't think it could get any prettier," I agreed. "Even on a cloudy day like this, it's gorgeous. I love the way that the colors blend together like a watercolor."

"Yeah," he sighed. I looked over to him to see that he wasn't paying attention to the scenery at all. He stared off into the distance with a blank look on his face, the corners of his mouth turned downward.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Nothing," he mumbled, breaking out of his trancelike state.

"Liar."

He smiled mischievously and quickly changed the subject. "Do you want to eat now, or go and see the tide pools first?"

"Tide pools," I declared and began tugging him forward. He chuckled again and began to follow, but tugged me towards the trees to the right.

The short walk through the thick pocket of forest only made coming back out to the ocean more beautiful. We paused at the tree line for a moment to take in the view, but I soon dragged him forward toward the rocks. He was characteristically obliging, and seemed to enjoy watching me explore the tide pools more than the tide pools themselves. I felt surprisingly nimble as I hopped from rock to rock in the tide pools. I had assumed that because it has been so long that I'd actually done this that I would have fallen into the ocean by now, but it seemed almost second nature. Everything I did with Embry seemed that way—less strained and simple—than everything seemed to be with Yohannah and Lucas. I lost my focus while jumping from rock to rock a couple times but Embry caught my hands. We were there for nearly two hours, just jumping from rock to rock and watching the sea life trapped in the tide pools: eels, crabs, and beautiful anemones.

"Would you like to stop for lunch now?" Embry asked, speaking for the first time in a while. I turned to see him holding his hand out for me to take. I put my left hand in his right as I rose to a stand but lost my grip immediately, as I had already forgotten my hand was broken. He held tight to me and pulled me to my feet. "You alright?" he asked, as I blushed_. Stupid hand._

"I'm fine."

He held on to my hand as we walked back to the sandy beach and our picnic. When we got there we found that we were not along in our exploring. A Quileute man was there with what looked to be his daughter. He apparently recognized us because as soon we stepped through the clearing he called out to Embry and waved him over. "Quil," Embry called out running ahead to meet him. It took me a second to remember that Quil was the other man in the field the day that I met Embry and that the little girl was not his daughter, but his imprint.

"It's good to see you again, Quil," I said walking up and offering my hand to him. He took it and pulled me to him bringing me into a tight hug. My eyes widened in surprise but I didn't pull away. I patted his back awkwardly. "This must be Claire," I concluded as he released me.

"Yeah," he said smiling. "Claire, this is Embry's friend Meri," he introduced me. I found it interesting that he introduced me as Embry's friend and not "our friend."

Embry cleared his throat uncomfortably and gave Quil a meaningful look that I tried to ignore. "It's nice to meet you, Claire," I said shaking her tiny hand.

"Well, we were about to leave. Let's go Claire-bear," Quil said uncomfortably. Claire giggled sweetly as Quil quickly lifted over one shoulder like a fireman. "Good to see you again, Meri."

I smiled and waved and he turned away back toward the cars. Claire watched us as they walked away and I waved at her. She giggled and waved back at me. Embry and I stood there watching them walk away.

"Cute," I commented when I thought Quil was out of earshot.

"Yeah, she's adorable," he agreed.

"I was talking about Quil," Embry's head swung my way. "The way he clammed up when you gave him that dirty look."

"What? I…" he trailed off, unable to deny it. "I'm going to go get our lunch," he said, changing the subject.

I smiled smugly. "You do that."

He ran back to the car to grab our picnic lunch out of the trunk. I watched him walk away and reflected on how much fun that we had today, not even really doing anything special. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time before, allowing Yohannah and Lucas rule my life. Sure, being treated like a princess had its perks, but it didn't seem like all that great of a tradeoff if I wasn't allowed to have this. Not just a day on the beach, but to hold the hand of a handsome man and not have to worry about him remembering me. It felt good to be able to talk to Embry about everything and not have to worry about that.

Then again, I didn't have to stay never-aging anymore, did I? The reason I kept myself alive for so long was to find Orson's tribe and to share his story. I've done that. There really wasn't much of a point to keeping this up anymore was there? The thought seemed appealing. To have a normal life with a home that I didn't have to leave every ten years or so, and perhaps even someone to grow old with. Odd how after so many years, growing old and dying seemed almost comforting. I was growing weary, and longed for rest.

"You look thoughtful," Embry commented as he sauntered back down the beach to me with a dark brown grocery bag in one hand and a blanket in the other.

"So do you." I still couldn't believe he went through the entire day without asking me what was wrong, although it was obvious it was on his mind. He laid the blanket out near the bonfire area and he laid out crackers and cheese and grapes and some sodas. Perfect for a picnic, I thought. I silently prayed a short prayer of thanksgiving.

I settled onto the blanket next to Embry and a wave of peace came over me as surely as if Jasper Cullen had willed it. I sighed. "This is nice," I told Embry and he smiled warmly at me. I took my gloves off and began to dig into the cheese platter when I heard Embry gasp. My entire body tensed up as I turned to look at him and see what had caused him to panic. Instead of seeing him watching into the distance as I had expected, he was starting down at the picnic area, his face was a mask of fear and concern. I followed his gaze to my hand which lay swollen and purple on my lap.

"Oh that," I said, my face burning hot in embarrassment.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he carefully picked up my hand and cradled it gently in his large hands.

"Oh yeah," I told him feeling both relief that this was something minor and embarrassment that I had inadvertently shown him my crippled hand. "Yeah, I do this kind of thing all the time. It looks worse than it is. I can't feel anything in that hand, remember?"

"It looks real bad," he told me. "Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I'll have Doctor Cullen look at it when I get home," I promised. "He's the one who fixed it the other day.

"The other day?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah it's usually broken some way or another. I can't feel anything in my hand so I don't notice it broken. Sometimes I break it and it heals funny and it becomes 'The Claw.' Dr. Cullen re-set the bones the other day."

"What happened this time?" he asked, seemingly a little bit more calm.

"Uh," I answered hesitantly. "I got in a fight?" The words came out sounding more like a question than a statement.

"What?" I saw his temper rising.

"Yeah, you should see the other guy," I told him, trying to make light of things.

"Who was the other guy?" he asked. He sounded menacing, as he sat there beside me, still holding my hand protectively.

Reluctantly I answered him in a way I hoped would lessen his anger. "I broke it punching Lucas this morning."

He seemed to relax a little when I said that but was still suspicious. "Why did you punch Lucas?"

"Don't freak out, okay?" I asked as I eyed him warily. "I punched him because he started it."

Embry's jaw clenched and he let go of my hand and stood up. "What do you mean 'he started it?'" he growled. I could tell that he was losing control over his anger.

"He didn't hurt me at all," I lied. "And I was really asking for it this morning."

I watched Embry take several deep breaths as he stepped further away from me on the sand. He was worried he was going to lose control and hurt me. "How could you possibly have been asking for it?" he asked angrily.

"Well, I was sort of taunting him," I told him, embarrassed by my behavior. "Really, he didn't hit me hard at all, just a sock on the arm. Don't you and the guys mess around like that?" I asked.

Embry seemed to calm down a little at that. He took several deep breaths. "Let me see it," he told me stepping forward toward me. I flashed him my hand for a second and then put it back down onto my lap. I felt childish doing it, but I didn't want to upset Embry anymore. "I meant where he punched you."

"Oh," I said, as my brain scrambled for some way to explain it. "Is that really such a good idea?" I asked. "It will only upset you. Besides, I heal pretty fast when I want to." I felt heat run through my arms, as my healing ability kicked in. The bruises in my hand lessened and my bones healed together. The bruise under my jacket disappeared almost completely. I pulled off my jacket and pulled the sleeve back to show the rapidly disappearing bruise. "See? Better." I said. I felt childish now, but hoped that I did the right thing.

I sat back down on the blanket and Embry followed my lead. We sat there in silence for a while nibbling on cheese, lost in thought. After a few moments, Embry broke the silence.

"Is that what you were fighting about this morning?" he asked, referring to the argument Lucas and I got into by the car.

"Sort of," I told him. "We were already fighting about something else before it came to blows."

"Does that happen often?" he asked.

"I guess. It's always been like that between us though, even when he was human. I guess we fight a lot but if you live with someone for long enough everything they do gets on your nerves. You fight about stupid stuff like that all the time."

"Nobody has the right to hit you, Meri," he told me protectively. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"We were just messing around," I assured him, pulling a Pepsi out of the pile. I tried to hold it in my left hand, but it had healed in a way which didn't allow me to open the can that way. I set the can down in my lap and was able to open the tab with my right hand.

"What were you fighting about this morning?" he asked again.

I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him at all. It would make things easier if I lied to him about it. I considered it, but dropped the idea. I didn't want to lie to Embry. I liked Embry, and it felt good to finally have someone I can be one hundred percent truthful with. I didn't want to mess that up with this lie. Even a little white lie could get out of hand quickly. I might say the wrong thing and have to make up another lie to support the first one. I didn't want that with Embry. "Promise not to tell anyone?" I asked.

"I promise," he told and I began to retell him everything that had been said between Lucas and I that morning.

"And its not even that I don't like talking to him about the good old days, you know. It's the 'what could have been' crap that I just can't stand. I hate it when he does that. Things turned out the only way they could have ever turned out. I mean, I can understand—to a point—why he would have trouble hearing from his friend that they were glad they were dead, but I've never been anything but honest with him. Repeating the scenario over and over again isn't going to change anything. I don't know what he wants fro me."

"Do you think he wishes they were different?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I told him. _Wasn't that much obvious?_

"Do you think he's trying to make things different now?" he asked. I suddenly felt as if I had been the one missing the obvious.

"No way," I told him. I waved the thought away with a motion of my hand. He's like my brother, its not like that."

"Are you sure?"

_Was I?_ "Of coarse I'm sure. He may have been morn on the bayou, but he's a slightly higher life-form than _that_."

Embry eyed me as if he thought I were deluded. "But he's only _like_ a bother," he pointed out. "He's no more flesh and blood to you than I am."

I opened my mouth to tell him how ridiculous he was sounding but my jaw slackened just as I was about to speak.

I didn't like his analogy.

When I first came here, did I see Embry as nothing more than a brother? And now did I see him in the same way? Here I was at a picnic lunch on the seashore and earlier we had held hands in the car like two teenagers. I had even caught myself re-thinking my views on marriage earlier and, reluctantly, I had to admit that Embry played no small part in that.

I snapped my jaw closed as I attempted to compose the right words to explain to Embry why things were different.

"I'm right, aren't I?" He asked. He didn't sound smug, he sounded worried.

"No," I said defensively. "You just don't know Lucas like I do. You only just met him."

"You put a lot of trust in him," he pointed out.

"I guess so," I reluctantly admitted. "We're very old friends."

"People change," he warned.

I shook my head. "He doesn't. That's one of those things with…" I hesitated to say vampire in such a public place, although we did seem to be alone for the moment. "Vampires don't change. He is the exact same person he has been for the last seventy years."

"Explain to me then. Ease my mind," he told me. It sounded like a challenge.

"Well, you've got to understand how exactly we became friends. From the first day we met, I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't going to put up with him flirting with me, and since then he never really did, except for in the war, but that was different."

"So he did change," Embry pointed out.

"But that was when he was human and that was different. The only reason he wrote to me was because he was too embarrassed to write to his mother. He didn't want me, he just wanted someone to come home too. Anyway," I added, "that was seventy years ago. Before even your mother was born."

I expected him to wince or to startle in some way over the reminder of how old I truly was, but he just sat waiting for me to continue, as it was of no consequence. So I continued. "The reason he keeps me around is because I remind him of better days. I remind him that he wasn't always the monster that he is." I winced when I realized how judgmental I must have sounded. "Those are his words, not mine. And while he isn't the same man who copped a feel on me at Dorothy Higgins sweet 16, he is the same man who took me in off the streets. He is the same man who ate eight cheeseburgers and spent the rest of the afternoon throwing up just to make me feel better. He would kill for me. He _has_ killed for me. He would never break my trust. More importantly though, he would never break Yohannah's trust. He loves her more than I could ever express to you. He is absolutely devoted to her and would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship."

"Jacob says they have been fighting," he pointed out.

"How would Jacob know that?"

"Edward told him," he told me simply.

"Well, let me give you a little tip, Embry. Just because you can't lie to him doesn't mean that he is in any way obliged to show you the same courtesy", I pointed out. "Edward may read minds, but I know their hearts. They're quarreling, just like any other old married couple. You spend enough time with one person and that's pretty much all you do. It doesn't mean that you love them any less, it just means that you're two different people, just as you always have been. They may not understand each other's sense of humor, or their taste in music, but they do love each other."

"What does Yohannah think about you spending so much time with Lucas?" Embry asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that what this is about?" questioned. _We aren't even dating yet and he is already jealous?_ I mused. "Yohannah is not nearly as paranoid as you are. She places a lot more trust in me than you do."

"I trust _you_ completely," he told me as he scooted across the blanket to my side. He put his arm around my shoulder awkwardly. I leaned into his shoulder and his arm relaxed around me. "It's them I don't trust."

"Well you don't have to trust them. You only have to trust my judgment," I told him as he began to absentmindedly rub circles with his fingers on my shoulder. "There is such a thing as a platonic relationship," I pointed out.

"Not in my experience."

I bit my lip and resisted the urge to point out that his experience only spanned two short decades, and half of those as a child. Instead I decided to give him an example. "Well, I like Seth a lot, and he seems to be nice to me. You don't see him putting the moves on me, do you?"

Embry chuckled. "Well, that's Seth."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't know Seth like I do. There is no way he would ever put the moves on you."

"Well you don't know Lucas the way I do," I countered. Embry frowned a little. "And you don't see me putting the moves on Seth, for that matter. Also, I had ample opportunity to seduce you in those woods, and I didn't."

Embry's frown deepened and I could almost hear his mind working as he stumbled for what to say. Finally, he painted an impish grin on his face and told me: "When did I ever say that this was platonic?"

"I just wanted to hear you admit it," I told him with a smile.

He held out his hands as if he was giving up. "When have I claimed any different?" I shifted my position so I was once again sitting across from him so I could see his face.

"At the restaurant a couple days ago, you said something about it not always being _like that_."

"I meant I wasn't trying to weasel my way into your pants. I'm just trying to be a part of your life," he told me.

I blushed. _Had I been away from normal people so long that I had forgotten that there was such a place between friendship and trying to get into one's pants. Had I completely forgotten about romance?_

"I don't want to fight with you," he told me sounding sad.

I chuckled. "We're not fighting. We're not even having a heated discussion. I'm not angry at all."

His eyes focused on the ocean as he contemplated this, still rubbing my shoulder gently.

I tried to change the subject. "So you're a life weasel?" I teased.

He chuckled but his eyebrows still crunched together, as if he knew that it wasn't what I was thinking of. I didn't like the way it distorted his perfect features. I kiss my thumb and put placed it between his knitted eyebrows—his ajna—to rub away his worry.

"What's that for?" he asked, not taking his eyes off me while I rubbed the worry from his eyebrows.

"Your forehead is all wrinkly," I explained.

"I mean why did you kiss your finger?"

I blushed. "Um, to keep the devil away."

"You kiss your finger to keep the devil away?" he asked.

"Well it's the saliva that does it," I explained.

He grinned impishly. "Can't you just kiss me?" he asked.

I smiled back at him and thought about it. _Do his type of people kiss on the first date?_ I wondered. Impulsively I leaned toward him. My heart pounded in my chest as he leaned forward slowly to accept my kiss. At the last moment I changed my mind and put my hand in his hair to direct his head downward so I could place my kiss between his eyes on his ajna. I let my fingers run through his hair as I pulled away.

"Happy?" I asked.

"Very," he told me with a sigh as he put his arm around me again. I leaned into his chest and watched the surf batter across the rocky island and roll across the sand.

-----

_AN: To my reviewers Dokuki and Serenearts: You are my heroes. You made my whole week. :D_


	31. Chapter 31: Not As Creepy

**Not As Creepy**

The sky grew darker as we sat on the blanket and the waves grew taller. They crashed further up the beach as the tide rose with the storm, but sitting here with Embry's warm arm around my shoulder, it all seemed a part of another world. My world was safe, and calm, and quiet. Everything outside of this blanket seemed irrelevant.

I couldn't remember exactly how I had ended up sitting so close to him and watching the waves, but it felt right. We had been talking for a while about random things, TV shows, music, philosophy, at one point we got in a very interesting discussion about the physics involved with Santa's yearly flight around the earth. But then we ran out of things to say and we just sat there watching the waves and enjoying each other's company.

Far out to sea, lightning flashed, and Embry shifted uncomfortably on the blanket. "I should get you back," he decided. "The storm's heading in. Already the tide rose up above the previous high water mark and was climbing a little too close to the blanket.

For the first time I noticed just how hard the waves were hitting the shore. I nodded and he helped me to my feet. "Oh crap," I murmured guiltily as he gathered up the blanket and picnic stuffs. "Didn't you have to work today?"

"Not until five."

"Isn't it about five now?"

He blushed guiltily. "4:30, but I can afford to be a little late," he told me and then turned his head to look behind me. I turned to see Quil running out from the forest across the street.

"Hey guys," he called out as he slowed to a stop in front of the car. "I was just dropping off Claire," he explained. "Sam and Emily want to know if you wanted to come over for lunch tomorrow." They both looked at me expectantly.

I wavered at whether or not to go. I didn't know either of them very much and so it was bound to be a little awkward. Besides the bonfire, I had only spoken to Sam briefly the first day I arrived. "Are you going to be there?" I asked Embry.

"I'm off all day tomorrow. I'm going if you are." he told me.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." It would probably be a good idea for me to spend time with both packs, especially since Sam's pack was the larger of the two. "Are you going?" I asked Quil.

"Yeah, I'm going," he said as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world. "She's making those cookies with the nuts and the jelly in the middle," he explained to Embry.

"Oh, I love those cookies," he said with a groan. "And her brownies…"

The two of them went on and on about Emily's cooking and began telling stories about things that had happened while they were at the Uley's house. I marveled at the two of them. They seemed so comfortable with each other, almost as if they were brothers. Quil seemed to have forgotten that I was there completely, although it was obvious that Embry never did. He kept one hand touching the small of my back at all times, and he seemed to naturally orient his body toward me whenever I moved.

I asked them about how long they knew each other. and they told me that they had been friends since they were very small, and that they and Jacob used to be best friends since as long as they could remember.

After a while, I reminded Embry: "Didn't you have to work?"

"Aw crap," he said as he checked his watch.

"What time is it?"

"4:50"

"You're going to be late," I complained.

"It's my mom's store. What is she going to do, fire me?" he asked. Quil laughed harder than the joke really called for.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Quil told me.

"Your mom fired you?" I asked, laughing.

"It's a long story," he told me. "I'll tell you on the way back to the Cullen's," he promised.

"You can't take me back. You're going to be late for work," I protested.

"Were you planning on _walking_ back?" he teased.

"I could take her," Quil volunteered.

"Are you sure?" Embry asked.

"It's not a problem. I wanted to go see Jake anyway," he insisted as he held out his hand for the keys.

"Are _you_ sure?" Embry asked me.

"Is he _that _bad of a driver?" I asked. Quil laughed. "I'll be fine, I'll see you tomorrow morning," I told him as I slid into the car. Quil took the keys from Embry's hands and climbed in the other side.

"Alright," he said as he leaned in the door to kiss me on the forehead, exactly as I had just a few hours before. "To keep the devil away," he explained with an impish smile.

"Sure it was," I told him with a wink. I kissed my thumb and planted it between his eyes. With my thumb, I pushed him out of the car. He gave Quil a dirty look as he closed the door. I turned to see what Quil was doing but as I turned my head toward him, he turned his head away and began tapping his hands on the steering wheel as if he was bored. I turned to Embry to ask what had happened.

"He was making kissy-faces at me," Embry explained before I had to ask.

I giggled. "Oh, sorry," I said and then turned to Quil. "Did you want me to leave you two alone?" I asked. Quil rolled his eyes as turned the key in the ignition. Embry's booming laughter from outside lifted my spirits; at least _he_ thought I was funny.

"Bye, Embry."

He drummed his fingers across the glass in a sort of wave.

The conversation during the car ride back to the Cullen's was halting and awkward—despite Quil's straightforward nature—until I asked him about Claire. Then he couldn't say enough about her. He went on and on about how smart she was and the new things she had been learning in school and her latest fixation on knock-knock jokes. You could hear the love in his voice. Quil adored that little girl.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's, I was surprised to find that most of them were outside in the field. Yohannah, Jasper, and Rosalie, were standing near the house, watching Lucas and Emmett who were standing together further away in the field. I said my goodbye to Quil—who walked into the house in search of Jacob—and reluctantly headed toward where Yohannah was standing next to Rosalie on the side of the house, watching their husbands in the middle of the field.

"Have fun with the garou?" Yohannah asked when she saw me headed her way.

"Garou?" I asked aloud. She gave me a look that told me that I was being dense and waited. Ah, Loup-Garou. Werewolves. "Oh. Yeah, I had fun. What's going on?" I asked as came to a stop at her side.

"Lucas and Emmett are going to spar. They're waiting for the storm to start." She glanced upward and then turned to me and pulled the hood of my jacket over my head to keep the rain out. She brushed her thumb against my cheek and then turned her attention to the sky again. The sky was dark and the atmosphere thick, as if the clouds held a great weight of water. As I looked up the first few drops of the storm splashed against my face and thunder rolled. The two men in the field began to spar.

Their movement was hard to follow with my eyes. They were a blur of brightness against the dark green trees and charcoal sky. It was hard to tell them apart at all when they moved so fast. It began to disorient me to so I turned my attention away from them and back towards Yohannah.

"_Good, I wanted to talk to you,"_ I told her. She didn't turn her eyes away from the fight. She watched them spar with interest.

"_Yeah, Lucas told me what you were talking about. Sorry about that."_

"_Why are _you_ apologizing for _him_ being creepy?"_

Yohannah chuckled. "_He means well. He's just not very practiced at this whole 'heart-to-heart' thing."_

"_I wish he wouldn't practice on me."_

"Me too," Yohannah mumbled as she followed the fight with her eyes. I could barely hear her over the crashing of bodies in the field in front of me. I might have been mistaken, but her voice sounded almost sad which made me feel as if I should be apologizing to her. All of Lucas' secrecy made me feel ashamed, as if I were betraying Yohannah's trust, although I had done absolutely nothing wrong. I opened my mouth to reassure her—and myself—of this but she cut me of.

"_He _did_ have something very important to talk to you about."_

I didn't have the slightest inkling of what she meant. _"What?" _I asked.

"_He was trying—and failing—to talk to you about choices."_

"_Choices?" _Her unclear clarifications were not making much more sense than Lucas had this morning.

"_When I first met you, you were a mess," _she began. I leaned against the side of the house and settled in. I knew this was going to be a long parable. _"You were all stung out and homeless, and your heir was dreaded up because you didn't brush it."_

"_Hey! I did that on purpose," _I defended.

She smiled a little. _"Sure you did."_

"_I loved my dreads. I looked good in them."_

"_You looked like a street urchin," _she told me as she raised her eyebrows incredulously. Yohannah never liked my dreads. "_Can I continue?" _She asked.

"_Sure."_

"_Lucas always carried a ridiculous amount of guilt over your declining mental state."_

"_You know, Lucas was creepy, but at least he wasn't insulting,"_ I teased.

She rumbled my hair and then pulled on my hood to re-cover my head. _"Lucas thinks that he took away your choice and that because you had no choice you were just floating through life like a boat without a rudder. You were tossed and battered by the waves. He thought that if you had more control of your life, you would have never ended up like you did."_

"_I _did_ have control of my life. Everything that happened was part of my plan. If he never joined the army and died, I would have joined—or pretended to at least—just so I could get out of there._

Yohannah was silent for a few seconds as she watched the two men wrestle in the field in front of us. There was more whiteness in the blur. It looked like one of them had lost a shirt, but I'm not sure which one it was. They both had dark hair and pale skin and—at their speed—it was hard to tell them apart. _"He didn't die, Meri."_ Yohannah sounded upset.

"_That's not what I meant," _I insisted. _"That was just the story that I was given at the time." _I hadn't intended offense, but Yohannah was sensitive about life and death. I tried to find a subject change._ "Is that what he was trying to say? God, I can think of at least a thousand less creepier ways to have said it."_

Yohannah chuckled. "_Yeah well, he is a scorpion. It is in his nature_." She was paraphrasing an old proverb about a scorpion who rode on the back of a fox across a river. Although the scorpion knew that they would both die if he stung the fox, he was unable to stop himself from doing it. Vampires don't change, and they can't help who they are. She was implying that Lucas couldn't stop being creepy to save his life.

I let out a short laugh._ "Well, I still don't understand his urgency to tell me all of this."_

"_Well," _she began but then hesitated as she put her arm around my shoulder. _"You know we can't stay here forever, right?"_

I looked up at her in surprise completely oblivious to the rain that splattered my face. Honestly, I hadn't given it much thought to leaving. So much was happening in the here and now that I didn't have much time to think of the future. Even if that future was so rapidly approaching.

"No need to be anxious," she told me as she gave my shoulders a small squeeze that wasn't as gentle as she probably intended. Yohannah could read me like a book, she knew me so well.

"_When?"_ I asked silently, unable to find my voice. I wasn't exactly sure why the thought of leaving filled me with such dread.

"_We haven't decided yet,"_ she told me. _"We've got Hansen running the ranch, but he didn't turn out to be the sharpest tool in the shed and he can't run things forever."_

I nodded. I had a feeling things weren't going well at the ranch because of all the phone calls that Lucas had been getting the past couple days.

"_And then you're going to have to make a choice." _ I blinked in surprise._ "That's what Lucas was trying to tell you this morning." _Yohannah traced the back of her slender fingers against the side of my cheek as she continued to watch to brawl in front of us. _"I know that these," _she paused before saying,_ "people are very important to you."_

I opened my mouth to assure her that she was very important to me as well but she silenced me.

"_I also know that we are very important to you as well. I love—we love you very much, Meri," _she told me as she traced her fingers along my jaw line. _"I love you too much to make this decision for you. You need to make this decision on your own. Neither one of us are going to presume to take your right to choose." _Her tone was hard; too determined to match her words. Perhaps it was the storm raging above us, or the battle in front of us, but I got the feeling that there was some deeper purpose to her words.

"_What do you mean by that?"_ I wondered.

"_It's just,"_ she hesitated. _"You have deep ties to us and—returning to the boat analogy—ties can both help and hinder you. A boat at rest is most safe when it is tied down. It doesn't drift, it doesn't get lost but you can't leave when you're tied. And when a storm comes, the last thing you want is to be tied down. If your ship is anchored at sea, the waves will flood the boat. It will be too much to take on and you might sink. If your boat is tied to the shore, the waves could beach you. Worse yet, it could send you crashing against the other ships, or the rocks and shatter you. It could kill you."_

Yohannah's analogy seemed much too dire for the situation she was describing. _"Are you expecting a storm?" _I inquired.

Just then, a flash of lightning light up the sky directly above us. The following thunder clap was so loud that it shook the windows on the house. The hair all over my body stood on end. "Ominous," I commented as the base rumbling continued around us. I was trying to make light of the situation. The thunder unsettled me more than it should.

The fight in front of us was causing as much thunder as the storm as their two rock hard bodies collided again and again. _"You're not trying to untie the boat, are you_?" I asked as a sudden wave of paranoia hit me.

"_Of coarse not. This is your decision to make. Neither one of us is going to push you either way. You need to _choose_ to untie the boat. That's what all this was about." _

I nodded my head in understanding. _"I still think he could have chosen a less creepy way of saying it."_

"_You're probably right. He told me that he was talking about the war and was tripping over his words. What exactly did he say?"_

I played the memory of it in my head as best as I could remember and pushed my thoughts toward her.

"Ugh. Moron," she growled. She took her hand off my shoulder and cupped both her hands around her mouth. "Get 'em Emmett," she called out to the two fighters in the clearing. In three seconds the fight was over. One last thunderous collision and Emmett was standing over Lucas with his fangs just a few inches from his exposed throat. They froze there for a second or two and then Emmett pulled Lucas to a stand and they shook hands.

"_Lucas wanted to apologize to you for earlier, but I told him not to speak to you until you spoke to him."_

I nodded my head and briefly contemplated continuing the silent treatment for the rest of the night. I thought about how nice it would be to not have to listen to his whining, but then guilt overcame me and I decided to give in. It wasn't his fault that his sincerity came off as creepy, and I was the one who took what he was saying the wrong way. Yohannah and I headed into the house and out of the rain and Lucas followed, missing his shirt.

"_You held each other close for an extra long time at the end there,"_ I told him. _"For a second there, I thought you were gong to start making out."_

"_So are we talking now?"_ he asked suspiciously.

I shrugged.

"_Well, I'm sorry about earlier," _he told me.

"_I know."_

"_Are we good now?" _he asked.

"_Sure."_ I told him. He patted my back from behind and then dropped it immediately as he put his other arm around Yohannah's waist.

"'Get him, _Emmett_?'" he asked her incredulously.

Yohannah and I both laughed at the mock hurt expression on his face.

"I thought you were supposed to be on my side."

Yohannah wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "I _am_ always on your side," she assured him.


	32. Chapter 32: Old Injuries

**Old Injuries**

"That's an interesting scar," Jasper told Lucas as he sat on the couch, waiting for Emmett to come down with a shirt that would fit him. Lucas laughed and Yohannah elbowed him in the ribs hard enough for the crack to be heard from where I stood a few feet back. It pulled me away from my anxiety about leaving.

"_What was that about_?" I asked Lucas.

"_It wasn't so much what he said but who said it," _Lucas explained.

"_Why is it funny that Jasper asked you about your scar?"_ Lucas sent me an image of Jasper, he looked the same except that every visible part of his skin was covered in scars. I turned to look at Jasper again. I couldn't see them at all. I sent the image back to Lucas. He told me that I was blind.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Lucas commented back to Jasper.

"It doesn't look like a bite mark," he pressed.

"It isn't one." Yohannah elbowed Lucas in the ribs again. "Do you believe in magic, Jasper?" he asked cryptically.

Yohannah and I made identical snorting sounds. "When someone is asking for it that insistently, it's not magic," I told him. "It is the hand of God."

"Well someone is full of themselves," he commented.

"God bless America," I shot back. I had forgiven him, but I wasn't ready to give up being adversative yet. He snorted.

"You did this?" Jasper asked.

"Sort of," I told him. I shifted uncomfortably when I realized that—once again—all eyes were on me. For someone who lived their life trying their hardest to avoid this sort of situation, it was hard to get used to. "Let me go get it," I offered as I started for the door.

"You brought it?" Lucas asked apprehensively.

"Jacinta said to keep it with me," I told him dismissively, while I inwardly gloated about how much it had disturbed him.

"Keep what with you?" Jasper pressed.

"It's a knife,"

"It's a machete," Lucas clarified.

"It gave you a scar? Where?" Emmett asked.

I used their distraction as an opportunity to sneak out the door and head to the trailer. I found it quickly, it was under the sink with the pots and pans—somewhere that I assumed Lucas and Yohannah would never look for it. It wasn't that I was afraid they were going to do anything with it; I just didn't want it moved. I hesitated at the door, not really wanting to head back into the spotlight again, but then realized that if I didn't come back with the knife, they would come here looking for it and I would have to explain myself. Reluctantly, I headed back to the house.

When I walked in the door, Lucas was just finishing telling them the story of how I got it.

"So—to fast forward ten or fifteen years—I found her on the streets,"

"Don't say it like that," I told him.

"What? That you were walking the streets?" he asked, catching on to what had offended me.

"Yes, that. You make me sound like your mother."

"Anyway," he said as he rolled his eyes. "I found her. Now, at this point she was pretty much crazy."

"It is not crazy to run away from vampires," I told him. "It's crazy _not_ to run away from vampires."

"Sweetheart," he told me, "there's a _man_ talking," and then he made a motion for me to shut my mouth. I twitched the knife in his direction, as if I was going to throw it at him, and he took a quick step to the side but did not otherwise pause. "She was crazy," he insisted. "We got in this fight over…something, I don't remember. We were always fighting about one thing or another."

I remembered why we were fighting. He had caught me sneaking out of the hotel room and he was trying to stop me. "I think we were fighting about our differences of opinion on whether or not I should be anywhere near you," I told Lucas.

"Something like that," he agreed with a chuckle. "So, she pulls out this machete and she holds it up as if she thought it would do something to me and I ignored her, thinking it just another one of her delusions. I decided to let her try it and see what happens, but it was me who was surprised."

"The thing cut through him like a hot knife through butter," I remembered. At this point both Jacob and Quil had come to me to check out the knife. I pulled it from its sheath and handed it to Quil who looked at it appraisingly.

"It hurt like hell, too," Lucas added as the room focused on Quil and the knife. Quil hesitantly put it to his finger, to test the sharpness. A razorblade thin cut appeared on his hand but it disappeared as soon as it came without much of a scar.

"Can I see it?" Jasper asked. I nodded my head, and Quil handed it over. "And you got this from some gypsy at a carnival?"

"I see you don't really believe in that kind of thing," I pointed out.

He laughed once and told me he didn't.

I pointed out his wife, and he said that she was different.

"Not so very different," I said. "Sure 90% of the people you find telling fortunes and contacting the dead _are_ just faking, and most of the people who can do that sort of thing are faking it as well, but that doesn't mean that kind of thing doesn't exist."

"Why would someone who knew how to contact the dead, fake it?" he asked.

"Because people don't pay for the truth. They pay for absolution. They pay for peace of mind. Nobody _really_ cares if their dead Aunt Rita really forgives them. What they're really there for is a reassurance that they live in a world where Aunt Rita can forgive them—a world where Aunt Rita _should_ forgive them. That is what they sell: closure. It's the same reason why people watch sitcoms. It's not the drama they crave, but the closure. Everything wraps up nice and tight at the end of every half hour. A con is more profitable than real magic, because nobody really wants to hear the truth if it's not a happy truth."

Jasper seemed to consider it.

"That was very poignant," Lucas commented, "the first ten or fifteen times I heard you give that speech."

"What did your friend Jacinta look like?" Jasper asked.

"The usual: 'dark eyes, red lips, and the tongue of the devil.'"

He indulged me with a smile that said that he didn't fully believe me. I watched him as he tapped the knife against his hand, making a clink-clink sound as the metal blade hit his rock hard skin. "It won't work on you," I told him.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because you have to really mean it for it to work. I've tested it. It's only worked that one time," I told him.

"Well that, and the other time," Yohannah added.

"Yeah, that doesn't really count. I can cut myself with a butter knife," I told her.

"What other time?" Jake asked.

"When I lost my arm."

"I thought you lost your arm on a hunting trip," Jasper asked suspiciously, looking to Yohannah, who had obviously told him a different story on the first day that they had talked. Yohannah shrugged her shoulders in mock innocence.

"We _were_ hunting," Lucas defended.

"Eh, it was more like a fishing accident," I amended.

"True," Lucas agreed with a wink. We were both enjoying teasing everyone with little hints at what had happened without giving anything away.

"Just tell them what happened," Yohannah demanded in annoyance.

"Alright," I agreed, reluctant to end my game. "About eight years ago, the three of us were on a camping trip in the Appalachians. I was fishing, but anytime either one of them came near the water, I couldn't get any bites. So I told them to just go off and do their own thing for a while, so I could catch some fish. So they both go off hunting, Yohannah heads toward Birmingham but Lucas makes some joke about me starving before I can catch any fish and goes off hunting wild game.

"They were only gone an hour or two when I see a sparkly reflection on the rocks in front of me. I figured its Lucas come back to flaunt the fact that he had found some deer before I had caught a fish. So I say something like 'damn it, PJ Sparkles, I don't want any your damned venison, I want some freaking fish.'" I edited my words, remembering that Renesmee was probably within hearing distance.

"PJ Sparkles?" Emmett laughed. "Nice."

"Anyway, it didn't turn out to be the brightest idea. I sat there waiting for him to say something derogatory back but he doesn't say anything back. When I turn around there stood a very sparkly, very hungry looking stranger."

"I send an SOS out to Lucas and Yohannah, but they had been gone for a while now and didn't think they would be able to get back in time. Meanwhile, the guy in front of me starts talking. He asks me who I was waiting for. I say 'a couple friends.' He comments on the fact that I don't seem too surprised by his appearance. I try to keep him talking so I tell him that I've seen it before.

"He says, 'your friends?'"

"I tell him yes. Then he tells me that I smell funny. I tell him that he didn't smell so rosy himself, which he seemed to think was funny."

"And I seemed to think was stupid," Yohannah added. I winced but continued.

"Well then he asks what my friend's names were. I didn't want to tell him, so I told him I didn't know. It turned out to be another really stupid move. I guess he assumed that I had met the two of them on a chance meeting." He started stalking towards me, and I start to reach into my tackle box for my knife, but then he turns and looks toward the trees and the next thing I knew he was behind me with his arm covering my mouth.

"Lucas appeared from the trees a couple seconds later. Ironically, he _had_ found a deer and was bringing it back to taunt me with it when I had called out to him."

"I don't remember, exactly what happened next, because I suddenly got very, very tired but I know there was a stand off for a while, Lucas tried to convince the guy to let me go, but he wouldn't. He started taunting Lucas, pretending like he was going to bite me, which sure as hell woke me up. He tried to convince Lucas to let him leave with me. He was curious about me, and was not satisfied with the answers that Lucas and I had given him about who I was.

"Then there was a scuffle, and in the midst of it, I got bitten," I said as I tapped the space in between my thumb and pointer finger on my left hand.

"It would be the understatement of the century to say that it hurt. I don't really remember anything but the pain but apparently Lucas and this guy continued their fight.

Meanwhile, I couldn't think beyond the pain that was slowly burning its way up my arm, but apparently I was screaming and yelling out 'I'm dying, I'm dying.'" I looked to Lucas, who was wincing at the memory. "But I'm not sure whether or not Lucas made that part up. I don't remember being able to talk but somehow Lucas remembered what I had told him about vampire venom being poisonous to me. It was one of the few things that my father _had_ told me about vampires before he died. He knew that if the venom spread any further that I would die, so as soon as he had dispatched our little visitor, he grabbed my machete and—" I made a motion of cutting my arm off at the shoulder.

"He cut off your arm?" Quil asked in shock, obviously the only person who hadn't heard this part of the story.

"Well, it got better," Lucas called out from across the room with a really bad English accent. I laughed at the Monty Python reference.

I noticed that Yohannah, Lucas, Emmett, and Jasper had wandered off into a corner to talk theories about the knife, and were no longer paying much attention to me.

Yohannah exaggerated a sigh. "Lucas," she complained. "This is serious." He made an effort to put on a straight face and turned back to his conversation with Emmett and Jasper.

I silently made another Monty Python reference about it being "only a flesh wound" to Lucas. He chuckled once, but quickly smoothed out his facial expressions when Yohannah gave him another warning glance.

"It grew back," I continued—only talking to Jake and Quil now, "but it's never been the same. The nerves don't go all the way down anymore."

"You grew back your arm?" Quil asked eagerly.

"Yes," I answered reluctantly, "but it's not something I'd recommend. It is painful. There is no promise that it will work, and even if it does, something could go wrong," I told him as I pulled off my glove and showed him my mangled hand.

He stepped back involuntarily. I smiled without humor at his reaction. "Besides, this is the kind of thing you only want to find out by accident," I added. Quil laughed.

"Yeah, I think so," Jake told me. I smiled.

"Well, I'd love to sit and listen to more of your stories," Quil interrupted, "but I've got to get home," he said.

"Goodbye Quil," I told him.

"Why do you always say that?"

"Say what?" I asked.

"Goodbye. You don't say 'see you later' or 'bye,' or anything. You always say 'goodbye.'"

I didn't know that anybody had noticed. "It's bad luck to leave without saying goodbye," I told him.

"I don't believe in bad luck," he told me.

I shrugged, and fought the urge to lick my finger and rub it into his forehead. "You don't have to believe in bad luck to have it."

"You think I have bad luck?" he asked.

"Look at the company you keep," I said as I gestured to the vampires huddled in the corner checking out the knife. They seemed to be ignoring me. They were much better at pretending not to eavesdrop than Lucas and Yohannah were.

"Same company you keep," he defended.

"Yeah, but at least I admit it."

"What do your friends have to say about that?"

"Oh they know they're bad news. Right guys?" I called out.

"Oh yeah," Yohannah said, over her shoulder. Lucas paused in his conversation with Emmett, looked back at us, pointed at himself, and nodded his head.

"See?" I asked.

Quil laughed and shook his head. "See you later, Meri."

"Goodbye." He rolled his eyes and headed towards the door. I noticed Embry's car keys on the end table and called out to Quil. "Hey, you forgot the car keys."

"Oh yeah, I forgot them," he repeated, sounding like I had just caught his hand in the cookie jar. I guessed that he had only left them so that Embry would have an excuse to come over later.

"Totally on accident, right?" I asked. Jacob chuckled, which only confirmed my suspicions. I grabbed the keys off the table and walked them over to Quil. Embry was a big boy and could find his own excuses.

"Totally," he agreed with a smile.

I handed him the car keys. "Goodbye, Quil."

"You've told me goodbye like three times now," he pointed out.

"And yet, you're still here," I teased. Jacob laughed.

"I'll see you at lunch, tomorrow." Quil called over his shoulder as he headed towards the door.

"Goodbye Quil." I laughed when I realized I had repeated myself once again.

I could hear him laughing at me as he pulled his jacket over his head and jogged through the rain back to the car. Quil was fun. I could see why Embry liked him so much.

"_Takes some people long enough to get the hint,"_ Lucas messaged me. I ignored him.

"You and Embry have plans for tomorrow?" Jacob asked, as if he already knew the answer.

I nodded my head and smiled. "Sam and Emily invited us over for lunch."

"I wondered when you'd get together. What's on the menu."

"I haven't the slightest," I told him. "Although Quil did say something about sugar cookies with jelly in them."

"She's making the Swedish cookies?" he asked.

"I guess that's what they're called," I told him. Jacob got a faraway look in his eye as if remembering something pleasant. It reminded me a lot of the way Embry and Quil had been so engrossed in the food conversation earlier when we were talking at the car. It was funny how alike they were, but so different. Quil seemed to be a bit of a show off, Jacob seemed like an overgrown kid, and Embry was the shyest of the three, but also the sweetest.

"Are you going to walk to the bonfire from their house?" he asked absentmindedly as if he wasn't really interested in the answer. In truth, he was paying more attention to Nessie, who was reading with Rosalie in the corner.

He had my full attention. "The bonfire is tomorrow?" I asked. My voice was a little higher than normal. His eyes flashed back to me in an instant.

"Yeah. Is that alright?" he asked as if it mattered what I thought of it.

"Yeah, that's fine, I just didn't—" _I didn't what?_ "I didn't realize that it was so soon. Time has gone by pretty fast the last few days." I hoped I sounded convincing.

He didn't seem to notice the hesitation in my voice. Instead he looked over to Nessie. "Yeah, time flies," he said.

I took his distraction as my cue to walk away. I settled onto the couch where Yohannah was talking with Esme. I scooted close to Yohannah and leaned my head against her shoulder. She put her arm around me. "What are you thinking about?" she asked, as if she could sense my uncertainty.

"Nothing," I told her. I couldn't exactly put my anxiety into words. I couldn't explain to her what I was going to be confessing at the bonfire and why it made me nervous. I was thankful they weren't leaving now. I know she didn't want me to feel tied down by them, but it was nice to know I had somewhere to run away to if it came to be too much. But then again, once the bonfire was over if they changed their opinion of me, nothing really tied me here either. I had done my duty and told my story to my father's tribe. I didn't need to be here.

Unless Embry still wanted me here…

_AN: I apologize in advance for the delay in the next one coming out. I think I have to write the next couple chapters in a pair, lest my readers kill me for another chapter ending in uncertainty :P_

_Love you guys_.


	33. Chapter 33: Out Of Body

**Out of Body**

Later that night Yohannah and I laid on the floor in the living room watching television. I lay on my stomach with a blanket around me and a pillow scrunched up under my chin. Yohannah had control of the remote and since the last show had just ended, was flipping through channels like a mad woman looking for something interesting. Every few seconds she would stop and ask me if I wanted to watch one show or another but nothing seemed very interesting. I was too tired to show much enthusiasm about anything. In truth, it was late enough that I should have been in bed, considering that I had somewhere to go the next morning. I was only partly because I didn't want to have to walk out into the storm to get to bed and partly because I had too many things running through my mind. And if I was going to be staying up late, I might as well have some company. Yohannah wasn't going to be going to bed anytime soon.

Finally Yohannah settled on some inane romantic comedy about a hit man without asking my opinion. It was a favorite of hers. "Lovey, come watch this with me," she called out to Lucas who reluctantly left his conversation with Emmett to come and lay on the other side of Yohannah on the floor. He lay in front of the screen for only a couple seconds before he sighed heavily.

"So you want to watch the movie or you just want to make out?" he asked her.

Yohannah and I both giggled. "I want to make out," she told him.

"Really?" he asked, sounding pleasantly surprised.

"Yup," she said but then she turned toward me and put her hand behind my head.

"Eww, ew ew," I complained as I turned my head away and buried my face into the pillow. "I think he meant with him, Yoyo."

"No, no. Continue," Lucas teased.

"Eww," I complained as I shot Lucas a dirty look. I lifted one of my legs over Yohannah's body and kicked him. I kept my leg lying on top of Yohannah, in case I needed it for quick aim.

"You never know, you might like it. The taste of my cherry chap stick," she continued paraphrasing a Katy Perry song. Lucas laughed and I kicked him again.

They were both laughing at me now. "I think I am enjoying this way more than I should," Lucas teased.

_Okay, getting creepy again_, I thought. "Burn in hell, Lucas."

"You'd have to send me there first," he reminded me.

"Oh, I have a few ideas," I promised, trying to sound menacing.

"Even with your damn knife, you'd have to catch me first."

"I was thinking about cutting your breaks."

"Not going to work, I am nigh invulnerable."

"Yeah, but you like to speed. If you crash into a tree at a hundred and twenty miles an hour, your car will burst into flames," I mused, knowing that fire is the only thing that would completely destroy him.

"'Stop, drop, and roll,' Baby." I smiled a little at his jab but didn't want to lose the argument. The lights in the house dimmed for a second because of the storm, but they did not go out completely. While he was seemingly distracted by the dimming lights, I grabbed the pillow from under my head and leaned over Yohannah's cold body to shove it into his face—to pretend like I was smothering him. He laughed, and I felt Yohannah shake with laughter underneath me as well. I couldn't help but laugh myself.

I held the pillow over Lucas' face until his laughter stopped. "Are you done?" asked his muffled voice from under the pillow.

"Just a second," I told him as I began to punch the top of the pillow. I knew the pillow would absorb some of the momentum so I felt at liberty to give him some good punches without having to worry about whether or not I would break my hand. He laughed.

When I finally stopped punching, he asked again: "Are you done?"

I grabbed the sides of the pillow and shoved it harder down on top of his face. "Yeah, I guess so," I told him as peeled the pillow away to reveal a—all too familiar—face that did not belong to Lucas.

My mouth went dry and my heart pumped hard against my breastbone and in my temples. Blood drained from my face as I stared down at the impossibility before me.

The arms that held the pillow, no longer looked like they belonged to a twenty eight year old. They were thin as sandpaper and liver spotted. The skin hung on the skeletal arms showing exactly how the body had worn down and faded under its original covering. They were arms much more fitted to my one hundred and fifty-eight year old self than the ones that I had expected to be there.

Worst of all, under the pillow was not Lucas but an image of myself.

My medium brown hair was smashed and knotted into the pillow in a struggle. The left eye was wide open. The right eye was half closed, but the white of the eye was no longer white, but blood red. It was the same image that had haunted my nightmares for the past one hundred and twenty years.

The face in front of me began to twist and contort until it was able to utter the words: "something wrong?" In my ears it did not ring as a question. It was a statement of fact. Something was wrong. I dropped the pillow and scrambled backwards over Yohannah to back away from the insanity playing out in front of me.

"Meri?" she asked. I couldn't tear my eyes away from accusing glare of the face before me. "Meri?" she repeated, stepping between me and the hallucination. Her amber eyes burned into me, grounding me into the present. "What's wrong?" she asked. Instinctively I glanced back over to where the girl had been, but she was no longer there.

Instead, Lucas sat there, staring at me wide eyed and confused. I searched the rest of the room for traces of the specter. Yohannah put her hands on either side of my face and forced me to look at her. "What is wrong?" she demanded.

"No-nothing," I stammered as I tried to pull my head away to give the room another look.

"Meri, what the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded again.

"Nothing," I insisted, lowering my gaze. "I just thought I saw something that wasn't there," my voice trailed off as I looked at her dark hands against my pale shoulders. I swallowed hard and looked back up at Yohannah who eyed me curiously. "I'm fine," I lied.

"What did you think you saw?" she asked.

"Just," I struggled to think of something to say I thought I saw that didn't make me sound crazy. I couldn't think of anything. "Nothing," I told her eventually. The lights dimmed again, as thunder crashed again. The storm sounded as if it were right on top of us. Yohannah dropped her hands from my face. It felt sore where her hands were touching. I hadn't realized how tight she had been holding me. I scanned the room once again, knowing that I wouldn't find anything. Everyone in the room was watching me curiously. I told Yohannah: "I'm going to bed."

"Stay," she told me, her voice had softened.

The lights dimmed a third time and then cut out completely, leaving me in the dark. "And do what? I can't see a thing," I complained, thankful for an excuse to leave. Yohannah said nothing, so I told her goodnight and then turned away toward the door. I could see the pale squares of light that were the windows, but the outline of the door still eluded me. As I waited for my eyes to adjust, Yohannah took my hand and gently pulled me toward the door. She opened the door and I could see a little of her face in the light. Her face was a mask of concern. "I'm fine," I insisted again. Lucas' face appeared behind hers in the doorway but I ignored them both. "Goodnight," I told them as I jogged off the front step toward the RV completely forgetting my boots and jacket.

"What the hell was all that about?" I heard Lucas ask Yohannah as I walked away.

I was soaking wet by the time that I reached the RV. I locked the door behind me before I even reached to turn on the touch lights. I sat down on the breakfast nook. I sat there staring into the darkness of for a minute, my mind buzzing with half formed thoughts and conspiracies before my nerves could no longer take the darkness and I went to the front of the RV to turn on the generator.

As soon as the lights came on, I was confronted by the specter again. My heart pounded as I jumped back against the back wall. The specter in front of me did the same—which is when I realized that it was only my reflection on the dark glass in front of me. I berated myself for my cowardice and switched the generator off. Light wouldn't help, my demons were internal.

I should have been in bed hours ago. My mind was confusing the past with the present.

Admittedly, putting a pillow over Lucas' head wasn't the brightest idea. It was bound to bring back memories that were best to stay buried.

I'm sure that it was mostly due to the anxiety about the bonfire tomorrow. I had told them that I would tell them about how I came about the body I was in. The first body I took was not a problem. He was already dead by his own hand. But the body I have now is a completely different story. They knew the stories of our ancestors, but didn't know what I had done—or to whom—to have this body

They liked me—or at least they seemed to. Would they still like me if I confessed to killing a girl so I could take her body?

Would Embry still like me?

-----

Sleep was elusive. I hoped that when daylight arrived and illuminated the shadows in the RV that it would be easier to sleep, but the morning sun seemed only to illuminate my problem. I lay in bed for an hour after realizing I wasn't going to get back to sleep because I didn't want to get up and face the day.

It must really suck to be a vampire—to have no way to escape the hectic days, no respite for the mind. This could be what they mean when they say that there is no rest for the wicked.

Perhaps I should get Lucas a pair of pajamas for Christmas.

I procrastinated. I took and extra long time picking out my clothes and doing my hair in the tiny bathroom mirror. I ate the last of the leftover curry in the fridge cold regardless of the fact that it probably should have been thrown out by now. Or perhaps not? How long has it been since I came to Forks? It seems like ages ago.

It was raining when I left the RV but it was no longer storming like it had last night. It was cold enough that my feet were numb by the time I reached the door.

"Good morning, Crazy," Lucas called out from the corner where he was speaking with Emmett again. If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn they were a couple.

"Morning," I mumbled as I inclined my head toward him and rubbed the sleep out of my eye with my middle finger. The two of them guffawed in the corner like morons. I walked past them to escape into the kitchen which I hoped would be free of vampires.

To my surprise, Embry was sitting at the kitchen table with Seth when I walked in. I paused in the doorway. Somehow just seeing him sitting there with his back to me made my shoulders relax and the lines in my forehead disappear. My jaw ached a little and I it wasn't until I purposefully relaxed it that I realized that I had been gritting my teeth all morning.

"Morning boys," I called out as casually as I could manage. Embry turned around and smiled at me. Miraculously, that simple gesture seemed to melt away my bad mood. "What are you doing here so early?" I asked.

"I was hoping you'd be awake. Would you like to go out for breakfast with me?" he asked.

"My hero," I teased. I didn't feel hungry at all, but there was no way that I was going to turn down an invitation to go out with Embry.

----

The two large coffees I had drank only made me more jumpy. Coffee always did that to me. I could never understand people who drank several cups of coffee a day. Coffee tended to make me cranky, but it did its job. I was awake.

When we pulled up to Sam's house there was a police cruiser parked outside. I looked to Embry for answers, but he didn't look concerned. "It's probably just Billy and Charlie," he told me.

"Billy was Jake's dad, right?" I asked, remembering the man who looked so much like Orson. Embry nodded. "Who's Charlie?"

"Charlie is Bella's dad. He's the chief of police," he told me.

"Bella _Cullen's_ dad?" I asked. I marveled at the fact that she was able to keep in contact with her family. Then, a thought occurred to me. "Wait, he doesn't happen to have curly brown hair and a mustache does he?" I asked warily as we walked up the front porch.

"Yes," Embry said cautiously.

The front door of Sam's house opened and Billy wheeled himself outside followed by Officer Swan. It was the same Officer Swan who had tried to arrest me a couple days ago. I groaned inwardly, this was bound to be awkward.

He saw me and paused. "You," he said. His words sounded like an accusation.

"Hello _again_, Officer Swan."

"What are you doing _here_?" he asked.

"Visiting my new friends," I told him and did my best to force a smile.

He looked me up and down, as if he could read my intentions by the way I held my body.

"How is your disorder, Ms. Llewellyn?" he asked looking triumphant. I could feel the heat run through my body but I wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment. I had a prescription for a fictional disease, but regardless of whether or not he believed it to be true, it was rude to mention it so casually in front of people I had just met. I could feel Embry stiffen beside me.

"Heavily medicated," I told him. I grinned devilishly at him and his eyes narrowed at me. He was not happy. Good.

Sam squeezed out the door beside Officer Swan. "Hello, Meri. Embry. Come on in," he told us as he disappeared through the door.

"So good to see you again," I lied smoothly to Officer Swan as I stepped past him into the Uley's house. I was trying to keep a hard mask, but inside my heart was pounding. I shouldn't have picked on him, but he was being rude, and I couldn't stand by and let him embarrass me like he did. I hated being baited into it though.

I walked into the house and plopped down on the couch. I leaned against the arm of the chair and buried my face in the crook of my elbow. Nobody said anything. I listened for the cruiser to drive away. Someone sat down on the couch next to me and put their arm around me. I assumed it was Embry but I opened my eyes to check and make sure.

Sure enough, Embry had his hand on my shoulder. He was getting more and more boyfriend-y. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him yesterday. Almost as if he could read my thoughts, Embry slid his hand off my shoulder. I felt guilty for even thinking it. Having his hand on my shoulder wasn't exactly unpleasant. I just needed time to recondition myself from thinking that all relationships are bad. One hundred years of practice was going to be a hell of a habit to break.

"That was Bella's dad?" I asked again.

"Yes," Embry told me without the slightest hint of irritation.

I groaned and buried my head in his shoulder. "Yohannah and Lucas are going to freak," I complained. I messaged both of them before they could find out from somebody else. I flinched a little at their reactions, although I had guessed correctly at how they would react. I looked up to see both Embry and Sam watching me with curious expressions on heir faces. Neither one of them were going to ask. I sighed. There was no real reason for all the mystery. "A couple of days ago, Officer Swan tried to arrest me for smoking pot in public."

"Were you smoking pot in public?" Sam asked.

"No, Luc was smoking pot in public. I was just walking with him."

"Well, that's not fair," Embry pointed out.

"So why did he try to arrest _you_?" Sam asked.

"Lucas wasn't there when Officer Swan came by, he was at the store buying me diner. Plus, I was sort of high when he came by."

"I thought you said that you weren't smoking pot," Sam pointed out.

"No, I said I wasn't smoking pot in public," I clarified. "Well anyway, Officer Swan kind of left in a huff once he found out that I had a prescription."

"You have a prescription for pot?" Sam asked dubiously.

"It's a real prescription from a real doctor. Not a real honest doctor, but a doctor none the less." Embry's arm stiffened around me and I followed his gaze to see Sam watching me, barely hiding his disapproval.

"So when you said that you were heavily medicated," Sam led.

"I was basically telling him that I was high."

"Are you?" he asked.

"No," I told him, feeling a little offended. "I was just messing with him. It was rude to bring up my medical condition in front of other people."

"The one that doesn't exist?" he asked.

"He didn't _know_ that," I pointed out.

"I think he did," Sam corrected. I couldn't help but laugh. I guess I didn't exactly look like I had an eating disorder, did I? Embry's arm relaxed a little with my laughter and Sam's shoulders seemed to relax as well.

"You know, you really shouldn't taunt police officers," Embry offered.

"You may have a point," I conceded. "At least I didn't tell him to say 'hi' to Bella for me," I joked. They both winced and quickly agreed with me.

"You know, this wasn't nearly that big of a deal, you probably don't have to tell Lucas and Yohannah if you're worried about it," Embry offered. He looked concerned.

"I already told them," I admitted. "They're guests in the Cullen's home, it's important that they know."

"Did they 'freak'?" Sam asked, using my words. They sounded foreign in his mouth.

"Yohannah did, a little. Lucas just laughed at me." I rolled my eyes.

I noticed that it was just the three of us in the room. "Where is Quil? And Emily?" I added when I remembered her name.

Sam looked a bit uncomfortable. "They went to go pick up Claire, but they got caught up," he told me as he picked up a tray of cookies on the table and offered them to me. It sounded as if he were lying, but I could have been wrong so I didn't call him out.

"Is that all?" I asked as I took a bite.

"Uh," Sam hesitated. He looked away from me quickly and then looked to Embry as if he were asking permission. Embry didn't seem to understand the look. Sam turned back to me. "I was wondering if you could do something for me," he admitted.

"Well, I wanted to know more about the spirit walking," he told me. I tensed. I would never get used to it being mentioned so casually.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

Sam looked at Embry and then quickly away. "I was wondering if you could show it to us again."

Both Embry and I stiffened at the same time. I took a deep breath. Was he trying to set me up? According to the stories told to me both by Orson and by the tribal elders Taha Aki's first order was to say that no one could ever spirit walk again.

"Please tell me that this wasn't the only reason you invited us." Embry's tone was much harsher than his calm words. I put a hand on Embry's arm.

"No, no. Of coarse not," Sam told us, but he was still looking at me for my answer.

"That isn't allowed," I reminded him.

"By who?" he asked dubiously. I gave him a withering look.

"You know," I accused. It took a few seconds for knowledge to show to his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't consider that," he told me looking honestly embarrassed. Once again comprehension flashed on his face. "You know that I didn't ask you that to try to trap you into doing it, don't you?"

I considered it for a second. "I guess not," I finally answered. I let out a breath and relaxed my shoulders.

Sam seemed to consider my words for a moment before he cautiously asked, "So, if you thought it was forbidden, why did you do it?"

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "I panicked. Having a gigantic wolf charge at you will do that."

"Sorry," Embry muttered. "Again."

I covered my mouth and bit my lip to keep from laughing. I patted his leg and mumbled "'S okay." I had nearly forgotten the large grey wolf that had scared me so much was Embry.

Even Sam smirked a little. "You do that often?" he asked.

"Panic? All the time," I teased, "but I don't usually drop dead like that, no. It's not always my first instinct, but it had been on my mind for the past few hours. I've been in a car accident where I pulled out of my body before it hit, but then other times—like when I lost my arm—I didn't. When I got bit," I flinched at the memory, "it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced but it didn't even cross my mind that I could abandon my body to escape it."

He seemed to consider that for a second, and then Embry asked, "Does it hurt?"

"No," I told them both. "It doesn't _hurt_. It's just very—" I paused as I considered an accurate way to describe it. "Uncomfortable. Disorienting. It's very intense." That didn't accurately describe it, but it was close enough to give them the idea. I was preoccupied with worry about why Embry asked the question. "Does it hurt to shift?" I asked.

"No," Sam answered. "There is a burning sensation sort of like you would get after lifting weights, but it goes away quickly."

That didn't seem so bad. "So did you want me to do it for you now?" I asked.

Both men looked surprised that I had brought it up again. "No," Sam said. He looked embarrassed. "If it makes you uncomfortable—" he began but I cut him off.

"No, its fine," I assured him. "I need to get over being so sensitive about it." I said.

Embry put his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to do this," he reminded me. Sam looked uncomfortable, like he wished he had never asked.

"I know," I assured him as I lay back against the chair. "If I don't lay down, I'll fall down," I explained. _That_ would have sent Embry into a panic for sure. I smiled at the idea but then my smile faded when I realized how true it was. "You're not going to freak out when I stop breathing, are you?" I asked Embry.

He seemed to think about it for a second. "I might," he concluded.

"Why don't you wait outside? If you are in your wolf form, you will see me." He looked at the door and then back at me as if he didn't want to leave me. "I'll be fine," I insisted. He hesitated for a second but then leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. Butterflies filled my stomach, but I pretended not to notice. _Was he trying to keep the devil away from me again?_ I scoffed, and then kissed my thumb and pushed his head away with it. He paused at the door and turned to take one last look at me and then headed towards the trees to the west of the house.

"See you on the other side," I teased Sam as I lay back down on the couch.

I took one last deep breath and then attempted to pull away from my body. It was a lot harder than it was last time. Before it was instinctual, and this time it was hard, but after a few more deep breaths I was able to pull away from the body on the couch and suddenly was standing beside Sam, watching the body let out an involuntary breath. "Meri?" I heard Sam ask, as he watched the body. "Meri?" he asked again. His spirit was clouded with both wonder and anxiety.

I turned my attention away from him and towards Embry who had returned from the woods, in another form. I sat on the top step trying to look casual. Unlike the first time, Embry noticed me immediately. His spirit shone with relief and wonder and…love.

_God, he really did love me._ Before that moment, I had never accepted it, but it was plain as day when I looked into his spirit like I did. You could lie with your lips, but not with your soul. I don't think I would have ever accepted his whole "love at first sight" speech completely if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

"See? I'm fine." I told him. I watched his line of intent bore into me. A different color than usual. It was silver, but mixed in was also a gold thread. It reminded me of something that I had read in a book once, about being forever connected to the one you love by a strong thread.

"Meri?" Sam's voice called out, pulling my attention away from my utterly ridiculous romantic ramblings. He was starting to sound worried. My body wasn't breathing.

"Perhaps you should call him out here," I suggested to Embry.

Embry barked. I couldn't help but laugh. Somehow I was expecting him to be able to talk, even as a wolf.

Embry cocked his large silvery head to the side in confusion. I shook my head. "I'll tell you later," I promised.

"Is she out here?" Sam asked as he searched the yard. He was standing only a couple feet away but he would never be able to see me. Embry nodded his head, in a gesture that looked so strange coming from an animal. Sam took a couple steps forward and I hurried out of the way before he touched me. The last time someone touched me while I was in this form, it hurt pretty bad.

"Is your body going to be alright just laying there?" Sam asked.

"Oh, she's fine," I told Embry.

Confusion pulsed through Embry, but he nodded. Sam stepped into the house for a second and then I felt a pushing sensation go through me. It felt like I had just been hit by a wave of…something. When Sam came around the house he was no longer a man, but a dark black wolf. I noticed that he had a gold thread connected to him as well, but the other end of his trailed off towards the east. I wondered if Emily could feel its pull.

"I could tell the body is fine," I continued for his benefit, "there's this fog around a dead body, it shows me how much time I have. When something is killed violently, and there is no hope of recovering the body the mist disappears instantaneously. When I leave the body like I do, and there is nothing wrong with it, the smoke lasts for a very long time."

He seemed interested but still concerned. His form wavered with curiosity and frustration for a moment before he ran behind the house. He phased back, sending another ripple into the cosmos. It was beginning to disorient me but it was fascinating to watch. "You refer to the body inside like it's a completely separate being. Isn't that you?" he asked, and then phased back into wolf form to hear my answer.

"Yes, I did," I told him. I had to struggle to find the answer he was looking for as another ripple hit me. It was hard to remember what we were talking about. All the shifting was making the disorientation worse. "You know, Orson didn't like it when I referred to the body as a separate entity either, but it's a force of habit. I have to have some way of differentiating from the me that is here and the me that is laying there lifeless on your couch." I said as I gestured towards his house. "That body really isn't me, is it?" I mumbled to myself sadly.

He watched me until his curiosity peaked, and it looked like he was going to ask me a question, but then the edges of his soul pulled in suddenly, as if he had changed his mind about something and then he phased back to ask: "Is it hard to keep your shape? You keep distorting."

It took me a few seconds after the second wave hit me to gather my thoughts for an answer. "No, it's not something I do consciously. I always look like this but my shape changes with my emotions. The distortions happen to you as well, even as you sit in a more solid form. I can tell that you're both curious at the moment, and I can tell when you're about to phase because your form shifts further toward confused before you ask a question."

Before he shifted this time, his form didn't shift towards confusion this time, but towards curiosity. "What else do you see?" he asked before shifting back into his wolf form to hear my answer. The waves that his phasing created seemed to be hitting me harder each time he did it. I wished I had something to hold on to as I direct my mind toward answering his questions. I couldn't remember what else he wanted. I was feeling very overwhelmed.

"Do you mind if I go back?" I asked finally. "This is getting very disorienting." I didn't wait for his answer, I just returned to my body as fast as the wind could take me there.


End file.
